Chapter 15: Should Not Abandon

“You are here, Major Himeko.”

Ji Zi’s whereabouts were not as difficult to find as Su. After all, although a beauty like Ji Zi could not be remembered at a glance, she could easily leave a deep impression on people.

Mei is very sweet-mouthed and polite, and with the bonus of her good looks, these three points make it easy for her to get the residents of this small town to speak up, so it is not too difficult to find Himeko.

After jogging for a distance, Mei saw Himeko in a restaurant in the town. The former captain of the Hyperion was sitting at an outdoor table outside the restaurant.

There were already about two empty beer cans on the table, but Ji Zi didn’t seem to stop at all. She tilted her head back and poured the third bottle of beer into her stomach in one breath.

“clang!”

The beer can was placed heavily on the table. Ji Zi’s action was more like venting something rather than being heroic.

Of course, the main reason why Mei thought so was because Jizi’s five fingers tightened on the beer bottle, squeezing the aluminum tube beer bottle into a piece of scrap metal that could be directly recycled.

Moreover, no alcohol was seen flowing out during this process, which clearly shows that it took less than ten seconds from opening the can to drinking up the 350ml beer marked on it.

“Mei? How did you find this place?”

Seeing Mei’s arrival, Jizi was a little surprised. She immediately asked, “Where’s Kiana? She’s injured and drugged. Is it really okay for you not to be with her?”

“Manly man, before I came to you, I asked little brother Liu Yuyun for help. He was quite happy to give up his farm work and agreed. Besides, I believe that Lieutenant Colonel Yao is a man of measure.”

Mei had also read Yao Bingling’s file, and as an excellent student, she was very diligent in memorizing these things. She remembered every word in the file, which was why she was looking forward to meeting Yao Bingling in person before she even met him.

After all, it is quite reassuring to have such a reliable and powerful person as our captain and commander-in-chief.

Similarly, this is why Mei believes that Yao Bingling has absolute discretion when it comes to drugging Kiana.

In other words, Kiana will definitely be fine. Maybe when she wakes up she won’t feel any pain and will just shout that she is hungry and wants to eat.

“Do you want to talk to me about him?”

Jizi was quite perceptive about the problem, and Meiyi did not hide her curiosity about Yao Bingling. She said, “Well, I wouldn’t say I’m curious, but I want to know more about Lieutenant Colonel Yao Bingling…”

“Why? You saw it too. What’s there to understand about that guy who gave up on himself and kept clinging to the past? Ahhh, if I really had to say it, I could tell you what kind of person he is in just one sentence.”

Ji Zi opened another can of beer and took a big gulp. After exhaling the strong smell of alcohol, she said, “That guy is a very selfish guy!”

“…I don’t think so.”

“Huh? Do you understand him now? Just based on the information recorded in this file? It’s doubtful whether that kind of information even covers 50% of his knowledge.”

“Well… I certainly don’t understand Lieutenant Colonel Yao Bingling as well as Major Ji Zi does, but I do know that selfish people won’t be saddened by the death of others…”

“What are you talking about?” Jizi tilted her head, put the beer to her mouth, tilted her head and glanced at Mei with her slightly open eyes.

“…Lieutenant Colonel Yao Bingling… He started crying, just a few minutes after you gave him the box.”

clang and swing.

The beer can, still full of liquid, fell to the ground, the malt-colored liquid spilling onto the ground like raindrops or a broken tap. The beer bottle kept rolling, rolling, like Jizi’s heart, tumbling and falling into the depths.

“He… cried?”

It was as if the entire sky was collapsing, and Himeko sat there frozen in place, as if struck by lightning. Her wine-red eyes, gazing at Mei with a dual gaze of incomprehension and disbelief, were the only thing she could see.

Mei didn’t answer with words, but a slight but seemingly extremely difficult nod was enough to explain the whole truth, and the scene at that time would probably make Mei unforgettable for a long time.

“Why did so many of my students die?”

He repeated these words and stood up from the ground like a zombie, his swaying body looking as if he would fall down at any moment.

Mei wanted to go over and help him, but strangely she didn’t. She just watched the wounded man walk to the closet where the tools were stored and took out an identical box from it, but the box was twice as big as the one Himeko sent.

Yao Bingling opened the box and took out the dog tags from the other box, which also contained more than ten of them. He placed all the dog tags from both boxes on the table and counted them one by one…

“Thirteen.”

“fourteen.”

“Fifteen…twenty, twenty-one…twenty….two.”

After the last dog tag representing one of his former students was counted out, he stood at the table in silence, his fingers gently stroking each dog tag. Perhaps what he saw in his eyes at that moment were not one cold military registration tag after another, but one familiar face after another.

They may be lively, eccentric, violent, or strong.

They may be strong, confident, optimistic, or calm.

But now, whether they were lively, eccentric, irritable, strong, strong, confident, optimistic or calm, none of these mattered. Because he knew, Yao Bingling knew… he would never see them again.

“Didn’t I teach you? To survive, to live… but why did you die like this?”

Yao Bingling was standing by the table saying these words, and the sunlight was shining into the room from that direction, casting his back behind him… He looked as miserable as a defeated dog.

“Middle school?!!!”

It was at this time that Mei was ready to do something. She knew she couldn’t do much, but at least she could offer some comfort, and make the man in front of her feel a little better.

But just as she was about to take that step, she froze.

To be more precise, she was completely shocked… She looked at the man who was like steel, no matter in the archives or in their previous encounters, with an expression as if she saw the Herrscher Yi.

Staring at his face, watching the moment he closed his eyes… tears falling from the corners of his eyes.

“My students…are much fewer now.”

Yao Bingling turned around and spoke in a calm tone. He quickly put the military identification cards back into the box one by one, then rushed directly to the bathroom and locked the door. Soon, the sound of water from the shower head in the bathroom could be heard, and it was very loud… loud enough to cover up any other sound.

“I can probably understand why the lieutenant colonel is reluctant to return to Tianming.”

That person’s body is not only covered with scars, but his heart is probably also covered with scars.

“Eh? Major Himeko, where are you going? Wait for me!”

Mei suddenly exclaimed, because the moment she finished speaking, Himeko showed the mobility worthy of a Valkyrie. From exerting force to accelerating to reaching the maximum speed, the whole process took less than three seconds. When she stood up from her seat, Himeko had already rushed dozens of meters away.

——————————————————

Cold.

This external factor, which is judged by the human body’s perceived temperature, exists with considerable malice.

But on the contrary, it also has the effect of cooling down boiling thoughts and emotions.

Just like now.

The icy water temperature left a large area on the scalp, spreading along the back and chest to the whole body.

Although his body was not trembling due to the cold, it did reduce his overly excited emotions.

[Listen, you are now qualified soldiers. Although soldiers will never say they have reached the level of qualification, I must admit it to you. You already have the ability and qualifications to survive on the battlefield.]

This was the promise I made to my children in the past. I no longer had any skills or experience to pass on to them. It was only natural that they could survive on the battlefield with what they had.

But the obituary letters and their military ID cards that arrived over and over again over the past eleven years completely shattered his confidence as an instructor, and also as a strong man.

So he didn’t want to go back.

He was disappointed, but not at Fate, who had betrayed him and used him like a pawn. He was disappointed in himself… He should have been the commander of those children, supporting them on the battlefield, just as he had in the past, but he had given up on that due to intense personal feelings… and also gave up on those children.

God damn it! They are just a bunch of 16 or 17 year old kids!

The same is true now. Having given up on them, I no longer have the qualifications to lead them again.

“boom!”

The sudden muffled sound spread to every corner of the house, and the heavy impact on the bathroom wall caused small vibrations throughout the house.

Yao Bingling’s fist was deeply embedded in the bathroom wall, and large pieces of tiles on the wall were directly shattered. Even on the cement wall under the tiles, one could see fine cracks spreading!

[Instructor, can you please not leave?]

“…You gave up on them.”

With his eyes tightly closed, Yao Bingling’s arms were stretched straight, and the muscles under his skin were slowly wriggling like living steel, because his shame and self-blame continued to gather and condense into powerful strength.

[Instructor, can we still see you?]

“…You gave up on them!!”

A dull roar erupted from the bathroom once again. He raised his fist and rammed it into the wall once more. The next moment, blood began to spread from his fist, splattering the entire ten-centimeter area around the concrete wall. Similarly, a few wisps of dust quietly fell from the chandelier in the hall.

[Of course, if you guys do well, I’ll buy you a drink.]

In the past, the smiling young man turned around and delivered the final blow to the students who hoped he would stay. That gentle smile was the most deadly sword! And that smile was like a steel nail piercing Yao Bingling’s heart!

“Ahhhhh!!! You gave up on them! You piece of shit!”

Roaring furiously, almost bursting out with all his strength, Yao Bingling swung his fist as if to smash the encouraging smile in his mind!

The third roar erupted, but this time it was slightly different in that amidst the roar one could seem to hear the noise of something being crushed and shattered.

The bathroom door was pushed open, and Ji Zi, who was breathing slightly, looked at the person in the bathroom with an indescribable expression.

He sat on the ground in his pants, like a lifeless corpse. The showerhead on the bathroom wall was still running, drenching him from head to toe in cold water. From his right wrist upwards, his flesh was a bloody mess, and the white, twisted metacarpal bones could be seen in many of the wounds.

Because the water in the bathroom was still on, his blood almost dyed the entire bathroom floor red.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have left you.”

Yao Bingling sat back on the ground, his free left hand resting on his head. His tightly bitten lips revealed the depth of his regret and grief.

He made a foolish decision, a grave mistake. Yet, in the past eleven years, the obituary after obituary hadn’t given him the courage to go back and correct it.

“But I’m not qualified anymore. Ever since Cheng Xue’s obituary arrived 10 years ago, I’ve been afraid… I was afraid you’d blame me when I got back. Saying I killed her and them. That was a wrong idea, but when the second and third obituaries arrived, I was really scared.”

He covered his eyes, and because of the water flowing, Ji Zi couldn’t tell whether it was water or tears.

Indeed, the first time he worried ten years ago, he was just 23 years old. Although he had experienced countless battlefields, he was still a big boy after all. After this big boy made the first wrong worry, the subsequent mistakes made him completely fall into it and could not get out.

In the seven years he spent there, he received 11 obituaries, which frightened him and broke him down. But after that, there were no more obituaries, which gave him a buffer and time to cheer himself up.

But today, when he saw those 12 military registration cards… he collapsed.

Yao Bingling is a ruined man.

“…Instructor, you.”

“Don’t call me that. I’m not qualified.”

“Then you just need to obtain that qualification again now!”

The words were so majestic that one could even sense the domineering tone. Both Yao Bingling and Ji Zi looked at the uninvited guest at the door in astonishment.

“My idiotic dad always said you should protect the one you love with your life! You made a mistake! But you can still make amends!”

Kiana pushed the bewildered Ji Zi into the bathroom and shouted, “Isn’t your student still here? He’s alive and standing right in front of you! Then go and protect him with your life!”

“Kiana! Hey, wait, wait, don’t push me!”

Jizi screamed in panic, and the moment the cold water in the bathroom touched Jizi’s muddy shoes that had not been cleaned, it caused a chain reaction.

The sudden slip of her feet caused Ji Zi to lose her balance and fall headfirst onto the ground, but at that moment, a hand appeared and held Ji Zi firmly.

That’s Yao Bingling.

There was a hint of shock on his face, but Ji Zi’s face was… slightly hot.