Chapter 77: Conditions for Happiness

Yi Jun was bored.

Despite having everything he didn’t want, the only thing that filled him was boredom.

Every moment he breathed and lived felt slow.

No matter how much he sought stimulation and moved, he grew tired of it within two days.

If something lasted a little longer, he would exhaust himself and run away.

‘What’s the problem? Ah, I’m the problem.’

Young Yi Jun, having gained a clear realization, opened his arms towards his mother.

He announced his presence, asking her to look at him.

‘I think I hurt here. Or here.’

He pointed alternately to his head and chest, waiting for his mother’s reply.

The woman, an actress who had retired at the peak of her career through marriage to a chaebol, replied, “Everyone hurts.”

‘I hurt other people too.’

At this, the woman smiled again and replied, “It’s fine as long as you’re not hurt.”

And then she hugged her small, beautifully adorned son tightly in her arms.

She was always like that.

Instead of long explanations, she would pull her son into her embrace and end the ambiguous conversation.

She would even repeat the same words to her son, who replied, ‘Oh, I see,’ as if brainwashing him: “You’re fine. You’re fine, dear.”

‘I know.’

The woman’s lukewarm embrace and those parrot-like words were truly boring.

Life was not fun.

There were no more clothes, toys, places, or people he wanted.

He thought it would be better if he disappeared too.

One day, when he was contemplating a long, unbroken sleep, a strange ability emerged.

He could hear other people’s thoughts.

The raw, unvarnished true feelings that were hidden beneath the surface were read by his eyes.

The thoughts of the woman who always confined him in her embrace were the first to catch his eye.

‘Ah, so that’s how it was.’

Young Yi Jun learned too much too early.

And that’s how he broke.

‘Ah.’

After he gained the ability to read others’ minds, he was no longer bored.

A much greater emotion than boredom consumed Yi Jun.

At a time when he lived hiding his own secret, unknown to anyone, a change appeared in his body.

‘Ah…’

Beyond just gaining a strange ability, his entire body became unusual.

An invisible force flowed through his whole body, and intense pain surged.

A powerful aura emanated, so strong that even those around him couldn’t approach.

It was a symptom of an Esper awakening.

In the year he turned nineteen, Yi Jun awakened as an Esper.

He kept the fact that he had gained his ability much earlier as his own secret.

He was glad to find new amusement when even the ability to read others’ minds had become boring.

He also grew curious about life at the Center, away from home.

‘Should I live a little longer?’

He smiled, postponing death, unable to count how many times he had done so.

‘Guiding…’

He was curious about guiding.

Among the pamphlet filled with uninteresting words and the explanation of the man who introduced himself as some kind of representative, there was only one word that caught Yi Jun’s attention.

Guiding.

Ah, and Guide.

‘Does guiding make you better?’

“Of course,” the man’s lengthy explanation began, and Yi Jun almost wished he could die again.

In truth, Yi Jun had a different question he wanted to ask.

While the man explained the Center for over ten minutes, Yi Jun repeated it internally.

He had a habit of repeating words internally that didn’t come out of his mouth.

He asked inwardly, as if others could read his thoughts too, as if he wanted them to read them.

‘Does guiding make you happy?’

Naturally, no answer came.

‘I am Guide Yoon Bodam.’

He had intended to ask the guide the question he couldn’t voice directly.

‘Does having a guide make an Esper happy?

If I kiss you and spend the night with you, will I be happy?’

If the answer was no, he planned to die.

Yi Jun no longer had the will to endure boredom.

They said Espers rampaged.

It felt like it would be a splendid death if he exploded like fireworks in the wide sky for everyone to see.

He really wanted many people to see his dazzling fireworks.

‘Hello, my name is Yoon Bodam. Nice to meet you.’

A unfamiliar face approached Yi Jun, who was sitting in the waiting room he was guided to upon first entering the Center, and spoke.

At first, he couldn’t hear the voice because he was looking at the face, and the second time, he forgot the content because he was listening intently to the voice.

The guide, who looked down at Yi Jun as he tilted his head on the sofa, unyielding, repeated his greeting.

‘You are Esper Kang Yi Jun, aren’t you? I look forward to working with you.’

The corners of his lips curved up at the word ‘Esper’ that followed his name.

‘Esper.’

Being called an Esper in a voice as pure white as if sprinkled with white powder made him realize it then.

‘I am an Esper.’

He chuckled at the fact that it was surprisingly not startling.

It seemed to be because of the guide who was looking down at him.

“What’s your name?”

Yi Jun asked.

The guide, offended by being asked his name again after introducing himself repeatedly, and by Yi Jun’s reasonless grinning, took a deep breath.

He put effort into his inhale and, with a bright smile, introduced himself for the third time.

‘I’m Yoon Bodam. I’m a six-year guide.’

Yi Jun couldn’t help but laugh louder at the guide’s true thoughts, which emphasized his considerable experience.

As expected, the thoughts that didn’t match his smiling face made Yi Jun laugh.

This time, it was a genuine laugh.

‘I guess I acted rudely even though I’m younger.’

Yi Jun read the guide’s mind directly and rose from the sofa.

He buttoned up his unbuttoned jacket and bowed respectfully.

It was a tone that anyone would find teasing.

‘You’re much older, so speak comfortably to me.’

‘Bodam hyung,’ he said, calling his name, and his eyes curved into a round smile.

He was a guide who looked just like his name.

Yoon Bodam Guide. Yoon Bodam.

Yi Jun, who lowered his head to meet the short guide’s eyes, gradually lessened his smile.

As he meticulously observed the small face, his heart pounded uncontrollably.

It was a feeling he had never experienced before.

His heartbeat, which had always kept a boring pace regardless of stimulation, was quickening.

‘Th-there…’

The guide, flustered by Yi Jun’s actions of closing in a step at a time from their face-to-face position, stepped backward.

Yoon Bodam Guide. Yoon Bodam.

He etched the name and the face that matched it into his eyes, repeating it on the tip of his tongue.

He wanted to hold him right now.

He felt he would be happy without even needing to ask.

‘Esper Kang Yi Jun.’

With a low voice, an invisible barrier restrained Yi Jun’s feet.

It was Han Seung Ho, whom he had been introduced to as the team leader earlier.

His hand, which couldn’t reach the guide’s white, round cheek, fell towards the floor.

The guide, who had been biting his lower lip tightly and only stepping backward, gasped at the team leader’s appearance.

His delicate, trembling light brown eyes turned towards Han Seung Ho, who was opening the door and entering.

‘Ah…’ Yi Jun’s lips parted then.

The corners of his mouth, which had curved into a smile again, rose brightly.

‘Did I scare him?’

Yi Jun, whose gaze had followed the guide to Han Seung Ho, now turned back to face forward and tilted his head.

The guide, blinking his wide eyes, looked between the team leader and him, deliberating his words.

Yi Jun’s eyes, which were already reading his thoughts, subtly lowered.

Han Seung Ho, who had been watching them, walked past Yi Jun and the guide towards the kitchen and said.

‘No contact with guides before formal duties begin.’

Yi Jun already knew this, but he furrowed his brows, feigning surprise as if hearing it for the first time.

‘I guess I was too excited seeing a guide for the first time.’

The guide, who had been cowering at Yi Jun’s deeply bowed head, cleared his throat.

He looked up intently at Yi Jun’s subtly young face, which was obscured by his height, and spoke as if he had received an apology.

‘It’s okay. Everyone’s like that at first.’

Yi Jun also looked down intently at the guide, who had lowered his guard with a gentle smile.

‘There seemed to be a lot of Espers besides me.’

‘Is that so?’

‘You’re my first hyung, though.’

‘Yes. And our matching rate is incredibly high, isn’t it? You heard about it, right?’

‘I told you to speak informally.’

He curtly cut off the guide, who was about to go on with an uninteresting story.

A strong coffee aroma wafted from the kitchen.

‘You’re much older than me, hyung.’

Yi Jun smiled gently again.

It was a smile that made everyone uncomfortable.

The guide tried to smile back, pushing his ambiguous feelings aside.

His mind, however, was filled with the scent of coffee from the kitchen.

Even with Yi Jun right in front of him.

‘Thanks. I’ll speak informally then.’

The guide’s voice, speaking informally with a white smile, lingered in his ears.

It was a familiar feeling.

It was familiar to face someone whose exterior was directed towards him but whose inner thoughts were far away.

His pounding heart was now beating at a boring pace again, as if it had never quickened.

‘But, hyung.’

Yi Jun, as if by habit, asked inwardly again.

He bombarded the guide with questions different from what he truly wanted to say, making the guide’s soft mind turn towards him.

‘Are you good, hyung?’

‘Can’t you just look at me?’

‘How many Espers have you slept with?’

‘Yes, like this. Your heart should look at me too. You’re talking to me now.’

‘I haven’t tried it yet.’

Yi Jun’s softly whispered words filled the guide’s fist-sized head.

Only then did Yi Jun wear a satisfied expression.

The guide, whose white cheeks were flushed red, frowned deeply and covered his ears.

Yi Jun’s smiling words of anticipation were conveyed only by the shape of his mouth.

‘Crazy bastard, huh? Do you always curse a lot, hyung?’

Yi Jun approached the guide, who was spewing all sorts of vulgar words internally.

If he teased him a little more, he felt he would cry.

The more he focused his wide eyes, the more satisfied he was by the guide’s mind filling with his curses, and he couldn’t stop.

A faint smile kept escaping him.

His dry laughter wouldn’t stop at his repeating life, even after leaving home.

Even the ensuing expressions of others were all predictable.

He recalled the look in the woman’s eyes, who had given up even acting upon seeing her son no longer fitting in her embrace.

She was a woman who smiled beautifully while saying only painful words internally.

‘What did she say again?’

“He’s truly like a monster.”

Yi Jun muttered.

Amidst the cold machine sounds, he stroked his own skin, which didn’t feel like human flesh, and repeated to himself.

‘Like a monster. A true monster.’