Chapter 69: Incense Burner(9).

The first thing Mom did after seeing the report card was pat her butt, as if her son was a kindergartener or elementary school student.

It was the first time. Even if she helped Mom diligently pick the stems of shiitake mushrooms, adjust the interval of the side job stickers, and attach tape to the leaflets to be attached to utility poles in advance,

-Mom, I’m done.

-Then can you clean this up too?

What came back was another chore. Sometimes, after getting severely beaten by Father, Mom became depressed, and she had to hold her breath even next to Mom on that day.

When she was young, she just seemed to be scared.

When she was even younger than that, when she first saw Mom teaching Chayeon how to pick shiitake mushroom stems, and Chayeon happily followed along and reached out her small hand to do the same, and saw her mother smiling at Chayeon for doing well, yeah, she seemed to have felt what is so-called happiness at that time.

The resonance of the word happiness had long been reduced to a valueless shell because everyone used it so much, but what Chayeon felt at that time could not be expressed in any other way than the word happiness.

How does alcohol and gambling destroy people? Chayeon learned about it from her body and experience since she was young. Father, who used to put her on his shoulders, give her airplane rides, and in any case, used his big body to put Chayeon on something, was beyond overwhelmed by a friend’s persuasion and started gambling late.

At first, he would do it lightly with friends to pass the time, but gradually, the time spent filling started to stretch like taffy, and before she knew it, Father started demanding emergency money from Mom, even though Mom was trying to stop him, to find what he called his original investment.

Original investment and emergency money were words that Chayeon didn’t know at the time.

Father’s time to return home became later and more frequent.

On those days, Father’s face was always red. The first time he hit them was the year Chayeon entered elementary school.

Father knelt in front of Mom, whose cheeks were swollen and who was sitting down from the shock without being able to say anything, and apologized while crying that he was sorry and that he had been crazy.

What exactly was he sorry for, and what exactly was crazy? If it was crazy to cry and beg for forgiveness in front of Mom like a child, then Father definitely didn’t go crazy after that day.

The palm that had slapped her became a fist, and eventually became a kick. The way Father kicked looked like scissors opening.

As far as Chayeon knew, the fist was weaker than the paper, and the scissors were weaker than the fist, but for some reason, the more Father showed something weak, the more Mom hurt.

-Dad, Dad. Stop it.

The day Chayeon took the courage to grab his pants leg, Father detached Chayeon with a kind face.

-Chayeon-ah, go in and sleep.

-Mom is sick. Can’t you stop?

-Chayeon-ah, you have to listen to Dad. Hurry and go in and sleep.

-Dad.

-You harlot, go in!

She didn’t know that paper could hurt so much. But how much would Mom, who was hit by fists and scissors, hurt, she had such thoughts.

Every time Father came, one or two things in the house disappeared.

As one or two things in the house disappeared, the smile disappeared from Mom’s face, and wrinkles took its place instead.

What Father came home and took away was Mom’s flesh, fat, black hair, and youth.

Father didn’t leave Chayeon alone either anymore. Chayeon had to sit side by side with Mom and hug each other, or sometimes curl up like a pill bug while covering her head. Father kept asking Mom who she was having an affair with.

Mom kept repeating that she wasn’t. Father lamented to Chayeon that even his child was ignoring him. Chayeon couldn’t say anything.

Occasionally, when Father showed Chayeon a kind smile and told her to go inside, Chayeon quickly went inside the room and went to sleep.

Then the next day, Mom would hit Chayeon instead of Father. Fortunately, Mom’s arms had become very thin at some point, so no matter how hard she swung her arm, it didn’t hurt as much as Father flicking her forehead.

Mom always cried after hitting Chayeon. She was sorry, she was a woman who deserved to die, and she would hit her head with her own hand like that. Don’t do it, Mom. It hurts if you hit where you were already hit.

As she became a higher grade student in elementary school, Chayeon gradually became unable to have any special feelings. This was what was taught in school, domestic violence and abuse, she had that kind of feeling.

However, even though she could usually think so casually about herself, the family surrounding her, the environment surrounding her, this society, Father’s psychology, and that first day when all this started, and the mind of her mother who occasionally hit her, as soon as she stood in front of Father, it was as if the screen turned off and she couldn’t think of anything. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Only those words leaked out in a mumble like a broken tape.

Mom, although she would slap Chayeon the next day, urged her to go into the room when Father was about to come. As those days were repeated, Chayeon had become accustomed to going to bed early and waking up early.

Naturally, the frequency of getting hit by Father decreased, and instead, she got hit by Mom a lot. Mom used to mumble like this while hitting Chayeon.

-Your dad is a demon.

Demons were scary. So she was scared of her father. In front of a demon, humans were endlessly weak, and even their minds were manipulated so that they couldn’t think of anything. So Chayeon couldn’t think of anything whenever she stood in front of Father.

Mom, who had made it a habit to only mumble every day that your dad was a demon, on that day, because that Mom was patting her butt and smiling, Chayeon couldn’t swallow the smile that was coming out even though she knew that it was really nothing, that it was something that always happened in other ordinary families.

Maybe she should have done this sooner. If she studied hard and raised her grades, Father and Mom might go back to the old days, even though she knew that it was a futile hope and delusion, Chayeon couldn’t shake those thoughts from her head. Although she was just lucky this time, she vowed that next time she would study hard and bring a ranking list with ‘1’ written on it this time.

The fried chicken, which she had eaten for the first time since she was very young, was so delicious.

It was far from the Goobne or BBQ that the kids were talking about in class, it was a 5,000 won fried chicken that was being sold in a truck in front of the market with ‘Old-fashioned Fried Chicken’ written in red cursive, but Chayeon admired the subtly felt saltiness and deboned it.

She talked a lot with Mom that day. She shared the legs and wings nicely and spoke corny words like she would definitely earn a lot of money someday and make Mom comfortable, and they bloomed with laughter after a long time.

Mom and Chayeon herself forgot about the time passing while chattering after feeling it between mother and daughter after a long time.

rattle rattle.

-What, this fcking btch, who did you let in again that you locked the door! You won’t open the door!!

The balloon of happiness that had grown disproportionately burst with a pang. When she looked at the time, it was already one o’clock, well past the time Chayeon had to sleep.

-Chayeon-ah, go inside. I’ll take care of it.

Chayeon listened to Mom well.

Now I’ll open it- the mother’s voice was heard, the sound of the door opening was heard, and the sound of it closing again was heard, and a sound of flesh and flesh colliding with a ttyak came in between.

What was happening outside the door was only conveyed through sound, but Chayeon could vividly recall what kind of scene was unfolding outside the door.

The sound of a person hitting a person, which was a familiar sound, was much smaller than it was in movies.

The same was true for screams. Rather, the truly big sound was the shout that the person who was hitting was yelling at the top of their lungs. So the shout was the evidence of violence.

Mom’s sobbing seeped in. Mom’s voice, which kept begging for forgiveness, buzzed in her ears. What had Mom done so wrong. That sound was like it was flowing out of her mouth, so Chayeon covered herself with a blanket and tried to ignore the sound from outside. When she heard sounds like extravagant and there was money left over, her chest was pricked.

While staying still in the blanket, she had a strange feeling. It felt like a long time had passed, but Father’s shouting sound continued, while Mom’s sound gradually decreased.

Was time going by slowly? Or was it that her brain had been awakened by the taste of the sweet and savory fried chicken after a long time? The shouting sound didn’t stop.

Eventually, after a very long time, the shouting sound subsided. But the sound of keokkeok was constantly heard from somewhere. It was a sound she was hearing for the first time. What sound was it.

Chayeon took the courage to peek out through the crack in the door.

Father was sitting on top of Mom, choking her neck. Even though Mom was flailing and hitting Father’s thick wrist with her arm, Father didn’t budge. His eyes were bloodshot red.

She would die like that.

It wouldn’t be right if she really did that. A strangely calm reason whispered. Mom’s face was becoming reddish, then bluish, and then purple as the two mixed together. It was clear at a glance that it was dangerous.

Chayeon tried to open the door.

Father’s appearance flickered. Her head was entangled like a tangled tape string. Mom said. Chayeon-ah, go inside. I’ll take care of it.

Chayeon listened to Mom well.

She spent the night with her eyes open, and when she opened the door early the next morning, what she saw was Mom lying down with her eyes turned over. Father wasn’t seen anywhere.

She heard news of Father a little later.

Father, who had accidentally killed Mom, said he had slipped while running away.

Death by falling. That was Father’s cause of death. Death by falling, it was a word that often came out when she played shooting games with friends at a PC cafe when she was in elementary school without Mom knowing.

1 kill 1 death. The demon made 1 kill and then died by falling, in vain. There was no respawn.

For the first month, she could swear, she didn’t feel anything. It was a feeling like she didn’t have to get hit anymore. But after a month passed, two months passed, and three months passed, she kept seeing the hand that had patted her butt and the smile that had been given to Chayeon while looking at each other with fried chicken between them. Mom appeared all the time, so she rarely focused even while at school.

While talking with Mom in her imagination, when she came to her senses, Chayeon was in the infirmary, or in the hospital, or lying down in the teachers’ lounge.

When did Mom appear. As she later found out, Mom came to see Chayeon whenever a particularly large man appeared in front of Chayeon.

And while Chayeon was sharing fried chicken with Mom and talking about the stories they hadn’t been able to tell that day, other people had to clean up after Chayeon, who was foaming at the mouth.

In the corner of the class, Chayeon luckily got to borrow and see a manga that someone had brought. It was a third-rate manga she didn’t even remember the name of.

A man with bulging muscles was protecting the heroine and fighting against the enemy. I will protect you! Ah, it was really a cheap line. Cheap lines, cheap appeal, cheap poses.

That day, she seemed to have realized that she couldn’t do those cheap things.

She started exercising after that day. It seemed to be after she roughly graduated from middle school. The male lead’s lines, I will protect you! were really cheap, but his body wasn’t like that.

No less than Father, no, a body much bigger than Father. How reassuring it would be to be behind that wide back. If she had such a back, Mom wouldn’t have told her to go into her room.

Her growth spurt came late. It was said that it wasn’t good to do strength training during puberty, but that was a story that didn’t apply to Chayeon.

She kept growing taller, and her muscle mass also kept increasing. About 2 years after exercising, Chayeon had a firm body that was hard to get even if she exercised diligently.

Around that time, Chayeon didn’t care when she saw men with large builds anymore. Instead, Mom didn’t come to see her anymore either.

She went to bed early, woke up early, and exercised. That was Chayeon’s life.

While living in the studio apartment that her aunt had prepared for her, the dark and narrow room from that day, the shouts, the sound of her mother telling her to go into her room, and the greasy smell of cheap fried chicken that was subtly faintly wafting all faded away.

Yeah, she had gone through unfortunate things, but there were people who were more unfortunate than her in the world.

It was only that her parents had died. Moreover, in her case, she had economic support too, so she was much better off than other orphans.

It was only that Mom and Dad had died.

Now Chayeon wasn’t afraid of her father. Because, clearly, even if Father stood in front of Chayeon, he wouldn’t be able to look down at Chayeon anymore. She wasn’t scared of her not-large father.

Just like the skinny Mom’s hand gestures didn’t hurt no matter how much she made them.

Because she was bigger now.

…But,

Again, she had shrunk.