Chapter 29: The Ceremony

I am numb.

The cold that penetrates deep into my bones, as always, suits me yet doesn’t fit.

It resonates with the emptiness in my heart, creating an emotionally beautiful scene, but my body merely screams.

In the whitely shining sky, winter still stands, proclaiming its existence and covering this cold North.

Winter stands, looking down at me beneath it.

With thousands, tens of thousands of snowflakes as its white eyes, the black pupil of the sky watches me.

Why do I suddenly think of Leviathan, why do I think of a giant clad in the armor of countless people?

Perhaps, there would be no answer.

Waaaaaaaa-!!!

Because the roar of the large population crowded below the Grand Duke’s massive castle explained the current situation.

Yes, it’s the day of the enthronement ceremony.

Last time, So…nia, yes.

After moving Sonia to a regular prison, nothing particularly significant happened.

Ah, except for the head butler who, perhaps well-persuaded by my younger brother, came to apologize to me on his own.

He seemed to be trying hard to hide it, but it was obvious he was grinding his teeth.

He seemed quite angry that he still hadn’t identified the culprit.

With eight personnel ground up raw, it was only natural.

Anyway, after that, I lived moderately, and then the enthronement ceremony proceeded immediately under the physician’s judgment.

Unlike the succession ceremony where all sorts of things happened, there wasn’t much to do at the enthronement ceremony, surprisingly.

The whole process was just drawing the Holy Sword that was in its place and raising it high.

After that, well, just waving my hand vaguely like this is the end.

I thought I had to give a speech or something, but it seems there’s no need for that.

In the first place, God, the Holy Sword chose the leader, so is there a need to appeal? – That seems to be the mindset.

…How, ever.

“Count Pol…lak, is my name famous? Or did someone threaten them to cheer?”

I don’t particularly remember running around outside the Grand Ducal mansion, so is there a reason for them to cheer like that?

Even if rumors spread, it would just be that a frail young lady lives in the mansion, or something like that.

“Heh, how could that be? It seems the stories from the succession ceremony to the knight examination have spread.”
“Looking at the rumors circulating in the marketplace, it seems to be that sort of thing.”

‘If it’s the story from the succession ceremony onwards-’

“To summarize, it seems rumors have spread that you, who hadn’t even trained in order to let your younger brother ascend to the Grand Duke’s position, were discovered for your immense potential by the Holy Sword and, despite your frail body, defeated a knight in just a month—a genius of the century, or something like that.”

Hmm.

‘That, was due to equipment, though.’

“…It’s a story Northern people would go crazy for, indeed.”

The people of the Weiss Duchy have a strong tendency to love stories of heroes or geniuses.

Especially, well, they tend to go crazy for common plots like a weak person who was hiding their power.

Since the first Grand Duke of the Duchy himself rose from a s*ave to the rank of nobility, it could be called a long-standing tradition passed down since the founding of the nation.

“I suppose so.”

The Count, chuckling as if something was so amusing, expressed joy, contrary to my insides which were starting to fester again.

The people down there, whose faces I couldn’t even see clearly, were not much different from the Count.

Only I seemed unable to properly enjoy this atmosphere, this position.

It was certainly a good thing that so many people, so many lives, were sending me their praise.

My goal in my past life was also something similar to the current situation.

An ideal person.

An ideal human whom everyone looks up to and doesn’t hesitate to make their role model in life.

A person so enveloped in preference and love that even those who can’t like everyone would feel sorry to criticize.

That was what I wanted to reach in my past life, and it had to be that.

Because now, as in the past, my life’s purpose was mostly filled with the words of my biological mother.

Because that was the wish of the one who was the only one to love me, no, the one who at least tried to love me.

However, as someone who experienced failure in my past life, as someone who realized that, no matter what, there is no perfection in it.

It’s probably because I, who have come to stand on the head of a giant, already know that this tower will not last long.

In the end, what they see is the me I created, and I am not in it.

A false relationship will eventually break, and that would be no different even if it were a social contract.

“…What’s the next schedule?”

I can only remain as a snowman, and they pursue a scarecrow.

“After a short rest, you will greet the nobles who come to offer their congratulations at the banquet that will soon be held.”

The snowman’s smile melts with the sun.

The reason they smile at me is simply because it is still winter.

“…Is that so. Alright.”

The scarecrow smiles when spring comes, having fulfilled its purpose.

To protect the bountiful harvest, it endures the scorching sun.

“Let’s go in slowly. Won’t they be cold too?”

The difference between a snowman numbed by medicine and a truly rational scarecrow.

It was to that extent.

Maintaining the smile I had been wearing, I turned and walked indoors.

Even though it hadn’t been long since I took the medicine, I felt as if the cold was gradually numbing me.

***

“First time meeting you, I am—”

‘…How many are left?’

My smile, maintained to the point where my face is about to cramp, is also starting to become tiring, yet the line that stretched on is only now beginning to show its end.

The nobles, whom I thought would be few, were more numerous than expected.

‘No, did I just get tired quickly?’

‘In fact, since I couldn’t remember their names properly anyway, it would be better to just deem it as boredom.’

‘Look, I can’t even remember the name of the person I just greeted, can I?’

“Yes, have a good time.”

Only my face and tone were polite; my mind was already elsewhere.

For example, my younger brother over there, talking with young lords of his age.

Or.

{Ugh, finally, I feel alive.}

The Holy Sword, which had slightly slipped from my hand, captivated by people-watching.

The former is at least a little more interesting to watch.

After all, I can roughly see how my younger brother treats other people.

I wondered if he would be timidly frozen in front of others as well.

Whether it’s because he’s pushing through conversations with his status, or because of the common ground of swordsmanship, he’s conversing well without any hitches.

I was thinking of inviting a social etiquette teacher from the Empire if necessary, but it seems there’s no need to spend the budget on that.

I was very worried at first, but lately, he’s only been showing commendable 모습s.

And, the latter… let’s skip it.

I simply cannot understand why something that is a holy relic has such a personality.

‘It would be nice if it had a slightly more serious side, but anyway.’

“Greetings, I am—”

‘Is this person the last one?’
‘It’s been quite long.’

‘I should probably go through the list of nobles once and expel the useless ones.’

‘There are so many tax thieves, I feel like I’ll die first from greeting them all.’

“Yes, thank you for waiting. Go and enjoy the banquet.”

After sending off even one more family whose name I couldn’t remember, I slightly relaxed my body.

I thought I might be able to touch those foods now too, but I didn’t particularly want to.

Because I couldn’t just sneak off somewhere else at a banquet where I was the main character.

If I was going to receive attention, sitting here where no one could approach was probably the wisest choice.

And, actually, there was one more reason I had to be here.

“…So, wouldn’t it be good to stop staring soon?”

I whispered to the supervisor from last time, who was standing guard beside me.

I hadn’t taken any particular measures, but it seemed he was still active.

I think his backer was a senior knight or something, but I don’t know how he avoided the investigation.

‘Well, I’ll find out about that gradually.’

As I subtly shifted my gaze, I saw the knight looking at me with a menacing glint under a stern expression.

Even though I hadn’t called him for a while, his gaze held an unpleasantly strong anger.

‘Isn’t it me who should be angry, though.’

“Hmm, I told you to come if you needed to, but you never did. Were they not particularly precious people?”

Lowering my voice as much as possible, I speak only to him.

In this noisy place, even a knight with sensitive senses would find it difficult to easily hear the conversation between him and me.

“…If it were you, would you risk an obvious danger?”

At the supervisor’s voice, who subtly shifted his feet and spoke loud enough for me to hear, I let out a chuckle.

The head butler at least pretended to hide it, but this fellow didn’t seem to have any intention of hiding his crime.

It felt like he was openly saying, ‘I am your enemy.’

It was a different feeling from Mary, so I felt a little refreshed.

“Yes, you weren’t a complete fool. Though it was a little disappointing.”

‘Hmm, should I make this guy playable too?’

‘It would be nice to have a usable toy among the knights, not just the servants.’

‘Even if I treat him a bit rougher, his body is sturdy, so it should be fine.’

‘As for his impertinent behavior, well, I could just break him.’

‘Sonia was going to be spared a little to control the physician anyway, so I did need one for amusement.’

Hmm.

“…Tell Marquis Mihalik to either start a rebellion or something. It’s a hassle to clean up the guys who sneak into my room every time.”

Flinch-

I deliberately leaked false information, whispering casually as if it were the truth.

Of course, the faction Mary belonged to and the faction led by Marquis Mihalik were clearly different, and I had even succeeded in seducing one side.

However, if I assume they don’t know that much.

“…Understood.”

‘They might think that the assassins didn’t reveal the organization they belonged to.’

‘Of course, I don’t know for sure.’

‘Seeing how the head butler suppressed his hostility in front of me, he might think I’ve grasped their existence.’

‘But, well.’
‘That doesn’t mean I can easily confirm it, can it?’

‘If it’s a fight, not psychological manipulation, it was a field I enjoyed.’

‘So, for now, I was just leaving it alone.’

‘To uproot them, it would be better to grind up not only them but everyone related to them all at once.’

After a brief, amusing conversation, I looked at the banquet hall, and the feeling from before returned.

I am different from them, definitely different.

The nobles who laughed and asked after each other’s well-being wore masks, but mine was the thickest.

They are honest with their true feelings and emotions, and understand the emotions of others.

They nod their heads at stories of love and people, friendship and honor, and hold the emotions spreading deep in their hearts tightly within themselves.

However, while being superficial, they also empathize with each other’s momentary feelings and reveal their true selves.

That appearance is quite beautiful; that appearance certainly evokes envy.

There was a clear difference from me, who could only watch from afar; it made me keenly aware that I was definitely a degenerate type.

No one strives to live, but I am the only one who strives the most to live socially.

However, I cannot fit in there; I can only watch it.

Therefore, I am lonely, and therefore, I feel an aching loneliness.

It’s no different from my past life, or now. In my past life and now, I am lonely.

There is no one who understands me, and there is no one with whom I can have a conversation on my level.

That’s why my long-standing loneliness and inferiority complex tend to worsen in places with so many people like this.

Because it starkly shows that while I thought everyone in the world lived wearing masks, there are also those who live as their true selves.

Because the fact that even the most cruel-looking people have someone who understands them inevitably creates a contrast with me.

Even though I sit in a position that everyone can only envy, I struggle with loneliness.

Not just in romantic relationships, but in all relationships.

That was the reason I hated myself the most, and the reason my mind was constantly twisted.

I, tended to hate the me that was born.

More than anyone in the world.

Tsk.

‘…It’s already so hard to control the emotions welling up.’

‘It seems I’ll need to relieve stress once more soon to calm down, but I can’t even guess how long I can hold out again.’

I tended to despise humans who were better than me, who could empathize, yet were not better than me.

I tended to relieve my inferiority complex on those who, unlike me, could live as ideal humans, yet broke down on their own and became worse than me.

However, since more than ninety-nine percent of the world was full of people better than me, if I repeated the same act to relieve stress, I would simply become a murderer.

At least, that was not what I wanted.

‘…It would be nice if something more interesting happened, maybe the supervisor once more-’

Clatter-

‘…?’

‘Is there still someone left to come?’

‘Everyone should have arrived, if so, I’ll have to greet them again-’

“M-Milo Weiss-nim and his family are entering!”

‘…Aha.’

‘Come to think of it, did they say they also contacted the collateral branches?’

Narrowing my eyes and looking far into the distance, a woman who looked extremely ill-tempered entered at the head of her family.

Anyone could see that she was entering majestically with a look that showed she did not like this banquet, and at that sight, I opened my eyes wide again.

Because it seemed that interesting event had occurred.