Chapter 37: The Perils of Public Perception

Is a B-cup not good enough?

Must you emulate your “sister,” the Yaochi Saintess, constantly flaunting those two 36D ‘papayas’ in public?

The male cultivators in the immortal realm practically gawk at her, their eyes nearly popping from their sockets!

Su Liyue wished he could simply shove Qizai back into his scabbard then and there.

Qizai, having assumed the form of the Yaochi Saintess, proudly puffed out her chest:

“That, my dear, is called feminine charm, Master~ I daresay you’re simply envious!”

She deliberately swayed, flaunting her impressive curves.

“Master Flat-Chest~”

“Flat-chest?!” Su Liyue’s fury was such that he nearly tore his sword tassel clean off.

As a dignified man, what use did he have for such a prominent chest? Yet, Qizai’s words truly stung.

“Oh, jealousy makes one quite unsightly~ I merely believe Master is envious of Yaochi Saintess’s popularity~” Qizai teased, sticking out her tongue.

“I envy her?!” Su Liyue retorted through gritted teeth. “And what use would I have for such a size? I certainly don’t need it to seduce men!”

“Hmm…” Qizai suddenly flashed a cunning smile. “Perhaps it’s for attracting maidens?”

“Attract my foot!”

Qizai, however, shook her head playfully and intoned, “As the old adage goes, ‘If breasts aren’t ample, how can hearts be swayed?'”

“Gather your own colossal watermelon!” Su Liyue fumed in retaliation. “I, for one, believe ‘If the chest isn’t flat, how can the world be pacified?'”

Mu Wanqing, however, suddenly raised her hand. “Um… I have a question to pose…”

“Speak!” Su Liyue and Qizai both turned their heads in unison.

“36D…” Mu Wanqing mused, gesturing vaguely at her own chest. “Just how large is that, precisely?”

An inexplicable silence instantly descended upon the scene.

Qizai suddenly conjured a vivid, lifelike holographic projection:

[Common Bra Cup Comparison Chart in the Cultivation World]

1. Yaochi Saintess (36D): Majestic Immortal Peaks

2. Hehuan Sect Elder (34E): Surging Waves

3. Current Mistress (34B): Flat Plains

Note: All data personally measured by Qizai

“Qi! Zai!” Su Liyue’s body trembled with rage, the hilt of Qizai in his hand suddenly growing scalding hot. “Tonight, I shall melt you down and recast you into a mere embroidery needle!”

Phoenix Jiuwu tilted her head, then sketched a delicate balance scale in the air with her fiery tail plume.

One side of the scale displayed an exaggerated “36D,” while the other held a modest “B.” The balance clearly tipped toward the “B,” beneath which a small inscription appeared.

Pacifying the world > Gathering hearts

“Ahem, ahem…” Ye Xingchen cleared his throat, interjecting with a touch of awkwardness.

“Ladies, I apologize for interrupting your spirited discussion… However… have you perhaps forgotten that a gentleman is also present?”

He gestured to himself, attempting to steer the conversation away from its increasingly perilous direction.

“Are you truly a man, my dearest Master~” Qizai suddenly cooed, her voice adopting the syrupy tones of the Yaochi Saintess.

“Qizai! Utter another word of nonsense, and your candied hawthorn (TL Note: A traditional Chinese snack consisting of sugar-coated hawthorn fruit on a stick.) will be confiscated!” Su Liyue declared, seething.

“W-woo…” The mention of candied hawthorn instantly caused Qizai to wilt, shrinking into a pitiful, dejected ball, her sword tassel drooping mournfully.

Mu Wanqing, however, suddenly widened her eyes, as if she had stumbled upon some earth-shattering secret:

“Yueyue! I understand now! The reason you two are reluctant to make your relationship public is because Ye Xingchen has… a fertility impediment?!”

“Impediment, my foot! I am perfectly normal, thank you very much!” Ye Xingchen and Su Liyue roared in unison, their faces simultaneously flushing crimson.

“Since you claim to be normal…” Mu Wanqing retorted, hands on her hips, assuming the posture of a renowned detective.

“Then why haven’t you had children? Any ordinary man, blessed with a childhood sweetheart as beautiful as Yueyue, would surely have been unable to resist starting preparations for parenthood by now!”

“Precisely! Precisely!” Qizai suddenly sprang back to life, eagerly chiming in:

“Indeed, Master, back in the Yaochi Sacred Land, was pursued by numerous immortal maidens, yet managed to remain entirely unmoved. That alone is deeply suspicious!”

Jiuwu, eager to join the commotion, fluttered over, her tail feathers swishing gracefully:

[Medical recommendation: Should special nourishment from the Fire of Chaos be required, this Venerable One can provide a custom-made Kidney-Tonic Package.]

The combined antics of the two left Su Liyue and Ye Xingchen utterly at a loss for words.

“Qingqing!” Su Liyue stomped his foot in exasperated embarrassment. “Whose side are you even on?!”

Upon hearing this, Mu Wanqing suddenly flashed a sly grin, swiftly looping her arm through Su Liyue’s.

“Naturally, I’m on whichever side ensures Yueyue’s happiness~” She winked conspiratorially. “And just in case your significant other truly isn’t up to par… would you care to try my family’s ancestral secret remedy?”

Ye Xingchen pressed a hand to his forehead, letting out a long sigh, sensing that the topic had spiraled irrevocably out of control.

It seemed he had learned a valuable lesson: never again should he attempt to participate in discussions among women concerning physical attributes, for the repercussions were clearly severe.

“Qingqing! You don’t even have a partner yourself, yet you’re so concerned about me! Besides, Xingchen and I still have at least two more years before we can even think about…”

His voice trailed off, growing progressively softer until it was barely a mosquito’s hum.

This turn of events was simply preposterous! In his previous life, he hadn’t even experienced a single romance, and now, in this lifetime, he was fast-forwarding directly to marriage?

And with a male version of himself as the partner? This plot was so utterly outlandish that even the most sensational romance novels surely wouldn’t dare to pen such a scenario!

Mu Wanqing, however, simply waved her hand with a cheerful grin:

“My own affairs are hardly pressing~” She suddenly clasped her hands together, her eyes twinkling brightly. “Yueyue’s matters take precedence now, you see~

And I’m pre-reserving the godmother position for this child! I absolutely insist on drinking your wedding wine two years from now!”

“Cheep cheep!” Jiuwu immediately flapped her wings with unbridled excitement, her tail feathers etching a heart shape into the very air.

Qizai, not to be outdone, promptly conjured a miniature suona (TL Note: A Chinese double-reed woodwind instrument, often used in festive occasions.) and began to play the jubilant melody of “Hundreds of Birds Paying Homage to the Phoenix.” (TL Note: A traditional Chinese piece often associated with weddings and celebration.)

‘What in the divine hell was this “wedding wine” nonsense?!’

Ye Xingchen stood a short distance away, pressing a hand to his forehead, having finally grasped the situation: these rascals were unequivocally ganging up to force a marriage!

Just then, a furious bellow suddenly echoed from the far end of the training grounds, emanating from the instructor:

“You lot over there! If you wish to hold a celebratory event, take it to a church! This is a place for practicing magic… Eh?” The instructor’s voice abruptly softened as he recognized Su Liyue and his companions. “Uh… do take care…”

Qizai seized the opportunity, conjuring a gilded invitation card, her sword tip swiftly inscribing upon it:

You are cordially invited to attend

Ye Xingchen & Su Liyue

Dual Cultivation Grand Ceremony

Location: Yaochi Sacred Land

Note: Guests may bring spirit stones and other forms of monetary gifts.

Su Liyue snatched the invitation from the air, tearing it into a thousand tiny fragments.

“You lot have truly gone too far!”

He indignantly seized Mu Wanqing’s wrist.

“Come on, Qingqing! Let us go practice some proper magic!”

Mu Wanqing stumbled along, dragged by his grip, yet still managed to glance back at Qizai. “Remember to prepare wedding candies (TL Note: Sweets given to guests at a wedding.) in a variety of flavors, won’t you~”

“Qingqing!” Su Liyue hissed, lowering his voice in a mixture of shame and annoyance. “The instructor has already taken notice of us!”

“Oh, relax~” Mu Wanqing waved a dismissive hand. “By now, who in the entire academy isn’t aware of your and Ye Xingchen’s… situation?”

“Er…” Su Liyue found himself utterly speechless.

He had simply intended to complete his magical academy studies peacefully, yet who could have imagined that things would escalate to such a chaotic degree across the entire academy?

Though, he had to admit, this predicament was largely his own making.

“But Yueyue,” Mu Wanqing said, winking and poking the mark on his hand. “You two even signed a familiar contract!

Isn’t that enough of an official announcement? Everyone knows by now that Ye Xingchen is your ‘boyfriend beast,’ don’t they?”

“Boy-boyfriend beast?!” The iconic kissing scene from ‘The Familiar of Zero’ flashed through Su Liyue’s mind, instantly filling him with a wave of acute embarrassment.

“And just look at the instructor earlier…” Mu Wanqing mimicked the old instructor’s hesitant expression.

“‘Do take care~’ Is that hint not obvious enough?”

“This…” Su Liyue’s mouth opened, then closed, and he ultimately pressed a hand to his forehead with a long sigh. “Indeed, the gossip of others can be truly formidable…”