Chapter 18: A Thorny Path

After guiding Esper Sung Yohan, an awkward atmosphere flowed between Taewoon and me.
We pretended not to see each other even when we ran into each other at home, and we spent our time confined to our rooms.
We used to exchange a few words when we were at home, but now even that was gone.

There was no way I could concentrate on training in this situation.
I was anxious about the lack of progress in my relationship with him, but I trained steadily, just as I had when I became a B-Class.
I had learned from my B-Class promotion that effort does not betray you.

He went to the field every time an A-Class gate appeared, but he still refused to receive my guiding.
He endured the pain with machine and medication guiding, and alcohol.

But there were times when he would get drunk and unconsciously come to my room.
Every time, I would quietly welcome him and guide him.
And we would fall asleep together, but when I woke up in the morning, he would be gone.
Only the lingering wavelength where he had been comforted me.

As soon as I arrived at the project training room, I was summoned by Dr. Yoon.
I had been called by him from time to time, so I didn’t think much of it today and headed to his research lab.

When I knocked and entered the lab, he was not alone.
Esper Sung Yohan, whom I had seen before, was with him.

I had heard some information about Sung Yohan through a fellow Guide.
That he was an S-Class Esper, that his blond hair wasn’t dyed but because he was of mixed race, and that he had been dispatched overseas for a long time and had just returned.

He wasn’t well-known to the general public, but he was a famous person known to everyone in the Awakened world.
I couldn’t understand why he was here.
It seemed he had just returned to Korea after a long time and was talking with Dr. Yoon.

“Guide Shinui, you’re here.”

“Yes. What did you call me for?”

“Please, have a seat first.”

There were four chairs at the round table, and I sat between Dr. Yoon and Esper Sung Yohan.

Dr. Yoon showed me a tablet PC.
On the screen was my name, along with my guiding wavelength values for each item.
The line graph was drawing a straight line.

“As you can see from the data, there has been no change in the values for a week.”

“…You’re right.”

“So, this time, I’ve found someone to help you with your promotion. It’s Esper Sung Yohan.”

At his words, I was finally able to get a good look at Esper Sung Yohan.
He must have been looking at me, because he smiled as soon as our eyes met.

“I’m Sung Yohan. We’ve met before, haven’t we?”

“Yes. I’m Lee Shinui.”

“I know.”

Perhaps because he was handsome, even a slight smile made a good impression.

“But… what kind of help will Esper Sung Yohan be providing?”

“Guiding training shows a clear synergistic effect when an Esper and a Guide train together. You know that, right?”

“Yes. Is there a limit to what machines can do now?”

Dr. Yoon nodded and showed me the tablet PC screen again.

“To get promoted, you need guiding with an Esper, not machine guiding. Look here.”

My guiding conductivity was the lowest among all the items.
He also showed me the conductivity of other Guides.
The conductivity of Guides who had trained with Espers was certainly much higher than mine.

“But I’m Esper Taewoon’s exclusive Guide.”

“This is a secret project. You don’t have to worry about that.”

I was a little surprised by his words.
I thought he would be rigid about the rules, but it seemed he wasn’t.

“Then shall we briefly check the guiding compatibility today?”

“That sounds good.”

Esper Sung Yohan, who had been silent for a while, spoke.
For a moment, Taewoon’s words about not guiding with other Espers came to mind, but I had to nod my head to achieve the grade he wanted.

We moved to the project guiding room.
There were machines and a bed in the guiding room.
Esper Sung Yohan sat on the bed and held out his hand to me.

“Shinui-ssi, please sit.”

“…Okay.”

I sat on the edge of the bed, my wrist held by him.
And I looked at the magic mirror across from me.
Dr. Yoon would be watching us from beyond the black glass.

I was still worried if this was the right thing to do.
While I was still hesitating, his voice came from the speaker installed inside.
At that sound, I missed my chance to leave.

• [Let’s start with contact guiding level 1.]

At his words, Esper Sung Yohan held out his hand to me and said.

“Shall we hold hands?”

When I nodded, he gently took my hand.
As soon as we held hands, our wavelengths connected immediately.
For a moment, I remembered the first time I guided him and felt a strong sense of rejection.

I instinctively tried to pull my hand away, but unlike last time, I didn’t feel a dark aura.
And although it wasn’t as much as with Taewoon, our wavelengths connected smoothly.

• [Let’s move on to level 2.]

Level 1 of contact guiding was holding hands, and level 2 was hugging.
I hesitated for a moment before awkwardly embracing his body.

• [The wavelength compatibility is good, and the transmission rate is high.]

“He says the transmission rate is high.”

Esper Sung Yohan whispered in my ear, resting his face on my shoulder.
I just nodded again.

We held each other for ten minutes in silence.
It was when I was thinking that I wanted to end the training soon.

• [Proceed to level 3.]

I didn’t think we would go up to level 3, and I couldn’t hide my surprised face at his words as I looked at the magic mirror.
Level 3 was contact between mucous membranes, which I hadn’t even done properly with Taewoon.

“Level 3 is…”

“You’ve done it with Taewoon before.”

As soon as he finished speaking, Esper Sung Yohan lowered his face towards mine.
The moment his lips were about to touch mine, Taewoon came to mind, and I pushed him away.

It seemed Espers were used to mucous membrane guiding and could kiss without hesitation, but I wasn’t.

“I can’t go up to level 3.”

“Why not?”

“I’m Esper Hyun Taewoon’s exclusive Guide. I promised to only guide with him.”

• [If we don’t receive help from other Espers, there will be a setback in the S-Class project. Didn’t you want to become an S-Class?]

Dr. Yoon’s chiding continued from the speaker.
I flinched at his words, but remembering the situation from a moment ago, I concluded that I couldn’t do it again.

“Still, I only want to do it with Taewoon.”

• [Unfortunately, we asked Esper Hyun Taewoon before asking Esper Sung Yohan, but we were refused.]

My lips clamped shut at the news that Taewoon had refused.
But I didn’t want to do mucous membrane guiding with any Esper other than him.

“Even so, I can’t do it.”

In the end, I left the guiding room.
If I wanted to become an S-Class, it was right to train with Esper Sung Yohan, but my heart didn’t want to, so I had to refuse.
It was my small pride.

As usual, my manager, Jinho-hyung, was waiting for me at the front gate when the training ended.
It had been a year since I got to know him.
At first, I called him ‘Manager-nim’, but now we were comfortable enough to call each other ‘hyung’ and ‘dongsaeng’.

As I got into the passenger seat of the car, he greeted me.

“You’re here?”

“Yeah.”

The car started as soon as I fastened my seatbelt.
I felt a deep fatigue, perhaps because I had been training harder than usual after refusing Esper Sung Yohan’s guiding.

In the end, I was slouched back in my seat, blinking slowly.
Jinho-hyung cautiously spoke to me.

“Shinui, isn’t it hard?”

For a year, he had been picking me up from my late-night training.
He would know better than anyone how hard it was for me.

“What’s there to be hard about.”

To be honest, it had been hard while doing the secret project, but I didn’t want to show it.

“Everyone at the Center knows you don’t get proper rest because of the grade tests.”

“It’s okay. That’s how I can get promoted.”

He didn’t say anything more at my words.
Silence hung in the car for a while, but then he broke the silence and continued.

“You hate Taewoon, don’t you? To be honest, if you hadn’t met him, it wouldn’t have been this hard.”

“No. I awakened because I met him.”

“…You’ve been curious about why he’s so sensitive about grades, right?”

“I am curious.”

To be honest, I had always been curious.
He didn’t just dislike low grades; he loathed them, so I wanted to know the reason.

It seemed Jinho-hyung knew the reason, but he hadn’t told me until now, so I didn’t press him.

“He didn’t always hate Guides from the beginning.”

“Then why did he start hating them?”

“He had a younger sister. She was a B-Class Guide.”

Since the information of A-Class and above Awakened was all managed by the Association, this was the first time I learned he had a younger sister.
I had never seen her either.

“Just like you and him, his sister also had a high matching rate with an S-Class Esper. But… she died from reverse guiding while guiding a rampaging Esper at a gate.”

“……”

“His parents also died from a rampage at a gate, so the trauma must be severe.”

I was speechless and frozen at the shocking words that came from his mouth.

“He thinks that unless they are an S-Class like him, they are of no help. The risk of reverse guiding is also high, so his body rejects them first. So what I mean is, it’s not that he hates you.”

Only then did I understand why he had been so cold to me.
If my own sibling and parents had died at a gate, I would have hated the Awakened system itself.

Unable to find the words in the face of such unexpected and shocking news, I remained silent.
He, like me, just drove without a word.

Soon, we arrived home, and I thanked him for telling me something so difficult.

As I went up to the house with a heavy heart, I saw him sleeping on the living room sofa, drugged.

The level on the Guiding Watch was thankfully in the calm zone.
Still, I did remote guiding and sat on the sofa, looking at him.

There were many times I had hated him for changing the moment he found out my grade.
But he didn’t just hate me, and I stayed by his side with the single belief that we could go back to how things were.

As I thought, he didn’t hate me.
Just knowing that he didn’t hate me was enough to understand all his actions.
And now, I couldn’t hate him either.
I had held him in my heart from the moment we first met.

I decided to wait until his heart opened up to me.
It didn’t matter how long it took.
While his heart was opening, I would strive to become a person worthy of him.

I looked at his face and made a firm resolve.

From this day on, I waited for his heart to open and attended guiding training without missing a single day.
As I spent my days guiding him, three years had passed since I had awakened as a Guide.