Chapter 26: A Second Chance

The moment I regained consciousness, intense pain was waiting for me.
Every time I moved, a wave of pain washed over me, as if my whole body had been hacked to pieces, and a sharp groan escaped my lips.

My vision was blurry, and I felt nauseous.
As the retching continued, I hurriedly covered my mouth with my hand, but my throat convulsed, and I began to vomit the contents of my stomach.

The vomiting wouldn’t stop, my body still ached, and my mind was filled with confusion.
But the memories from before I woke up were crystal clear.

I thought I had died after being attacked by the devil, but seeing that I was alive like this, I knew that Taewoon had come back and saved me.

I barely stopped vomiting and let my body go limp.
Fortunately, the pain also gradually subsided, and seeing that my arm and leg, which had been torn off by the monster, were both completely healed, a sense of relief slowly washed over me.

I slowly raised my upper body to look for him, but as soon as I looked around, I froze.
I thought it was a hospital, but surprisingly, it was the factory dorm I had lived in three years ago.
I had no idea why I was here.

It was possible that I had been expelled from the Association because I had left the shelter on my own during the gate incident.
But I wouldn’t have been expelled without any notice.

Anxious, I hurriedly looked for my phone, but what was on my bedside table was not the model I had been using until recently, but the phone I had lost a long time ago.
Feeling a strange sense of foreboding, I looked for my current phone, but I couldn’t find it no matter how hard I looked.

In the end, I tried to call Jinho-hyung with my old phone, but of course, his number wasn’t saved.
Having no choice, I was about to contact the Center.
A notification window popped up on my phone screen.

[(Important) Mother’s Birthday]

“Mother’s birthday?”

I read the notification message out loud without realizing it.

If it was my mother’s birthday, it was July.
I didn’t know why a notification that should have appeared four months ago was appearing now, so just in case, I quickly checked the calendar.

The calendar pointed to July, not November.
There was a possibility that I had been unconscious for several months, but the moment I checked the year, I couldn’t help but be surprised.
The number pointed to three years ago.

I thought it might be a prank by my colleagues to surprise me, but they wouldn’t play such a foolish prank on someone who had just come back from the dead.

With my fingers slowly starting to tremble, I checked the portal site on my phone.
The real-time news and the latest blog posts were all from three years ago today.

Thinking that I just hadn’t come to my senses yet since I had just woken up, I slapped my cheek with my palm, but instead of coming to my senses, my vision blurred, and only my cheek stung.

From the looks of it, it seemed I had returned to three years ago.
I didn’t know if I had really returned to the past or if everything up until now had been a dream, but the events of the past three years were too realistic and vivid to be a dream.

For a while, I looked at the arm that had been torn off, slowly moved it, and repeatedly clenched and unclenched my fist.
Unless I was crazy, there was no way that everything up until now had been a dream.

I also searched for Hyun Taewoon on my phone.
A picture of the youthful Hyun Taewoon from when I first met him was attached to a news article.

The moment I saw the picture, my throat burned, and blood rushed to my face.
The image of his back as he ran to Joo Wonjae, abandoning me, came to mind.
Just thinking about it made my breathing become rough, and I felt a pain as if a sharp spear had been thrust into my chest. I hurriedly turned off the screen.

My vision blurred with tears that quickly welled up, and eventually, teardrops fell down my cheeks.
I wiped my tears with the back of my hand, but even after wiping them, the tears dripped onto the floor.

It was a memory so devastating and painful that I never wanted to recall it again.
This memory was not my imagination or a dream; it was reality.

Had I really returned to three years ago?
I didn’t know why I had come to the past instead of just dying.
If only I had lost my memories, I would have been happy without knowing anything.
Then I wouldn’t have had to face the painful reality of being abandoned by him.

The hatred and resentment towards him, who had left only scars on my heart until the very end, came flooding back.

As I sobbed, crushed by sorrow, I felt so pathetic and pitiful.
I didn’t want to cry anymore because of him, who had abandoned me.

I remembered myself dying as I watched his back disappear with Joo Wonjae.
To me, who was a wreck, desperately calling for him to come back, he left only betrayal and despair.

The moment death approached, the sensations and emotions I had felt came back to me as clearly as if I had returned to that time.
My mind slowly began to cool and dry up.

The tears that seemed like they would never stop had already dried up.
I never wanted to be swayed by him again.
Even if we were to meet again, I would never wish for his heart like I did before.

If today was my mother’s birthday, it was the day I had awakened as a Guide.
Even if I awakened as a Guide, I would be a C-Class, and it was certain that I would get involved with him, so I absolutely could not go out today.

If it was certain that I had returned to the past, an A-Class gate would appear in the afternoon.

I waited for the afternoon, cleaned up the messy room, and checked the text messages and news on my phone again.
It was when it was getting close to 5 PM.

Darkness slowly began to creep into the room.
Just a moment ago, the sunset had been a brilliant orange.
At the sudden change, I approached the window.
At that moment, the gate emergency alert rang loudly.

A gate emergency message had arrived in my phone’s notification window.

[(Emergency Text Message, Esper·Guide Association) A-Class Gate appearance in Sector 107. Please refrain from going out and outdoor activities, and residents near the gate are advised to evacuate to the shelter immediately.]

Sector 107 was the area where I was on the day I awakened.
I was flustered that the gate had actually opened, and strangely, I also felt a small sense of exhilaration.
After all, I had died and come back to the past.

When I checked the latest news, I saw pictures of the boss monster and the gate situation that I had seen at the gate three years ago.

I thought it was rash to conclude with just this, but looking at the current situation, it was certain that I had returned to the past.

I checked the live news and waited for the gate to close.
If the gate just closed, I wouldn’t awaken as a Guide, and I wouldn’t have to meet him anymore.

The dark red clouds that exuded an ominous aura finally lifted after an hour.
And a heavy downpour began to fall.
It was the rain brought by a water-attribute Esper to clean up the area around the gate that had become a sea of fire due to his abilities.

Every time a raindrop hit the ground hard, my heart pounded along with it.

When the notification message that the gate had closed came, I checked the news, and along with relief, the tension I had been feeling slowly began to unwind.

The first news that popped up was that he had been injured.
In the past, I would have worried first, but surprisingly, I wasn’t worried at all.
I had just been crying a moment ago.
I was surprised at myself for reading the article with emotionless eyes.

The feelings I had for him had disappeared as if they had never existed in the first place.
My feelings for him might have died when I died.
Now, only hatred and resentment towards him filled me.

The things he had done to me over the years came to mind one by one.
My devoted self now felt so foolish.

What did he think as he watched me, who had been devoted to him for three years and craved his love?
He probably thought of me as a pushover, someone he could sway as he pleased, a useful guiding machine.

I wanted to live as the civilian Lee Shinui, who had not awakened as a Guide and did not know someone like him.

I only realized it now, but I was happier when I was working at the factory without a single day off to pay off the private loan I took out for my mother’s hospital bills.

This kind of life suited me better than living as a Guide.
My body might have been struggling, but at least my heart wasn’t in pain.
Most of all, if I were to meet him again, I had a premonition that I would repeat my death, just like before I returned to the past.

I will never give my heart to him again, nor do I have any intention of dying for him.

I will completely erase him from within me, as if he were someone I had never known from the beginning.