Chapter 17: Shadows of the Past

I was chopping onions when the doorbell rang. That must be Raymond. I shouted toward the door.

“The door’s open! Come in!”

The door opened and Raymond came in. Since it was his second time, he didn’t look around like he had the first time.

“Sit at the table for a bit. I’ll be done soon.”

I saw Raymond sit at the table and moved my hands faster. As I stir-fried the prepped ingredients and rice, I felt a little conscious of Raymond sitting behind me. I glanced back, met his eyes, and gave an awkward smile.

“You must be hungry. I’m almost done.”

“Take your time.”

I put the hastily made food on plates and carried them to the table. I set the hot dishes down in front of each of us and sat across from Raymond. He was still staring quietly down at the food.

“I don’t know if it’ll suit your taste. Try it.”

‘Ah, this is nerve-racking.’ Last time I’d confidently said I could cook most things, but what if it tasted bad? It was my first time cooking for someone, so I was even more anxious. I forgot to move my spoon and just watched Raymond. ‘There’s no moment as nerve-racking as this.’ I waited for his reaction.

He brought the spoon to his mouth. His eyes widened a little.

‘What? Does it taste bad?’

“How is it?”

“It’s good.”

Raymond’s answer turned my anxiety into joy in an instant. I didn’t know if he meant it, but hearing that it was good felt nice. ‘So this is why people cook for others.’ I smiled broadly, scooped up a spoonful, and put it in my mouth. ‘Oh, it’s better than I expected?’ I felt a little proud.

“But do you usually like jambalaya? It’s a little surprising.”

I asked Raymond what I’d been curious about. The answer didn’t come right away. His expression seemed to stiffen a little. ‘Did I ask something I shouldn’t have?’

“…It’s a dish my mother made for me once when I was young.”

Once? Lots of questions came to mind. But judging by his face, he didn’t seem to want to talk about it. I decided not to ask more and changed the subject.

“Enjoy your meal.”

Raymond nodded. He definitely seemed to enjoy this more than the pancakes last time.

Today’s meeting was on the fourth floor of the building. When I went up, I saw a large brown door. Inside was a woman in her mid-thirties. She spotted Raymond, smiled brightly, and came over. The two exchanged formal greetings and made small talk.

I watched them talk for a moment, then wondered what I should do. I thought about what Manager hyung used to do in similar situations when I was active in Korea, and remembered he always bought drinks first. I was pretty sure I’d seen a cafe on the first floor on my way up. I slipped out, took the elevator down, and found the cafe just as expected.

Thinking this worked out well, I opened the door and went in. Raymond would obviously want an Americano with an extra shot, but I looked over the menu anyway. ‘I’m already playing manager for him, so he won’t complain if I buy myself one thing, right?’ I took out the card Matthew gave me and ordered an Americano with one extra shot and a chocolate latte.

“Americano with one extra shot and a chocolate latte are ready.”

I took the takeout cups from the employee and headed for the elevator. Just then, I saw the doors starting to close. ‘Ah, if I miss that, I’ll have to wait again.’ I couldn’t run because of the coffee, so I walked as fast as I dared and shouted.

“Hold on!”

Luckily, whoever was inside heard me, and the closing doors opened wide again.

“Ah, thank you!”

The person who opened the door was a man with a gentle impression. I smiled brightly at him in thanks for pressing the open button. He stared at me for a moment, then smiled back and nodded. I looked at the buttons to choose a floor and saw that the fourth floor was already lit.

‘What? Are we going to the same place? Is he staff?’ When I just looked at the button without pressing it, the man beside me turned to me.

“Are you here for the meeting?”

At his sudden question, I nodded with a flustered face.

“Huh? Yes.”

He just kept staring at me and didn’t say more. His face gave away nothing. The short elevator ride felt long under that pressure. His stinging gaze continued until we reached the fourth floor. ‘What? Did I do something wrong?’ The doors opened and I practically bolted into the hallway.

Ah, what is with that guy? I shook my head and pushed the door open with my shoulder. The conversation with the woman seemed to be over; Raymond was sitting with his legs crossed. When I first arrived, only the woman in her thirties was there, but now four more people had shown up. Hmm, those faces looked familiar. Very familiar.

“You!”

A voice close to a scream rang through the room. Korean? Everyone, including me, turned toward it.

“You… why are you here?!”

I gasped without meaning to. It was a face I knew too well and never wanted to see again. I was so shocked that he was here that my body froze.

“Why are you…”

Why was Lee Jae-hoon here, of all places? I couldn’t understand it. He had appeared in front of me again out of nowhere. For a moment I had the absurd thought that this might be a dream, but seeing his face twist made it clear this was real. Ah, now that I thought about it, the other people were familiar too. They were the ones who had sent self-tapes to Sophia for the role of Lauren. Jae-hoon had been among them…

So this was the meeting from that day. The schedule Matthew gave me only said “meeting,” so I’d had no idea. To run into Lee Jae-hoon like this, it felt like some joke of fate. Cold sweat gathered on my forehead. I felt like I had gone back to that day in the past. Those old emotions stirred up inside me. Fear and anger mixed until it was hard to breathe.

“Hey, Park Seung-won! Why are you…!”

He glared at me with sharp eyes and took a step closer. Manager hyung, who had only been standing beside him in shock, quickly stopped him.

“Jae-hoon! You can’t do that here. Let’s both go outside first. Outside…”

Just then the door burst open and a man strode in. Everyone who had been watching us turned toward him.

“Director, you’re here?”

The woman who had been here first ran to him. Director? It was the man from the elevator. That man was the famous director Peter Williams? Since Sophia had described him as difficult and prickly, his gentle first impression didn’t fit at all. He was younger than I’d imagined, too.

Lee Jae-hoon glanced around, came up beside me, and whispered sharply.

“We’ll talk in a bit.”

Then he walked to a seat in the back. My head was a mess. Still, I thought I should do my job, so I went to Raymond and handed him the coffee.

“Raymond, drink this.”

Raymond took the coffee and stared at me. Maybe because of what had just happened, he looked curious, but I didn’t know how to explain it either, so I just went to the back without a word.

I tried to quietly sort out my thoughts alone when someone tapped my back. It was Manager hyung. He had been our road manager during Best Four’s activities. It seemed he was still Lee Jae-hoon’s manager.

“Seung-won, how did you even get here?”

“Hyung…”

“I knew you were in America. How did we end up meeting here?”

Manager hyung seemed unable to believe this either. Meeting in America, not even Korea, felt like an absurdly stubborn connection. Then I heard the director’s voice.

“As you all know, today’s meeting is for casting the roles of Lauren and Lifran. We couldn’t decide on actors because of disagreements with the production team, so after much deliberation we decided to judge based on chemistry with the lead. Raymond, come over here. Everyone else, sit and wait.”

As soon as he finished speaking, Raymond rose from his seat and went to the row of desks at the front. The director sat in the middle, with the woman who had arrived first and Raymond on either side. She was probably the writer.

“Then please come forward starting with number one.”

At her words, the man sitting farthest to the right stood with a tense face. He was the first man I’d seen in the self-tapes. As everyone’s attention shifted to him, Lee Jae-hoon, who had somehow come up beside me, shoved me hard toward the back door.

“Come out.”

That behavior was exactly like the old Lee Jae-hoon. Annoyance flared up, and I frowned as I followed him out. Outside the door, he stood with his arms crossed and a nasty look on his face.

“This is ridiculous. Hey, why are you here?”

The reason I was here was to act as Raymond’s manager. But explaining all that felt like exposing my shame to him, and it embarrassed me. It was like admitting I had fallen this far and become useless. As I hesitated and kept my mouth shut, Lee Jae-hoon’s voice rose.

“Did this bastard turn into a mute after I last saw him? I asked why you’re here. Don’t tell me you’re thinking of appearing in this drama.”

His tone was still so dismissive that I couldn’t even sigh.

“Raymond just asked me to fill in as his manager for a bit, so I came along.”

“To do what?”

“…Manager.”

“Hah. I can’t even laugh. Manager? Are you joking with me right now?”

His eyes grew harsher. Just as he looked ready to unleash a torrent, Manager hyung opened the door and came out.

“Jae-hoon, you’re fourth. Hurry inside.”

He glared at me as if he still had plenty to say, but then went back inside. Manager hyung watched his back and let out a deep sigh.

“Are you okay? Why is it always like this when you two meet?”

“I’m pathetic, then and now…”

“…Let’s go inside for now.”

I didn’t want to go in, but I couldn’t leave while Raymond was there, so I moved my reluctant feet. When I entered, I saw Lee Jae-hoon walking to the front with a script in hand, smiling as if he were innocent.

“Hello. I’m Jae-hoon Lee, a singer and actor active in Korea.”

After a brief introduction, Lee Jae-hoon ran lines with Raymond a few times.

“Hmm. His acting and chemistry aren’t bad.”

The director, who had been watching them, nodded as if satisfied. Lee Jae-hoon was last, so this was finally over. I could escape this place. I didn’t care who did what or who got which role. I just wanted this time to pass quickly so I wouldn’t have to see Lee Jae-hoon’s face anymore. Then my eyes met the director’s.

“Next.”

Why did it feel like he was looking at me? As if to prove it wasn’t my imagination, everyone’s eyes turned to me. I denied reality and looked behind me, holding on to the faint hope that someone else was there. But there was no one. What was happening? By then, the director’s face had turned displeased, and he spoke coldly.

“Next!”

Any impression of gentleness was gone; his presence was overwhelming. I flinched and somehow walked slowly to the front. Lee Jae-hoon stood his ground as if he had no intention of moving and kept glaring at me. But when the director signaled for him to step aside, he reluctantly moved back.

“Take the script and turn to page 86.”

“I…”

“What?”

“I’m the manager…”

“What?”

“I’m not here for the audition.”

The director’s expression turned a little incredulous. Then the writer, who had been watching nervously, spoke in a small voice.

“That’s right, Director. There are only five people auditioning this time.”

“I know.”

He frowned shamelessly, as if that didn’t matter. I was frozen by his presence and fiddled with the script I’d picked up without thinking. ‘No, if you know, why are you doing this to me?’ Asking someone who wasn’t even a participant to read the script made no sense.

“I’ll go back.”

“Why!”

I was dumbfounded. Everyone else looked bewildered too, as if I wasn’t the only one who found this strange. Of course, Raymond alone kept his usual blank expression. ‘What do you mean why? Because I have no intention of appearing in this drama!’ I wanted to say it confidently, but his expression was too frightening.

“Give it a try. You’ve been my script partner before.”

Had my ears gone bad? What did he just say? Why was he doing this to me? Did he have some grudge? I even cooked for him earlier! ‘Ah, don’t tell me… the food didn’t suit him.’ I stared at Raymond with resentment, but he ignored my expression.

“Script partner? Fine, go ahead and read.”

I didn’t know why the director kept doing this. People said genius directors were often eccentrics, and he definitely seemed to be one. But with Raymond already on page 86 and the director’s heavy stare on me, I had no choice but to open the script. ‘Ah, whatever. I’ll just read first.’

Raymond read his line first. As usual, I read mine in response. We had read these lines together many times, so I could act without much difficulty.

One page, then two, and still no one told us to stop. Reading lines under everyone’s gaze was awkward. Just as I wondered how far we had to go, the director nodded once and signaled that we could stop.

The first to speak was the writer beside the director. She was watching me with interest.

“Since you’re the manager, I didn’t expect anything from your acting, so I was pleasantly surprised. Maybe because you’ve been his script partner, your chemistry with Raymond is excellent.”

The director, who had been frowning while radiating a frightening presence, smiled slightly.

“Have you ever learned acting?”

For some reason, I felt I shouldn’t lie. But I had told Matthew and Sophia that I’d never learned acting. My conscience pricked me, and I avoided Raymond’s eyes as I answered vaguely.

“Huh? Ah, yes. Just, well…”

But the mood kept going in a strange direction.

“Um…”

“Yes. You can say what you want.”

“I have no intention of appearing in the drama.”

The director’s smile vanished, and his face darkened rapidly. His brow furrowed with annoyance, just like before I’d read.

“Why!”

‘Why, why, what’s with all this why!’ He had practically forced me, the manager, to act. As the mood turned hostile, the writer shot to her feet, apparently deciding this couldn’t continue.

“That’s all for today. After we discuss, we’ll text each of you the results. Thank you for your work today.”

With that, people began leaving one by one. I caught sight of Lee Jae-hoon leaving with a look like he was barely holding back his anger. Please let this be the last time I see him. Raymond also rose from his seat. I turned toward the door to leave with him.

“Wait. You there.”

Surely not me again. I looked at the director. He was indeed looking at me.

“You really don’t want the role of Lauren?”

‘No, not at all.’ I didn’t say it out loud, but my face must have answered for me.

“I’ll give you until tomorrow. Think it over. You decide whether you’ll make the wise choice and take the chance that fell into your lap, or foolishly choose misery.”

Could he not read my face? And why was he deciding my life would be unhappy? Meeting Lee Jae-hoon today had already made me miserable enough. I didn’t want any more misery. The director looked like he was waiting for an answer, so I gave a small, formal nod. He looked satisfied.

“Raymond, let’s talk for a moment.”

At the director’s words, Raymond sat back down. I hurried to open the door and go out, afraid the director would say something strange again. But I regretted it as soon as I stepped out. I thought staying with the director would have been better.

“What, do you have something to say?”

At my question, Lee Jae-hoon only glared at me with an even deadlier look. Manager hyung stood beside him, restless and anxious. I already knew I’d be the one to get hurt if I stayed, so I took a step to pass him.

“Did you come here aiming for this?”

I frowned at the nonsense. ‘Why do I have to have this pointless conversation with him?’ Still, I couldn’t just ignore him. I knew his personality too well for that. If I ignored Lee Jae-hoon, who was a bundle of pride, things would only get worse. I’d been through it several times in Korea, so I looked at him.

“I never had any intention of doing the drama.”

Lee Jae-hoon didn’t seem to believe me. He sneered.

“You’d better keep that promise. Otherwise, I’ll make another incident you’ll just love.”

“What?”

My voice, which had been weak, sharpened at his threat. He had made my life like this through cowardly means… The longer I looked at his shameless face, the more furious I became. ‘Hold it in.’ This was the last I’d see of him anyway. Even if I demanded why he’d done it or how he could, what was already done could never be undone.

The answer was to ignore him, just as I’d tried not to think about him until now. I could never beat the power Lee Jae-hoon held, then or now. I clenched my fists and calmed myself. As I forced my feelings down, the anger slowly faded, familiar as it was.

“Even recently you did everything with that Lisa girl to get attention. What, are you thinking of coming back to Korea soon? People praised you and now you think you’re something? Don’t get cocky.”

The mention of Lisa made me think he meant the special stage show at the school festival. Right, Lisa had said the video spread in Korea and caused a stir, so there was no way Lee Jae-hoon didn’t know. Listening to him, I really felt like I’d gone back to the past. He used to say something like that at least once a day. ‘You really haven’t changed.’

“If you spend money to make weird rumors like last time, I won’t let it slide.”

“Who knows. I don’t even need to spend money. Strange rumors about you and Lisa are already starting to spread in Korea. I could use those. Want one? Pregnancy rumor? Abortion rumor?”

“You!”

My heart, which had just calmed, raced again. Lee Jae-hoon spoke with a sneer.

“If you don’t want to be buried alive like in Korea again, watch yourself. Ah, and now that your dying mother is gone too, no one will pity you.”

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