Chapter 87: The Weight of Confession

I also felt a profound gratitude for the person who had become so uniquely special to me. Yet, to be so deeply moved now, after consistently reacting with such negativity, felt profoundly embarrassing.

I subtly averted my gaze, only for my eyes to meet Sagyeol’s; he had already been watching me. As if on cue, he peeled off his shirt.

“……”

Wait. That wasn’t what I meant.

“Is it not?”

No, it’s not.

“Hmm. Then I’ll just have to make you feel that way.”

Hey.

“Wait…”

A soft kiss.

It was a kiss that landed not on my lips, but at the corner of my mouth. From that gentle touch, Sagyeol began to press against me with a melting intensity. I had something to say, something critically important.

Those thoughts merely swirled in my mind, yet I accepted his touch in silence. I simply couldn’t bring myself to ruin this moment, especially when it might very well be our last.

‘Stop.’

I forcefully cast aside the ominous assumption that had chilled my heart. Just then, Sagyeol’s hand slipped beneath my clothes, and I focused intensely on the cool touch tracing its way up my ribs.

“So docile?”

“Does that displease you?”

“No. I’m absolutely mad about it.”

I couldn’t tear my gaze from Sagyeol’s triumphant smile. My chilled heart, once quiescent, began to pound anew. Embracing him fiercely, I confronted the raw depths of my own desires.

I didn’t want to let go.

“Yeowon?”

I wanted him.

“Why are you like this?”

Perhaps it was this overwhelming desire that allowed words I would never normally utter to slip out with surprising ease.

“Hold me. Because I feel as though I could die from how much I desire you.”

“……!”

No further conversation was needed. It became a night where breaths tangled, and warmth intertwined.

Sometimes, there are mornings when the first whispers of dawn tap gently at my eyelids.

Waking unwillingly, I would often stare at the ceiling for a prolonged period. The room would be thick with a silence and atmosphere that made me feel utterly alone in the world. Yet, that overwhelming sensation, which I had experienced equally in the Lord’s castle and in Baekdam’s studio apartment, was conspicuously absent now.

As I lay there, blinking my eyelids in a peaceful stupor, as if submerged in warm water, I sensed a presence beside me. I turned my head, and my eyes met Sagyeol’s, who was lying there beside me.

“Did I wake you?”

“No. I woke up first.”

He chuckled softly, his fingertips gently toying with my earlobe.

“Just watching you brought me such joy, I couldn’t stop.”

“……”

It was a dawn like any other, yet this particular dawn felt singular, unique to this very moment. I finally understood that I was ready to speak.

“Sagyeol.”

“Yes.”

“There’s something I absolutely must tell you.”

Being ready did not, however, mean that courage had suddenly materialized. I struggled to compose my voice, which trembled uncontrollably.

“Perhaps it’s something I should have said a very long time ago.”

“There’s no such thing.”

Sagyeol took my hand, which had begun to tremble in sync with my voice, and pressed a kiss to each of my fingers.

“The moment you choose to reveal it to me is precisely the most appropriate moment for those words to be spoken.”

I realized it anew, with startling clarity. This was precisely why I loved him.

At Sagyeol’s very core, I existed. I had even, at times, drawn parallels to Kratus in his yearning and unwavering devotion towards me. But now I knew better. The two were so utterly different that any comparison felt meaningless.

At Kratus’s core was only himself, never me. I was merely a tool, a means to his own satisfaction. In every action he took, his personal gratification always took precedence.

But Sagyeol, in his desire for me, harbored no ulterior motive. There was simply me.

“This scar…”

I drew Sagyeol’s hand and placed it over my heart. Beneath the intricate, spiderweb-like scars, a clear, ink-black contract of subjugation was now vividly etched.

“I made this myself. I tore away my own flesh, raw and exposed.”

“Wait. Why would you do such a thing…!”

“Yes. That reason is important.”

Taking a deep, stabilizing breath, I continued my narrative.

“After falling into the Demon Realm and becoming a Lord, disaster also found me. It was the encounter with the Demon King, which I had mentioned to you briefly before.”

It was a colossal catastrophe, impossible to prepare for or avert, much like being dragged in by Grisha. I explained the events that had befallen me in a calm, measured tone, avoiding detailed descriptions and instead reconstructing the story around the monumental events themselves.

Even merely speaking of it caused cold sweat to gather on my neck. Occasionally, when I paused and glanced at him, Sagyeol would offer a faint smile. Yet, vivid red veins pulsed discernibly on the back of his hands and neck. With that, all explanations concluded.

A deep rumble.

A sharp crunch.

CRACK!

The ground rumbled profoundly. A colossal noise erupted from outside, a sound so immense and destructive it seemed the world itself was collapsing. Though vibrations coursed through the floor and bed, the mountain lodge remained unharmed. As I attempted to sit up, Sagyeol tightened his embrace, firmly preventing me.

“Sagyeol.”

“It’s okay.”

I couldn’t discern if he was speaking to me or murmuring to himself. Hesitating, I lay back down. Sagyeol slowly regulated his breathing, and as his breath steadied, the vibrations gradually subsided.

The dawn settled into a profound quiet, as if nothing untoward had occurred.

It was winter, when the sun was slow to rise. As we sank deeper into the elongated, indigo hours, Sagyeol shifted his position, moving above me. His two arms, like sturdy pillars, braced beside my face—a clear intention to prevent my escape.

There was no time for bewilderment. All my attention was irrevocably drawn to his lips, which were slowly parting.

“I only want to ask one thing.”

“Yes.”

“Was your will involved in that?”

Words I had once spoken to him were now returned to me verbatim. I couldn’t bring myself to utter, ‘No, it wasn’t,’ for I already knew what words would inevitably follow.

“You don’t need to take responsibility for something you were swayed by, something that happened without your will. Isn’t that right?”

“The situation is different. This is… an entirely different matter.”

To my words, which I had squeezed out with palpable effort, Sagyeol replied with surprising lightness.

“I don’t see what’s different. If anything, don’t you have far more room for excuses? I’m connected by blood, and I received direct benefits. You, on the other hand, were simply bitten by a bastard. And that’s merely an ongoing process.”

He added, his voice resolute.

“The bad one is that bastard who bit you, not you.”

I heard the sound of an ending, a definitive conclusion. The rusted and rotten things that had accumulated within me were, at last, disappearing.

“Moreover, I knew it was wrong, yet I deliberately sought out old records and exploited them. You, however, didn’t even try to do anything. You were simply hurt.”

He chuckled, as if embarrassed, then bent his arm to rest his body over mine. He then rolled sideways, pulling me into an intimate embrace, and as a result, we tumbled together, ending up wedged against the corner of the bed.

My back pressed against the wall, with Sagyeol directly in front of me. As our skin met in that cramped space, the tension drained from my body, and my mind found an unexpected peace.

My mouth, similarly disarmed, uttered an unadorned question.

“There’s a mark on your chest, signifying ownership by someone else?”

Moreover, this was no mere mark. It was closer to a controller, capable of exerting substantial influence over me. The only saving grace was that its owner had long forgotten its very existence.

“Hmm. Is there no way to kill that bastard? I’m genuinely starting to consider it.”

“Don’t.”

I stopped him, aghast.

“Absolutely not. Don’t even dream about it. That… that being is impossible to rank. He is simply a natural disaster.”

“You’re speaking so lengthily. That damn bastard must truly be something, then?”

“I’m not joking.”

“Neither am I.”

Sagyeol curled his body, narrowing the already limited space, and buried his face into my shoulder.

“If you tell me not to, then I won’t.”

Though Sagyeol was embracing me, I felt as if I were holding him, like a small puppy that had cast itself into my arms. I raised my hand and slowly stroked his hair; each time, his head moved subtly, rubbing his cheek against my skin.

No words were exchanged. Time flowed on, slow and deliberate.

Then, at the appointed moment, the world’s saturation subtly shifted. Sunlight, gently pushing through the forest’s edge, quietly streamed into the mountain lodge. Dawn didn’t vanish; instead, it lingered, transforming seamlessly into morning.

“If I hadn’t been a Returnee, we wouldn’t have met each other.”

I didn’t know why I had uttered such a thing. Only after the words had left my lips did I realize I had spoken something utterly unnecessary.

“No. I…”

“That’s right.”

Sagyeol readily affirmed my statement.

“But even if you weren’t a Returnee, I would have still loved you. I would have found solace in your presence, yearned for your heart, and wished to lie like this, skin to skin.”

It was a profound contradiction. What if I hadn’t been a Returnee?

‘I would have been a common F-rank in Baekdam.’

Having nothing, desiring nothing at all.

If I were lucky, I would have lived out my days working gate post-processing under Park Myeong-seok, and Sagyeol and I would never have met. As I harbored such thoughts, the strength in the arms embracing me intensified. He entwined me like a deeply rooted vine.

“My eyes would undoubtedly have been drawn to you. At first, perhaps I would have been cynical or even cruel, drawn without understanding the reason. But later, I would have come to regret it, clinging to your coattails just as I am now.”

Sagyeol cleared his throat, then continued.

“Now that I think about it, my chasing after you back then wasn’t necessarily because you were a Returnee… Oh, I see. It was the opposite. Being a Returnee was merely a convenient excuse. It was a justification I could always trot out whenever I found myself acting in ways I couldn’t understand.”

He looked at me with an expression that seemed to ask, ‘Are you still going to say such things?’ When I remained silent, Sagyeol chuckled softly, released his arms, and pushed his upper body upright.

“No matter how we met, my life would have culminated with you.”

“……”

“So don’t think strange thoughts, and don’t worry about unnecessary things… Just stay by my side.”

A tearing sound.

Like a bursting dam, my lips crumbled, and the corners of my eyes contorted. The lifelong indifference and resignation that had protected me briefly closed their eyes.

“I will.”

My voice, wet with emotion, trembled faintly. Sagyeol cupped my cheeks with both hands, his fingers moving swiftly to wipe away my tears.

“Good.”

That was enough.

Sagyeol smiled languidly, his expression the exact color of the winter sunlight that had just now crept onto the bed.

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