Chapter 9: The Star of the Magpie (9)

“Ah, ah. Hoshino Ichi Meruru!”

I tried out my voice. Oh, It’s cute. I think I messed up the line, but not my problem, and I don’t remember it well anyway. My current voice isn’t quite anime-character level, but it’s a cute voice with a cool vibe.

My old voice… overall, it was a typical mid-to-low-range voice that had gone through puberty. And when I was serious or angry, it was pretty scary. If I got pissed while gaming and exchanged phone numbers with someone I was fighting, eight or nine times out of ten, they would hang up after hearing my voice. Of course, now I think even cursing and insults would sound cute.

“Honoka! Honker-chung!”

Umi version, Kotori version, in order. I put in a desperate performance, but the Kotori one doesn’t sound like the original character at all, and the Umi one is somewhat similar. This is going to be fun. Should I become a streamer? Do requested lines or sing songs as donation reactions. Rejected. I’ll never do it. It’s hard enough communicating with one person, the thought of dozens or hundreds watching me makes me nauseous.

“Daiginga Uchu~ Number One! (Great Galaxy Universe~ Number One!)”

Whoa. This one is pretty similar, right? As they say, after every hardship comes happiness. This voice naturally ignites my inner otaku. I filter out older sister and athletic type characters, so this current voice is perfectly beautiful. Suitable.

I can use voice or Discord in LoL now. Every day, I’d greet people in chat with “Hi hi! Minna no Idol Narin-chan Deshita☆” (The average age in DC otaku galleries is 15, mostly female, and their occupation is either middle schooler or shrine maiden. Believe it or not.) Now I can do it with my real voice. What a revolutionary idea.

…It’s kind of depressing that I can only think of such useless applications. My life practically revolves around DC Inside.

Well, to change my mood, shall I try that now?

Fire! Boom boom boom! Explosions are art! I’m in charge of NewJeans’ bombs! If there’s no audience, we’ll just blow up! Human Bomb Ma Jamie!

“Watashi, idol yameru! (I, quit being an idol!)”

As a side note, watching the Start:DASH!! performance scene from Love Live! episode 3 after this gives me a huge Love Live! high. Seeing Honoka smiling and shouting “Let’s sing!” even with no audience makes my eyes well up. Even a typical DC Inside sociopath like me feels the infinitely positive energy. Oh! Love and Peace!

Actually, I didn’t know until recently, but Love and Peace is the only Honoka-centered song among the nine μ’s songs. I learned this when those were viciously attacking me when I was talking about each member’s center songs and mentioned Hanayo’s solo songs like Natte Shimatta Ishi or Kodoku na Heaven, or Printemps songs. As expected, it’s scary. Rin at least boosted her presence with Love wing bell, but Hanayo’s role is a bit…

Hmm, well, shall I try some harsh lines now? From here on, these are all original lines I typed myself.

“You, wouldn’t you mind just dying? Otakus are really disgusting, you know? Just breathing in the same space as trash like you makes me sick. Why are you even alive, you useless waste that can’t even be recycled?”

If I were a man, my d*ck would be rock hard. Of course, I’m not a masochistic pig, but it’s necessary to respect classic harsh lines like this. Unless you specifically ask a woman, it’s a line you’d never hear in Korean. Since otaku anime are rarely produced domestically, it’s only natural.

Next is chuunibyou.

“I am the fallen angel of black wings, the ill-fated one who has lost even half a wing. I attend this human high school out of necessity. I am a different species, a superior being. You, a mere human, are becoming my… boy…friend. So consider yourself honored.”

Th-this is more embarrassing than I thought. How strong are the mentalities of actors and voice actors to do this with everyone watching and listening? No matter how much I try to separate this female body from my past male self, the sensations I feel and the feeling of producing my voice are too realistic, making it seem impossible.

This time, it’s nihilistic. I really enjoy writing these light novel-esque lines.

“Human life is so meaningless and futile that I… don’t understand what life is. It’s always been a question. Birth is never the child’s will. From conception to birth, the process is entirely the will of the parents or the laws of nature. My will wasn’t even a sliver of a factor in that decision.
I ask you. Was I born? No, I was merely birthed. Thrown into a cruel and loveless world. Then shouldn’t I at least be able to decide my own death? So… don’t stop me.”

Yes! Hits my preferences perfectly! I
want to hug her. It’s a shame that doing so would only make me a narcissist, though.

I should go browse the forums. I can feel my face getting hot. I’ll go to karaoke alone next time and sing Love Live! songs. Should I go to Karaoke Manekineko and sing through all the songs? Japanese machines should have all the Love Live! songs. Hmm, the current hot topic on the forum is the familiar trap topic. Look at these crazy people posting crossdressing pictures. Of course, they hide their faces, but their courage is admirable.

After all, TS is the most masculine act. TS stands for Top Solo, the lane for crazy people in LoL (just kidding). Besides, crossdressing is something women can’t do. In that sense, TS and crossdressing are acts of actively and proactively expressing one’s male identity.

Hmm, as expected, black stockings are essential for crossdressing. They can’t be short; they have to at least go past the knees. If they’re not over-the-knee socks, the typical male leg structure could break the illusion. Unless your face is exceptionally pretty, crossdressing should be about giving the viewers an illusion. Not showing your face, the length of the stockings, hair removal, and so on are the minimum effort. Of course, pale skin and a slender frame are basic requirements. In that sense, this guy is barely passing.

I unconsciously looked down at my legs. It still doesn’t feel real that they’re part of my body. Nothing comes to mind other than the expression “doll-like.” It feels like they’ll break if I touch them. I shook my head a few times to clear my thoughts and started to focus on the topic.

How to make a female voice. This guy occasionally posts voice clips of his female voice impressions. I clicked the voice replay. …Hmm, it’s pretty similar, but this guy fails. You can tell his voice is wavering. Besides, he’s so focused on making a female voice that there’s no emotion in his lines. It’s not appealing. His skill is lacking. I naturally left a malicious comment.

YunaRin: “You’re terrible, you b@stard. Lol.”

A reply came in less than thirty seconds.
Strict and serious hall monitor again;;
“If you don’t like it, why don’t you try it, you fat b@stard? Lol.”

Sigh. It can’t be helped.
Shall I, this body, show you how it’s done?

“Niconiconi-! Anata no ha-to ni niconiconi~ Egao todokeru Yazawa Nico nico~ Niconit-te oboete Love Nico!”

“…If you can’t even do this, don’t act tough, dumb@ss. What are a few takes of a cute female voice? Coward!”

I wanted to end it with “Ang Gimoti~!” but I was too embarrassed. Hmm, listening to the voice replay again, the reproduction rate is pretty high. I’ve heard Nico’s lines so much that I could do them quite naturally.

[TL Note: Ang Gimoti= A cutesy, deliberately mispronounced version of “Ang gimochi~!”, a phrase used in Japanese moe (cute) culture.

Nico=Refers to Yazawa Nico, a character from the anime Love Live! School Idol Project.]

Since I made a new post, the clickbait title attracted a surge in views, and comments started pouring in after a while. Wow, so many comments, are these otaku crazy?