Chapter 55: A Budding Desire

I was exhausted.

Mentally drained.

I entered the dormitory and threw myself onto the bed. The reasonably springy mattress cushioned my fall. I felt like I could close my eyes and fall asleep instantly.

I wanted to, but I knew that if I didn’t shower and get myself presentable, a nagging feeling would keep me awake. Groaning, I forced myself up and headed to the bathroom.

“Haaa…”

Getting here had been a chore, but the comforting warmth of the water soothed my tired muscles. It was worth the effort.

Sinking into the bath, I let my mind wander. The day’s events replayed themselves – the unexpected kisses from Euru and Nell, the dizzying morning, the afternoon confessions accompanied by more embarrassing acts.

What was all this? Even now, it felt surreal. Had there been any signs, any hints leading up to their confessions? From my perspective, it had been completely out of the blue, shocking even. But Euru had said something along the lines of, ‘We thought you’d never notice otherwise.’ So, they had been trying to tell me… but I hadn’t noticed.

As I thought about it, certain behaviors of Nell and Euru came to mind.

They were always by my side at the academy. And they would…

Playfully hold and touch my hands.

Massage my shoulders and other parts of my body.

Hug me.

Subtly sniff my hair.

Stare as I changed clothes.

Oh… so those actions weren’t just friendly gestures. They had been… flirting?

I should have asked Ahrin about it instead of brushing it off as normal female behavior. Thinking back, those had been pretty intimate actions. It was strange that I hadn’t thought much of it at the time. I could excuse myself; I was from a different world and clueless about women. But ‘Sayoreinne’ was a loner with no friends, practically abandoned by her family since childhood. Maybe her common sense was a bit lacking, her understanding skewed.

Yes, it was all Sayoreinne’s fault.

I stepped out of the bath, dried myself, and went straight to bed. My weary body craved sleep. As I drifted off, the scene from earlier replayed in my mind.

Their intense gazes, the burning desire I felt emanating from them… It had been overwhelming.

“Let me clarify something. You don’t mean you like me as a friend. You mean… something more. You want to… go out with me?”

“That’s right. I want to be with you, Sayo. To put it bluntly, as lovers.”

“Uh…”

“Of course, I feel the same way. Although, I thought Nell and I were being pretty obvious.”

“…I’m not very good at picking up on these things. I just thought it was normal between close friends.”

I really knew nothing about women, and being in a different world didn’t help. I had thought it was strange, but I’d just dismissed it.

Anyway, there was no point dwelling on it. I might as well ask what I’d been meaning to ask.

“Honestly, I don’t understand. You clearly hated me after what I did in our first year, when I wasn’t… myself. Why would you develop feelings for me, beyond friendship?”

This was the question that bothered me the most. This wasn’t a game with predetermined outcomes. These were people with their own thoughts and feelings. They wouldn’t automatically fall for Emelly just because the game dictated it. Logically, they should have preferred Emelly, who had maintained a relatively neutral relationship with them, over ‘Sayoreinne,’ who had been horrible to them.

“In my case, you apologized for what you did before, when you changed. And after that, you made an effort to get closer to me, to look out for me… My perception of you changed, and… well, you’re beautiful and charming. There isn’t really one specific reason.”

“I have similar reasons, but I think the biggest factor was your beauty. It seems rather shallow now that I think about it.”

“Is that all…?”

Sayoreinne was undoubtedly beautiful, but… it was a little disappointing. No, why should I be disappointed? They liked… loved me, regardless of the reason.

“Lately, your expressions have become more… expressive. Your beauty was just the initial spark.”

“Your appearance drew me in, but it’s not the only reason.”

“…So, you’d still like me even if I suddenly became… average looking?”

“Hmm. Shouldn’t you be answering our question now?”

She dodged the question. Well, I couldn’t really blame her. Physical appearance probably played a big part in my own attraction to them. It was natural to appreciate beauty, cuteness, and attractiveness. Even if there were other reasons, it was always a bonus if someone was also beautiful.

But I needed to give them an answer.

How did I feel about Nell and Euru? Until now, even until just a moment ago, I had considered them close friends.

But now? After their confessions?

Thump, thump. The sound resonated within me.

My heart was pounding so hard I was afraid it might burst. I felt like they could hear it.

My face… was it flushed from the heat of my racing heart? It felt hot to the touch.

My emotions… confusion, embarrassment, shock, bewilderment… And beneath all that, a surge of joy and excitement.

And finally, my soul… our soul…

The moment I acknowledged their feelings,
I– “Could I have some time to think about it?”

My voice was steady now. The heat in my face had subsided. My heart was slowing down. I looked them in the eye as I spoke.

“Time?”

“Your confessions were… quite sudden. Do I have to answer right now?”

“No, of course not.”

“I don’t expect an immediate answer either.”

And so, we agreed that I would take my time to consider their confessions.

And now, here I was, back home, taking a bath after a long day. I was supposed to be thinking about my answer, but… I already knew what I wanted.

What had blossomed in my heart during their confessions was… greed. Yes, greed.

Sayoreinne, true to her role as the villainess, was a greedy character. And it seemed that the Sayoreinne within me was no different.

‘I want to be with everyone.’

That had been my goal ever since I arrived in this world and adjusted to my new life.

And now, after Nell and Euru’s confessions, a new desire had taken root. A desire for something deeper with everyone.

A desire for a relationship that went beyond friendship with all of them.

One person loving and being loved by many… I used to think such things only happened in fiction. I never imagined I would actually want such a thing, but now I, Sayoreinne, we… yearned for it.

The thought felt strange, foreign even.

When I first arrived, I felt like I was constantly on the verge of a breakdown, struggling to control my fracturing mind and spirit. I had been consumed by pain and suffering, absorbing Sayoreinne’s memories and emotions, drowning in guilt and regret for her actions. And yet, somehow, I had reached a place of relative peace.

It was partly due to the passage of time, but also because of the support I had received from Ahrin, Nell, Euru, Soine, Miner, Leia, Emelly, and even Ryu Sowol. For the first time, I had experienced true happiness and joy.

So, it wasn’t strange that I didn’t want to let them go.

My initial wish had been to overcome the challenges that lay ahead, both mine and the heroines’, to ensure everyone’s happiness.

But now, I wanted something more–

I wanted to be happy with all of them, to share my life with them.

This was my second wish in this new world.

It might seem selfish, even hurtful to them, but… I didn’t care.

I was the villainess, Sayoreinne. Surely I was allowed to be a little bad.