Chapter 4: The Uncharted Territory of Fandom

The questions didn’t stop there. Typically, a performance would conclude with a close-up on one or two members’ faces, yet Jaejeong’s face was rarely featured.

To Dohoon, this was even more perplexing than the absence of individual fancams. Frankly, with Jaejeong’s striking looks, Dohoon felt that even he, if he were the camera director, would instinctively zoom in.

He simply couldn’t comprehend why the camera consistently fixated on certain members, repeating their close-ups. Amusingly, it began to irritate him.

Driven by a flicker of hope, he even sought out previous performance videos, but the situation remained unchanged.

“Wow, this is truly absurd.”

Dohoon, fueled by stubborn indignation, had scoured through performance videos until his eyes ached. He let out a hollow laugh, a sound born of utter frustration. During the ending segments of performances, Jaejeong’s face was captured so infrequently that it could be counted on one hand.

While there was no rule dictating that only handsome individuals should be filmed, intentionally omitting such a face felt like a blatant waste of airtime. Clenching his fist in exasperation, Dohoon let out a heavy sigh.

****

After the fan meeting, Dohoon had been holed up at home, immersed solely in Face A. What finally pulled him back to reality was a long-awaited schedule: a summer photoshoot for the clothing brand he modeled for.

Since the concept included sleeveless outfits, he had frantically lifted dumbbells through the night. Consequently, the lower part of his arms ached intensely from early morning.

“Hyung, are you very tired?”

“Does it show?”

Perhaps it was due to being glued to his phone for days, but the fatigue was etched clearly on his face. Dohoon inwardly worried that his photos might not turn out well.

“You must not have slept well.”

Dohoon offered an awkward smile in response to his manager’s question. He couldn’t very well admit that he’d been too busy fangirling. Being out and about after such a long time, even the sunlight pouring onto his skin felt alien.

The walk from the car to the studio was brief, yet his exposed skin already felt stinging.

After finishing his makeup and hair, Dohoon called Jooyoung, the youngest of the styling staff, during a short break.

“Yes? Do you need something?”

“No, you said you liked someone, right? That idol, I mean.”

“Ah… D-A-Teen. Why? Are you going to get me an autograph?”

Jooyoung gazed at Dohoon with a bright, innocent smile. Meeting her sparkling eyes, Dohoon’s heart inexplicably grew heavy.

“Haha, not exactly. But if I ever meet them later, I’ll definitely get you one.”

“Really?”

Jooyoung beamed as if that promise alone was enough. Could a mere piece of paper bring such joy? Dohoon remained puzzled.

“But aren’t you interested in male idols?”

D-A-Teen, Jooyoung’s favorite group, was a five-member girl group. Dohoon subtly probed, wondering if she might have an interest in Face A.

“Not really… It’s strange, but I can’t seem to remember male idols’ faces or names well. I prefer pretty girls.”

“Really? What exactly does that feeling entail?”

“Huh?”

Jooyoung, her smile fading, tilted her head in confusion at Dohoon’s question. She seemed flustered, unable to grasp his intent.

“Just curious. What fans’ hearts feel like.”

“Oh, for me, I just feel good when I see pretty things, and I keep wanting to see them. That’s the feeling behind my liking them, I think. And I hope they earn a lot of money and stay healthy.”

Money? Healthy? Well, concern for health was understandable when caring for someone, but he hadn’t realized fans wished for celebrities to earn a lot of money. Dohoon chuckled quietly at the intriguing answer.

It was a feeling far removed from romantic affection, more akin to a parent’s feelings for their child.

“So, where do you usually do your fan activities?”

As Dohoon’s questions grew increasingly specific, Jooyoung still wore a puzzled expression. However, Dohoon, blinded by curiosity, didn’t notice her bewilderment.

“If a fan café is active, I do it there. Sometimes, there are separate rooms on community sites. Oh, and Twit. These days, a lot of it happens on Twit.”

“Ah, Twit?”

“Why? Ah! Oppa, you’re going to search ‘Han Dohoon,’ aren’t you? You’re curious what fans say about you?”

Jooyoung clapped her hands, interpreting Dohoon’s intentions as she pleased, finding it amusing. Unable to explain the true reasons, Dohoon found Jooyoung’s misunderstanding more welcome than awkward.

He smiled uncomfortably and shook his head.

“Oppa is curious about such things too. That’s interesting.”

“I told you it’s not like that.”

“Alright. I’ll pretend not to know.”

Convinced that Dohoon was merely curious about his fans’ reactions, Jooyoung made a zipping motion over her lips. Probably no one around Dohoon would ever guess his secret.

****

The photoshoot, which began in the morning, concluded as darkness descended. While driving home, all he’d wanted was to rest due to exhaustion, but once he was alone, his fingers began to twitch.

The information Jooyoung had shared earlier simply wouldn’t leave his mind.

‘Do I really have to go this far? Isn’t it enough to just watch videos, like I am now?’

His serious contemplation lasted only a moment; Dohoon’s hands were already moving on their own. He first searched for Face A’s fan café. He had never joined a fan café before, apart from his own, which made it feel even more awkward.

Fearing someone might recognize him, he created a new ID. Joining the café was relatively easy, but the problem arose afterward. Most bulletin boards were only accessible to full members, making a rank-up mandatory.

Dohoon, who had busily scanned the screen expecting a simple button press for a rank-up, clicked on the rank-up board that caught his eye. Since he didn’t need to apply for a rank-up in his own fan café, the very idea of a separate application form for full membership was novel.

“What is this? I have to write my age and real name.”

As he hesitated, feeling burdened by the need to provide personal information, Dohoon subtly checked the questions below. Basic information about each member was required, along with separate authentication for music streaming sites and video channel subscriptions.

Below that, there was a string of quiz-like questions: how many times the lyric ‘I’m sorry’ appeared in a certain song, or what color outfits each member wore in a specific music video.

Dohoon was speechless at the overwhelming sight, soon pressing a hand to his throbbing forehead. Even though he had recently fallen for Face A, his affection wasn’t deep enough to meticulously search for and prove all those details.

Giving up quickly, Dohoon frantically pressed the back button as if fleeing. ‘The fan café won’t work.’

However, fan cafés weren’t the only places for fan activities. Dohoon’s next destination was a large community site where idol fans were primarily active. Dohoon had vaguely heard its name before.

Yet, a challenge arose even before he could cross the threshold. No matter how much he searched, he couldn’t find a registration button. Dohoon, who had combed through the site like a fine-tooth comb, belatedly checked an announcement uploaded two months prior.

The post stated that member registration had been finalized, and the registration window would be closed for the time being. It only mentioned that the date for new member recruitment was undecided.

“This won’t work either…”

Nothing seemed to come easily. Just when he decided to properly engage in fan activities, circumstances weren’t cooperating. Ultimately, Dohoon’s last resort was Twit.

He hesitated, feeling it was too vast a world for him to venture into, but Twit was the easiest place to join and post. After a moment of deliberation, Dohoon immediately pressed the sign-up button.

After entering some basic information, only the name field remained blank. The fact that he didn’t have to use his real name made Dohoon ponder even longer. Using ‘Taeshik’s Dad,’ his frequent handle, would be tantamount to advertising himself to fans.

After a long contemplation, Dohoon set his nickname as ‘TSdaddy’ and smiled, satisfied. After signing up, he spent a while tinkering with various functions, unsure what to do first. He began by searching for Face A.

Perhaps it was too broad a search term, as all sorts of posts appeared, leaving him a little flustered. After a moment of floundering, Dohoon began to grasp bits of information and subscribed to everyone whose profile picture was Jaejeong.

He managed that much by intuition, but then he was lost again, unsure how to initiate a conversation. Dohoon read countless posts by others, finally figuring out the method. He then politely left a reply on the most recent mention.

[TSdaddy: @** Hello. I have a question, could I ask you something?]

He waited for a long time for a reply, but contrary to his expectations, no response came. Frustrated, he posted the exact same mention to every account he had subscribed to, one by one.

He relaxed, assuming someone would surely answer. However, contrary to his hopes, not a single person responded to Dohoon’s question. After patiently waiting a full day, Dohoon began searching for accounts once more.

He specifically wanted to ask about Jaejeong, so he tried to select only accounts that seemed to favor Jaejeong the most, which meant there weren’t many people to send mentions to.

Dohoon, who managed to find a peripheral Jaejeong fan account consisting mainly of self-talk, held onto his last hope and posted a mention.

[TSdaddy: @djWjfkrhdy Hello. I’m also a Jaejeong fan, could I ask you something?]

This time, he clearly stated that he was a Jaejeong fan. It was Dohoon’s own tactic to elicit a response by any means. It seemed his method worked, as the long-awaited reply finally arrived.

[NextMalaTangEating_Tired: @tsdh0305 Yes, DM me.]