Chapter 48: A Trip

“What was your biggest source of stress?”

On the agreed-upon first counseling date, Bodam, neatly dressed, sat in the counseling room and habitually darted his eyes around.

He briefly pursed his lips with a hum, then pondered with an “Um…” before slowly answering.

He was trying his best not to let his eyes well up.

“Being ignored…?”

He gave an ambiguous answer and, as if to escape, picked up his mug and sipped his tea.

A pleasant aroma wafted from the black tea, sweetened with honey.

‘I should buy some black tea bags at home and try making this,’ he thought.

‘If I add milk, it would be like drinking cafe-style milk tea.’

“Mr. Bodam.”

“Ah, yes.”

The counselor seemed to have said something to him, but he missed it while drinking his tea.

A flustered Bodam quickly set his teacup down, apologizing, and the counselor, smiling gently, briefly explained about the black tea.

Bodam’s ears perked up at her recommendation to cold brew it with milk for a day for a delicious taste.

The walls he had unconsciously built around his heart began to crumble slightly.

She was a good counselor.

“I’d like to hear more about your story, Mr. Bodam. It’s our first session, so please don’t feel pressured. Just tell me comfortably about any emotions you felt at the time, or any memorable thoughts you had.”

Nodding his head, Bodam slowly began to speak.

He said his work was hard, he had frequent overtime and weekend shifts, and he didn’t get along with his team members.

While he spoke fluently about his circumstances, it was difficult for him to articulate his feelings.

He was even surprised himself by how hard it was to speak.

The counselor, who observed Bodam closely, gave him a simple homework assignment as the session neared its end.

“Do I just need to write it down?”

“Yes. Already past thoughts are good, and also any negative emotions that suddenly come to mind, just write them all down.

You don’t need to write them in a separate notebook; you can simply jot them down in your phone’s memo app as they occur. Just like doodling, following the stream of consciousness.

It’s also good to take a moment to reflect on why you feel down when those feelings well up.”

She also told him to write down his actions if he felt resistant to recording his emotions.

Bodam, surprised that an hour had already passed, meticulously noted down everything the counselor had said in his memo app.

After coordinating his next counseling appointment, he calmly wrapped up the hour, which had passed more quickly than he expected.

Bodam felt comfortable after his first counseling session, contrary to his worries.

He felt as though he’d had a long chat with a kind, intelligent adult.

Above all, the black tea was delicious.

The thought, ‘This isn’t so bad?’ was fleeting.

As the elevator descended to the first floor, he suddenly felt his energy drain.

The empty space around him felt strangely lonely.

A wave of irritation unexpectedly rose within him, a feeling he wasn’t used to.

He glared sharply at his reflection in the mirror, engaging in a silent staring contest with himself, before quickly exiting the building.

Breathing in the cool air made him feel a little better.

‘Is it because I’m hungry?’

Perplexed by his fluctuating emotions, Bodam found his own answer.

When he was hungry, he’d even had the temper to snap back at Lee Tae Hwan if he yelled.

Once, he’d even gone to a call from Min Ji Oh with a dumpling still in his mouth.

Although he ended up chewing loudly in front of him before quietly gulping it down, sensing the mood, he’d definitely made it clear not to bother him while he was eating.

‘And yet you don’t even eat properly.’

‘Who said that again?’

The owner of the voice that had suddenly crossed his mind didn’t come to him.

It felt like it could have been Kang Yi Jun, or maybe Lee Tae Hwan.

It was probably one of the two.

It wasn’t something Min Ji Oh would say, and certainly not Han Seung Ho.

‘But why am I even thinking about those bastards?’

“ABC.”

Bodam pulled a soy milk carton from his new tote bag and, tearing open the straw wrapper, grumbled in annoyance.

He’d been talking about Attack Team 3, whom he’d largely forgotten, throughout the counseling session, so they were still on his mind even after leaving.

‘This is why I didn’t want to go to counseling.’

‘This won’t do. I need to splurge.’

He was about to hail a taxi but decided to eat something delicious nearby instead.

He didn’t want to go home feeling so dreary.

Since he was already out in Seoul, he wanted to eat something as delicious as possible.

Bodam lightly shook his head and habitually sought a place to lean his back against.

He went straight to the nearest bus stop and leaned against the wall.

It was a habit ingrained from the field, even though it had been over a month since he left the Center.

It was because he’d been told countless times since he was a rookie that showing his back to a monster meant a dog’s death.

Even outside of a Gate site, Bodam felt uneasy if there wasn’t a wall or something to lean against behind him.

“Ah.”

Suddenly remembering his homework, Bodam opened his phone’s memo app.

[Empty, anxious when there’s no wall or person behind me.]

‘Is this how I should write it? Is it too half-hearted?’

Despite regretting his decision to receive counseling just moments ago, he diligently did his homework.

After adding a bit more detail to the sentence, he searched online for good restaurants near the station.

Before he knew it, his mood had improved again.

‘Hmm. I want to eat something amazing…’

His counselor had also told him to reward himself with delicious food for being brave enough to come to this session today.

Bodam, who was exceptionally good at following “eating homework,” wanted to give himself the biggest reward possible.

As he enjoyed the pleasure of choosing from the menu without worrying about the price, he thought of Yoon Bomi.

Mom was at work, and Bomi didn’t have school that day.

Though Bodam had reached the pinnacle of eating alone, he didn’t want to eat by himself today.

He just felt that way.

[Wyd?]

Bodam sent a text to his sister and picked food that his “pig” would like.

He figured she’d like everything anyway, but he narrowed it down to places that were good for taking food photos.

By the time he was reading reviews for two good restaurants, a reply came from Bomi.

[Date]

“What the heck is she saying?”

Bodam squinted his eyes, as if he had poor eyesight, and muttered.

Thinking it might be some new slang kids these days used, he sent back a single question mark.

A reply came back immediately.

[Date;)]

‘What is this now?’

Shocked by his sister’s answer, he read the message again and again.

‘Oh my god. Our house’s honey pig is dating?’ A surprised Bodam immediately sent a quick reply.

He asked if the other person knew it was a date too, and although he was read-zoned, he couldn’t help but laugh.

“Wow… My little kid is actually dating.”

Although his sister was big enough and strong enough to overpower her brother, in Bodam’s eyes, she was still just a little honey pig.

Even though she was old enough to date, he found it amazing that his sister had a boyfriend.

“Dating, yeah. Dating is good.”

Bodam considered himself someone who had dated frequently.

Even Jo Yeon couldn’t quite agree with him on this point, but Bodam insisted he was definitely not a “mosol”—someone who’d never had a relationship.

In kindergarten, his girlfriends changed every season, and in elementary school, he even had a girlfriend for two years.

After moving to higher grades, he would get confessions every time there was a school trip.

He dated that girlfriend until his first year of middle school, but then naturally drifted apart because he got into his fandom obsession.

In high school, he somehow ended up dating an upperclassman, but it didn’t last long because he was scared of her and tried to avoid her.

‘Bodam. What kind of dating is that? Is dating a joke?’

To Jo Yeon, who asked with a twitching corner of his mouth, Bodam insisted he’d walked them home and gone to the movies with them.

Besides that, he’d done almost everything that could be called a student date.

Of course, that was in middle school.

‘……’

Reflecting slowly on his life, Bodam suddenly felt a sense of skepticism.

‘Are relationships where only the freshness is remembered not proper relationships?’

‘If so, then.’

‘I should date too…’

His stream of consciousness led to an abrupt conclusion.

There was no reason for him, at an age well past chewing rocks, with both wealth and charm, to be alone.

More than anything, the fact that Bomi was dating came as a huge shock.

If even Bomi was dating, her older brother needed to set an example for a proper relationship.

Bodam’s interest shifted from delicious food to a passionate romance, and his enthusiasm surged.

He had never seriously contemplated or desired love before.

He had always said he wasn’t interested, but in reality, he hadn’t had the luxury or time for it.

As he focused only on work and money, people naturally drifted away from him.

He couldn’t be more grateful to Jo Yeon, who had approached him when he was so used to being alone.

“Ah, I’m already excited.”

Bodam, who had already imagined coordinating his wedding gifts in his mind, forgot about food and boarded a bus.

With a bright smile, he resolved to learn how to drive right away.

Bodam, who was boldly looking into cars, didn’t even have a license yet.

***

“Where are you going?”

Geun Young, her face filled with worry, asked her son.

She had been applying the face masks Bodam gave them with Bomi, but stopped mid-application to enter her son’s room.

Bodam was packing his bags late at night.

“Busan!”

Bodam’s thoughts, jumping from one thing to another, extended his interest from dating to travel.

To date, he needed to meet people, and there was nothing better than travel for meeting people.

He hadn’t even been on a plane, and there were many places he hadn’t visited even within Korea, so just thinking about going to Busan made his heart flutter.

His last memory of travel was a group trip to Gyeongju in school.

“Why go so far? It’s dangerous.”

He gave his overly worried mother a cool look, telling her not to stop a man from going to Busan, and continued packing.

For the 2-night, 3-day trip, he decided to stay at a hotel the first night and a guesthouse the next.

He booked two places because he wanted to sleep in a nice hotel and also experience a place where he could meet various people.

He packed basic toiletries, underwear, and one change of clothes in a small backpack.

A man’s luggage wasn’t much.

“Are you going alone, son?”

“I’m going alone to come back with someone else.”

Pfft! He easily ignored Yoon Pig’s scoffing from the living room and zipped up his bag.

Geun Young also didn’t seem to be paying much attention to her son’s words.

Bodam burned with enthusiasm, declaring he would at least make some friends.