Chapter 4: A Hand Reached Out, A Heart That Hesitates

For some reason, a trace of loneliness seemed to linger in the child’s voice.

It was too stirring to dismiss as mere imagination, and it made a corner of Kebel’s chest feel heavy.

As if determined to block off any chance for Kebel to respond, Osh continued speaking.

“I’ll really try my best…”

Even then, the child’s expression did not change, and for some reason, that didn’t sit well with Kebel.

It wasn’t as if Osh had chosen to be born like this.

Somehow, it made Kebel feel like the bad person.

Feeling guilty, Kebel loosened his guard slightly, his eyes darting around.

As if he had been waiting for that very moment, Osh pressed forward.

“So… please don’t push me away…”

“…”

It felt as though the trembling voice of a child who had never received love clung faintly to the end of his words.

Something about it stirred a desire within Kebel, to comfort him, to hold him, to gently pat his head.

‘This isn’t right…’

He had thought that if he pushed him away harshly, Osh would retreat like a child.

But Osh seemed unaware that his emotions were leaking out, even to himself.

When those mixed emotions finally spilled out, Kebel’s heart ached for reasons he couldn’t understand.

Come to think of it, Osh was only about the age of a fourth grader back in Kebel’s world.

An age where he should be protected and allowed to grow up like a child.

For some reason, it made Kebel upset.

Without thinking, he grabbed Osh’s hand and spoke.

“You shouldn’t say things like that to just anyone.”

“…”

“It’s… really dangerous to say things like that while living your life.”

His tone carried a hint of playfulness.

If the nanny had heard him, she would have been horrified, already, he could almost hear her scolding him for speaking so crudely, saying that the future head of the ducal house shouldn’t speak like that.

But fortunately, she wasn’t here.

Just as Kebel wondered if he had been too blunt, Osh spoke. The unexpected words instantly wiped away Kebel’s wandering thoughts, making his eyes widen.

“If that’s what you want… you can do that. If it helps me become closer to you, Kebel-nim, then I don’t mind.”

“…What?”

The tips of Kebel’s ears flushed red.

Did this child even understand what he was saying?

Unable to calm his embarrassment, Kebel curled and uncurled his toes, then licked his dry lips.

“Ha…”

Letting out a deep sigh, Kebel inhaled and exhaled slowly.

He looked at Osh as if he had a lot to say, but Osh’s face remained as pure and unchanged as ever, blinking blankly.

Seeing that emotionless, harmless expression only made another sigh escape him.

‘What am I supposed to do with this kid…’

As if he had picked up a truly troublesome case, Kebel slowly brushed back his bangs.

Osh quietly took in every small movement, as if committing them all to memory.

“Osh, you shouldn’t say things like that so casually either.”

“Why?”

“That thing you said just now… well… it’s actually a pretty dangerous statement.”

That was right.

In this world, relationships and marriage were possible regardless of gender.

After all, the original story Kebel had transmigrated into was a BL world.

Just as Kebel felt satisfied, thinking he had finally explained it clearly, Osh tilted his head slightly.

‘What’s the problem now?!’

As Kebel stared at him with growing frustration, Osh simply blinked back, as if nothing was wrong.

But in that gaze, there was something not quite childlike, something that sent a chill down Kebel’s spine.

‘Don’t tell me… he knew from the beginning?’

Kebel couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud.

As he stood there, dumbly opening and closing his mouth, Osh stared at him intently and spoke again.

“It’s okay. If it’s you, Kebel-nim…”

‘What do you mean it’s okay if it’s me?! This world allows same-s*x relationships to begin with-!’

Kebel swallowed all the words he wanted to say.

Arguing with a child like this was pointless from the start.

A headache crept in, and Kebel pressed his brow before letting it go.

Then, suddenly grabbing Osh’s hand, he spoke.

Unaware that this would become the first turn of the wheel of fate, Kebel pulled Osh along toward the garden.

“…Kebel-nim?”

“Just follow me. I’m not going to eat you or anything.”

The words didn’t suit an eleven-year-old at all, but Kebel made no effort to hide himself.

He had already shown Osh everything about his personality anyway.

Step by step, Osh followed behind him without resistance.

Same age, same build, it was only natural.

Seeing him follow so obediently, Kebel felt a strange sense of pride.

Even though he could have let go of his hand, he didn’t.

Rather, compared to his own warm hand, Osh’s cold one felt pitiful.

That was part of the reason too.

The two walked in silence.

Osh, still holding Kebel’s hand, followed like a paper doll…

Truly, like a paper doll.

Each time Kebel changed direction, Osh’s light body was pulled along limply, making Kebel feel a sudden surge of emotion.

Just how had he been raised to be this thin and frail?

Suppressing the feeling, Kebel spoke bluntly.

“You need to eat more.”

At the concern in his voice, Osh’s eyes trembled faintly.

Though Kebel couldn’t see it as he walked ahead, countless emotions flickered through Osh’s gaze.

A quiet, murmured voice came from behind him.

Soft and fragile, it made Kebel stop in his tracks.

“…It’s the first time anyone has said that to me.”

“…What?”

Because he stopped so suddenly, Osh bumped lightly into his back.

Despite that, Osh’s expression remained as blank as ever.

Kebel let out a sigh.

There were so many things he wanted to ask, but he decided to hold back.

If he crossed the line any further, it would become harder to pretend not to care.

“…Forget it. Let’s go to the garden.”

‘Just what kind of household is this… that he’s never heard something like that before?’

The thought made Kebel’s chest tighten again.

After walking for a while, they arrived at the garden, and Kebel slowly stopped.

Turning back, he released Osh’s hand and spoke.

“This is the famous Iliya ducal garden.”

“…”

“Of course, it’s not a place just anyone can enter.”

“…Yes.”

Unlike Kebel’s grand introduction, Osh’s reaction was dry.

As if he didn’t care about such things at all, he simply stared at the hand that had been holding Kebel’s.

‘Did it hurt?’

Since he wasn’t the type to express himself, maybe he hadn’t said anything even if it did.

Worried, Kebel glanced at his wrist, and Osh lifted his gaze to meet his.

Startled by the obedient look in his eyes, Kebel cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Well… there’s somewhere I want to show you…”

He didn’t even know what he was saying anymore.

He had told himself to push him away, yet his mouth wouldn’t stop.

Perhaps it was because Osh’s eyes were just too gentle.

“There’s a small garden only the Iliya family knows about. I was thinking of showing it to you, just this once.”

“…Just me?”

“Yeah, just you! So you should feel honored.”

It was basically nonsense, but Kebel placed his hands on his hips, looking proud.

For some reason, it felt like cold sweat was running down his cheek.

Meanwhile, Osh looked slightly off-beat for a moment before asking quietly.

“Why… are you treating someone like me so specially?”

“What?”

“You don’t like me, Kebel-nim…”

Trailing off, Osh lowered his gaze.

Even though his expression hadn’t changed, he somehow looked pitiful.

Without realizing it, Kebel placed a hand on his shoulder and called his name softly.

“Osh.”

“…Yes.”

“Well… about earlier. I’m sorry for speaking so harshly.”

Osh’s eyes wavered like reeds in the wind.

As if he didn’t want Kebel to notice, he slowly closed and opened them again.

“It’s not that I dislike you, it’s just…”

‘What should I even say?’

That he was afraid because Osh would one day cut off his head?

Or that he was a psychopath who would destroy this family?

None of those were things you could say to a child.

A sigh threatened to escape.

It was too late to regret it now.

Kebel bit down on his dry lips.

Then, he noticed something…

The tips of Osh’s ears were slightly red.

Tilting his head, Kebel hesitated.

It felt awkward to ask directly, so he tried to change the subject.

But Osh spoke first.

“I’m sorry.”

“…Huh?”

“I know too. That I’m someone others find unpleasant.”

His tone was calm, almost indifferent, making Kebel blink in surprise.

For a moment, it felt like Osh’s verdant eyes flickered deeply.

“But… you’re the first person who has ever apologized to me.”

“…”

“Thank you… very much.”

This time, the tips of Osh’s ears were clearly red.

Kebel knew he should say something, but no words came out.

For some reason, his throat felt tight, and his chest ached faintly.

A strange sadness welled up, and as he bit his lip, Osh glanced up at him cautiously.