Chapter 10 Part 10: Admission test.

Taking a walk wasn’t a bad habit. It was good for my health, and it gave me a chance to organize my thoughts when they were complicated like this. So, even if my aunt didn’t, I went for walks quite often. As always. This walk would also clear my cluttered mind.

“But, Auntie.”

“Yes?”

“It’s a bit awkward to walk around in my school uniform.”

“Ah, is the skirt a bit short?”

“I bet only thugs would shorten it this much.”

“Saying that while you’re dressing up like that…”

“Ah, I know. I know. I’ll go change.”

I said that and fled to my room with the painkiller bottle. I placed the painkiller bottle on the desk and slowly began to take off my uniform. Then, I noticed a slightly strange smell coming from the uniform. I quickly put my nose to it and smelled it, and I could smell the sour smell of sweat. It was probably because I moved my body violently during the entrance exam.

“Ugh, what would I have done if I hadn’t bought a lot.”

I was really glad that I bought five or six sets of uniforms, knowing this would happen. As long as nothing unusual happened, I would always be able to dress neatly. I grumbled like that and then folded the uniform roughly and placed it on the floor. And I took out the training suit hanging in the closet and put it on. As expected, pants were much more comfortable than skirts.

After changing my clothes, I picked up my uniform and put it in a basket. And after waiting for a while for my aunt, who said she would finish writing this report, we went outside together.

The path my aunt and I took for our walks was always the same. If you go straight out of the apartment and turn right, there’s a park. If you follow the path in that park, you could circle the entire town.

It might not sound like much, but it was. It’s really useful to be able to walk home without thinking. So I really liked this path. My aunt felt the same. She said that if we walked this path, we could focus only on the conversation. And my aunt seemed to have something to talk about, as she spoke to me as soon as we left the apartment.

“My daughter.”

“Yes.”

“Shall we talk while we walk?”

“I don’t mind. I was bored anyway.”

“That’s good then. Okay, then what should we start with…”

Auntie pondered the topic for a moment. I didn’t rush her. Sometimes she would just ponder for hours. Fortunately, it didn’t seem to take that long this time.

“Does the… Academy seem quite spontaneous to you?”

“Yes. Because Teacher Rosena said so?”

“Haha, actually, it’s not. If it were, would Busan International Academy be a prestigious school?”

“…Is that so?”

“Everything is on the website if you look carefully.”

“Ah…”

“Textbooks and such, they’ll all be there… so it’s good to be familiar with them.”

“I’m confident in memorizing. You know?”

I expressed my confidence like that. Because I was really confident in memorizing. My aunt looked at me for a moment, then laughed and said.

“…Really, it reminds me of the old days.”

I didn’t give a particular answer. Because, as Aunt Ailey said, I really started to remember the old days.

I closed my eyes and opened them. As if it were natural, a glass wall appeared in the air. I felt the illusion that my field of vision was slowly lowering. I also seemed to hear the sound of metal clashing every time I walked.

It was probably the moment when my intelligence was being tested. What I had to memorize was simple. Because it was the first day of the test, it was a kindergarten-level text. It was probably… a nursery rhyme. So, the lyrics of a nursery rhyme. I think I memorized it desperately. As if someone would beat me to death if I didn’t memorize it. I moved my mouth ceaselessly and sang it silently.

I was not allowed to have conversations at that time. The only things the researchers could say to me were related to the experiment. No one said anything else. They all treated me bluntly, as if they had nothing to say to me.

Eventually, I couldn’t stand it and spoke to a researcher. I think I made a very loud noise and showed a violent reaction. And the price was quite terrible.

I reflexively touched my empty neck and laughed bitterly. Because the choker around my neck gave me an electric shock every time I made a sound above a certain level. And that sound, of course, included screams. Soon, I learned not to speak.

And that was too frustrating. Living without saying anything, without making a sound… it was terrible. But the researchers seemed to think differently. They thought I had become docile, so they tried to conduct various tests. I think they started testing my intelligence during that time.

There were many things to memorize. There were also many things to solve. And I think I was frantically focused on it.

During the test, even if there was no conversation. It was enough just to see the expression of the researcher who received the test paper change. Even that kind of communication was so precious to me. I also loved hearing the sound of grading with a red pencil on the spot.

So I clung to that task more than necessary. I didn’t give up food and drink, but I really concentrated hard. Anyway, there was nothing else to do. I was trapped inside a glass wall, staring blankly into space all day.

Besides, it didn’t end there. The more I solved problems and memorized something. The researchers came in often, and often looked at me with satisfaction. They even taught me things I didn’t know.

That… that voice. It wasn’t monotonous. It was filled with emotion. Even the physics problems that I hated so much in my previous life that I didn’t even want to see them. At that time, I couldn’t bear it because it was so lovely. …And I could talk to the researcher.

I blinked slowly. Suddenly, there was a small desk next to me. At that desk was me sitting in a chair. On top were notebooks, workbooks, and a pile of cheap but sturdy ballpoint pens.

My younger self was swinging her legs and solving problems. But it wasn’t going well. Because I couldn’t solve the problem due to the formula that had become hazy after a long time of memorization. Eventually, my younger self asked for help. The person who came in was Aunt Ailey.

“Okay. What don’t you understand?”

“…I don’t know the formula to solve this problem, Sister.”

“Ah, an acceleration problem? Here, look.”

Starting with those words, Ailey began to teach the formula. I blankly listened to that voice. Then I realized that the voices were mixing.

Only then did the glass wall begin to disappear. My somewhat lowered field of vision also rose. The metallic sound that bothered me every time I walked also disappeared. Right after that, my aunt asked me a question.

“What on earth were you thinking about, that you didn’t answer when I called you.”

I smiled awkwardly for a moment. I didn’t want to say I was thinking about the old days. So I thought of a suitable excuse.

“I have to start academy life from tomorrow, right?”

“That’s right.”

“So I was thinking about that. I’m nervous, of course.”

“Is it time for Mom’s nagging?”

“It’s not nagging. I was accepting your words well.”

Auntie smiled as if she was pleased, and started talking again. Starting with the words that there are many things to take care of, so she can’t take care of everything. For a while, various advice that would be helpful for academy life poured out. I remembered all of that advice. And slowly saying that I understood, I asked a nonchalant question.

“Auntie.”

“Yes?”

“When I was little, I kept getting hit with that. Do you remember the medicine that makes you smarter?”

As I said that, I recalled my memories. My uncles and aunts treated me like a child in those days. That might not have been a particularly wrong treatment. I was only 7 years old at the time. …But everyone knew that I had college-level knowledge. They also knew that I had more intelligence than an average adult male.

Nevertheless, they treated me like a child. I knew the reason. It was to plant learned helplessness in me, to make me unable to do anything. No matter how smart you are, you are now a test subject trapped inside a glass wall. No matter how you get out of here, you are only a child right now.

…Of course, I knew the intention behind those words. I didn’t just know that. I also roughly knew about the drug they were trying to trick me into taking. No, even if I was only at the level of a 7-year-old child. I couldn’t not know that my body was getting strange every time I was injected.

Aching. Various pains that can’t even be expressed with that word. A body that naturally shrinks because I know there is something wrong with my body. Fear and nausea at the instinctive level that comes every time I am injected. All of that was a burden, and it ate away at me.

…But I couldn’t refuse the injection. I was finally able to talk to the researchers. I could hear praise if I solved the problems well. I could also get candy. I could be loved, even if it was fabricated.

Just. Just. Because I couldn’t go back to the way it was before, fearing that damned injection. So I accepted whatever medicine they gave me.

No matter how hard my body was. No matter how painful it was. No matter how much they were deceiving me. That wasn’t important anymore.

…And I’ve been convinced lately. One of the drugs I was injected with every day at that time. The injection that was always filled with brown liquid, saying it was a medicine that made me smarter. I was certain that it was related to this illusion now. I ignored my younger self, who was lying on the floor and throwing up, and I was certain.

Surely, it was because of that.