Chapter 85: A Calculated Risk

Now that Wonjae and Jihwon were both leading busy lives, it became difficult to see them outside of lunchtime.
Unlike them, I was spending my days in idleness.

To be honest, I was at a stage where I no longer needed guiding training, so these days, I didn’t even train properly and spent my time talking with Minseong in the 01S team’s room.

I felt like I should probably join a team soon.
If I didn’t join a team, I would have to continue guiding unaffiliated A-Class and above Espers in the guiding shelter.

However, my guiding had a strong addictive quality.
Since I was good at wavelength control, the Espers who had received guiding from me said they could never forget it and that it constantly came to mind.
Having realized from the stalker incident that I shouldn’t just guide anyone, I didn’t want to live as a personal guide.

Since my matching rate with Hyun Taewoon and Sung Yohan was high, I only had the option of the 05R team or the 01S team.
I had already left the 05R team, and if it were up to me, I wanted to join the 01S team.
But joining the 01S team was no different from volunteering to be his exclusive.

It felt like my troubles were constantly piling up.
The secret project with Wonjae and Jihwon, him and Sung Yohan who infuriated me whenever they had the chance, and Sehyun’s confession.
All of these things were weighing heavily on my mind.

I let out a long sigh and lay down on the exclusive room’s bed when I heard a vibration.
When I checked my phone, it was him.
His confession came to mind again, and I hesitated before answering the phone.

“Yes, Sehyun-ssi.”

• [Shinui-ssi, what are you doing?]

“I was resting.”

• [I’m glad you’re resting. I was worried you might be in the middle of training. Have you been well?]

“I’m as usual. Have you been well?”

I had been worried that it might be an awkward call, but it was the same as usual, so I felt relieved.

• [I’m doing well. If you have time, can we meet for a bit today?]

“Today?”

• [If it’s too sudden, I’ll meet you on a day that’s convenient for you.]

His words threw another worry at me.
I felt like if I met him today, I would have to give him an answer to his confession, and my mouth wouldn’t open.

But I didn’t want to make him wait any longer, and I wanted to know the exact reason for my hesitation, so I agreed.

“Okay. Is 8 o’clock in front of my house okay?”

• [I understand. Then I’ll come to your house at 8 o’clock.]

“Okay. See you then.”

Now was the time to make a firm decision.
But my heavy heart still hadn’t lifted.
The fact that I was so conflicted made me think that I probably had some feelings for him too.
But since it was different from the ‘like’ I had known, I hesitated.

Still undecided, I eventually moved to the gate simulation room.
I wanted to sort out my feelings a little while doing the gate simulation.

Since the simulation rooms were not divided by grade and were on the same floor, I ran into people more often than on the S-Class training floor.
Wondering if I might run into the anti-Awakened leader again, I was glancing around when I saw Team Leader Park walking from the opposite direction.

Since I had barely talked to him after returning to the past, I was just about to greet him and pass by when he caught me.

“Guide Lee Shinui.”

I was so surprised by his unexpected call that I couldn’t help but be startled.

“Yes, what is it…?”

“I heard you’ve been coming to our team’s exclusive room often these days.”

When he was in the team’s exclusive room, I had refrained from entering because I was conscious of him, but it seemed the team members had reported that I had come.

“Yes. I’m sorry if it bothered you.”

“Not at all. I found out that you left the 05R team. It’s been a while, right?”

“Yes.”

I had naturally left the 05R team when my pair with Sung Yohan was broken.

“How about our team?”

“What?”

“Our team, I think it’s not bad for you.”

If it weren’t for him, it would have been a very comfortable and good team for me.
But since he was there…

When I was silent, he continued.

“I know you don’t think highly of him. But he has changed a lot.”

As he said, he had changed.
I was the one who was feeling his change the most.
But even now, the image of his turned back that I had seen before I died kept coming to mind.
As long as I had this memory, I could never be on good terms with him.

“I know…”

“I was also surprised by his changed appearance. He’s originally a self-centered person.”

As he said, he had changed, and as he said, it must have been to atone to me.
Seeing that he had returned to the past, it seemed he felt a great sense of guilt for my death.
Otherwise, there was no reason for him to return to the past.

The image of him crying keeps coming to my mind.
And the image of him leaving me.

“I know you dislike him to the point of filing a restraining order. But I think the fact that you lifted the restraining order means that your anger has subsided to some extent.”

“……”

“If you come to the 01S team, you’ll be on the same team as Guide Joo Wonjae, so you’ll be able to live comfortably.”

He had been assigned as his exclusive, but I know that he wasn’t guiding him and was guiding other Espers.

“I’ll think about it.”

I had to decide on a team.
But for now, not only him but also Sung Yohan had said he would change.
I wanted to watch their changes a little more and then decide.

Today too, I had dinner without Wonjae.
I would get a little depressed on evenings without him, but today, I was glad he wasn’t there.
The thought of Sehyun made the food hard to swallow.

He was a consistent person.
We also got along well.
That’s why meeting him was enjoyable.
When I was with him, it felt like we were really meeting as friends, not as a guide and an Esper.

But was it a good idea to go from friends to lovers?
The thought that if we became lovers and broke up, I wouldn’t be able to see him anymore made me hesitate.
And the fact that I couldn’t see him in a special way.

[Cha Sehyun: Shinui-ssi, I’ve arrived. Come out when you’re ready.]

At his message that he had arrived, which came with a vibration, I moved to the entrance.
With steps that wouldn’t budge, I took the elevator down and went to the main entrance, and I saw his figure.
He was holding a bouquet of flowers.

“Sehyun-ssi?”

He must have noticed that I had come, as he approached me, handed me the flowers, and said.

“I didn’t want to just wait for an answer blankly. I wanted to express my feelings like this at least.”

“Thank you.”

I held the bouquet in my arms and looked at the flowers.
The scent of the flowers pleasantly brushed my nose.
Seeing the beautiful flowers, my heart fluttered a little.

At my appearance, he smiled gently.
At that, a smile also formed on my lips without me realizing it, and I looked up at him.
He always made me smile and wished me happiness.

There would be no one as good to me as him.
But I didn’t know if I could like him in a special way.
In the end, I made up my mind and opened my mouth, which wouldn’t budge.

“Sehyun-ssi, I…”

“Yes.”

“You’re a good person. But as a lover… I’ve never thought of you that way.”

“I know.”

Even at my words, he was smiling, perhaps because he was worried about me.
At the sight of him, who was consistently thinking only of me, my mouth closed.
I didn’t know if my actions now were right.

As I was contemplating, I felt his wavelength.

A surge of anger rose in me at his wavelength, which was always following me like a shadow.
He was surely eavesdropping on our conversation.
Suddenly, the hatred that had been lying at the bottom of my heart began to creep up, and a bad thought arose with it.

He had always been wary of and disliked him.
Wouldn’t the best revenge against him be for me to get along well with him?

“Do you still want to date me even if I don’t like you?”

“…Of course it would be sad if you don’t like me. But I want to date you rather than ending things like this.”

At his words, my heart ached so much.
And I saw the pure white flowers, which were the complete opposite of my heart.
They were as beautiful as his heart.
As expected, they didn’t suit me.
But I didn’t want to die in his shadow forever.

“I might use you.”

“It’s okay if you use me. I’ll be happy if I can be of help to you in that way.”

I was trying to use him for the sake of revenge against him, even though I knew he was a good person.
It was the worst act as a human being.

“Then I want to date you.”

At my words, Sehyun nodded and gently took my hand.
I couldn’t tell if his face was sad or happy.
To be honest, his face was not on my mind.
I looked for Hyun Taewoon’s wavelength and just wished that he would be in pain.