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Join the Server“Eunhae sunbae,” Jung Seunghee began, “I haven’t had a chance to try the school cafeteria food yet. Would you mind if I joined you for lunch?”
“Oh, uh? Well…”
“It’s not that I’m asking you to treat me,” he quickly added, “though if you’re inclined, perhaps a more expensive meal next time. I simply don’t know where the student cafeteria is located yet.”
A full week had already elapsed since the semester began, and the campus layout was now perfectly clear to him. He had even visited the student cafeteria three times, accompanied by his peers.
Jung Seunghee was astonished at his own newfound ability to lie so brazenly and skillfully. He realized he’d never had cause to discover this particular talent before, having never needed to employ such deception.
‘Today, I’m learning a lot about myself.’
“Would it be too much trouble, sunbae? My stomach has been hurting from eating nothing but sandwiches and kimbap every day.”
This, too, was a lie.
While he might skip a meal entirely, he never ate carelessly. Yet, Eunhae seemed to have completely fallen for Jung Seunghee’s fabrication.
“If you’re starving… that won’t do.”
She exhaled a small sigh, then gestured with her hand.
“I-I’ll show you the way to the student cafeteria. Follow me.”
“Thank you.”
As Jung Seunghee drew nearer, Eunhae shivered, her body trembling slightly. She resembled a wild rabbit, unused to human touch.
‘Is this why people get pets?’
“Th-this is the student cafeteria.”
“Today’s menu includes pork cutlet, ramen, and tomato egg fried rice.”
“H-the fried rice at the student cafeteria is truly awful. P-pork cutlet is a safe bet, so go for that.”
“Will Eunhae sunbae be having pork cutlet too?”
“Uh, yeah.”
“Then I’ll have the pork cutlet as well.”
Among the three options—pork cutlet, ramen, and fried rice—the pork cutlet seemed to offer the best nutritional value.
Jung Seunghee took his meal ticket and observed Eunhae while waiting in the serving line. She appeared burdened by the mere presence of people.
‘Though, being startled when I get close seems to be something she only does with me.’
“The side dishes are over there; you can serve yourself buffet-style.”
“Yes. Thank you.”
With their side dishes in hand, the two sat facing each other at a corner table. Despite the many open seats, as it wasn’t yet peak lunch hour, Eunhae deliberately chose this secluded spot.
‘She really must be uncomfortable around people.’
“E-enjoy your meal.”
“You too, Eunhae sunbae. Enjoy your meal.”
She nodded, then bent her head so low it seemed she might bury her face in her plate. Throughout the entire meal, she uttered not a single word.
‘I can’t tell if it’s me making her uncomfortable, or if it’s the cafeteria itself.’
Eunhae seemed awkward in social interactions, yet Jung Seunghee never found her rude. Perhaps it was because he sensed her genuine effort.
“…! I’ve been eating too much… I’m sorry.”
“Not at all. You must have been very hungry.”
“No, it’s not that… I just eat so slowly that I have to eat diligently to keep up the pace.”
As she said, despite having eaten silently, the amount of food on her plate had barely decreased.
“It’s also a habit to eat alone… I apologize if I made you uncomfortable.”
“It’s fine. I often eat alone too.”
“Th-thank you for understanding.”
Eunhae, raising her round eyes to gauge Jung Seunghee’s reaction, offered a slight smile. Her plump, vibrant pink lips parted, revealing a glimpse of her pristine white front teeth.
Jung Seunghee suddenly felt a surge of thirst. Unconsciously, he bit his lower lip.
“W-well then, I’ll try to eat diligently again. If you have any questions about school life, feel free to ask.”
“…Okay.”
He couldn’t understand why his chest felt so hot, burning even after he’d drained a full glass of water.
Thus, Jung Seunghee and Eunhae’s first meal together passed uneventfully.
****
After that, Jung Seunghee rarely saw her. Eunhae was such an outsider that there was no occasion to meet her outside of lectures, and as a freshman, his schedule didn’t overlap with hers at all.
Naturally, she didn’t participate in any events like the MT.
Many of Eunhae’s peers attended the MT. Jung Seunghee subtly inquired about her.
“How do you know Eunhae?”
“Eunhae sunbae guided me during the essay exam, remember?”
“Did she?”
“That’s right! Another student suddenly had to leave for a part-time job, so Eunhae filled in for them.”
Another sunbae chimed in, agreeing. “Come to think of it, I think that’s how it went… That was before you even enrolled, Jung Seunghee. Your memory is quite good!”
Jung Seunghee merely smiled in response. While he did remember others he’d met at the exam hall, Eunhae was the only one he had deliberately greeted and acknowledged.
“It’s genuinely surprising you remember Eunhae. She just goes straight from the lecture hall home, you know.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen her in the library, even during exam periods, have I?”
“Even I, her peer, feel like I might forget what Eunhae looks like.”
“Because she always sits at the back of the lecture hall and leaves immediately after class ends.”
“Exactly, exactly.”
Eating with Eunhae had truly been an extraordinary coincidence. During that MT, Jung Seunghee received three confessions. Two were from his peers, and one was from a sunbae.
“I’m sorry. I’m not thinking about dating anyone right now.”
“Then, if you ever do, will you tell me?”
“No. By then, I’d likely be interested in dating someone else, so there’s no need to hurt you twice, sunbae.”
“…I see. Alright.”
“I’ll keep what happened today a secret.”
“…Thank you.”
Left alone, Jung Seunghee let out a long sigh. The wind blowing in from the sea ruffled his hair. Suddenly, Eunhae came to mind.
If she had come to the MT, would she have confessed like the others? To him?
The image of her round, black eyes, filled with anxiety and wariness, resurfaced, and Jung Seunghee felt a deep thirst.
Jung Seunghee enlisted in the military immediately after completing his first semester of freshman year. It would be a lie to say he thought of Eunhae during the leisurely six months he spent in New York after his discharge.
However, when he couldn’t find her upon returning to campus two years later, Jung Seunghee was quite perplexed. She tended to be alone, so few people knew anything about her. Only a well-connected female classmate remembered her.
“That sunbae, I heard she took a leave of absence.”
“A leave of absence? Why?”
“I’m not sure myself… Some say she wasn’t feeling well, others that it was due to family matters. Don’t you have her contact information? You could try asking the department office. They might tell you if you say you want to return something.”
He had offered his classmate the excuse that he had borrowed a book from Eunhae and wanted to return it. Jung Seunghee pondered for a moment, then shook his head.
“No. She’ll probably return eventually.”
He didn’t believe she would drop out. This was Korea’s top prestigious university, Hankuk University, after all. It wasn’t a nameplate one would easily discard.
“I can return it to her then.”
Jung Seunghee reassured himself, repeating the words once more.
One and a half years later, the Eunhae he met again was utterly unchanged from when Jung Seunghee was a freshman. She remained wary, reluctant, and perpetually eager to escape his presence.
How welcomed that sight was. She would likely never know. He hadn’t known before.
He hadn’t known what it felt like to experience the freedom of not being afraid, of not having to run away, even if only for a brief three hours.
Freedom!
“…Freedom!”
Eunhae trembled, her fists clenched in exhilaration. Though it was a freedom she secretly cried out for while hiding in a bathroom, freedom was freedom nonetheless. She hadn’t had to avoid people to get to the bathroom! She hadn’t had to walk with her eyes glued to the floor in the student cafeteria!
“The taste of freedom is so sweet…”
Was this how a s*ave felt after burning their indenture papers? Eunhae quietly savored her freedom, then returned to her seat. It was incredibly, incredibly frustrating that its expiration date was only three hours.
She subtly glanced at Jung Seunghee, who sat across from her. He smiled upon seeing her return, his lips silently mouthing, ‘Welcome back?’ Even his silent, mouthing lips were handsome.
When Eunhae’s gaze met Jung Seunghee’s, her body instinctively stiffened. Yet, she managed to return an awkward smile. She nodded quietly and sat down in her chair.
‘How long has it been since we held hands? We held hands when we came into the library after lunch, so… has it been two hours now?’
The cooldown period was almost over; it was time to hold his hand again.
Although she was seated in front of a book, Eunhae’s attention was entirely focused on Jung Seunghee’s hand. ‘He’s studying so diligently. Doesn’t his back get stiff? Doesn’t he need to use the restroom?’
Still, abruptly grabbing his hand while he was diligently taking notes would be strange. It would be like… like…
‘It would look like I’m desperate to hold his hand!’
Of course, she was, in fact, desperate to hold his hand right now. However, she didn’t believe she was *that* desperate. A nervous Eunhae checked the time. Only thirty minutes remained.
It was so wonderfully comfortable not to see fate. At first, when she’d had tantalizing glimpses of it for three hours a day, she’d been immensely grateful for even that much. However, after freely squeezing Jung Seunghee’s hand and living freely for about a third of her day, seeing fate had become incredibly uncomfortable and tiresome. To avoid seeing fate, becoming ‘a person desperate for her boyfriend’s hand’ now felt like an acceptable trade-off.
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