Chapter 8: Did I Ever Say We Were Even?

Meng Zhenyue held her very tightly.

Through their clothes, she seemed to pass her strength into her. She reached to take the bag from Yun Zhixue’s shoulder, but Yun Zhixue reacted instinctively, gripping the strap and refusing to let go.

“It’s okay now, baby. I’m here. Don’t be afraid.”

Yun Zhixue leaned weakly against Meng Zhenyue’s shoulder, her forehead resting there. Her mind was blank, as if all her strength had been drained away.

The moment Meng Zhenyue removed her backpack, her legs went soft and she nearly collapsed, only to be steadied firmly by a strong hand at her waist.

“Such beautiful eyes, all ruined from crying.” Meng Zhenyue lowered her head, lightly lifting her chin with her fingertips. Tears had already soaked through Meng Zhenyue’s collar. Yun Zhixue’s hurried breaths brushed against her neck.

‘What am I supposed to think? My head hurts so much… Meng Zhenyue.’

Meng Zhenyue curled her fingers and wiped the tears from beneath Yun Zhixue’s eyes. “Do you still want to cry?”

Yun Zhixue wanted to say, “I won’t cry anymore.”

“If you want to cry, then cry a little longer.”

Her tears fell again.

“I’m here. I’m here.” Meng Zhenyue’s voice was close to her ear, building for her the strongest nest of love, clearer and hotter than any blurred dying flashback. The wind couldn’t get in. Meng Zhenyue’s sweet fragrance could completely envelop her.

It was a strange, intoxicating scent. At first Yun Zhixue thought it was an older sister’s scent, but… Meng Zhenyue counted as her future mommy… Was it a mommy’s scent? Mommy’s scent was so sweet.

Curled in Meng Zhenyue’s arms, Yun Zhixue began a second round of sobbing. When she cried herself tired, she awkwardly tried to move aside. Meng Zhenyue held out her hand. “Do you want me to hold your hand into the elevator?”

Yun Zhixue hesitated, rubbing her hands together repeatedly.

Meng Zhenyue took her hand. “Let’s go.”

Inside the room, Meng Zhenyue removed the backpack from her shoulder and set it on the table.

She noticed the neatly packed items and the note, an expensive watch, a tube of ointment, and a fountain pen.

A bad feeling formed faintly in her mind. She opened the bag and saw the knife and gloves inside. She turned and looked straight at Yun Zhixue.

It was too late for Yun Zhixue to stop her. She was afraid Meng Zhenyue would discover her secret, would despise, mock, humiliate her for overestimating herself. And then…

Meng Zhenyue’s face was cold as she fastened the watch onto her wrist and buckled it. She put on the gloves; the black latex clung tightly to her long fingers. She tugged them straight, the joints standing out, then squeezed ointment onto her fingertips.

She walked up to Yun Zhixue, her expression heavy. “Lift your clothes.”

Yun Zhixue couldn’t think. She obeyed, slowly pulling her tucked-in shirt up. The scabbed wounds revealed pink flesh beneath, the three holes the doctor had cut into her body seeping faint threads of blood.

Whether from shame or pain, when the thin latex pressed against her wound, the corners of her eyes reddened and moisture pooled in her gaze.

Meng Zhenyue bent down to apply the medicine.

“Does it hurt? Don’t bite your lip.”

She lifted her head so Yun Zhixue would look at her. Yun Zhixue nodded. Meng Zhenyue took the hem of her shirt from her hands, lifted it higher, and directly removed her short-sleeved top.

Yun Zhixue hugged her bare arms to cover her chest. Meng Zhenyue retrieved a clean T-shirt from her bag, rolled it up, slipped it down over her head, then gently guided her hands out through the sleeves.

She glanced again at the unevenly chopped hair. When she reached to touch it, Yun Zhixue flinched away. Her long hair before had truly been beautiful. Meng Zhenyue frowned.

“Did I hurt you?”

“No… your movements are very gentle.”

“Go take a shower?”

Yun Zhixue nodded. “Mm.”

“Do you need my help?”

Yun Zhixue didn’t know if she should refuse at this moment. Meng Zhenyue patiently guided her. “Baby, if it’s inconvenient, I can help you. If you don’t want that and can manage yourself, then go in on your own, but don’t push yourself.”

In the end, shame won out. Yun Zhixue didn’t dare go into the bathroom with her. “I can do it myself… thank you.”

Meng Zhenyue picked up her phone and handed it to her. Yun Zhixue unlocked it with her fingerprint. Meng Zhenyue entered her own number.

When Yun Zhixue came out of the bathroom, Meng Zhenyue was still handling the phone. Yun Zhixue studied her quietly, her mother’s young lover.

She didn’t have a strong concept of age. She only felt that Meng Zhenyue was very young, very fragrant, soft and yet firm. Somehow… she and Yun Jing didn’t seem very well matched.

Meng Zhenyue patted the empty space beside her. After hesitating for half a minute, Yun Zhixue slowly walked over.

Meng Zhenyue checked the wound on her abdomen again. The waterproof dressing had kept it dry. She gave a soft hum and said Yun Zhixue was very good.

She took Yun Zhixue’s wrist and positioned her between her knees. Kneeling upright, she bit down on a new hair tie, her nimble fingers slowly separating the uneven ends of Yun Zhixue’s chopped hair.

Strands fell softly. The jagged gaps Du Mingxiao had cut were glaring under the light. Meng Zhenyue leaned over and unlocked her phone, skipping various trimming tutorials and directly selecting the last one: How to braid a cute hairstyle for your daughter.

As her fingers moved through the hair, Yun Zhixue didn’t feel even a trace of pain. She could only blink rapidly to fight back the sting in her eyes.

Meng Zhenyue divided the broken ends into small sections, weaving them carefully and blending them into the main strands. Finally, she loosened the braid slightly and secured it with the tie.

Her fingers brushed against her scalp. It tickled.

“All done.” She handed over a mirror.

The violently cut strands were now transformed into delicate braids hidden within her thick hair, even more lively than before.

“Zhixue is still very beautiful.”

Yun Zhixue’s eyes grew hot again.

Meng Zhenyue wrapped an arm around her waist, holding her close, giving her enough security before speaking. “Tell me about that Du Mingxiao.”

Yun Zhixue’s body trembled. Meng Zhenyue held her arm and let her lean into her embrace. “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine.”

“Does your mom know?” Meng Zhenyue asked.

Yun Zhixue didn’t rush to talk about Du Mingxiao. Instead she said, “She doesn’t care about me.” There was selfishness in her words, she hoped to hear Meng Zhenyue say, I care about you.

But Meng Zhenyue didn’t answer that way. “You’re already an adult. You’re eighteen. You can freely do whatever you want. You don’t need anyone else’s permission. Being managed by someone is a kind of constraint.”

The pair of black gloves she had used, soaked with the smell of medicine, were thrown into the trash. Yun Zhixue stared at them. “Can I really do anything I want?”

“Yes. You’re very smart.”

She asked the most crucial question. “Then… I don’t have to tell her? Ask for her opinion?”

She meant Yun Jing.

“Mm.”

Yun Zhixue’s eyes flickered. She looked up at Meng Zhenyue. She was so beautiful, beneath her lashes, her bright eyes were like tempting honeyed fruit, the two of them. She wrapped Yun Zhixue in an indescribable strength. A word turned over and over in Yun Zhixue’s mind.

“Can I even defy her?”

“Of course.”

Yun Zhixue’s tongue moved in her mouth. She swallowed and asked, “Can I help you apply medicine?”

“No need.”

After a pause, Yun Zhixue said, “You should go shower.” She was allowing Meng Zhenyue to use her bathroom. The purple nightdress she’d brought last time was neatly folded in the wardrobe. She could take it out for her.

Meng Zhenyue sensed the goodwill she was offering and said gently, “I’ll wait a bit. I feel a little uncomfortable.”

Yun Zhixue saw clearly that there was an unfamiliar light in Meng Zhenyue’s eyes… It seemed to be called heartache.

‘Is she feeling heartache for me?’

“Were you angry that day?” Yun Zhixue asked cautiously about that morning.

“Yes.”

“Then you…”

“But you can give a child a few more chances to be forgiven.”

Meng Zhenyue held her hand, prying open the fingers she had clenched, stroking her palm.

Her heart suddenly softened, like stepping into empty air and landing in cotton. Yun Zhixue began trembling uncontrollably again.

She let out a choked sound. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have argued with you that day. I’m sorry.”

“Admitting your mistake makes you a good child. I forgive you.”

Yun Zhixue clutched the fabric at her chest and buried herself in her arms. Meng Zhenyue circled her waist and carried her to the bed.

Meng Zhenyue sat by the bedside for a while until she calmed down, then cleaned up the pile of cut hair thoroughly before taking the purple nightdress into the bathroom.

The sound of running water filled the room. Yun Zhixue clutched the blanket, glancing toward the bathroom again and again. Separated by the wall, the rich fragrance spilled out, wrapping around her. She wanted more, more and more…

The dorm had a double bed, enough for two people. Meng Zhenyue didn’t get on it. She lay on the Chinese-style wooden sofa, one hand tucked behind her head.

The phone’s light was turned low, yet it still illuminated her chin.

In the middle of the night, Yun Zhixue drifted asleep and then woke again. She lay on her side watching the sleeping Meng Zhenyue, then got out of bed and stood beside her to look at her.

A voice kept clamoring in her ear, so loud she couldn’t think.

‘Is this mommy? Is it mommy?’

****

The next day was overcast. The phone screen showed a 60% chance of rain.

The sofa was empty.

Yun Zhixue reached out and touched the vacant thin blanket. A sour ache spread through her chest.

The room had been tidied spotless. There was no trace of another person. Last night felt like a dream.

An indescribable sense of loss welled up in her. She walked to the sofa.

To make sure Meng Zhenyue had really come, she hugged the pillow and sniffed once, then again, until she finally caught the faint scent of gardenia.

By the time Yun Zhixue arrived at the school gate with her umbrella, the rain had grown heavier. Following the destination on her phone, she reached the woods at the side of the campus.

There, a group of muscular men in black formed a semicircle, holding black umbrellas to shield Meng Zhenyue in the center.

Meng Zhenyue was half-crouched. Her gloved hand plunged deep into Du Mingxiao’s hair, yanking his head back sharply. Rain slid down her tense arm. The bottle in her hand reflected cold light beneath the streetlamp.

“Even?” She raised the bottle and smashed it down hard. The sound of shattering glass exploded into the rain. “Hm? Did I ever say we were even?”