Chapter 20: The Breaking Point

As a result of being hospitalized for my body’s abnormal symptoms and undergoing a detailed examination, the cause was finally identified.

I had been receiving guiding training using wavelengths created by a machine, and those wavelengths had remained in various parts of my body, irritating my nerves.
It seemed that during guiding, the machine wavelengths would particularly act up, causing the abnormal symptoms to appear more severely.

They said my body would only return to its original state after the machine wavelengths were completely removed, so I decided to stop machine guiding training and guiding for the time being.

The thought that I might not be able to guide Taewoon if the machine wavelengths weren’t removed deepened my worries.

Since I had been doing machine guiding for three years, I had no idea how long it would take to remove them, which made me feel helpless.

Contrary to the Center doctor’s words, Dr. Yoon insisted it was a temporary symptom.
He reassured me that the machine wavelengths could be removed quickly, which was a relief, but I was still anxious since I had collapsed once.

I couldn’t do any training related to guiding, but I could do other training, so I was doing physical training.
Suddenly, the training room door opened, and Jihwon came in.
He must have been running, as his face was red and his breathing was rough.

“Shinui-hyung! They say an S-Class Guide just awakened!”

The training room buzzed at his words.
It had been 13 years since an S-Class Guide had awakened.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. They say Esper Hyun Taewoon and that guide are going into a matching test right now, and I thought you should know.”

At his words, my heart felt like it had dropped with a thud.

It was only natural for an S-Class Guide to do a matching test with an S-Class Esper.
And he had mentioned several times that if an S-Class Guide appeared, he would immediately break his exclusive contract with me.
He must have been waiting for this moment.

If he and the S-Class Guide had a high matching rate in this test, I would be abandoned immediately.

If I persuaded him before the matching test, he might not take it.
I had to see him quickly.

“Where are they doing the matching test?”

“At the Center’s main building.”

I hurriedly followed Jihwon and ran to the Center’s matching test room.
The hallway was already packed with researchers, Espers, and Guides.

It was a matching between an S-Class Esper and an S-Class Guide.
Everyone must have been looking forward to this match.

“Has the matching test started?”

When Jihwon asked a researcher, the researcher nodded.
At that, I felt like crying.
A match between the same grade had a high probability of yielding a high matching rate.

A few people recognized me and looked at me with pity.
I tried to ignore their gazes and was anxiously watching the matching test room when Minseong-sunbae recognized me and approached me.

“Shinui-ssi, you’re here?”

“Yes…”

He must have noticed my anxiety, as he comforted me, saying it wouldn’t be as high as mine.
But everyone around us was convinced that a high matching rate would come out.
I clasped my hands together and prayed that the matching rate would be low.

‘Please.’

Cold sweat trickled down my back.
After waiting for about 10 minutes, the door opened, and I saw the familiar figure of Dr. Yoon.

“17%.”

A collective sigh erupted from the surroundings at his words.
17%.
I leaned my weakened body against the wall.
And along with relief, resentment towards him followed.

His heartless act of immediately proceeding with a matching test as soon as I was unable to guide was cruel.
He could have at least done it a few days later, but to get a matching test so quickly.
I could only think of him as heartless.

I felt abandoned by him.
Just a few days ago, he had been nursing me when I was sick.
Seeing that, I had thought he liked me at least a little, but as he had said, I realized once again that I was nothing more than a simple guiding tool to him.

When I heard voices around me suggesting a re-test, my breath caught in my throat.

Dr. Yoon also seemed to think a re-test was necessary, and he went back inside.
But the result was the same.
I bit my lip hard and left the spot.
I heard Minseong-sunbae and Jihwon’s voices from behind, but I ignored them.

A surge of anger from the feeling of betrayal rose to my throat.
As I was walking with my head down, I saw the ID card hanging around my neck.

Three years had passed since I had awakened as a Guide, but I was still a B-Class.
I didn’t want to lose him to an S-Class Guide like this.

I turned my steps towards the project training room.
The only thought in my head was that I had to get promoted quickly.

As the doctor had said, it was clear that guiding was taking a toll on my body.
My nosebleed didn’t stop for over an hour after the guiding training ended.

Fortunately, the bleeding had stopped by the time I got home, but I could still taste blood in my mouth.
I collapsed on the sofa and barely held back the tears that were about to burst out.

If he went to the S-Class Guide, a B-Class like me couldn’t hold him back.
The only justification I had to hold onto him was that our matching rate was high.

I heard him coming into the house.
Normally, I would have welcomed his arrival, but I couldn’t today.

“Why are you sitting in the dark?”

My heart sank at his usual demeanor, oblivious to my feelings.

“You took a matching test today…?”

“Word travels fast, huh? Yeah.”

“Why? Why did you take it?”

My trembling voice, revealing my hurt, was full of accusation towards him.

“She’s an S-Class Guide, of course I had to.”

“You have me.”

“I can do a matching even if I have you. And it’s an obligation.”

He usually doesn’t care about obligations…

“You don’t look so good, you should go to bed.”

As he passed me and went into his room, the resentment I had been holding back finally burst, and I rebuked him.

“The only guide with a high matching rate for you is me anyway.”

“What?”

He, who was about to go into his room, stopped and looked at me with a hardened expression.

“Do the matching test with that S-Class Guide tens of times, hundreds of times. See if it comes out high.”

I glared at him for the first time and said.
I couldn’t control my anger.
At my behavior, he frowned and came closer.

“Are you crazy? Did you drink?”

“Just give up and accept it!”

“Why should I give up.”

“You know that a 17% matching rate doesn’t allow for proper guiding. I’m dozens of times more helpful to you!”

Before I could finish my words, I pulled his uniform tie towards me.
And then I kissed him.
It was my last desperate act.

They said mucous membrane guiding aroused affection.
I had held his hand and hugged him hundreds of times, but it seemed I was the only one who had developed feelings.
I hoped that this act would create a small affection for me in him as well.

He tried to push me away, but I held on tight and pushed my tongue into his mouth.
It was our first kiss in two years.
And it was also my first kiss.

Surprised by my action, he finally pushed me away with force.

“Are you crazy?”

“I’ve never guided you properly. I can guide like an S-Class too!”

“The doctor said you shouldn’t guide now!”

“I don’t care!”

I pushed him onto the sofa.
And I looked down at him from on top and continued.

“I’ve lived with you for three years.”

It had been three years since I had been with him, and for him, I had spent every day without rest in guiding training, thinking only of promotion.

“Lee Shinui, get off.”

“No.”

I lowered my face and kissed his lips again.
I thought his lips would be rough, but they were soft.
So was his tongue.

His tongue and mine tangled, and our breaths and saliva mixed.
It was my first kiss, and I was clumsy, but I could feel my wavelength enveloping his.
It was hazy and pleasant, like being underwater.

But as if my body was warning me, a sharp headache arose in my temples.
He must have felt it too, as he pulled his face away from mine.

“Are you okay?”

The pain brought me to my senses, and I could finally face him properly.
Unlike usual, his face was confused.
Only then did I realize what I had done.
This wasn’t guiding; it was an act of satisfying my own desires.

“I’m sorry.”

I hurriedly got off him.
As he said, I seemed to have gone crazy.
I shouldn’t have done this without his consent just because I was angry.

I staggered and walked to the front door.
I couldn’t look him in the face.

“Lee Shinui, where are you going.”

I didn’t answer and came out the front door.
He followed behind me, but I ignored him and headed for the elevator.

“Lee Shinui, where are you going!”

“I’m sorry about what happened earlier. It won’t happen again.”

“Forget it, just come inside.”

“No. I want to be alone today.”

“If you want to be alone, be alone in your room. Don’t go out.”

“I’m going out.”

I stood in front of the elevator without looking at him.
He finally turned me around.
I swatted his hand away and shouted.

“I said I want to be alone!”

Finally, tears burst out.
He looked at me with a surprised face, unable to say anything.

Just then, the elevator door opened.
I got on and immediately pressed the close button.
Fortunately, the door closed right away, and his figure disappeared.

I tried to stop my tears in the elevator, but they wouldn’t stop.
I felt so pathetic and miserable.

I stood in front of the apartment lobby for a long time, unable to go anywhere.
I had nowhere to go.

I just walked where my legs took me, and I saw the Center.
In the end, I had no choice but to head to the Center.