Chapter 62 : Ordinary Daily Life (1)

A normal daily life is, as always, normal.

I wake up, make the bed, and find solace looking at Caspar sleeping next to me.

After a quick wash, I set the breakfast table and greet my husband as he wakes up.

As I sit quietly, stroking my slightly swollen belly and gazing at the Painter’s moving artwork, Caspar comes over and teases me playfully.
Time flies by as I bask in his affection.

I’d love to stay nestled by Caspar’s side, acting spoiled, but unfortunately, it seems the war is still raging.

Inevitably, my attempts to follow my husband to the battlefield are thwarted.
Caspar then coaxes his sulky wife, appeasing me before he leaves.

Though the training itself isn’t something he desires, the time spent without Caspar, a time I’m somehow getting used to, passes by drearily.

This is where my hopeless dependency truly shows.

Consumed by fear and anxiety, I ask after his well-being every hour, or bury myself in the blankets, clinging to his lingering scent as I fall into a deep sleep.

Sometimes, when my symptoms become severe, Enhen or Caspar comes over to comfort me, treating me like a child as I cry.
Honestly, it’s so humiliating that I avoid calling them unless absolutely necessary.

How did I, who once reigned over everyone—though it was less than ten thousand people when I was ruling—become like this?
Suddenly contemplating my pathetic state, I sigh deeply, but then thoughts of Caspar turn my mind to mush.

Like a loyal dog waiting for its master, I anxiously wait for hours, and only then does Caspar return, drenched in blood and sweat.

Frankly, he smells a bit, which is slightly unpleasant, but I can’t complain since Caspar rushed back for my sake.

If given the choice between him coming back a little later but clean, or coming quickly straight from the battlefield, I’d choose the latter.

Besides, Caspar’s scent is somewhat addictive… and I find a small joy in washing my returning husband, so that’s nice too.

That strange feeling of slowly washing Caspar’s languid body myself… When Caspar was younger, I had servants do it, and I regret that.

…There’s hardly anything I *don’t* regret in my life.

Anyway.
Usually, it’s mostly the blood of his enemies, but occasionally, Caspar, being human, gets injured and comes back covered in his own blood.

They aren’t deep wounds.
He was seriously injured last week, or maybe the week before, while subjugating another Archduke of Hell, but he didn’t tell me and came back only after he’d healed.

But a wound is a wound, however shallow it may be.
When I see a cut on his skin while washing him, my heart sinks.

Because of this, I’ve thought countless times that I should just go with him and help.
They say a wife’s role is to quietly keep the home while her husband works outside…

But even so, knowing full well the dangers he faces, isn’t it wrong to let him shoulder the risks alone?

And…

Yes.
I’m a proactive woman.

Unlike those conservative old fogies when it comes to gender roles.

Rights and responsibilities are two sides of the same coin.
Therefore, to claim rights, one must bear more responsibilities.

While I cook, do laundry, prepare for childcare, handle dozens of household chores, and even attend to nighttime duties, these are just things I *have* to do, like breathing.
To assert anything to Caspar, I must fulfill my duty to actively protect him.

So.
There’s nothing wrong with me fighting alongside Caspar on the battlefield.

Even if I’m treated like a lunatic, and even if it’s true… I believe I’m right about this.

Many people, including Yulha, misunderstand.
They think I’ll readily agree to anything Caspar wants, and that I’m a b*tch who simpers at men without any self-respect.

But that’s not true.
How I wish I were that magnanimous.
I haven’t become such a virtuous person yet.

Even if it’s considered useless, I have my own opinions and pride.
I feel embarrassed when Caspar teases me, and I’m still uncomfortable with some of his sexual preferences.

Ah.
Speaking of which, I really think Caspar has some unusual desires.

Clearly, *I* was the older sibling.
These days, Caspar insists I call *him* “Big Bro.” That little brat…

And making me wear those scraps of cloth and do *that* is a bit much, I think.
The outfit vaguely resembles my old uniform, which reveals his devious intentions.

It’s obvious, isn’t it?
He deliberately put it on me because he wants to see my formerly proud self reduced to a b*tch.

Anyway, it seems he thinks I’ve changed a lot.
He even brings out my old clothes, unable to find any trace of my former self in my current daily life…

-Slap.

Ah.
Bad thoughts again.

I slapped my cheek, hastily cursing my wretched attitude.
Why does this pride remain, no matter how much I try to crush it?

Even if Caspar intended to return me to my former self, having such disrespectful thoughts in less than a year… That’s why I was abandoned by fate.

Remember.
Even thoughts, unspoken and undone, are sins.

Uh, where was I?

Ah.
Right.
The bath.

…So. After serving and washing Caspar upon his return from work, Enhen comes over.

At first, as if not wanting to disturb our life together, she would visit and soothe my anxiety before Caspar arrived, staying with me.
But these days, she comes after Caspar returns.

Well.
She must miss Caspar as much as she misses me.
It’s nice having the three of us together.

For the record, I agreed to this.
Even with Enhen around, I still have anxiety attacks.

I absolutely didn’t want to show my adorable younger sister, who practically viewed me as a mother figure, my pathetic, whimpering self.
Wouldn’t she be disappointed to see me acting like a madwoman whenever Caspar isn’t around?

Though preparing dinner for three is a bit of a hassle.
It’s a small price to pay.

And.
Next is dinner.
Dinnertime with Enhen and Caspar is arguably the happiest time of my life these days.

Seeing my family enjoy the food I made gives me a strange sense of fulfillment.
Is this how the chef who used to work for our family felt?

I eat a little later due to meal preparations, but thankfully, my husband waits for me, so we finish around the same time.

According to the etiquette I learned, I should eat the leftover side dishes, but Caspar dislikes that, so…

Lilith, the maid who lives next door, comes over around then to help with dishes and cleaning.
Come to think of it, Enhen seemed to know Lilith quite well, which I found a bit odd.

The intruder I debated killing is acquainted with Enhen?

I’m glad I didn’t kill her.
If it were the old me, I would have already done so in a fit of temper, but thankfully, I’ve internalized the rule that servants shouldn’t kill anyone without their master’s permission.

…See?
I’m not the strange one now.
It was just, just my twisted mindset.
This is the normal way of thinking.

Comparing my past self, who brought misfortune, to my present self, where everything goes well, I should obviously choose the latter.
Yes.
That’s normal.

Even if the “me” I once knew crumbles away.
Because I want to be happy.

Because as humans, we desire happiness.
We yearn for this kind of normal, peaceful daily life.

So, it can’t be helped.

…Huu.
I keep doing this.

Anyway.
After dinner, as the three of us chat, time flies by.
Just like any happy and peaceful daily life.

Then, around 10 p.m., Enhen leaves with a knowing smile.
That’s around the time I, brimming with anticipation, snuggle into Caspar’s arms and act spoiled.

Honestly, I feel a little bad, flaunting our affection in front of my sister, but it can’t be helped.
If things were normal, Caspar and I would have spent half the day in bed as soon as he returned.

It’s a good thing I’ve relieved some pent-up…frustration lately.

Well… I don’t think I need to elaborate on what happens after that.

The night is a time for reaffirming the master-servant relationship between Caspar and me.
It’s also the time I feel most alive.

I’m sorry, baby.
Even though I’ve cast a protective spell to isolate you in my womb, I’m still shaking and disturbing the house you live in.

Sorry that your mother is like this…

***

“Agathe. Is this…a normal daily life? Have I been too insensitive?”

Caspar looked at me with troubled eyes.
Enhen had read my mind and shown it to him.

Enhen had told Caspar, unable to bear it any longer, to please take a look, offering to show him the surface level of my thoughts.

As a result, I ended up revealing my inner thoughts to Caspar while recounting my daily routine, and this is what it led to.

Caspar feeling guilty towards someone like me… It’s horrifying.

…That bad girl. I thought she’d understand since she’s my sister.

“I-I’m okay. No, I am. I’m fine. Really, Caspar. Enhen exaggerated.”

I protested, but as always, my desire to be Caspar’s possession was ignored.

Caspar finally understood after Enhen explained that he wouldn’t want to be married to a pet, but I was still disappointed.

Sigh.
What can I do?

I’ll endure it for the baby.