Chapter 2: The Worst Debut Song Ever

The sudden call to the CEO’s office made everyone think they were finally about to hear some major news.

Maybe their debut had finally been confirmed.

On the way there, the members excitedly talked among themselves, wondering whether the new song would be an intense performance track or a refreshing summer concept.

“I think we’re really debuting this time.”

Even as Eunhan’s eyes sparkled with anticipation, Woohyung’s expression remained lifeless, while Jaemin stood beside him looking pale as a ghost.

James, meanwhile, simply swayed to the beat of the music playing in the background, apparently enjoying himself.

“I was wondering what kind of amazing song they’d prepared…”

Yoonbin had been waiting with a pounding heart, imagining all sorts of concepts.

Then a series of bizarre sounds started playing.

The music abruptly cut off before anyone could even figure out where the chorus was.

Unable to hide his shock, Yoonbin muttered under his breath before quickly covering his mouth.

“The songs are… certainly unique.”

As befitting the leader, he forced himself to suppress his bitter feelings and calmly shared his opinion with the CEO.

“Songs? It’s only one song.”

The CEO’s response shattered even Yoonbin’s composure.

How could a single song sound so disconnected?

It felt like listening to music from forty years in the future.

“Wasn’t that just the highlight medley?”

“No, that was the entire song. What are you all talking about?”

“…Ah. Then… can we hear the title track now?”

Right.

Sometimes companies bought strange songs just to fill up an album.

Even though the CEO had said he’d let them hear the title track today, surely that couldn’t have been it.

Trying to stay optimistic, Yoonbin carefully asked about the title song.

“That was the title track.”

We’re completely screwed.

If they debuted with a song like that, nobody would even understand what concept they were going for.

Even if their visuals attracted fans, people would ridicule them everywhere for their terrible music.

At the very least, their songs would never be played on the radio.

“U-Um…”

“We’re recording soon, so listen to the guide version and practice hard. What? Cat got your tongues? Getting excited about debuting?”

None of this had been part of the plan.

Woohyung had expected that debuting under a tiny agency simply meant receiving less attention than idols from major companies.

He hadn’t considered that a small agency would also bring terrible songs.

No…

Even then, this was way too much.

“Did you compose the title track?”

“…What?”

“I heard you write songs.”

The moment they stepped out of the recording studio, Jaemin grabbed Woohyung with obvious urgency.

Seeing Jaemin looking ready to grab him by the collar, Woohyung frowned.

Why’s he suddenly dropping honorifics? Just because he’s older?

Although they shared the same dorm, the two had barely exchanged anything beyond necessary conversations.

“My song’s one of the B-sides.”

Woohyung answered curtly, already in a foul mood.

Losing the title track to that disaster had irritated him enough.

Having a fellow member pick a fight wasn’t going to improve his temper.

The two had always avoided calling each other “hyung,” instead using vague terms like “hey” or “you.”

Now that Jaemin had stopped using polite speech altogether, it looked like the two were openly sizing each other up.

Yoonbin watched them anxiously.

“So… did the CEO write and compose that song?”

Fortunately, Jaemin seemed too preoccupied with worrying about the music to notice Woohyung’s hostility.

“If he didn’t… there’s no way anyone in their right mind would’ve bought that song.”

Jaemin made a mental note to check the songwriting credits later.

Meanwhile, Eunhan simply smiled, apparently happy enough just to be debuting regardless of the music.

James even looked like the song suited his taste.

Apparently only three people in the group possessed functioning ears.

“You write songs, don’t you? You even produce. So how can you just stand there after hearing that?”

Jaemin pleaded desperately.

He knew nothing would change, but he wanted someone—anyone—to blame.

“You only say that because you don’t know how many debut plans we’ve already had fall apart. You think we’re putting up with this because we like the song? We just want to debut.”

Woohyung remembered all the arguments he’d had with the CEO over the title track during the past few days.

His head throbbed.

He hadn’t wanted to compromise.

But he hadn’t had a choice.

Already nursing a bruised ego, he snapped back.

“Guess you don’t know how things work since you only recently joined the debut lineup.”

The implication was obvious.

What were you doing until the age of twenty-four if you couldn’t even become a trainee?

Jaemin’s eyebrow twitched.

First, Woohyung had excluded him from the word we.

Now came the second blow.

“I heard you even left your previous agency because they wouldn’t use your songs.”

Woohyung’s expression noticeably hardened.

The other members, who had been walking ahead toward the dorm, turned around after hearing the raised voices.

Yoonbin hurriedly stepped between them.

“Both of you, calm down. Neither of you did anything wrong, so why are you attacking each other?”

“So after being that prideful, you’re just accepting a title track of this quality? Then why did you even leave? Or… were you kicked out?”

Small companies really did have great teamwork.

If the CEO caught them having a full-blown fight outside the recording studio, things would become a disaster.

Yoonbin desperately tried to smooth things over.

“I-I think… maybe the title track might become addictive after listening to it a few times…”

Eunhan’s attempt at mediation wasn’t helpful in the slightest.

He really had no sense of timing.

James, who understood Korean surprisingly well when listening, simply nodded beside him.

He wasn’t helping either.

“Be honest. You don’t actually want to be an idol, do you? You’re just debuting to build your producing career.”

“Hyung!”

Jaemin knew there probably wasn’t anyone like that.

But faced with such a hopeless reality, he simply wanted someone to vent his frustration on.

Unfortunately for him, Woohyung wasn’t the type to quietly act as a punching bag.

The title track had been that bad.

“I suppose it could look that way.”

Jaemin had already thrown the first punch and followed it up with another.

Yoonbin nervously looked at Woohyung.

Surprisingly, Woohyung didn’t seem particularly offended.

His expression barely changed.

“I don’t really feel sorry… but sorry anyway.”

He sneered at Jaemin.

“You’re not even good enough to be part of my portfolio.”

Jaemin froze as if he’d been punched.

That was the moment.

From then on, their petty rivalry became all-out war.

“So… are we debuting under our real names?”

“Usually idols just drop their family names.”

“If your name overlaps with an existing senior artist, using a stage name is better.”

Fortunately, none of their names were particularly common.

They figured they’d probably keep their real names.

Still…

There was one enormous variable.

The CEO.

“I’m terrified the CEO’s already come up with some ridiculous stage names.”

Why were bad premonitions always right?

The moment Eunhan finished speaking, they were summoned to the CEO’s office.

The five members lined up before him.

Beaming brightly, the CEO announced,

“I’ve come up with absolutely brilliant stage names for all of you.”

“…Our stage names?”

The members reacted with the same forced smiles as idols at fan sign events saying, ‘Oh, really?’ while looking completely dead inside.

The CEO paid no attention to their cold response.

Apparently he’d already written everything down, because he shuffled through a sheet of paper.

“I’ll start with Yoonbin.”

“I think Yoonbin is already a pretty nice name…”

Yoonbin timidly voiced his opinion.

It was ignored immediately.

“‘Bin’ sounds like ‘bean.'”

…No way.

Surely not.

Unfortunately…

“Yoon Bean! What do you think?”

“It’s cute… but it sounds more like a Twitch streamer or a macaron mukbang YouTuber than a male idol.”

“You’re cute too, so it suits you perfectly.”

What nonsense.

Yoonbin was 180 centimeters tall with a heavily built physique.

The only people who ever called him cute were his grandparents.

“James. Since it’s already similar to your real name… let’s go with Jesus.”

Compared to that, Yoon Bean suddenly sounded reasonable.

Jaemin couldn’t believe the CEO actually wanted to give an idol a religious stage name.

James slowly shook his head in disbelief.

“Oh… my God.”

“See? It already suits you.”

The CEO preferred one-way communication.

Rather than discussing the names, he simply announced them.

The atmosphere grew even heavier.

At this point, it felt less like an announcement and more like a sentencing.

“Next, Eunhan.”

“I know! Silver One, right? Because ‘Eun’ means silver!”

Even Silver One would’ve been preferable.

“Why would I use numbers?”

“…Numbers?”

“That’s your stage name. One.”

Since Eunhan’s name contained Han (“one”), the CEO decided his stage name would literally be 1.

Not pronounced Han.

Pronounced One.

And written using the Arabic numeral 1.

Searching for him online would be nearly impossible.

Even Eunhan, who was satisfied with almost everything, looked horrified.

“Now… Jaemin.”

Please.

Just let mine be normal.

Anyone but me…

“I know your surname is Yu, and you debuted late. So it means, ‘You can do it!'”

U-DO.

Please.

Tell me you’re joking.

Are you asking me to voluntarily leave the group?

Jaemin shuddered.

My stage name is basically Udo…

“Um… CEO…”

“Woohyung.”

Jaemin tried to interrupt, nearly in tears.

Once again, he was effortlessly ignored.

Fine.

If everyone’s suffering together, he might as well watch Woohyung suffer too.

If my name’s U-DO, then his had better be something like… Head.

“WH.”

…What?

Why was his normal?

Is Woohyung secretly the CEO’s son or something?

Jaemin looked back and forth between the two in utter betrayal.

“I don’t really like it.”

After hearing everyone else’s absurd stage names, Woohyung still had the nerve to complain.

While everyone else had silently endured their terrible names, he immediately objected to his own.

Jaemin found it incredibly irritating.

“It’s only two letters when written, but it’s too long to pronounce. And you can’t really shorten it either.”

That was technically true.

Still…

The others had stayed silent about 1 and U-DO, yet this guy was complaining because W-H had six syllables in Korean.

Jaemin envied the confidence.

“Wouldn’t it be better if we all just debuted under our real names?”

The CEO sulked when none of the members appreciated the “ingenious” stage names he’d proudly created.

“Fine. Do whatever you want. Ignore the advice of a cultural critic and management genius like me.”

“Thank you for allowing it.”

“We’ll work hard!”

“Get out.”

Thanks to Woohyung, Jaemin narrowly escaped debuting as U-DO.

The members bowed and hurried out.

Everyone sighed with relief, patting their chests.

Jaemin glanced at Woohyung.

If he’d only changed his own stage name and left the rest of us to suffer, I’d have hated him.

At least he has some loyalty.

Jaemin was actually about to thank him.

But then Woohyung walked past and casually muttered,

“‘You do’…? More like ‘You can’t do.’”

And just like that…

Any gratitude Jaemin had completely disappeared.

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