Chapter 37: If You Had Died

Tae-woo stood up from his seat, went into the kitchen, and soon returned with a glass, pouring a small amount of the drink into it.

The pale green liquid sloshed softly at the bottom.

The amount was so small it almost felt as though he had poured only as much as to mark the distance between the two of them.

But since he only planned to taste it anyway, So-won tried not to dwell on it and accepted the glass Tae-woo handed him.

The first thing he did was bring it to his nose.

It was almost scentless, though there seemed to be the faintest hint of lemon.

It didn’t look carbonated either….

“But is it really okay for me to drink this?”

“If it’s just a little, it should be fine.”

Is it really okay for a Guide to drink an Esper-only beverage?

He’d asked out of concern, but reassured by Tae-woo’s answer, So-won took a sip.

“Ugh…!”

So-won’s face twisted sharply.

The sensation was like his tongue was being scorched, and he nearly spat it out on reflex.

He barely managed to swallow what was in his mouth, then broke into coughing, cough, cough.

His throat burned as the lukewarm liquid went down.

Conscious of Tae-woo watching him, he forced himself to swallow, but the shock didn’t fade easily.

Sensing Tae-woo checking on him from the side—Are you all right?—So-won tried his best to act like he was fine.

“This—cough—this isn’t alcohol, right?”

“Yes.

There’s no alcohol content.”

“Then what on earth—”

It tastes like straight liquor.

He was genuinely startled the moment it hit his tongue.

What in the world was in this to make it taste like that?

He even felt heat creeping up his face.

He’d only meant to satisfy his curiosity, but now he truly understood the saying that curiosity kills the cat.

So-won vowed never to drink this stuff again.

And as he recalled Tae-woo casually downing bottle after bottle beside him, cold sweat broke out.

How can Tae-woo drink several of these…

So-won glanced at the empty bottles scattered on the floor.

No matter how “Esper-only” they were, it was hard to imagine Tae-woo actually thinking this tasted good.

“…..”

Once the brief commotion passed, silence settled in again.

Despite his earlier resolve, the awkward atmosphere gnawed at him, and So-won eventually lifted the glass again.

As he wet his lips, the indescribably intense flavor distracted him from the uncomfortable air for a moment.

He still had nothing to say to Tae-woo, and each time the quiet felt too heavy, So-won tilted the glass and took another small sip.

They said it relaxed the muscles—maybe that was why, or maybe it was due to some unknown ingredient.

The drowsiness that had vanished earlier crept back in, and his mind gradually grew hazy.

Still, the feeling wasn’t unpleasant.

The pale green liquid in the clear glass cup had never been much to begin with, so it soon revealed the bottom.

As So-won let the last mouthful slide into his mouth, he stole a glance at Tae-woo sitting beside him.

Sitting alone with Tae-woo in a quiet space like this was something he never could have imagined in the past.

Eight years ago, So-won would tremble in fear whenever he ran into him, and after that happened a few times, Tae-woo had started avoiding him altogether.

After that, even when they did meet, it was always in the presence of Association staff.

After returning to the past, he’d managed to build a relationship close enough to sit side by side like this.

But recently, the distance that had crept in between them bothered him.

What if we end up going back to that awkward relationship again?

The thought made him uneasy.

So-won stared at the floor with darkened eyes.

He had resolved to become Tae-woo’s Guide again and do his very best, but even after returning eight years into the past, he’d made so many mistakes with him.

Recently, his own carelessness had even worsened Tae-woo’s reputation.

And yet, Tae-woo never once showed discomfort.

Even though he’d been extremely busy lately, he always came home, no matter how late it was, and gave up half the bed for So-won.

He waited patiently when So-won overslept, granted unreasonable requests, and always treated him with consideration.

“…..”

Without a word, So-won fidgeted with the now-empty glass.

The closer he grew to Tae-woo, the more heavily it weighed on his heart that eight years later, he had abandoned Tae-woo alone on that cold operating table and fled back to the past by himself.

He hadn’t even been able to properly guide him until the moment he died, yet only So-won had returned to the past.

It felt like he deserved punishment—but instead, this felt as though he’d been given a chance to atone for his mistakes.

He always thought this.

If only he had come back too.

If we could meet again, and this time live properly.

But Tae-woo—who had suffered his entire life after meeting a Guide like him, who had died in pain—
If he were to return to the past, would he wish never to meet So-won again?

“Tae-woo… if, if…”

So-won finally voiced the thought he’d locked deep inside his heart.

“If you died because of me… would you have resented me?”

Having asked it, he was suddenly afraid of hearing the answer and bowed his head deeply.

In the glass clenched tightly in both hands, it felt as though he could see his own wretched face reflected.

He felt Tae-woo’s gaze on him at the sudden question.

But So-won couldn’t look back.

The guilt pressing down on his chest made him feel like tears would spill the moment their eyes met.

He thought Tae-woo wouldn’t answer.

After all, the question he’d asked was strange, to say the least.

Just as expected, no reply came from Tae-woo for a long while.

Only then did So-won realize how odd it must have sounded, and he was about to apologize—

“I can’t quite imagine it, but… I think I’d be worried about you, Lee So-won.”

Just as So-won was about to speak, Tae-woo broke the silence with his answer.

At the unexpected response—no, at an answer he hadn’t imagined at all—So-won froze, then asked,

“Why…?”

“I thought you might feel guilty over my death.”

“H-but… even if you died because of me?”

So-won asked again, but Tae-woo’s reply was firm.

“If I were to die, that wouldn’t be your fault.

It would be because I was weak.”

So-won let out a small laugh at the answer.

But soon the smile faded, and his voice began to tremble.

“What kind of answer is that….”

The strongest Esper, saying he was weak.

His vision blurred.

Be happy, he’d said—was that really something he’d said while dying, worried about me?

Of course, maybe not.

After all, So-won had done something unforgivable enough to deserve resentment.

But if it were Tae-woo—if it were the man he knew now—it felt like he truly might have meant it that way, and his chest ached sharply.

Tears welled up, then finally spilled over, dripping down his face.

He felt Tae-woo reaching out, trying to comfort him, and So-won suddenly threw his arms around him.

Tae-woo’s body stiffened in surprise, but soon he slowly returned the embrace.

As if handling something precious—something that could easily break if treated carelessly.

“Tae-woo….”

So-won loved the broad, warm chest he was pressed against.

He loved the arms that firmly supported his unsteady self, and the quiet kindness that slipped out even from someone so taciturn.

“Please… tell me more.”

But So-won realized how little he actually knew about him.

Even after spending eight years as his Guide.

“I… I want to know more about you, Tae-woo.”

He wanted to know him better.

What he was thinking now, what he’d thought in the past, what he’d seen and felt as he lived his life.

If he could learn more about him from now on, then maybe he’d finally understand.

What Tae-woo had meant by those words.

Whether he’d resented him.

Whether he’d been afraid of dying.

And whether he would allow So-won to become his Guide once more.

When So-won finished speaking and lifted his head, his eyes met Tae-woo’s—eyes that were looking down at him with a complicated expression.

Suddenly, Tae-woo’s lips caught So-won’s attention.

So-won gently closed his eyes and pressed his lips against them.

He felt Tae-woo flinch in surprise.

But as So-won lightly kissed him again and again, the stiff body beneath him gradually relaxed.

Before long, Tae-woo began to accept So-won’s timid kiss.

“Mmh….”

It wasn’t the rough, forceful kiss they’d shared the first time.

It was careful and soft, lips brushing and licking lightly, making his chest itch with an unfamiliar sensation.

Each time their lips parted, a faint, wet sound slipped free.

Their heartbeats tangled together.

The waves flowing endlessly between their bodies wrapped around them like invisible threads, binding So-won and Tae-woo together.

Feeling as though they had become one, So-won accepted with his entire body the fact that Tae-woo was alive.

Tae-woo’s arms wrapped around So-won’s back.

At some point, So-won realized he’d climbed onto Tae-woo’s lap.

He didn’t mind.

Clinging closer, he pressed himself against him and this time slipped his tongue between Tae-woo’s lips.

Unlike before, Tae-woo’s mouth wasn’t tightly shut.

It slowly yielded and opened.

“Hah… Tae-woo….”

Their tongues entwined softly, and So-won cautiously licked at his.

It was hot and wet, the soft texture overwhelmingly unfamiliar.

And yet, he didn’t dislike it.

Rather, the careful movements felt tender, making him want more.

As if sensing So-won’s desire, Tae-woo’s hand slid down his waist.

A sharp wave like static electricity shot through him, making So-won flinch—but soon the tickling sensation stirred excitement, and a small moan escaped him.

“Mm….”

His body gradually began to heat up.

So-won ran his fingers through Tae-woo’s short hair and clung to him more desperately.

Tae-woo’s body was just as hot as his own.

Tae-woo, too, seemed aroused.

From below, So-won could feel a presence that was impossible to ignore.

He thought to himself how unlike him this was—because even though he knew exactly what it was, he didn’t feel disgusted or uncomfortable.

If anything, his body only grew hotter.

“Tae-woo….”

“…..”

Even now, there was still hesitation in Tae-woo’s eyes.

So-won briefly pulled away and carefully took Tae-woo’s hand.

As he slowly traced over the back of his hand, dense with veins, he felt Tae-woo’s arm tense.

In the next instant, So-won’s view flipped.

“Ah!”

When he came to, he found himself lying on the sofa.

Meeting Tae-woo’s deep gaze as he looked down at him, So-won felt the anticipation inside him steadily grow.

Tae-woo leaned down and captured his lips again.

This kiss was deeper, wetter than before.

Tae-woo’s tongue invaded his mouth, tangling with his senses and holding him tightly in place.

“Hh… hnngh….”

Overwhelmed by arousal, So-won writhed beneath him.

When he twisted his hips, Tae-woo pressed his body down even closer.

Feeling Tae-woo’s hardness, So-won stiffened—but that only seemed to spur Tae-woo on further.

Tae-woo pulled his lips away and looked down at him.

So-won was panting, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

His shirt was already half undone.

“Ngh… Tae-woo… d-don’t look….”

Feeling Tae-woo’s gaze, So-won ducked his head in embarrassment.

Realizing what a state he was in, he squirmed awkwardly.

Perhaps the sight was too stimulating, because Tae-woo bit down on his own lip, trying to restrain himself.

But unable to tear his eyes away, he let out a hot breath and kissed So-won again.

As So-won gasped for air, Tae-woo stopped kissing him and buried his face into So-won’s shoulder.

“Hah… Tae-woo….”

At the sound of So-won calling his name, Tae-woo finally lost control and bit down on his shoulder, crunch.

Amid the throbbing pain, Tae-woo’s wave surged powerfully into him.

“Aah!”

His mind went blank, his vision flashing white.

Throwing his head back, So-won trembled, unable to tell whether it was pain or pleasure coursing through him.

With eyes wide open, he felt the ache in his shoulder, the intense wave flooding in, and the pressure building below.

Tears slipped out unconsciously, dampening his lashes.

Tae-woo pressed a kiss to So-won’s tear-streaked face.

Unlike the sticky, heated kisses before, this one was soft and light.

After their lips brushed briefly and parted, Tae-woo and So-won looked into each other’s eyes.

They both knew—

the night was far from over.