Chapter 122: Atonement

I thought I should apologize before Shinui’s heart completely hardened, but at that inopportune moment, the S-Class gate alarm rang.

I hadn’t seen an S-Class gate in Korea for three years. The timing was so absurd that I couldn’t help but curse. But Shinui, as if he had already made up his mind, said he would break the exclusive contract and walked towards the door.

I hurriedly grabbed him, but I couldn’t break his stubbornness. I didn’t want to suppress him, who was even shouting, which was unlike him. In the end, I moved to the gate with him.

Since an S-Class gate was incomparably more dangerous than an A-Class gate, I warned him not to leave the shelter under any circumstances. But he just ignored me without even looking at me.

My heart ached and grew heavy. He must have been deeply hurt by my past attitude of ignoring him. My past actions came back to me again, and my apology for him only grew in volume.

I wanted to close the S-Class gate quickly and run to him right away, but the problem was that it was the Devil’s Gate.

The monsters I had never seen before were numerous, and the devil, in particular, was mercilessly turning the surroundings into a sea of fire, as if it had no weakness. I was so focused on annihilating the devil that I didn’t even hear the rampage alert, and I ended up overexerting myself more than usual.

In the end, the side effects of my energy began to appear, and my body fell to the ground from the devil’s blow. I must have been internally injured by this attack, as I felt a pain in my abdomen and the taste of blood in my mouth.

As I was getting up, I heard his voice calling my name. At first, I thought I was hearing things because I missed him so much, but I wasn’t.

I shouted at him, who was running towards me, to go back to the shelter, but he shook his head and insisted on going to the shelter with me. It was dangerous if I wasn’t at the gate. But my physical condition was not good, and my heart weakened at his words that he might never see me again, so I decided to follow him.

Just as I was about to teleport, I felt an ominous energy approaching quickly. And in an instant, a black energy mass was shot at him. His body was thrown into the air and then fell helplessly. As soon as I saw the black mass, I immediately used my defense ability, but because my physical condition was not good, I couldn’t block it completely and was hit.

Blood was dripping from his nose and eyes as he was thrown to the ground. I had also suffered a fatal injury. Half of the nerves in my body were torn, and I couldn’t feel anything. I ignored my pain and ran to where he had fallen.

His condition was not good. Half of his body was completely destroyed. As soon as I saw him, looking as if he would die at any moment, all my bodily functions seemed to stop, and I couldn’t think properly.

I wanted to wipe his tears, but I was afraid that if I touched him, he would die from the influence of the black energy still remaining in my body, so I couldn’t even touch him. Just then, I heard the unexpected shout of Joo Wonjae.

“Quickly bring a healing-type Esper! A physical-type Esper too! He can be saved if he’s still breathing!”

As Joo Wonjae said, I had to bring an S-Class healing-type Esper before it was too late. It probably wasn’t too late yet.

He spoke words of unknown meaning with panicked eyes, but I knew he was calling me, so my feet wouldn’t move. He weakly grabbed me with a hand that had exposed bones. Looking at his trembling eyes, I said in a trembling voice, as if to tell him not to worry.

“Don’t worry, you won’t die. …You can’t die. I’ll be back soon.”

In the end, I pulled my hand away and quickly moved to find a healing-type Esper. His last image flickered in my mind and followed me. My vision was blurry, and I couldn’t see well in front of me, but fortunately, there was a healing-type Esper nearby. I immediately went to him with the Esper, but his body, which had always greeted me warmly, was already cold.

His face, crushed by the devil’s ability, had died with his eyes open.

At the healing-type Esper’s words that he was already dead, I grabbed his collar and told him to save him, but no one had the ability to revive a dead person.

When I witnessed his death, my vision went black. I gasped for breath, short of breath. My face was soon soaked with tears and sweat. My memories of him were mixed up in my head, and it became difficult to control my ability. The surroundings were instantly engulfed in flames. My memories after that disappeared in black with the raging fire of pain.

When I opened my eyes again, I was in the Center’s hospital. I couldn’t think of anything, as if all my thoughts had been erased. There was only hatred for the devil and the thought that I had to kill it.

As soon as my body recovered, I moved to the gate, despite the researcher’s attempts to stop me. And so, at the gate, I poured all my time and ability into killing the devil.

My brain refused to accept his death, but I couldn’t stop my mind from thinking of him. In the end, after a week, I was in a state of rampage alert and was lying in the guiding room with guiding machines attached all over my body.

Unlike my battered self, Sung Yohan came to the guiding room looking clean. No one would answer me when I asked about him. I thought that Sung Yohan would tell me about his condition without lying.

“Where’s Shinui?”

“If you’re talking about Shinui, he died a week ago.”

The words that he was dead gradually faded away, and his last image, which I had tried to forget, came back to me. In an instant, tears welled up and flowed down my dry cheeks.

Sung Yohan was smiling at me. I wasn’t angry at him. I could only think of his ability.

I asked him to send me back to the past where he was alive. I wanted to save him, who had died because of me, even if it meant exchanging my life for his.

Sung Yohan gladly sent me back to the past. On the condition of killing a certain Esper.

When I returned to the past, it was three years ago. But it was different from the past I knew. He was not C-Class but S-Class, and he didn’t just dislike me, he loathed me.

Seeing him like that reminded me of my old self. Maybe I was being punished. And I was in a position where I had to accept any punishment gladly.

I tried to win even a little of his heart, but he wouldn’t easily give it to me. I wanted to know the reason, but I had no choice but to be frustrated at his words that he hated me for no reason.

But just as he had made an effort for me for three years, I also decided to make an effort and wait until his heart opened up. For now, I was just happy that he was alive and moving.

It was very difficult to win his heart. The baseless contempt and disregard were also painful, so in the end, I had no choice but to reveal that I had returned from the past. I thought that if he knew that we were in a loving relationship in the past, he might open his heart a little.

But unexpectedly, I found out that he had also returned to the past. Only then did I understand why he wouldn’t accept me no matter how hard I tried.

I thought I would never be able to meet the Shinui I knew again, but seeing him, whom I had missed so much, in front of me, tears burst out due to the complex emotions.

I also felt a sense of relief and gratitude that he was still alive and that I had a chance to apologize to him.

I actively apologized for my past actions and revealed my feelings to him. He knew that I had changed, but he still wouldn’t open his heart. But it was okay. I was planning to live my life with a heart of apology to him.

Just being with him was a happy day, but I almost lost him due to Dr. Yoon’s schemes. I thought I had finally gotten him back, but he decided to leave Korea, and to make matters worse, the Devil’s Gate, which should have opened three years later, opened. As if it couldn’t bear to see my happiness.

I hadn’t even properly apologized to him, but I was willing to sacrifice my life to prevent the same tragic event from happening again.

As I had expected, the devil was after him. To protect him, I decided to pour out all the energy within me. The only person who could annihilate the devil now was me, who had the same fire attribute. If I swallowed the pillar of fire that the devil spewed with a super-large flame, the devil’s defense would be neutralized, and I could inflict fatal damage. However, my safety, which would be defenseless after using all my strength on the attack, could not be guaranteed.

Before annihilating the devil, I said my last goodbye to him.

“Shinui, I’m sorry I couldn’t be with you until the end that day.”

It was a scary thing to never see him again, but the thought of him dying was twice as scary and painful.

He desperately said it was okay and told me to return to the shelter, but with his voice as the last thing I heard, I took the earpiece out of my ear and charged at the devil without hesitation. The devil, as if it had also recognized me, activated its ability without either of us having to say anything. The entire sky was engulfed in flames as if it had exploded.

I felt the pain of my whole body being burned by the devil’s ability, but I didn’t stop and continued to use my ability until my energy was depleted. Hoping that he, at least, would be safe.

With that thought, my vision turned black, as if I had gone blind.

When I opened my eyes again, he, whom I thought I would never see again, was by my side. A sigh of relief escaped me at the sight of him sleeping next to me.

I couldn’t believe that we had both survived, and I stared at his face for a while. As if sensing my gaze, his eyelids trembled, and his eyes opened. He cried silently at the sight of me. I also suppressed the tears that were about to come out and met his gaze for the first time in a long time.

While receiving treatment, I heard that I had been asleep for nearly a year and that he had been by my side all that time.

He didn’t treat me as coldly as before, and he was also wearing the bracelet I had prepared. Had my efforts and feelings reached him too? Without him saying anything, I could tell that he also had feelings for me.

But he was confused about his feelings for me. It was natural. The cruel things I had done to him had left a wound that could not be erased, and he had even lost his life because of me. If I had come to like someone like me, I wouldn’t have wanted to admit it either.

But if he didn’t admit his feelings, we would just be stuck in the past. He must have had the same thought as me, as we decided to spend some time apart to sort out our feelings.

I prayed to the heavens, which I didn’t even believe in, every night, hoping that he would come back to me.

I missed him all the time and wanted to go see him, but since this was also something I had to endure, I waited for him silently.

Just as my longing deepened and was about to overflow from my heart, he appeared in front of me without any notice.

Since we had been apart for a long time, I had lived with the fear that his feelings might also fade, but he returned with a heart that had not changed, just like mine.

We started living together, just like before the regression. We spent time together, confirmed our feelings for each other, and gradually narrowed the distance that had grown between us.

I had prepared a pledge as soon as he returned. To be honest, I wanted to pledge with him right away, but I wanted to give him the pledge when he had completely opened his heart.

The pledge lay dormant in the living room cabinet drawer for over a year after he returned. For a year, I lived with the fear that he might leave. He also knew that and constantly gave me reassurance.

At some point, the doubt disappeared. It was when I realized that he loved me. I gradually came to realize his love through the careful touch of his fingertips on my body and his gentle whispers.

The confidence and trust in our love gave me the courage to propose, which I had been hesitating about, and he gladly accepted, as if he had been waiting.

The day after we were deeply entwined, we went to submit the pledge together, but the space where he was supposed to write was already filled. He smiled and surprised me by saying that he had already written it a long time ago. Only then did I realize that I had been the only one doubting his feelings.

We had come a long way, but as much as the time that had passed, our feelings for each other had also accumulated and become solid. This solidity would become even more solid as time passed.

But knowing that even a rock that has endured for a thousand years can be broken in an instant by a fine crack, I plan to give him all the love I can by his side.

Love will deepen our connection and give us strength. So that we can be together forever.