Chapter 62: The Weight of Words and the Resolve of a Magical Girl

Jin Shiling had never imagined that an argument could be such an utterly draining experience.

Despite the light rain falling from the sky and the pervasive dampness in the air, a peculiar heat had begun to suffuse her body, concentrating on her face and leaving her throat parched.

Simultaneously, however, she felt an exhilarating sense of liberation, as if a lifetime’s worth of emotional clutter had been thoroughly swept from her heart.

While she had initially uttered those words with the clear intention of provoking Zhang Qingwei, she had not anticipated becoming so deeply entangled herself.

It was only when she fully comprehended that she and her brother were mercilessly assailing each other with verbal barbs before their parents’ graves that she realized it was far too late to retreat.

Fortunately, no one else was within earshot.

Yet, even if a bystander had witnessed their heated exchange, they would likely have quietly retreated, sensing the volatile atmosphere.

This thought alone deepened the flush of heat across Jin Shiling’s cheeks.

‘I’m truly sorry, Dad, Mom.

To visit you after so long, only for you to witness such a scene… but this was the only method I could conceive.’

“So, what’s the verdict? Are you satisfied now?”

The rain, which had been tapping against her head, abruptly ceased.

Turning, she found Zhang Qingwei standing directly behind her, holding an umbrella aloft.

He, too, was breathing in shallow gasps, his demeanor suggesting he had just completed a strenuous 400-meter dash.

“Satisfied? Do you honestly believe I *wanted* to argue with you?

Who would’ve thought you possessed not an ounce of adult composure, holding onto grudges so tenaciously that you still recall the few scratches I inflicted when we first met…”

Jin Shiling’s voice trailed off, her earlier vigor diminishing, for she knew, deep down, that she had been entirely in the wrong regarding that particular incident.

“You’re clearly just a dull, insensitive zombie…”

“What are you muttering about?

If you wish to avoid getting soaked, move closer.”

Jin Shiling emitted a soft “tsk,” yet her body, with a surprising obedience, retreated half a step.

“I’ve already stated there’s no need for an umbrella…”

“If a certain someone desires to spend their entire holiday confined to bed, battling a cold with medicine and bland porridge, then by all means, disregard my words.”

“Hmph, I believe a certain individual, who reliably coughs for two months straight every autumn and winter, ought to be more vigilant.

Mom, just look at him; he utterly disregards your words.”

“Uncle, behold your cherished daughter; she remains precisely as she always was.

She may feign the demeanor of a diligent student, but in truth, she’s as stubbornly willful as ever.”

Despite the outward appearance of continued verbal sparring, the two individuals instinctively moved closer, their bodies seeking refuge beneath the umbrella’s protective canopy.

****

After a momentary cessation of their verbal “sparring,” neither the brother nor the sister uttered another word.

In the brief silence that followed, they each quietly processed the lingering warmth of their shared emotions.

While their exchange had erupted into a full-blown argument on the surface, at this very moment, both Jin Shiling and Zhang Qingwei felt a distinct lightness in their hearts.

They recognized that, despite their estrangement, they were still, in some fundamental way, attuned to each other’s lives, a stark contrast to their previous existence where they had seemed utterly oblivious to one another.

The method of expression was undeniably significant, yet of greater importance was the successful transmission and acceptance of one’s intended emotions.

Though their interaction might have resembled a mutual airing of grievances before their parents, the true objective was for the other person, present in that very space, to genuinely hear their voice and understand their thoughts.

From this vantage point, the seemingly awkward argument had, in fact, achieved Jin Shiling’s initial purpose.

“…Well, what do you say? Are you satisfied now, or do you wish to continue this argument?”

“I’m exhausted.

I have no desire to contend with someone who gets so easily agitated after a mere sip of alcohol.”

Jin Shiling drew out two tissues, dabbing away the mingled rain and tears from her face.

Gazing at the tombstone before them, she offered a faint, gentle smile.

“In essence, Dad, Mom, as you can plainly see, this is the reality of our relationship.

Our interactions are far from smooth, and we have undoubtedly caused you concern.”

“What? Are you truly expecting two deceased individuals to spring forth from beneath the earth to arbitrate justice on your behalf?”

Jin Shiling cast a sharp glance back at Zhang Qingwei, her unwavering gaze causing his eyes to instinctively shift away.

Then, with a soft exhalation, as if fortifying herself with a monumental resolve, Jin Shiling declared, “I would never be so foolish.

Naturally, I understand they cannot return; they are merely two handfuls of dust now.”

“Therefore, the words I am about to utter, I intend solely for you.”

“…”

The arm gripping the umbrella quivered imperceptibly.

Standing behind her, Zhang Qingwei lowered his head, striving to catch a glimpse of Jin Shiling’s current expression.

Alas, the condensation on his spectacles rendered only a blurry image, prompting him to clear his throat several times, a deliberate effort to project an air of composure.

“Speak your mind; I am listening.”

“Before I begin, I wish to pose a question to you, um… Brother.”

Upon realizing her dialogue now possessed a distinct recipient, the utterance of that singular word, “Brother,” proved marginally more difficult than she had anticipated.

“While I’ve somewhat inferred it from our recent exchange, I nonetheless wish to hear it directly: what kind of person do you perceive me to be?”

“A fool who deludes themselves into believing they have emerged from the shadow of the accident, when in truth, they are merely forcing a brave front, adopting the unarticulated desires of others as their own guiding principle for survival.”

“…A response delivered with such instantaneous certainty.”

“Because this has always been my conviction, and at this juncture, I see no further reason to conceal such a thought.”

“Is this, then, the underlying reason for your disdain towards me?”

“That constitutes a second question, does it not?

It’s not precisely ‘hate,’ merely a lack of endorsement.

Your transformation, as I perceive it, is not a journey of growth, but rather an evasion of reality.”

“…I see.”

For reasons she couldn’t quite discern, Jin Shiling felt a fresh surge of tears welling up.

Yet, she was not like the individual behind her, whose tear threshold was surprisingly low; she possessed the fortitude to hold them back.

She harbored no desire for Zhang Qingwei to witness her reduced to tears by such a brief remark, and furthermore, her urge to weep stemmed from more than just a sense of injustice.

Faced with such a “charge,” how, then, was she to respond?

“There are times when I genuinely feel a profound weariness, and I find myself longing for those bygone days—times when I was a source of worry, yet utterly carefree.

All I had to consider was myself, merely needing to be loved and cared for.

There was no need to meticulously fret over academics or social connections, nor did I impose any additional pressures upon myself.

I existed as a spoiled daughter, living with unbridled willfulness; that was truly who I once was.

Even now, I perceive nothing inherently wrong with that past self; indeed, I might even harbor a touch of envy for her.”

“Whether you deem me hypocritical or merely putting on a brave facade, I confess that, at first, I truly felt I was engaging in something entirely unsuited to my nature.

I would frequently pause, questioning why I continued to persevere, and for whose benefit I was doing so.”

“Yet, through this very process, I discovered I was gaining far more than I had ever anticipated.

I acquired things I once believed utterly unattainable for myself: trust, confidence, a sense of responsibility…

I realized I harbored no aversion to these new acquisitions; indeed, I found myself greatly enjoying being relied upon by classmates and friends, trusted by teachers, and praised by others.

While it is true that my initial motivations were not purely selfish, Brother, is there truly anything wrong with that?”

“Regardless of my initial motivations, I am undeniably evolving into what I perceive as ‘a better version of myself.’

I have accomplished these feats, and I am progressively finding profound satisfaction in my efforts and contributions, even yearning for more.

Though my solitude has not entirely dissipated, my current life has, without a doubt, filled a portion of that void, instilling in me a greater confidence to persist on this chosen path.”

“Brother, I do not believe my transformation and choices are erroneous.

I refuse to equate becoming different with merely evading the present reality.”

“…”

Zhang Qingwei lapsed into a profound silence, and Jin Shiling, in that moment, grasped that the most significant chasm between them, as siblings, lay in their differing philosophies.

This divergence, she realized, might render true coexistence or mutual understanding impossible.

In articulating her own convictions, she was, by extension, implicitly refuting Zhang Qingwei’s deeply held beliefs.

In affirming her own assertion regarding “change,” she was, by direct implication, negating Zhang Qingwei’s steadfast adherence to “immutability.”

After a prolonged moment, Zhang Qingwei’s voice emanated from behind her: “This is your life.

Since you have already made your decision, there is no need to seek anyone’s approval.

Simply proceed as you see fit.”

“…Thank you.”

“Thank me for what?

I have done nothing.

If your desire is to secure my endorsement, then I fear your expectations are destined to be unfulfilled.”

“Mmm, yes, regarding this matter, I believe its current state suffices.

However… there is one particular thing I genuinely hope to receive your support for.”

“What matter is that?”

“It’s… well, how does one articulate it…”

This particular segment should have been the simplest in her estimation, yet now, after such an elaborate preamble, it had ironically become the most challenging to articulate.

‘Perhaps, rather than employing words, it would be more direct to demonstrate through action.’

With this thought, she once again surveyed her immediate surroundings.

After confirming their solitude, she abruptly stepped from beneath the umbrella’s shelter, entering the gentle rain.

Before Zhang Qingwei could even utter a word to stop her, the Heart Lock was already firmly clasped in her hand.

She understood that she might face reprimand, or even outright rejection.

Yet, she refused to hide any longer.

It wasn’t a desire for ostentation, nor was it the passivity of a warrior; rather, at this precise moment, she yearned for him to comprehend that she, too, was striving with every fiber of her being to truly live.

Magical girls, unlike their animated counterparts, require no recitation of embarrassing or resolute incantations to transform.

The Heart Lock itself serves as both the vessel and embodiment of their indomitable will.

Thus, in the merest blink of an eye before Zhang Qingwei, Jin Shiling metamorphosed into the likeness of a different silver-haired girl.

She remained standing before the grave, her lowered eyelashes artfully concealing a fleeting tremor of hesitation and nervousness that stirred within her heart.

It was incredible.

Despite the undeniable knowledge that it was the same individual, a mere partial alteration in appearance and aura had rendered her utterly unrecognizable, transforming her into someone entirely unconnected.

‘This, then, is magic.’

“The truth is, I’ve become a magical girl.”

The instant the words left her lips, she instinctively tugged at the brim of her hat, drawing it down slightly to veil her eyes.

She felt utterly uncertain of the appropriate tone with which to introduce herself, and found Zhang Qingwei’s potential reaction almost impossible to envision.

Next, she heard a soft sigh.

Then, the figure with the umbrella shifted, once again enveloping her within its protective radius.

Simultaneously, his other hand lifted her hat brim, fully exposing her face to his direct gaze.

“This isn’t some magic trick or cosplay, is it?”

“What do you think?”

“Is that gun on your back real too?”

“Of course.

This is my magical armament.”

Zhang Qingwei responded with an “Eh,” then circled her body, seemingly quite intrigued by her current appearance.

“Magical girl, that would be the kind of magical girl I understand, right?

The ones who fight Corroded Entities, occasionally appearing on television?”

“Yes.

Are you still doubting me?

Do you want me to fly to show you?”

“There’s no need for that.

In this situation, you have no reason to deceive me.

I recall magical girls having their own names, so how should I address you?”

“Baoyu.

Currently, I am ‘Magical Girl Baoyu.'”

“Baoyu,” Zhang Qingwei repeated her name.

“I haven’t heard of you, though I don’t know much about magical girls in general.”

“I only became a magical girl recently.

It would be strange if you had heard of me.”

“So, how did you become a magical girl?”

“By chance, or perhaps, by accident.

By the way, why aren’t you surprised at all?”

“That depends on your definition of surprise.

I am indeed very surprised; after all, who would have thought a magical girl was right by my side?

But… I’m also a little relieved.”

“Relieved?”

“Yes, because before, you were constantly coming home late, and often disappearing for entire weekends.

Anyone would be worried, thinking what if you got into bad places or picked up bad habits that would ruin your studies and life?

In that case, these two before us would never forgive me.”

“What is this?

Suddenly speaking like a parent.”

“Is there anything wrong with that?

By telling me this now, I imagine that’s precisely what you mean.”

“…”

This statement silenced Jin Shiling.

Seeing her lack of response, Zhang Qingwei added, “So, the reason you’re telling me all this in front of them, there must be another meaning to it, right?”

“Regarding that…”

Jin Shiling first offered a sincere apology for intentionally concealing her identity as a magical girl from him.

Then, she concisely recounted her recent experiences, explaining that her identity was at risk of exposure.

For safety, her team and the Magic Oversight Department (TL Note: ‘Magic Oversight Department’ or ‘MOD’ refers to a governmental or organizational body responsible for monitoring and managing magical activities and individuals.) would likely summon him for a discussion soon.

Although not revealing everything left Jin Shiling feeling a pang of guilt, she wished to spare Zhang Qingwei excessive panic and avoid making him believe her situation was overly perilous, especially given his existing reservations about her choices.

“I see, I think I understand,” Zhang Qingwei nodded, then summarized, “So, without my knowledge, I’ve suddenly found myself in a potentially dangerous situation where you might drag me down, correct?”

“Mmm, yes.”

“Can your so-called companions and leaders always protect you?”

“I choose to trust them, and they will certainly give their all.”

“Which means you’re not entirely sure yourself.

And I’d guess the reason your identity was exposed is because you encountered some dangerous situation, right?

Did your partners protect you then?”

“…”

“I don’t know much about magical girls, but it’s certainly not as easy as depicted in comics and games.

I’ve seen some reports of magical girls dying in battle.

You might have been lucky and escaped once, but what about next time?

Do you truly have the resolve to dedicate your life to this?”

“…”

“Besides, as you said, you’re already doing your best with your current daily life.

Do you have any spare energy to engage in magical girl activities?

Can you balance both?

Will you force yourself for the sake of so-called responsibility?”

“…”

“You see, you can’t answer any of these questions.

Becoming a magical girl must not be an easy task.

If I were you, I would absolutely not do it.”

“…”

Jin Shiling was speechless, for she knew she would eventually have to face these questions.

From his perspective, Zhang Qingwei certainly had the right to raise these doubts, and it was also her fault for intending to hide it from the beginning.

“Jin Shiling, why did you become a magical girl?”

Polaris had asked her this question, and she had asked herself as well.

The nascent answer had always existed, yet no matter how she refined it, she couldn’t articulate it further.

When she first became a magical girl, she attributed it to “If it were Jin Shiling, she would choose to do this.”

She felt uncomfortable refusing Asherah, and also thought it appropriate given her image, so she nodded in agreement.

“Why… I… I actually can’t really explain it,” Jin Shiling said quietly, pressing her fingers into her thigh and pausing for a moment before finally speaking in a low voice.

“I didn’t do it to save the world, nor do I want to be a hero, and certainly not to become some embodiment of justice for fame or adoration.

Initially, it might have been just as you said, Brother: I felt ‘I should do it’ rather than ‘I want to do it.’

I was superficial, lacking true resolve.”

“But then I encountered certain events.

I witnessed injustice and persecution, saw confusion and despair, and at the same time, I saw people who needed help, and people who could be saved.

My body moved on its own.

I didn’t overthink it; I just felt that if I didn’t do something then, I might never forgive myself.

When I saw malice attempting to harm kind people, I felt intense anger—so angry that I forgot my fear, only wanting to utterly annihilate the evil before me.”

“I want to do something.

I want to become someone who can make her own choices.

Perhaps… that is why I became a magical girl.”

After she finished speaking, she heard Zhang Qingwei sigh.

He moved around her, still holding the umbrella, positioning himself so that neither of them could see the other’s expression.

“In junior high, I believed that everything had a definite answer,” he suddenly began, speaking about himself.

“I thought that good triumphing over evil was the only certainty, that human nature was inherently good, that kindness would never be unrequited.

Back then, I spent every day contemplating countless questions and answering them within myself, fostering what I considered my sense of justice and confidence.”

“…And then what?”

“Then, then—I endured a high school life filled with utter defeat.”

He paused, then continued, “Unbeknownst to me, the things I once firmly believed were easily discarded by myself.

I began to think that nothing in the world had a definite answer.

I despised human wickedness.

I no longer dared to ask myself questions, nor dared to write down a single solution.

I felt my former self was like a pathetic fool, constantly claiming to act for others, but ultimately doing so for my own sake.

Whether it was a sense of justice or kindness, it was, at its core, merely a packaged form of self-gratification.”

“I started to believe that changing myself to better serve others was incredibly cruel, because it meant I was betraying my present and past self.

I no longer wanted to hurt myself for the sake of others, so from then on, I would only live for myself.”

“Jin Shiling, let me ask you a different question: are you happy being a magical girl?”

He quickly received an affirmative response.

“Yes, I… I’m very happy.

Even though I constantly encounter disheartening things, I… still want to continue being a magical girl.”

He lowered his head, observing the girl’s expression—earnest and resolute, just like many magical girls he had seen.

“Even if I said no, you would still do it, wouldn’t you?”

Before Jin Shiling could reply, he nodded to himself.

“Then go do it.

Do it with all your might—what kind of expression is that?”

“Nothing.

I just thought you’d launch into another long speech trying to stop me.”

“I certainly don’t want you to be a magical girl.

Even if I weren’t thinking of you, I’d have to consider my own life.

But, as I also said, your life is yours to decide.

You only need to consider yourself.

Even if you were to listen to someone’s advice, there’s no need to listen to an old man who lived a failed youth and is almost thirty, is there?”

“Besides, even though you haven’t said it, ‘Don’t think others can’t do what you can’t.’

You’re actually thinking that, aren’t you?”

“—”

“So, go be that damned magical girl.

Keep the power of choice firmly in your own hands through your actions.

If you’re going to be a magical girl, don’t remain an unknown nobody like you are now.

Understood, Magical Girl Baoyu?”

‘This, he must be encouraging me,’ Jin Shiling thought, momentarily stunned.

She quickly nodded, turning her gaze back to the tombstones before them.

“Dad, Mom, please believe me, please bless me.

I feel I can find my destiny on this path.”

“Of course, I’ll protect you too, Brother.”

The girl took the umbrella with one hand, her beautiful purple eyes gazing at Zhang Qingwei with a faint smile.

…

Afterward, the two lingered for a while longer.

Jin Shiling, having reverted from her transformation, seemed to be in good spirits.

She spoke to the gravestone about the friends she had made as a magical girl and related anecdotes.

Though specific names were omitted, to Zhang Qingwei, this was merely a futile attempt at concealment.

Jin Shiling’s choice to reveal these things today wasn’t particularly surprising to him, but her chosen method still caught him off guard.

Before embarking today, he had originally intended to persuade Jin Shiling to quit being a magical girl at all costs.

There was no other reason; he, as Black Mirror, had personally witnessed her almost die before his eyes.

Polaris, the Magic Oversight Department—he never fully trusted these individuals or organizations.

After all, the perpetrator who forced them to mourn their loved ones in this manner could very well be a magical girl.

This suspicion, like a venomous thorn, was rooted deep in his heart, becoming the anchor for his actions as Black Mirror.

He was glad Jin Shiling could confide her true feelings to him.

Although it made him quite uncomfortable, he didn’t dislike it.

He understood that today would mark a new beginning for their sibling relationship.

‘But, am I truly doing the right thing?’

‘If the world were to take her too, what would I do?’

‘If she were to learn my identity, to know the truth about the culprit, where would she go?

Would she have the courage to point her gun at her former companions?’

He averted Jin Shiling’s occasional glances, fixing his gaze instead on the gravestone before them, his heart heavy with complex emotions.

And the silent gravestone offered him no answers, as always.

Only these two white chrysanthemums swayed gently in the fine rain, slowly trembling in his sight.