Chapter 5 : Can’t Stop Laughing

Last night at the gambling den is a blur.

Talking with Charlotte, being dragged somewhere,
Getting injected, feeling happy, and then…and then…

What happened, exactly?

No matter how hard I tried to remember, only fragmented images surfaced.

Charlotte’s offer of “the good stuff” wasn’t an exaggeration.
I barely remember.

I vividly recall frothing at the mouth the moment the drug hit, my already unattractive face contorting grotesquely, my eyes rolling back.

And then…
Hmm…

‘I like you, I like you, I like you way more than Nadia, way more. Shar, hee hee, really, I really, really like you…!’

“…”

Oh.
My god.

To be fair, I didn’t mean it.

If someone asked if I liked Charlotte, I’d say yes, but
It was a matter of preference, not a passionate love confession poured out with heart-fluttering affection.

My legs had given way, so I’d clung to her,
Comparing Nadia and Charlotte, spouting nonsensical words straight out of some lewd comic. All because of the drugs.

I couldn’t recall Charlotte’s expression as she looked down at me.

Well, it probably wasn’t pleasant. She must have been offended by my words.

“Hee hee, ahee hee, heh…”

I felt a little guilty.

Saying I liked her more than Nadia was purely to please Charlotte.

She’d like hearing that, wouldn’t she? Then she’d treat me better, praise me, stroke my hair, call me cute, maybe even find me lovable. Then, hee hee hee…

A shallow ploy concocted by my drug-addled mind.

And though I didn’t mean it,
It didn’t mean I liked Nadia more than Charlotte.

Was I even capable of liking anyone?
Me, of all people?

Setting aside my self-deprecating thoughts,
I had a bigger problem.

What did “like” even mean?

It might sound absurd, but it was my reality.

The idea of my heart pounding at the mere sight of someone, being completely captivated, was a fantasy.

At least for me.

“Heh, hee hee, ahee hee hee…”

I stopped chasing those phantom thoughts.

I had a more pressing issue.

I’d been giggling like a lunatic.

I tried to stop, but the laughter bubbled up from deep inside, uncontrollable.

Forced happiness was poking at my brain.
Ah, so happy…

A night had passed since the injection, and my mind was clear, but
My weak body wasn’t.

The dosage was different from what Nadia usually gave me, so
I was still high.

I kept smiling. Grinning and giggling at everything and everyone. I couldn’t control it.

The problem was, I wasn’t in
The dimly lit gambling den, but the pristine academy.

A gloomy girl, who’d been practically invisible for over a month, suddenly giggling like a madwoman,
Naturally drew the attention of my classmates. They kept glancing at me.

“What’s wrong with her?”

Someone muttered.

As I mentioned, my reputation at the academy was rock bottom, and
They seemed to dislike even my laughter, whispering amongst themselves.

Ready to spread more nasty rumors about me.

Karen, who’d reprimanded them before, glared at them, preventing further gossip.

Ah.
Eye contact.

Karen frowned, clearly displeased.

Her dark, glassy eyes reflected my foolish grin.

I briefly wondered if I should be grateful that her presence kept the others from saying anything to me.

Then, I cringed.

While my mind was occupied,
My drug-addled body winked at her.

Karen grimaced, as if witnessing something truly repulsive, then
Quickly looked away.

…
…
…

My physical state was far from normal, but
At least I was still capable of basic reasoning.

Thankfully, I hadn’t done anything truly embarrassing, like flirting with strangers or acting out for attention.

The problem arose from an unexpected source.

During break,
Barely managing to control my body,
I’d sought refuge in a bathroom stall,

When suddenly, a bucket of water poured over my head.

Splash.

I blinked, trying to comprehend what had just happened.

I rushed out, but whoever did it was long gone, leaving only
An overturned bucket on the bathroom floor.

“…”

It stank.

It seemed to be dirty mop water.

Who?

It wasn’t hard to guess the type of person, but
Pinpointing the culprit was near impossible.

I briefly considered investigating, then stopped.

What would I even do if I found out?

I didn’t have the energy to confront someone who hated me enough to do something so childish.

They probably wouldn’t apologize, and even if they did, it wouldn’t be sincere, and the dirty water wouldn’t magically return to the bucket, leaving my hair and uniform dry.

I was about to leave the bathroom,
When a girl with black hair and black eyes appeared.

Karen, upon seeing me, made her usual expression.

Oh, why are you blinking like that? Why so flustered?

“…”
“…”

We stood there, silently facing each other.

For how long? Seconds? Minutes, perhaps?

I broke the silence.
Or rather, my body did.

“Hee hee.”

I inwardly groaned.

I was acting like an idiot.

I knew how I must appear to Karen.

A creepy girl she disliked, drenched from head to toe, reeking of mop water, giggling. Hardly a pleasant sight.

Even I found my behavior repulsive. How must she feel, someone who already loathed me?

I decided to leave rather than try to explain.

But Karen grabbed my arm as I tried to pass.

And then, she said,
“Sorry.”

The apology made me suspicious.

Had she been the one who poured the water on me?

But the noble knight wouldn’t do something like that.

Then why apologize?

Ah.
The slap.

“Hee.”

I wasn’t laughing out of happiness.
Certainly not to mock her.

I didn’t want her apology.

I had one guiding principle when it came to Karen.

Don’t be nice to me. Hate me. That way, I’ll feel at ease.

So, I didn’t want this meaningless apology.

Instead, I thought about how to make her hate me.

“Karen, Kareeen.”
“…”
“Hee…”

I giggled, pressing my dirty body against hers.
Karen recoiled, as expected.

She was only tolerating it because she felt guilty.
Normally, she’d tell me to get away from her.

Still no reaction.
I grew bolder.

For her, even me standing this close was probably shocking, let alone
Me reaching out and placing my hand on her cheek without permission. How furious must she be?

The back of her hand was soft.
Her palm, rough and calloused.

“Ah…”
“…”

The unfeminine, yet somehow fittingly Karen-like texture of her calloused palm against my cheek,
Made me giggle even more.

My cheek burned where she touched me.

It must be the drugs.
Everything was because of the drugs.

I unconsciously rubbed my cheek against her palm, then,
Worried she’d be disgusted and leave, I finally got to the point.

“S-slap…”
“…”
“Slap me… again… please…”
“What?”

Karen stared at me, dumbfounded.
I felt strangely elated.

Hee, hee hee, hee hee hee, hee hee hee, ha ha ha ha,
I laughed like a madwoman, then
Finally, I drove the knife in.

“It… felt good… last time… ah, Karen, a little more, just once more, please…”

What a ludicrous confession.
This should be enough to disgust her, shouldn’t it?

Contrary to my giddy exterior,
My mind was cold and calculating.

Karen’s reaction was within my expectations.

Contempt filled her dark eyes.
She yanked her hand away from my cheek,
As if something dirty had touched her, wiping it on her clothes.

“You’re pathetic.”
“Huh?”
“Disgusting.”

That was all she could muster?

I almost felt sorry for naive Karen.

But all that came out was laughter.

She gritted her teeth at my reaction, then stormed off.

What a shame.

I stood there in the bathroom for a while,

Clutching my cheek, as if trying to preserve the warmth her rough hand had briefly imparted.