Chapter 30: Fragile Boundaries and the Uninvited Fever

His wrist, held within my grasp, was thinner than I had imagined, and the body I pulled toward me was far too light.

As he fell helplessly into my arms, I felt his shoulders go rigid. I had to grit my teeth for a moment to withstand the sudden, overwhelming scent of him.

Following his lead, I tossed the Americano I was holding toward the flowerbed. At the dull thud, his back flinched once more. With my hand now free, I wrapped it around his neck.

Thump, thump. I was sure he could feel the violent pounding of my heart. I tried to excuse it as merely returning the comfort he had offered first, but I knew the truth: this wasn’t about comfort. More accurately, my way of accepting comfort was tainted by something else. It was the greed born of the heart that had been tickling me all along. Perhaps it was another realization.

I felt his hands, which had been hesitating in mid-air, finally touch my back. My heart felt like it dropped to my toes and surged back up again. I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt him lightly tap—pat, pat—against my back.

“…It’s okay.”

“……Yeah.”

The sky was completely draped in the colors of the sunset. I was glad everything was dyed red. I stayed there, feeling the slight, off-beat rhythm of Song Yun Jae’s own heart.

It was a moment where even if things weren’t okay, they felt like they could be.

“So, there’s really no one at your house?”

These were the first words Song Yun Jae said to me after supplementary class ended today. I had expected things to be awkward after yesterday, but he was acting as if nothing had happened.

“Huh?”

“When are they coming back?”

“…In a week?”

“Then, should we go see what Cha Hyun Uk’s room looks like today?”

I had to scramble to catch my drifting focus at his words.

“Go where?”

“Your house.”

“My house?”

“Yeah. To see your room.”

Crazy.

As it was, the memory of holding him yesterday and the physical sensation of it had haunted my ceiling all through the early morning hours, putting me through hell.

‘…I don’t think we should stay like this much longer….’ ‘…Huh?’ ‘…….’ ‘…Yeah, it’s hot.’

As I had pulled away from him—he hadn’t pushed me, only hesitated—I had seen the tips of his ears flushed a deep red. I tried to tell myself it was the sunset, but remembering the irregular heartbeat I’d felt made me burn all the way to my jaw.

I didn’t even remember clearly how we’d parted. Walking home in a daze, I’d sweated buckets, but my heart continued to thump of its own accord. I’d refused the housekeeper’s attempt to sit me down for dinner and went straight for a cold shower, but Song Yun Jae haunted me all night.

Actually, maybe I was the one haunting the afterimage of him.

“You’ll at least have rice at home.”

“…I assume so.”

“I’ll make you soy sauce and sesame oil egg rice. Just let me borrow the AC.”

“Hey, my house isn’t some—”

“I’ve always wanted to try it. Going to a real friend’s house to study and hang out.”

“…….”

He had to go and say it like that. Dirty move.

I brushed my bangs back roughly. I felt a strange sense of unease. Looking at him, his face was the same old simpleton expression. Wanting to eat and study in a cool place wasn’t something to feel this uneasy about, but still… I had never brought anyone to my room before. The fact that the first person would be Song Yun Jae… I was confused as to whether this was actually okay.

It wasn’t just about last night.

It was that he had already filled my room and my nights.

Throughout the entire month of June, he had slowly seeped into my daily life. To the point where I could only conclude that I was possessed by him. Was it okay to bring him to the very place where I had thought of him, denied him, and eventually swallowed those feelings down? A thousand thoughts jumped up at his single sentence. It was Song Yun Jae who eventually settled my stuttering, indecisive self.

“What are you doing? Why aren’t you leading the way? You going to starve me like yesterday?”

It was a fair walk from school to the house, and he followed me without a word. It was just past 1:00 PM—the time when the sun is at its most piercing and brilliant. I could feel sweat trickling down my sideburns, but I couldn’t bring myself to frown while walking next to him, especially since he was still wearing that cardigan.

“Can’t you just take that off?”

“Why? You going to ask if I have ‘hickies’ again if I don’t?”

“…That piece of sh*t really only said things like that, didn’t he.”

I meant it seriously, but he burst into loud laughter. He laughed so hard he doubled over, but he didn’t answer the question and instead changed the subject. He asked how much further the house was, if he could eat as soon as we got there, and boasted that he was good at making pot-cooked rice. By the time we were both too exhausted by the heat to talk, we arrived at the two-story detached house that still looked brand new.

Ignoring his wide eyes, I opened the front door. The housekeeper greeted us from the kitchen. Hearing her kind, warm voice made his eyes grow even wider.

“…Oh… is she… your stepmother…?”

“No. The housekeeper.”

“Ah….”

“Hey, I brought a friend.”

At my words, the housekeeper came running out, still holding the knife she’d been using to cook.

“…A friend? Hyun Uk’s friend?”

“Ah, hello! I’m Song Yun Jae.”

“Oh… wow! Nice to meet you! Since the owners aren’t home… I just came to fix Hyun Uk some food before I leave… Oh, my, well, have you two had lunch yet?”

“…No.”

“Do you want to come down and eat?”

“No…. We have some studying left to do, so we’re going to finish that.”

“Alright, go on up and cool off.”

The housekeeper, flustered herself, was fumbling more than usual, and I pushed Song Yun Jae—who was just blinking—up the stairs to the second floor. Even with the AC on, the damp feeling on my back wouldn’t go away.

“Whoa… you really are a rich family’s young master.”

“I’m not the rich one. The woman who lives in this house is.”

“…Hey, this is the first time I’ve seen a two-story house….”

“It was the first time for me, too.”

“…Wow.”

His admiration was pure. Without a hint of bitterness or a sharp edge, he breathed out a transparent exclamation with a truly clear face. When the kids in middle school had made snide remarks about the driver dropping me off, I hadn’t cared, but Song Yun Jae’s clear eyes made my stomach feel heavy.

“Why don’t you take off the cardigan?”

I said it to change the subject. He hadn’t answered when we were walking home, but this time he set his bag down and pulled it off. I watched his slow, fiddling movements, my eyes immediately scanning his pale, thin arms to see if the bruises had faded. Only after confirming he’d folded the cardigan and put it in his bag did I speak.

“Why were you wearing it? You don’t even see the bruises anymore.”

“…If I just take it off whenever I want, it stands out more when I have to wear it again.”

F*ck.

I shouldn’t have asked. The frown that hadn’t formed even when sweat stung my eyes now deepened all at once. My chest ached. Even if that sub-human bastard had gone on an “expedition” for now, there was no guarantee he wouldn’t come back and lay a hand on him again. It would be doing everyone a favor if that guy just met a miserable end somewhere while he was away. As I suppressed the rising irritation, his small voice filled the room.

“Still, I’m glad I’m next to you.”

He had no idea how irresponsible and terrifying those words were.

Having nonchalantly stirred up my insides, he went over to my desk and scanned the bookshelf.

“Sit in the chair, or on the bed. Get some rest.”

“…….”

I pushed my bag into a corner and took off my school shirt. I planned to just stay in the black t-shirt I had on underneath. I was worried about the sweat from the walk, but it felt awkward to leave him and go wash up. When he didn’t respond to my suggestion to rest, I glanced back and saw him standing there, staring at me.

“What?”

“After we eat… could I borrow some clothes?”

“…Huh?”

“Your room is so clean, I’m afraid I’ll get sweat smell on everything if I sit down.”

…It was a strange feeling.

When innocence exceeds a certain limit, it can become a fault. I asked him back as calmly as possible.

“You want to shower?”

“…Ah, is that too much?”

The only reason I answered the moment he asked tentatively was because of that look on his face.

“No.”

“…Huh?”

“I should shower after you, too. Let’s just both get refreshed.”

“…Thanks. I’ll wash the clothes before I give them back.”

That simpleton expression that knew nothing.

Yeah, that expression had been the problem from the very beginning.

I bit the soft flesh inside my cheek. I couldn’t tell if the burning sensation was at the back of my neck or in the pit of my stomach. I felt like I shouldn’t have brought Song Yun Jae here.

We ate the lunch the housekeeper brought up, and he went into the bathroom first. I picked out the clothes that fit me best and handed them to him, but it was obvious they would be loose on him. I also handed him a pair of new underwear still in the packaging, and seeing the tips of his ears turn red made me grit my own teeth.

When he came back into the room looking pristine, drying his wet hair with a towel, I couldn’t even tell him to make himself at home. I rushed toward the bathroom. Wearing my clothes that were too big for him and shaking out his wet hair… he looked too vulnerable. I felt like I would become vulnerable just by looking at him.

Feeling the heat rise all the way to the top of my head, I turned on the cold water the moment I entered the bathroom. As I cooled my body under the spray for a long time, I chewed over the reasons Song Yun Jae had come here today. Study. Remedial study. Supplementary class. Studying comfortably in a cool place.

However, despite those efforts, not long after returning to the room, I had to bite the soft flesh of my cheek once again.