Chapter 6: Drowning in the Cold

It was truly an unfamiliar and grotesque sensation.

Destructive, searing, and the entire world unnervingly vivid.

Every contour of objects sprang to life and sharpened, hurtling toward him with a deafening roar, while the ceiling receded endlessly higher and the floor sank away without pause…

One could call it ecstasy, perhaps.

Yet somehow, it was wretched enough to kill him.

The second dose followed shortly after.

Kwon Seungjae continued to feed Yoon Heesu drugs.

When he refused, Seungjae tied him down, beat him, and forced his mouth open to pour it in or inject it, unleashing all manner of violence whenever he struggled until he grew obedient.

When he came to his senses, he was kneeling between Kwon Seungjae’s legs, diligently sucking on a small piece of candy placed beside his thigh.

Kwon Seungjae grabbed him by the hair, and Heesu slapped his hand away in annoyance.

Kwon Seungjae snickered as if finding it amusing.

As he lifted his face from between the man’s legs, someone else’s hand reached out to slip another candy into his mouth.

With unfocused eyes, Yoon Heesu took the candy and earnestly sucked on the fingers that fed him.

He didn’t even know whose hand it was.

One of Kwon Seungjae’s friends, most likely.

Or perhaps someone who had paid Kwon Seungjae to buy a defective Omega.

The world the drug had unlocked was vivid and intoxicating.

A world like a warped wasteland of trash.

One that made him nauseous whenever he sobered up and remembered…

Yet in an instant, his body became addicted to the drug.

He didn’t even find it pleasurable.

Yet his body craved it.

It was strange.

When he was someone who, despite drinking occasionally, despised getting drunk and avoided drinking gatherings by any means necessary.

“All done.”

The nurse’s voice pulled Yoon Heesu from his thoughts.

Having finished the procedure deftly and swiftly, the nurse told him to rest well before leaving the room.

Lying still, he watched the drops of the IV fluid drip down.

Whether it was a cure or a neutralizing agent, he didn’t really know what it was.

He only knew that while it was a similar narcotic, it was used for neutralization or treatment.

He had heard such words from Kwon Seungjae.

That this drug sold better because it had a definitive neutralizing agent.

Ironically, claiming there was a guaranteed neutralizer seemed to help sales.

Because it made people believe they could quit anytime.

But Yoon Heesu knew.

Once you start drugs, you cannot quit.

Drugs were something that made a person crawl into whatever abyss lay ahead with their own two feet.

The physical addiction was one thing, but the psychological addiction was absolute hell.

‘I’m exhausted…’

Could the word exhaustion even begin to explain this paralyzing helplessness?

Yoon Heesu closed his eyes and began counting numbers.

It was his method whenever he wanted to think of something else but his mind drew a complete blank.

Despite feeling sluggish and aching all over as if he had been severely beaten, sleep would not come.

It had only been a single day; it wasn’t even time for the real withdrawal symptoms to hit yet.

He merely drifted in a daze.

“…”

With eyes closed, he tried thinking of Han Suyeon.

The thoughts did not last long, muddying like ink spilled in water before sinking into darkness.

What revealed itself within that darkness was the most hideous, bizarre monster within the limits of his imagination.

The monster crept slowly up the bed.

The monster’s tentacles brushed ticklishly against his toes.

Wrapping around his ankles, they slithered inside his hospital gown and damply groped his skin.

The monster’s tentacles coiling around both legs, his arms, and his chest were horrifying.

He wanted to scream, but his throat was already choked shut.

He knew it was a hallucination, but if it truly were one, how on earth was he supposed to explain these vivid sensations?

Squirming faintly on the bed, he stared at the drops of the IV fluid.

He prayed it would spread through his body quickly and take this nightmare away.

Yet the hallucination tormented Yoon Heesu for quite a long time.

Through the window, the sea was visible.

A vague thought occurred to him that if he went into that sea, even this monster would dissolve and disappear.

The hallucination—crushing his body, piercing him, violently digging into him—lasted for about ten minutes.

As the medication circulated through his body, he blinked at some point to find himself lying straight in bed.

In a hospital room with no one and nothing there.

An exhausted sigh slipped from his lips.

It was a week later when he saw Han Suyeon again.

***

One week—it was the period when the full-blown withdrawal symptoms began.

Though he continued receiving medication, it was woefully insufficient.

Every single day, he was tormented by excruciating headaches, nausea, phantom itches, and hallucinations.

At times, he had seizures like a madman.

During those fits, his memory snapped into fragmented gaps.

And then, on that exact seventh day.

They said he had a seizure and went on a rampage.

His last memory was falling asleep while receiving an IV.

And when his memory resumed, Yoon Heesu perceived that a fierce force had hauled him out and thrown him down.

The memory of moments prior surfaced.

His body had plunged downward until his head was submerged underwater, water rushing violently into his mouth and nose while air bubbles burst from his body and rushed to the surface.

His vision had been completely turquoise.

Soaked to the bone and dripping with water, he blankly lifted his head.

Han Suyeon, drenched from head to toe just like him, wore an enraged expression.

Looking around, he saw a crowd of flustered guards who had rushed over.

Several among them were soaked as well.

The memory of just moments before came back to him again.

Having shaken off the guards with strength from heaven knew where, he had bolted outside and raced toward the beach.

He had waded a couple of steps through the freezing waves, and just as he fell into the water where the seabed plunged deep, Han Suyeon had pulled him out and thrown him onto the shore.

“Cough…”

Coughs kept racking him, likely from swallowing the salty water.

Yoon Heesu simply lay flat right where the tide washed over his legs.

Water dripping from his hair, Han Suyeon looked down at him coldly.

A sense of hollow futility settled in.

If Han Suyeon hadn’t shown up, couldn’t he have died comfortably without remembering a thing?

“What are you doing?”

“Are you doing this because you want to die?”

Han Suyeon happened to pose the exact question that read his mind.

Yoon Heesu answered limply.

“Yeah…”

“Yoon Heesu.”

“That’s right, I want to die…”

“…”

Then Yoon Heesu pushed up his drooping, sodden body, crawled forward, and clung to Han Suyeon’s legs like a piece of trash.

Water was dripping from Suyeon’s fingers as well.

Yoon Heesu stuck out his tongue to lick the fingers wet with seawater, pleading in a desperate voice.

“Can’t you give me drugs?”

Without a word, Han Suyeon seized Yoon Heesu’s arm, pulled him to his feet, and dragged him along.

His legs swayed and stumbled haphazardly.

Once they had nearly crossed the sandy shore, Han Suyeon noticed Yoon Heesu was barefoot and hauled him over his shoulder like baggage.

Passing the lawn and walking trail toward the main entrance was quite a distance.

Did I really run all this distance without getting caught by the guards…?

Truly, they said there was no beating a madman.

“I can walk…”

“Keep your mouth shut.”

As if every guard inside the rehabilitation center had swarmed out, the perimeter teemed with men in black suits.

With all these people around, he wondered how it was Han Suyeon who personally saved him.

Though it was probably pointless curiosity.

“Um, how did you… come here yourself?”

As always, his impoverished vocabulary made his phrasing awkward.

Yet miraculously, Han Suyeon understood immediately.

“I was planning to come today anyway.”

“I hurried a bit when they said you were having a seizure.”

“And when I arrived, I happened to see someone diving into the sea.”

“Ah, that was me…?”

Han Suyeon did not answer.

The sequence of having a seizure and then plunging into the water had left Yoon Heesu in a slightly manic state.

Thus, the entire situation just seemed hilarious to him.

Han Suyeon ignored Yoon Heesu as he giggled.

It meant that with impeccable timing, Han Suyeon had reached the shore first and fished him out.

From what he had glimpsed underwater, the current had been rough, and just a bit further out, the seabed dropped off into pitch-black depths where bottom could not be seen.

Even if Han Suyeon hadn’t come, the guards had also dived into the water, but had they been just a moment later, Heesu might have been swept up in the rough currents and dragged out to the deep sea in an instant.

How wonderful that would have been.

They entered straight through the main doors.

Staff members were standing in the hallway with anxious, restless faces.

Passing them by, Han Suyeon headed up to the room and tossed Yoon Heesu—dripping wet and freezing cold—into the bathroom.

Thrown into the shower stall, Yoon Heesu leaned against the wall and slumped down limply.

He stayed still just like that.

When Yoon Heesu didn’t come out even after a long while, Han Suyeon yanked the door open again and turned on the water without a word.

“Mmph…”

Hot water poured over his body.

Ludicrously enough given the situation, having clean, hot water touch his frozen body felt pleasant.

“Wash and come out.”

“No…”

Letting out a sigh, Han Suyeon took off his suit jacket, loosened his tie, and stepped right into the shower stall.

Then, heedless of getting his own body even wetter, he stripped Yoon Heesu of his clothes.

Despite being completely soaked, the loose hospital gown came off relatively easily.

He began washing Yoon Heesu as if tending to a young child.

With the white foam lathering up softly and the warm water trickling down his skin, his body felt as though it were gently melting away.

It felt quite literally like dying and coming back to life.

He found himself ridiculous for finding comfort in this, even while wishing so desperately to die.

After his hair was thoroughly rinsed, Yoon Heesu opened his closed eyes and reached out both arms.

Caught off guard, Han Suyeon was drawn into his embrace.

Just like that, Yoon Heesu pressed his lips against the warm, wet ones.

Han Suyeon froze holding the showerhead, seemingly taken aback, while Yoon Heesu kissed him entirely as he pleased.

Han Suyeon’s lips tasted of salt.

And yet, he did not push Yoon Heesu away.

“Can you…”

After kissing for a long moment, Yoon Heesu whispered through the gap where their lips parted.

“Can’t you give me drugs?”

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