Chapter 77: Confession

The first night on the cruise was a dazzling affair, decorated with a party.
The entire cruise, including the deck, was brilliantly lit.
I drank and talked with the guides I had become friendly with on the cruise, played darts, and shot pool.

The Espers seemed to want to come over to our side, but Wonjae thoroughly kept them away from me.

I sat on the sofa alone and sipped champagne.
It was the last day, so I drank for the first time.

Wonjae came up next to me and sat on the armrest of the sofa and asked.

“Hyung, are you not having fun?”

“I am having fun.”

To be honest, it was neither fun nor not fun.
I just wanted tomorrow to come so I could go back home.
This place was too noisy.

“I’m feeling a little stuffy, so I’m going to go to the deck for a bit.”

“Shall I go with you?”

“No. I’ll be right back.”

At my words, he nodded and told me to come back soon.
He seemed to have noticed that I wanted to be alone.
I quietly came out.

I could feel the gazes of the Espers as I passed through the hallway, but I ignored them and came up to the deck.
The deck was also bustling with a party, so I moved to a place where there were no people.

Feeling the cold wind brush past my body, I moved towards the railing.

In the morning, the sea, sparkling with sunlight, had been beautiful, but now, looking at the black sea shrouded in darkness, a feeling of fear came first.

I was taking long breaths and looking for the horizon in the darkness.
Hyun Taewoon’s wavelength was getting closer.

“What are you doing here in the cold?”

“Why are you here in the cold?”

“Because I couldn’t see you.”

He had already come up next to me and turned his head towards the sea.

“It seems you’re doing well here.”

His words contained a slight reprimand.
At his words, I found myself sneering.

“It’s a place I’ve wanted to come to so much, so of course it’s fun.”

“You wanted to come to the cruise?”

“Yeah. But you always went alone.”

At my words, his expression hardened.
Only then did he seem to remember that he had not brought me here once in three years.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry? It’s because I wasn’t chosen.”

Thinking about it now, even if I had come here with him, I would have probably been intimidated among the A-Class and above Awakened.
But that was something that would have happened after I had attended.
Thinking of the past where I couldn’t even set foot here, my resentment towards him only grew.

“…I wanted to come with you too.”

“Then you should have brought me at least once.”

Even though I wanted to act nonchalant, my nerves were on edge when he was by my side.

“I was scared.”

“What were you scared of?”

“I thought you might go to someone else.”

“For such a trivial reason? You know I only lived for you.”

His words were nothing but an excuse.
An excuse wrapped in the guise of jealousy felt cowardly.

“Still. I don’t know when a person’s heart might change, so I think I always felt anxious.”

“If you’re going to talk nonsense, then don’t talk.”

I turned my gaze back to the sea.
But he was still opening and closing his mouth, continuing to speak.

“I don’t deny the things I did for the past three years. As much as you were hurt, I will be hurt and in pain too.”

“…Okay, so just go!”

“Please, Shinui. Can’t you give me a chance?”

“The me of that time is already dead, so how can I give you a chance.”

With these words, I wanted to let him know that there were no more chances.
If it had been the Lee Shinui who had loved him before he died, he would have given him a chance.
But the Lee Shinui who had loved him was dead.

After finding out that he had also returned to the past, I had tried to imagine us being together like before.
But I could no longer imagine it.

“If this was the case, you should have treated me well from the beginning.”

“I tried to change too.”

His face, looking at me, was desperate.
But his desperation did not reach me.

“…Now, of all times?”

“I’ve been thinking about it for a long time.”

“You only thought about it, didn’t you? I trained for three years without a break to change your mind. I pretended not to know even when I knew my body was breaking down.”

“I know. That’s why it’s more painful. Because there’s no way to erase the scars…. I want to do anything until your heart is even a little bit appeased.”

“Then will you die for me too?”

At my spiteful words, his face looked as if he were about to cry.
But the person who wanted to cry more than anyone right now was me.

“Do you know how I returned to the past? I died trying to save you like a fool on the day the S-Class gate opened, and then I was back in the past.”

“…So it was then.”

“Yeah. I died waiting for you, foolishly believing in you. I don’t deny that I liked you. But now I don’t like you, so stop coming to me.”

“Still, I want to be with you like before. I’ll wait until you forgive me.”

“Do as you please. My mind won’t change.”

I was about to move away from him, but a question I had wanted to ask him came to mind.
How he had returned to the past, and whether the devil’s gate had closed safely.

In the future that Yeongwon had told me about, the devil’s gate had opened again.
To prepare for the future, I had to at least know if the devil’s gate had closed safely.

“I have one question.”

“What is it?”

“Did you also die after I died?”

“I… no.”

As expected, he had not died then.
I had hoped, just a little, that he had died with me.
Since I had died for him.

I felt a sense of disappointment and emptiness at the same time, but since there was a more important question, I buried my current feelings.

“The devil’s gate was closed, right?”

“The gate…”

The moment he was about to speak, I heard Sehyun’s voice.

“Shinui-ssi, what are you doing there?”

Wondering if he had heard our words, I looked at his face, but from his bright smile as he approached me, there was no sign that he had heard anything.

“I was getting some fresh air.”

“We promised to be together tonight.”

I remembered that I had promised to spend the party with him yesterday.
I was curious about the rest of his words, but I didn’t want to think of him before him, so I approached him.

“I remember.”

I looked at his face once and then approached him.
He lowered his head to my ear and said.

“I’m sorry. I was going to wait, but you looked troubled, so I couldn’t just pass by.”

“I was about to end the conversation anyway.”

“Then that’s a relief. And to be honest, I wanted to be with you quickly. It’s our last night to spend together.”

He and I walked slowly along the deck.
Fortunately, he did not follow.
When I glanced back, he was standing still in that spot, looking at me.

Like my buried feelings, I also buried my thoughts of him.
I turned my head forward again and walked along the deck for a long time before sitting on a bench installed in the middle with him.

“Do you know it’s been half a year since we’ve known each other?”

At his words, I thought about it and realized that it had been six months since I had met him.

“Yes. Time has flown by so quickly.”

“Shinui-ssi, are you still thinking of staying at the Association?”

“Even if I want to leave, I can’t. I have important people to me at the Association.”

Wonjae and Jihwon.
I still didn’t want to part with them.
I was also scared that I would really become a loner if I left the Association.

“If you want, I can get those people out of the Association with you.”

“You’re telling me to come to the government. If that’s the case, I’d rather just stay at the Association.”

“It will be different. You have me.”

“You like me too much, Sehyun-ssi.”

“Yes. I like you, so I keep wanting to get you out.”

Knowing that he was speaking in jest, I also retorted lightly.

“I know.”

“Really? Then you can come to the government, can’t you?”

“Besides you, I have people I like at the Association.”

At my words, he shook his head and said.

“The ‘like’ you’re talking about and the ‘like’ I’m talking about seem to be different. I’m saying I like you in a special way. I told you before.”

At his words, I stopped talking without realizing it.
At my reaction, he continued.

“I like everything about you, your upright and gentle personality, your faint smile. I was going to tell you later, but there are too many people who are after you, so I’m telling you now.”

“Is it because I’m an S-Class?”

Whenever someone showed me goodwill, my twisted mind would not accept it as it was and would constantly connect it to my grade.

“No. It’s not because of your grade. I’m not confessing to a guide as an Esper, but as the person Cha Sehyun to you.”

“……”

“Do you think I’m lying right now?”

I could be certain of one thing: that he was being sincere.
But a question arose from his confession.
Because I had never seen a hint of a confession from him until now.

“Why are you confessing?”

“I told you. There are too many people who are after you, so I’m trying to get you first. And I want to meet you every day. I want to get to know you more deeply.”

His sudden confession was flustering.
I had never thought of him in a special way, but being the one receiving the confession, a slight heat rose to my cheeks.

“You always look sad. If it were me, I wouldn’t make you have a sad face.”

“……”

“…What do you think of me?”

“To be honest, I’ve never thought of you in that way.”

“I know. Because you’ve always treated me as a friend.”

He seemed to have felt it too.
My heart had been closed due to the wounds I had received from him before returning to the past.
I had never thought that I could like anyone again.
That thought was still the same.

And I think that becoming a lover with someone has to be accompanied by affection.
For now, I didn’t feel any affection for anyone.

“You don’t have to answer now. Please think about it and let me know.”

My answer to him was already decided, but I didn’t want him to get hurt, so I couldn’t answer now.

“Please give me some time.”

“Of course. The government may not be great, but it will be better than the Association. And I’m going to get you out of the Association.”

Sehyun was looking at me with more serious eyes than ever.
In the end, I couldn’t answer his words and just looked at the black sea for a long time.