Chapter 69 : Family

For me, love was like tightrope walking.

My childhood, where even love was a sin.

Agathe, my savior and my benefactor, despised my love, so I became adept at hiding my feelings.

Always laughing things off, concealing my true heart behind a mask of a smile.

That’s how I inched forward, trying to subtly dye her in my colors, like rain gradually soaking through clothes. The closer I got, the more Agathe pushed me away, so I performed my tightrope walk, slowly approaching her on this tenuous thread of connection.

That was my love.

Like conquering an unfamiliar monster, I strategized my way to her, a fortress seemingly impenetrable.

I memorized her favorite foods, remembered the weather she preferred. I deciphered her through the fleeting smiles and softening gazes.

After befriending Enhen, Agathe’s only beloved younger sister, I tried to reach out to Agathe through her.

Though I hadn’t anticipated that my closeness with Enhen would irritate Agathe… I didn’t regret it. Enhen was a good friend and a little sister to me.

“D-Don’t cry, Caspar. Wh-Why, why are you crying?”

How beautiful was she, the woman I’d finally won over?

On sunny days, Agathe’s silver hair shimmered like moonlight, and the corners of her usually expressionless lips would subtly lift whenever she looked at me, filling me with boundless joy.

She was lovely. I felt like I could do anything for her.

Especially… in bed. Agathe’s blushing face, her delicate scent and quickening breath as she shyly yielded, the almost impulsive way she embraced me… it was truly the greatest pleasure of my life.

After holding her, I saw more.

Agathe, who had seemed so cold and aloof, was surprisingly prone to smiles, a superhuman carrying a far heavier burden on her small shoulders than I’d imagined.

So, I wanted to share that burden. Even though it might have weighed heavily on her sense of responsibility.

“…Because I’m sorry.”

My mouth was dry. It felt like I was chewing on sand.

If only it had ended there. But the world wouldn’t leave her alone.

Agathe, who had seemed so perfect… for the first time, asked something of her sister. It was probably because of me. Back then, for the first time, Agathe prioritized me over Enhen.

And…

Agathe’s plan failed, and Enhen fell into hell.

After that, Agathe lost her mind. She went on a rampage, slaughtering people indiscriminately.

I should have realized then. That Agathe’s heart was already broken.

But I didn’t. Instead, I pushed her, I blamed her. I told her to carry the burden she’d created, to stop acting like a child.

Perhaps I was half-mad myself. But that wasn’t an excuse. Just as Agathe carried her burden, I too…

“No. You don’t have to be sorry. It’s… it’s all my fault. So… don’t cry, Caspar. It… it hurts me too.”

I glanced at Agathe. Sure enough, her eyes were filled with tears.

As if my pain was far more important than her own.

“…Okay. I understand.”

I wiped away my tears. Because I knew it would make Agathe sad.

It was a good thing Enhen hadn’t come in with me. She couldn’t bear to watch and was outside, catching her breath. She said she was afraid of how her sister would react if she saw her distraught face.

—Hug.

“Hehe. Caspar. Are you okay now?”

Agathe smiled brightly, like a child, and hugged me from behind. Her small breasts pressed against my back.

“You had a hard day, so I’ll do anything you want! A collar… how about a collar? I think you’d like that. And a maid outfit would be nice too.”

Agathe rummaged through the closet, her eyes sparkling with excitement. She seemed devoid of any pain, as if life was pure bliss.

Guilt gnawed at me.

I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d been taking advantage of Agathe’s fragile mental state, using the flimsy excuse of being unable to control my desires.

Even when I pushed her relentlessly, Agathe obeyed my words and actions with a smile, and that’s why I’d been mistaken.

The mistake of thinking Agathe genuinely enjoyed it. I’d assumed as much because she used to be so assertive.

I’d thought that if she truly hated it, she would have said something. That maybe she also had a desire to submit.

But… now, knowing what Agathe had endured, what she had been thinking, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

“Let’s… let’s not do that today, Agathe.”

“Caspar… I want to do it. Don’t you like it too?”

Agathe pouted and whined, tugging on my arm. Seeing her like this was unsettling.

Sometimes, she would regress, acting like a child in my arms, and I’d found it cute. How could I have been so blind?

It was all my fault.

“Sigh. See? I told you it was better if you didn’t see my memories.”

Agathe sighed and lowered her head, looking dejected.

I shook my head, disagreeing with her.

“No. There were so many sides of you I would have never known if I hadn’t seen them. It was good.”

Agathe beamed, her eyes sparkling.

“Really?”

…It was a lie. How could I possibly have found it “good”?

Seeing her stuck in one place like a dead person, reliving our memories for years… it made me realize how much I meant to her, but it also broke my heart.

But I didn’t regret seeing Agathe’s memories.

If I hadn’t, I would have remained ignorant. I would have continued living under that delusion, unable to help her heal.

So, I held Agathe tightly and patted her back.

Telling her that she’d been through enough.

Yes.

I was lucky, after all.

I’d been so worried about Caspar seeing my memories, but I never expected this outcome.

“Agathe. Are you uncomfortable anywhere?”

Since then, Caspar treated me with the utmost care, as if I were a princess.
As if I would break if he touched me too roughly.
He refrained from any sexual advances, treating me with the same respect he had shown before.

Honestly, it was wonderful.

I didn’t deserve such treatment, but… it felt so good to know that Caspar loved me, that he cared for me this much.

Before falling asleep, I’d replayed the memories Caspar would see. Wondering which parts he would focus on, what he would feel.

Through that process, I realized once again. I was truly, truly happy.

That’s why I could answer with confidence.

“I’m not uncomfortable at all. I’m happy. Thanks to you.”

I giggled and kissed Caspar’s face.

His stubble scratched against my lips, but even that felt good. He, who was always so meticulous about his appearance, had forgotten to shave, which meant he was thinking about me that much.

Ah, and Enhen had also started looking at me with a strange expression.

A look filled with pity. And sometimes, she seemed to be angry at Caspar, which made me sad.

“Huh? No, no. Why would I be mad? I know it would make you sad, sister.”

Enhen said, always protective of me.
Sometimes, both of them would competitively try to feed me, which was frankly embarrassing. I wished they’d stop.

“Enhen. I may be like this, but I raised both you and Caspar. Though I can’t say I did a very good job.”

I pouted. Even in my current state, I was the one who raised them.

“Are you angry because you think Caspar treated me badly? That’s understandable. You haven’t experienced love yet.”

When you fall in love with someone, you’ll come to appreciate all of it.

How to confess your love. How to offer yourself to them, body and soul.

These things.

I could do them all now, to my heart’s content. The things I yearned for in the past, I could now experience freely within Caspar’s love. And it felt wonderful.

“No, it’s not that… Never mind. It’s fine. It did bother me a bit seeing Caspar treating you like a s*ave at night, but he probably didn’t know. Even I didn’t know, how could he? He wouldn’t have imagined you’d become… this bad.”

Enhen sighed and stroked my hair. She seemed displeased that her older sister’s authority had been diminished.

“Ah. Okay, sister. Here.”

My beloved sister snuggled into me, resting her head against mine, just like she used to. I smiled and combed through her soft hair.

“Yes. Now you’re acting like a little sister again.”

This was good.

An ideal situation. Enhen had lost her harsh demonic edge and returned to her sweet, loving self, and Caspar, burdened by guilt, was at my beck and call.

A part of me, somewhere deep down, protested against my selfish thoughts, but I decided to enjoy this moment.

Because it seemed like that’s what Caspar wanted too.

They say that when good and evil fight within the heart, the side that’s fed more wins. The nourishment for my heart came solely from my family, so I was slightly tilted towards my old self.

“You two.”

A voice, slightly weighted, with a hint of dignity.

I briefly returned to my former self and looked at my family.

“I love you. I’m… so happy that you still love me, unchanged.”

Even though I’d lost so much of my former self. Even though I could never go back.

We were still a family.

As always.