Chapter 20: The Unsettling Truth of Assimilated Emotions

“I’ll call you back soon. I can’t wait.”

‘For someone who said that, hasn’t it been quite a long time…?’

Lee Doha found himself feeling a strange sense of disappointment. He was surprised by his own reaction.

He had been waiting for Siohan to call him. The name ‘Hwairam’ echoed in his ears constantly, making him feel unfamiliar with himself as he would inexplicably glance around.

In such a state, there was little Lee Doha could do about the events in Orphenos, which popped up erratically like moles in a whack-a-mole game.

At first, he would laugh, then dismiss it as a recent dark chapter, muttering, ‘Lee Doha, you’re crazy.’

But soon after, he’d find himself replaying the Orphenos incident in his mind. ‘Why did I do that? Was I insane?’

He had sat on a man who was clearly half a span taller than him. Worse, he had even leaned over him.

It was no wonder that courtier had looked at him like he was the most shameless scoundrel in the world.

Siohan, of course, had shown no sign of discomfort or displeasure, merely enjoying himself—but then, Siohan enjoyed everything.

The real problem was Lee Doha himself, and the vivid memories that kept resurfacing.

His face wasn’t clear enough to properly visualize, yet why were his sensations so incredibly vivid?

The slender, firm waist trapped between his legs. The warmth of a body. The tip of an ear that brushed his cheek.

Cold, smooth hair. A voice that was low and refined, yet, heard so close, it carried a faint, metallic undertone.

‘Hwairam.’

“I’m going to lose my mind, seriously…”

Lee Doha pressed the fleshy part of his palm firmly against his eyes. He had called Siohan crazy, but now he realized he was no different; they were two of a kind.

“Lee Doha, aren’t you going to eat some pizza?”

Kim Yoon-hye, who had been thoroughly enjoying her honeyed webfoot octopus set, asked, unfazed. Lee Doha replied without even lifting his head.

“You can have it all, Kim Yoon-hye.”

“Sweet!”

“You really are…”

“I was just being considerate, seeing as you’re struggling by yourself.”

It was true he could barely string a coherent sentence together. In the meantime, Kim Yoon-hye, having devoured a slice of pizza, began mixing the webfoot octopus into her rice again.

Sprinkling seaweed flakes over it, she asked.

“So, I asked if you’re a simp for looks? Wondering if you’ve become gay yourself?”

Kim Yoon-hye didn’t even crack a smile, her expression utterly serious. Lee Doha was confused, unsure how to react to what might have been a joke, given her deadpan face.

Regardless, having his carefully constructed excuse so precisely dismantled felt like a sharp jab.

“That ‘gay’ thing, seriously… You’re insulting all gay people with that.”

“Insulting? It’s a statement of human affection. Fine, let’s say you’re in love. It’s the same thing.”

Lee Doha pressed a hand to his forehead.

“Just eat quickly, Kim Yoon-hye. Finish it all.”

“They say if two people look good together, they should date.”

“Let’s stick to the topic, please. No personal agendas.”

Kim Yoon-hye, having once again crammed a mountain of webfoot octopus fried rice into her mouth, fell silent for a moment.

Her cheeks bulged and twitched, much like a hamster’s stuffed with sunflower seeds, as she chewed without moving. Indeed, there wasn’t much difference.

Though her focus seemed entirely on her food, she was undoubtedly thinking very seriously. Lee Doha had known Kim Yoon-hye for more than just a year or two.

“So, tell me in more detail why you reached that conclusion. If you say, ‘My behavior is strange, am I just a simp?’, what else can I say besides ‘Congratulations’? If it’s strange, you must have thought about why.”

“…Fine.”

Like a child reluctantly pushed into something, Lee Doha spoke slowly and sullenly. He hadn’t wanted to articulate it this much.

He had an unpleasant premonition that putting his jumbled internal thoughts into words would lead to a conclusion he wouldn’t like.

However, Kim Yoon-hye was inherently persistent. While this was partly due to her work, she also didn’t distinguish much between work and non-work matters.

What Kim Yoon-hye was curious about became her work, and her work was driven by her curiosities.

He recalled her saying before, “There’s not much known about the Oath, Lee Doha, so tell me about it.”

If he had kept his mouth shut from the beginning, it might have been different, but now that he’d started, there was no backing out. Perhaps Lee Doha himself had subconsciously known this, which was why he had brought it up in the first place.

“Siohan’s mood, his feelings, all that. He usually finds whatever I do amusing, but if I really think about it, it’s strange.

He always smiles the same way, but how am I supposed to know what’s truly going on inside him? They say you can fathom the depths of the sea, but not the human heart. This isn’t even a guess; I just… understand.

But I can’t explain how I know. It just is. ‘Oh, he’s enjoying this,’ or ‘He finds this fascinating.’”

Or, ‘He seems regretful…’ things like that. And strangely, whenever he was near Siohan, his own actions and emotions became frivolous.

Siohan wasn’t some fluffy, adorable kitten, yet if Lee Doha touched him a little, his mood would inexplicably lighten.

He would suddenly feel elated and laugh, only to sink into solemnity just as quickly; his emotions were all over the place. It was as if he were tied to a rubber band, no matter how far he stretched, he would always snap back to where he belonged: to Siohan.

Moreover, while he wasn’t particularly averse to physical contact with others, Lee Doha wasn’t usually the type to be overly clingy.

Yet, whenever he was in Orphenos, he became like a puppy thrown into a snowfield… Lee Doha frowned slightly at the comparison he had conjured himself.

“Contractors are usually quite sensitive to their contractor’s emotions. That’s because the contractor often tries to fulfill their desires through the contractee.

If you’re both holding the steering wheel, you get angry together when things go wrong. But Lee Doha, yours seems a bit more intense.”

“So?”

“You didn’t make a typical contract, Lee Doha. You made an Oath with the Orphenos Emperor. The ‘same day, same hour’ kind of Oath.”

‘The same day, same hour’ kind of Oath. Lee Doha subtly furrowed his brow at the peculiar sensation evoked by that short phrase.

“Could your emotions be assimilating?”

“…”

Tearing off another piece of Gorgonzola pizza, Kim Yoon-hye glanced at Lee Doha.

“Actually, Lee Doha, you probably suspected this, didn’t you? And you weren’t happy about it.

You’re saying the feelings you experience in Orphenos are assimilated emotions from your contractor, not your own.”

Lee Doha silently affirmed. Kim Yoon-hye took his share of rice, poured it onto the hot plate, and deftly began mixing it with two new spoons.

She was remarkably skilled, as if she worked there. She snipped the remaining webfoot octopus with scissors.

Watching her, Lee Doha grew quite melancholic again. Seeing the pristine white rice being thoroughly mixed with the fiery red sauce, he was suddenly struck by the thought that his own fate might be just as helplessly tossed about.

“Lee Doha, you’re more emotional than you look.”

Kim Yoon-hye now pressed the well-mixed webfoot octopus fried rice flat against the hot plate. She looked at Lee Doha again, then lowered the heat and set down her spoon.

“If it were me, I’d probably just shrug it off.”

“I doubt it.”

Kim Yoon-hye possessed both high self-esteem and strong pride. After pondering Lee Doha’s words for a moment, she readily agreed.

“Maybe. I wouldn’t know, never having experienced it. So, are you upset?”

“No… I don’t know. I just feel unsettled.”

Lee Doha sighed.

“What do you want to do, then? Do you want to break the contract?”

“What are you talking about?”

For a moment, Lee Doha’s heart plummeted, and he grimaced. But then he remembered: he and Siohan were bound by an Oath.

He had completely forgotten how the vast bedchamber had been drenched in blood, and he himself had received a blood transfusion and been confined to a sickbed.

They were connected by the “same day, same hour”—there was no way the Oath could be broken. Reassured, Lee Doha spoke gruffly.

“What do you mean, ‘what to do’? There’s no answer.”

“Don’t you want to confirm it?”

The fried rice, now perfectly golden and crispy, emanated an incredible aroma. Kim Yoon-hye picked up her spoon.

“There’s only one way to confirm a hypothesis, Lee Doha: an experiment.”

“No thanks. What would I do even if I confirmed it? They say ignorance is bliss.”

“They also say knowledge is power. Are you afraid your feelings might just vanish?”

“No, I’m not.”

“Then why?”

“The rice is burning.”

“I turned off the heat.”

“…”

Lee Doha clamped his mouth shut.

“When you can’t be sure, everything just feels ambiguous. It’s hard to get your bearings.

I don’t know what you’re feeling, Lee Doha, but you need to know something before you can worry, think, or decide on a path.

I can’t tell you how to manage your relationship with your contractor, but just keep this in mind.”

Lee Doha watched Kim Yoon-hye silently, as she delicately scooped up a thin layer of crispy fried rice, blew on it, and put it in her mouth.

Then, he unconsciously mumbled.

“…But can you take food into Orphenos?”

“You probably shouldn’t.”

Kim Yoon-hye replied.

“Contractors are granted names and allowed to temporarily reside in Orphenos through their contractor, but food is different.

You don’t know what might happen if you eat it there. Take it if you want to test it.”

“Please, stop saying such scary things.”

Kim Yoon-hye grinned, seeing Lee Doha’s disgusted expression.

“Lee Doha, of course, there’s also the possibility that your hypothesis is wrong.”

“What now?”

“It’s this: there’s a hypothesis that you’re just an extreme simp for looks, and you fell in love at first sight, becoming gay… no, falling in love in one go.

It’s not even a hypothesis, really. Emotions have no reason, no logic, no probability.”

When you’re in love, it’s like that, isn’t it? Emotions jump all over the place, you’re swayed by that person’s mood, you want to touch them, you feel a pang of regret when you part ways, and you think of them constantly, regardless of time or place.

The more he listened, the more plausible it sounded.

Kim Yoon-hye expected Lee Doha to grimace violently again. Surprisingly, however, Lee Doha remained still, then let out a long sigh and said.

“…Yeah. If it just meant I’d become gay, I might actually feel relieved.”

His voice was utterly drained of energy. The meal was merely a prelude, and he still had so much he’d intended to do, yet slumped in his chair, Lee Doha only felt a longing to go home.

Staring blankly at the light fixture on the high ceiling, he drifted into a daze.

‘Mine is mine, yours is mine too.’ One shouldn’t even say such things about money, let alone emotions.

So, as Kim Yoon-hye suggested, it would be far better if he were simply a terrible simp for looks who had fallen in love at first sight.

If he could just say, ‘Whether you’re a man or whatever, this is simply my heart loving you.’