Chapter 34: The Drama of Three Women and a Sword Spirit’s Shenanigans

‘Three women, indeed, make a drama…’ Su Liyue fumed, her foot tapping impatiently against the ground.

Managing one quirky best friend was already quite a challenge; now, the ‘Yaochi Saintess’ version of Qizai had been added to the mix.

‘Wait, three women?’ She suddenly realized she also had to account for her own female persona, and her thoughts immediately spiraled into further disarray.

“Qizai! Have you been secretly binging anime again? All those bizarre otaku (TL Note: A Japanese term referring to people with an obsessive interest, typically in anime and manga) facts and tropes…”

A sudden realization dawned on Su Liyue.

“Oh my~” Qizai’s soft chuckle wasmuffled by a hand covering her lips, her wide sleeves gracefully fluttering with the breeze.

“My mistress even knows this? How can you possibly deny being my master’s…”

“Official consort!” Mu Wanqing interjected, her eyes sparkling with sudden insight.

Su Liyue had only enlightened her about this term at lunchtime, and she was surprised to see it applied so aptly and swiftly.

“Ah, exactly, exactly!” Qizai clapped her hands in eager agreement. The two “melon-eaters” (TL Note: A Chinese slang term referring to bystanders who enjoy watching drama unfold, often with a sense of schadenfreude) harmonized their remarks, instantly solidifying the nature of the two’s relationship.

Both Su Liyue and Ye Xingchen, standing some distance away, simultaneously stiffened.

The pace of this development was, quite frankly, faster than even sword-flying.10. Ye Xingchen felt an urgent need to step forward in his male form and clarify the situation.

He strode over swiftly, clearing his throat with a slight cough:11. “Qizai, enough with the mischief. Yueyue and I are merely…”

“Yueyue?” Mu Wanqing’s sharp ears caught the crucial detail, and she narrowed her eyes, a hint of suspicion clouding her gaze.

“Your relationship has grown that intimate already?”

She recalled distinctly that ever since their enrollment, she was the only one who had ever called Su Liyue by that affectionate nickname.

‘This is bad!’ A simultaneous clench tightened in both their chests. Qizai and Jiuwu instantly shifted into prime spectating mode.

Qizai hugged her sword tassel, barely concealing a giggle, while Jiuwu used its fiery tail to etch a massive character for “Danger” into the very air.

In that crucial moment, Su Liyue’s quick wit shone through. In her female form, she naturally linked her arm through Ye Xingchen’s, then gave a playful wink.

“Xingchen and I are childhood sweethearts, you see~ It’s perfectly normal for him to call me Yueyue, isn’t that right, my Little Star~”.

The saccharine sweetness of her own voice sent shivers down her spine, yet years spent in a female body had perfected her ability to feign cuteness without a single flaw.

‘This coquettish tone…’

‘When did I become so adept at this?’

Ye Xingchen gritted his teeth, forced himself to play along. “Indeed it is~ My little Yueyue~”

‘But ‘Little Star’—why does that sound so much like…’

An absurd image suddenly flashed through his mind: King Kong, the enormous gorilla from a certain Earth movie, clutching a beauty atop a skyscraper and swatting airplanes out of the sky with effortless swipes.

“Ew—” Qizai dramatically rubbed her arms, as if the sheer cringe had given her a full-body case of goosebumps.

Jiuwu, the phoenix, promptly turned its back, shielding its eyes with its wings, yet its tail feathers honestly formed a pose that eloquently declared, ‘I can’t bear to watch this.’.

[I suggest both of you to go act in a romantic play]

[Don’t corrupt swords and phoenixes]

Qizai’s sword body suddenly quivered, and an expression of profound realization dawned upon her.

“No wonder the Yaochi Saintess couldn’t whisk master away back then; it turns out their names simply weren’t ‘couple-y’ enough!”

“Back then?” Mu Wanqing’s eyes lit up, her soul of gossip igniting into a fervent blaze. They were only sixteen now, having enrolled at thirteen… If this happened even earlier…

She gazed at Ye Xingchen, utterly stunned. A beautiful older woman made the first move? This taste…

“Qizai, don’t spout nonsense!” Both bodies exclaimed in perfect unison. The sword spirit, startled, ‘whooshed’ back behind Mu Wanqing, its sword tassel wilting in fear.

Mu Wanqing reached back to pat Qizai, asking with genuine curiosity: “Yueyue, is this… Ye Xingchen’s ‘Great Treasure Sword’ (TL Note: ‘Dabaojian’ is a double entendre, literally meaning ‘great treasured sword’ but also slang for illicit massage services or a male’s private part) you mentioned?”

‘Great Treasure Sword?. Three distinct thought processes simultaneously exploded in their minds:

.’Qizai: Great… ‘health care’ (TL Note: ‘Dabaojian’ can also refer to ‘great health care,’ a euphemism for illicit massage services)?!’

A suspicious red glow instantly emanated from her sword body. ‘Is this how Master usually introduces me? Then why did he act like such an ‘iron straight man’ (TL Note: A Chinese slang term for someone who is extremely heterosexual and often oblivious to romantic cues) towards the Yaochi Saintess back then?!’

Ye Xingchen & Su Liyue:44. ‘Jie Xusheng! Guding Dao! Jiusha!’ Images of critical hits from the game Sanguosha (TL Note: A popular Chinese card game based on the Three Kingdoms period) flashed through their minds simultaneously, and they nearly synchronized in shouting,

“Those who dare to trespass upon the lands of Great Wu…”45. “Cough, cough! It’s… it’s a life-bound spirit sword!”

Su Liyue stammered. Qizai suddenly poked half of her sword body from behind Mu Wanqing’s shoulder, using sword qi to inscribe words in the air:

[An Academic Study on Master’s Naming Taste. Case 1: Labrador (Five-Clawed Golden Dragon) Case 2: Qizai (This Sword Spirit) Conclusion: A ‘straight man’s aesthetic’ is beyond saving]

“Pfft, haha! So Ye Xingchen named you Qizai because…” Mu Wanqing suddenly erupted into laughter.

“Because he got seven consecutive ‘bad pulls’ (TL Note: A term from gacha games referring to multiple consecutive failed attempts at getting rare items or characters)!” Su Liyue blurted out, only to realize her grave misstep the moment the words left her lips.

An immediate silence descended upon the scene.

“Seven consecutive bad pulls? Yueyue… I’m suddenly a little concerned about whether I’ll even be able to be your child’s godmother!”

Realizing her slip of the tongue, Su Liyue swiftly attempted to salvage the situation through her male persona, Ye Xingchen:

“It’s because it failed to forge seven times before finally succeeding, hence the name Qizai. The character ‘zai’ (仔) means ‘precious one’ or ‘child,’ not ‘pet’!”.

“Ah, yes, exactly!” Su Liyue quickly chimed in, “I remember it perfectly clearly!”

She couldn’t very well reveal that the name was actually born from a moment of laziness years ago, directly plagiarized from “Stitch” in the animated film Lilo & Stitch, which she watched as a child, could she?

Though the influence of CJ7 (TL Note: A 2008 Hong Kong sci-fi comedy film) also played a part. Qizai’s sword tip swung back and forth between the two, an air of suspicion emanating from it.

“Where was a mistress back then?” Ye Xingchen cleared his throat softly. “Qizai, haven’t you noticed how vastly different this place is from the Spirit Realm?” he hinted, his meaning clear.

“Hmm…” Qizai pondered for a moment. “It’s certainly different; there’s no Yaochi Saintess here to dote on me so lovingly~” Her sword body nostalgically shimmered with a soft pink light, reminiscing about the days in the Spirit Realm when the Yaochi Saintess would cradle her gently in her palms.

‘This blasted sword!’

Ye Xingchen forcibly swallowed the curse bubbling up his throat. This blasted sword had nothing but the Yaochi Saintess on its mind; it might as well just marry into the Yaochi Sacred Land!

“But aren’t I here?” Ye Xingchen struggled to maintain a semblance of a smile. “And there’s also little sister Qingqing, and… uh, little sister Yueyue.”

“Qing and Yue?” Qizai’s sword light suddenly flared with dazzling intensity, as if she had experienced a profound epiphany.

“I understand now! So Master didn’t agree to the Yaochi Saintess because he preferred petite ‘sister flowers’ (TL Note: A Chinese slang term referring to two beautiful young women who are often seen together, implying a pair or duo)! And he even wanted to… Wuwuwu!”

Ye Xingchen abruptly clapped a hand over the sword hilt. “Can’t you damn well watch less anime?!”

“You watch even more than I do!” Qizai broke free, her sword tassel trembling with indignation. “And you have the audacity to lecture me!”

Truly, a general leads the soldiers he deserves, and a master nurtures the sword that mirrors him…

Ye Xingchen pressed a hand to his forehead, a wry, bitter smile playing on his lips.

The thought of Qizai adopting the Yaochi Saintess’s aloof expression while acting cutesy… If the Saintess herself were to witness it, she would undoubtedly pursue him across realms, wielding a forty-meter long sword in righteous fury!

Mu Wanqing, meanwhile, cupped her face in her hands, her eyes sparkling with renewed intrigue:

“So… Yueyue, are you and Xingchen truly childhood sweethearts? You even know each other’s naming habits with such intimacy?”

Su Liyue awkwardly twisted her fingers together.

“Uhm… Qingqing, actually, our names were specifically chosen by our parents because of our arranged childhood engagement, so they were meant to be…”

“Couple names?!” Mu Wanqing’s eyes widened, instantly seizing upon the crucial detail.

These words immediately drew Qizai’s attention. The sword spirit suddenly floated before Ye Xingchen, her sword body swaying inquisitively from side to side.

“Oh, right! Master, why have you shrunk? Back in the Spirit Realm, you used to be so much taller than me~”.

A golden light etched a tall, imposing phantom in the air, then, with a flourish, drew a chibi-style miniature figure.

The sword tassel swayed with triumphant glee. “Come on~ Call me Big Sister~”

“Sis… your sister!” A vein pulsed visibly on Ye Xingchen’s forehead.

This blasted sword had absolutely been corrupted by the Yaochi Saintess! If it had found time to watch anime during his disappearance, it could only have been at the Yaochi Saintess’s abode; he couldn’t fathom any other possibility.

Qizai suddenly reverted to her human form, elegantly twirling with the grace of the Yaochi Saintess.

“Oh? Does Master perhaps prefer to be called ‘Big Brother’?” She deliberately covered her mouth with her sleeve, a soft chuckle escaping her lips. “Then, back in the Yaochi…”

“Swoosh!”

Ye Xingchen abruptly yanked Qizai back, his voice a low, gritted whisper. “If you utter the words ‘Yaochi’ again, I swear I’ll melt you down and recast you into a toilet brush!”

Witnessing this, Jiuwu immediately flew to Mu Wanqing’s shoulder, using its tail feathers to write:

[A Study of Sword Spirits’ Self-Destructive Behavior]

[Case Number: 007]

[Predicted Outcome: Imminent Transformation into]

[The First Smart Toilet Brush of a Certain Realm]

Mu Wanqing observed Ye Xingchen, who was practically hopping with rage, then glanced at Su Liyue, who was desperately trying to suppress her laughter, and a sudden realization dawned upon her.

“So, Yueyue, you usually avoid Ye Xingchen…”

“…because he likes to role-play?!”

“Pfft—”

This time, even jumping into the Yellow River wouldn’t wash away the misunderstanding!