Chapter 32: The Healer’s Predicament

“Just kidding~ Your shy blush is absolutely adorable, Yueyue!”

Mu Wanqing giggled, playfully poking Su Liyue’s flushed cheek.

Su Liyue huffily slapped her hand away.

“Qingqing! I’m starting to suspect you’re a man in disguise!”

‘If this were Earth, she’d definitely be a seasoned veteran of ‘fast’ conversations (TL Note: A humorous phrase implying someone is very bold and quick-witted in banter, often making suggestive remarks).’

“How could that be!?”

Mu Wanqing immediately lifted her skirt and spun around, the fabric blooming open like petals.

“Tell me, what about this isn’t feminine?”

“That’s not what I meant… I was saying, once we graduate and become official mages in a couple of years, we can register as a team at the Adventurer’s Guild and take on quests.”

“Earn money? Are you really that short on cash, Yueyue?”

“Not exactly…”

Su Liyue fiddled with her staff. “I mostly want to experience what adventure feels like.”

“Fighting monsters… that would certainly be a unique experience.”

Mu Wanqing’s lips twitched.

‘Who would willingly seek out such a life-threatening experience?’

“There’s always a first time for everything. Besides, I’m too lazy to study healing spells, which is why I was asking if you’d be willing to be our team’s healer…”

Su Liyue blinked innocently.

“A healer, huh… Doesn’t that require high affinity for water magic and strong spiritual power?”

“Exactly! A standard team needs a frontline, damage dealers, and a healer… or, as they’re commonly called, a ‘Nanny Mage’ (TL Note: ‘Naima’ is a Chinese slang term for a healer, literally ‘milk mother’, often used humorously in gaming to refer to support characters who ‘feed’ health or buffs to the team).”

Su Liyue exclaimed excitedly.

“Nan…ny Mage?”

Mu Wanqing instinctively glanced down at her own chest, then at Su Liyue, her small face suddenly flushing crimson.

“Not that ‘Nanny’!”

Su Liyue frantically waved her hands. “It refers to a support who provides astonishing healing!”

“Astonishing healing… power?!”

A vivid image of milking cows on a farm instantly flashed through Mu Wanqing’s mind, and she felt as if smoke was about to pour from her ears.

***

A sharp ‘CRACK!’ echoed.

Not far away, Ye Xingchen, who had been drinking water, crushed his cup to pieces, while Jiuwu frantically scratched words onto the ground with its claws.

[This Lord suggests]

[Changing the name to ‘Life Priest’]

[Otherwise, it might lead to bloodshed]

“Qingqing, don’t get the wrong idea! Learning healing spells won’t affect… *that*!”

Su Liyue stamped her foot in exasperation.

“Why wouldn’t it? Look, nine out of ten healers in the academy are girls, and every single one of them is…”

She gestured meaningfully, drawing an exaggerated curve in the air.

“Uh… maybe they’re just naturally well-developed?”

A sudden, chilling image flashed through Su Liyue’s mind: herself, charging into battle, her two ‘papayas’ (TL Note: A humorous euphemism for breasts) swaying from side to side.

A shiver ran down her spine; the scene was anything but beautiful.

“Yueyue!”

Mu Wanqing suddenly gasped in realization. “Don’t tell me this is why you’re refusing to learn healing spells, is it?”

She had finally grasped the deeper meaning behind the nickname ‘Nanny Mage’!

“Of course not! I just think… being too well-endowed would be inconvenient for movement!”

Mu Wanqing narrowed her eyes, sporting an ‘I understand completely’ expression.

“Don’t look at me like that!”

Su Liyue hugged her arms across her chest in exasperated embarrassment.

“It really would be inconvenient!”

‘The thought of running with a heavy chest, the bouncing sensation transmitted directly to her male body, Ye Xingchen…’

‘Heavens! She prayed these two ‘little darlings’ wouldn’t develop any further! What if they grew as large as the Yaochi Saintess’s ‘lethal weapons’ (TL Note: A humorous euphemism for very large breasts)…’

Troubled, she cast a glance downwards.

The mere thought of returning to the Spirit Realm with a pair of ‘human lethal weapons’ to face the Yaochi Saintess, made her feel as though she could already see the Saintess pointing at her chest and laughing until her body trembled like a blossoming branch.

“Yueyue~ So, your Xingchen doesn’t like big ones, huh~”

Mu Wanqing suddenly leaned closer, her eyes twinkling mischievously.

“That’s not it at all!”

Su Liyue retorted, her face flushed, feeling her own knowledge reserves struggling to keep up with her best friend’s rapid-fire ‘speeding’ (TL Note: ‘Biaoche’ is slang for talking very quickly or making suggestive remarks, often humorously referred to as ‘speeding’).

“How could I not know what he likes!”

‘After all, no one understood her body better than she did, from the tips of her hair to her toes, every sensitive spot… Wait, how had her thoughts veered off track again!’

“Then he…”

Mu Wanqing’s eyes suddenly widened, and she instinctively covered her chest with both hands, retreating three steps.

“He really intends to have it all, big or small, and engage in a threesome!”

“Oh my god!”

Su Liyue, exasperated, burst out in English.

“Oh… my cake?”

Mu Wanqing tilted her head in confusion, the ice crystal ornaments in her hair jingling softly.

The unfamiliar phrase instantly brought to mind the new dessert at the cafeteria, and she couldn’t help but lick her lips.

Phoenix Jiuwu immediately mimicked her, letting out a similar sound.

Ye Xingchen, who was sipping tea, felt his entire being falter.

‘Did they not consider him, the actual person, when making such jokes?’

He gazed thoughtfully at the two gesticulating figures on the training ground, a strange chill creeping down his spine.

Within his sleeve, Qizai suddenly began to tremble restlessly, the bells on her sword tassel jingling with a crisp, windless warning.

“This is going to be bad…”

Ye Xingchen murmured to himself. This familiar premonition reminded him of his terrifying past experience of being hounded by the Yaochi Saintess to discuss ‘dual cultivation insights’ (TL Note: A cultivation practice for couples in martial arts or fantasy novels, often implying intimate acts).

Meanwhile, on the training ground, Mu Wanqing was frantically scribbling something into a small notebook, while Su Liyue, mortified, tried to snatch it away.

The two figures, tangled in a playful scuffle, cast long silhouettes in the setting sun.

A sudden thought struck Ye Xingchen, and he slapped his forehead.

“That’s right!”

He quickly summoned Qizai from his interdimensional space.

“I’ve always forgotten to ask you, how did you originally come to this world? If you could cross over from the Spirit Realm, perhaps we could find the coordinates to return to Earth!”

However, the moment Qizai appeared, a ‘ZING!’ of sword energy rang out.

Her sword tassel stood high, and her blade twisted to one side, looking exactly like a pouting little girl.

The indignant fluctuations of her sword patterns clearly spelled out: ‘I’m very angry, deal with it yourself.’

“Oh, dear…”

Ye Xingchen immediately felt a splitting headache.

‘Coaxing girls was his absolute weakest point in life. Why hadn’t he thought to forge a male sword spirit back when he created it?’

“Qizai~ What are you so angry about?”

Ye Xingchen rubbed his hands together, approaching with a placating smile.

“Hmph! What I’m angry about, aren’t you clearer on that than I am?”

Ye Xingchen scratched his head, utterly bewildered, resembling a clueless straight man confronted with a girlfriend’s ‘death question’.

He tentatively reached out to touch the sword hilt, but Qizai ‘SWOOPED!’ three feet higher.

“Uh… alright, alright, my dear~ Just tell your master how you came here first, okay~”

Ye Xingchen resorted to his ultimate move, speaking in a soft, coaxing tone, like one might use for a cat.

His fawning demeanor made him seem as if he were appeasing a bristling Ragdoll cat.

Qizai’s blade trembled slightly, seemingly wavering, but then she quickly ‘HMPHed!’ and turned her head away again.

The inscriptions on the sword flickered and shifted, finally forming three large characters: [FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELF!]

The two young women training in the distance were drawn by the commotion.

Mu Wanqing narrowed her eyes.

“Is your Xingchen… flirting with his own sword?”

Su Liyue: “…”

‘No, to be precise, he was being scorned by his sword…’

Phoenix Jiuwu tilted its head, drawing a large question mark in the air with its tail flames.