Chapter 64: A Conflicted Heart’s Awakening

“Do you like Yun Xueshang?”

In the companions’ room, Hua Yan stood behind the white-haired figure bustling at the stove, Ji Ling’s words from the afternoon echoing unbidden in her mind.

‘What do they mean, I like Yun Xueshang? How could I possibly like her?’

‘One after another, Ji Ling, Rongrong, even strangers from the Sloppy Sword Sect—what makes them so sure I like her?’

Hua Yan curled her lips, turning her face to deliberately avert her gaze.

“Do you often think of her when she’s not in sight? Do you immediately want to share any new trinkets or interesting encounters with her?”

‘Even if, even if I *am* like that… it’s only because Yun Xueshang and I have a good relationship! Don’t friends miss each other too?’

‘Even when I was in Hundred Flowers Valley, if I found something new and interesting, I’d show it to the people around me! I, I’m just alone here in the Carefree Sword Sect. Aside from Yun Xueshang,

I don’t know many people, that’s all! It’s not about liking or not liking at all!’

“Yan’er? Yan’er?”

A pair of fair, slender hands waved before her eyes.

“Ah? Ah?”

Hua Yan snapped back to reality, her gaze meeting Yun Xueshang’s clear, yet somewhat distant, crimson eyes.

“Yan’er, were you thinking about something just now?”

“No! Nothing! I certainly wasn’t thinking about you!”

Hua Yan instantly flushed, denying it loudly.

“Oh…”

Yun Xueshang nodded, seemingly understanding yet not, then held up a sugar jar. “Yan’er, for this scrambled eggs with tomato, is a spoonful of sugar enough?”

In her other hand, she held a large ladle.

“A teaspoon is plenty! How much are you trying to use? You’ll kill someone with sweetness!” Hua Yan couldn’t help but retort, reaching for the sugar jar. “Let me get it.”

Her fingertips brushed against Yun Xueshang’s hand by accident.

“Mm!”

Hua Yan instantly withdrew her hand and turned away.

‘I mean… I’ll get the teaspoon for you. You can add it yourself.’

“Oh, alright.”

Yun Xueshang nodded docilely, taking the teaspoon Hua Yan handed her from behind. She then turned to heat oil in the wok, beginning to stir-fry.

Out of Yun Xueshang’s sight, Hua Yan bit her lower lip, her cheeks burning crimson.

‘Come to think of it… lately, I’ve indeed been too close to Yun Xueshang.’

‘In short, the reason people are misunderstanding and getting us entangled is because we’re too close, isn’t it?’

‘Then I just need to keep my distance.’ Before she could truly ascertain her feelings, the maiden, who had never experienced such things, decided to take a step back.

She chose to let her restless heart calm down and carefully examine her true emotions.

***

Night fell, and the warm, yellow candlelight enveloped the bedroom.

“Yan’er, shall I extinguish the lamp?”

Yun Xueshang sat on the side of the bed, asking softly.

Initially, she wasn’t accustomed to sleeping, often spending her nights meditating and cultivating.

Although her cultivation technique could run on its own during sleep, it was ultimately less effective than focused meditation. Yet, lately, she had gradually grown used to sleeping soundly in bed.

At first, she slept to accompany Rongrong.

But now—

She tilted her head, looking at the petite, red-haired girl beside her.

Now, she had long grown accustomed to having her by her side, accustomed to the rich yet not cloying floral scent on her, accustomed to the casual chatter she spoke before sleep—about Rongrong, about these mountains, about trivial daily life.

Since that first night, she had also grown accustomed to waiting for the other person to fall asleep first, waiting for that soft body to unconsciously lean against her, embrace her, before quietly drifting off herself.

For some reason, sleeping like this always filled her heart with joy and peace.

In recent days, the space left between them when they slept had also grown smaller and smaller. Perhaps soon, she would be able to sleep right next to Yan’er.

Thinking of this, Yun Xueshang’s eyes gently curved into a smile.

“Tonight, you sleep alone. I’m going to the side room.”

Seeing Yun Xueshang sit on the bed, Hua Yan, who had been leaning on the other side reading a picture book, closed the book and stood up.

“I, I’m still worried about Rongrong sleeping alone. I’ll go stay with her for a few days!”

As she spoke, she walked towards the door. After a few steps, as if she herself felt the reason was flimsy, she added in a low voice,

“It snowed today, and she’s just had her first period… I’m afraid she’ll kick off her blanket and catch a cold. I’ll just go look after her for a few days.”

With that, the red figure vanished out the door. Yun Xueshang’s unspoken words caught in her throat, and she merely stared blankly at the gently closing door.

‘You seem… to have displeased her again.’

The white-haired girl curled back into the covers, clutching the corner of the blanket, lost in thought.

Ever since Rongrong was brought back to White Danxia Peak, she had subtly noticed Hua Yan deliberately keeping her distance. That former closeness seemed to have faded considerably.

‘Did I do something wrong again?’

‘Or is this… what Rongrong called ‘being pretentious’?’

She couldn’t understand, so she silently closed her eyes, forcefully extinguished the lamp, and buried her face in the pillow Hua Yan usually used. The other’s body warmth still lingered there, intertwined with her familiar floral scent.

She lay there quietly, allowing the faint bitterness in her heart to silently spread.

And Hua Yan, at this moment?

She first sat quietly in the courtyard for a while, until her divine sense confirmed that the little one in the side room was fast asleep. Only then did she quietly tiptoe into that bedroom.

Moonlight streamed through the window lattice, illuminating the pink-haired girl sleeping soundly with her back to Hua Yan, her breathing calm and even.

Hua Yan knelt gently by her bed, taking two items from her bosom and quietly examining them in the clear moonlight—

They were a pair of pearl tassel earrings and a small wooden pendant carved with a girl’s bright smiling face.

‘If I suddenly distance myself from her like this… will that simpleton think she’s done something wrong again and come apologize tomorrow?’

Hua Yan looked down at the two objects in her palm, her emotions unreadable.

‘But I… I really need to think carefully, to think about my relationship with her.’

‘If… if I truly fell for her, what would our relationship become?’

She shifted her gaze from the objects in her hand to the small figure on the bed.

‘It seems… my relationship with Xueshang became inseparable the moment Rongrong appeared.’

For some reason, her heart suddenly felt utterly clear.

‘What if I don’t love her? I am my daughter’s mother, and she is my daughter’s other mother. Our destinies have been tightly bound since we started protecting Rongrong’s secret together.’

‘If we cherish each other, we can become Dao Companions and accompany each other for life.’

‘If not, then once Rongrong comes of age, we can each return to our own places—I to my Hundred Flowers Valley, she to her Carefree Sword Sect, occasionally visiting each other with mutual respect.’

‘But… not seeing her often anymore?’

‘That means no longer cooking together, no longer cultivating together, no longer sleeping in the same bed, no longer standing side by side watching the changing seasons of this world, the rising clouds and flowing winds, the passage of time.’

At the thought of such an outcome, a sudden pang struck Hua Yan’s heart.

‘Perhaps… I really have, unknowingly, fallen for that simpleton.’

‘I like her earnest straightforwardness, so earnest it’s almost dazed.’

‘I like her gentleness, always speaking softly, no matter when.’

‘I like her righteous integrity, decisive and clean when slaying evil and dispelling curses, completely different from the pedantic righteous path I had imagined.’

‘I like her smile, light and subtle, like melting ice and snow.’

‘I like her scent, clear and aloof, like her first impression, yet the more I smell it, the more at ease I feel.’

‘I like how she proactively comes to reconcile after an argument, I like her thoughtfulness in secretly preparing birthday surprises for me, I like that unconsciously curled strand of hair when she eats candied hawthorns…’

‘Ah, so… there are so many things I like about Yun Xueshang.’

‘So… I really do like Yun Xueshang.’

Hua Yan buried her burning cheeks in her arm draped over the edge of the bed, her earlobes so red they felt like they were on fire.

‘Then… how can I make her like me too?’