Chapter 42: No Guiding Tonight

The place So-won was led to turned out to be an outdoor shower area.

Tae-woo brought him inside and began washing So-won’s hands.

The touch was careful and thorough, yet somehow urgent, and after watching him quietly for a moment, So-won spoke up.

“I, um… I can do it myself.”

“…I’m sorry.”

Tae-woo hesitated, then let go.

Feeling awkward, So-won finished washing his hands.

With Tae-woo watching closely from the side, he deliberately lathered up twice, scrubbing extra carefully.

Only then did Tae-woo seem reassured.

Was he startled…?

So-won remembered how badly he himself had panicked when Tae-woo collapsed before, and guilt washed over him.

Watching Tae-woo, So-won opened his mouth cautiously.

“Th-that… I’m sorry.

I must’ve really scared you, suddenly like that… I’m not sick or anything.

I just thought you were hurt and got way too shocked… I’m really fine now.”

He stumbled through the explanation.

It was meant to reassure Tae-woo, but his voice trembled pitifully instead.

Fearing it might backfire if he continued, So-won quickly finished speaking.

“Are you truly certain you don’t need to see the medical team?”

“Yes.

I’m really okay now.”

“…Understood.

I’ll wash up and come out, so please wait a moment.”

Tae-woo told him to go rest in the car first, but So-won shook his head and stayed to wait.

While Tae-woo showered, So-won crouched nearby and spread his palm open.

The hand that had been trembling earlier was now completely steady.

So-won let out a deep sigh.

Even though Tae-woo’s condition had improved so much, he hadn’t expected himself to react that strongly.

He worried that after seeing him like this today, Tae-woo might decide not to bring him to a gate again.

“Sorry to keep you waiting.”

Tae-woo emerged after changing clothes, looking perfectly fine, which made So-won feel embarrassed for panicking earlier.

Fidgeting, So-won followed him back to the car.

“We’re going to the hospital.”

“…What?”

Tae-woo said it the moment he started the engine.

So-won froze, then hurriedly waved his hands in denial.

“N-no!

I’m really fine!

I was just startled for a moment, that’s all… Can’t we just go straight home?

I really want to rest.

And my phone battery’s dead too…”

What?

My phone battery?

So-won screamed internally, berating himself for such a flimsy excuse.

Still, he more or less understood what was going on, so there really was no need to go to the hospital.

Once he’d calmed down, it was nothing more than an embarrassingly ordinary flare-up of trauma.

But he couldn’t bring himself to tell Tae-woo the truth, so he desperately searched his mind for a plausible excuse.

“…All right.”

After a brief silence, Tae-woo nodded.

Honestly, given how abnormal his reaction had been, So-won had expected it to be hard to convince him—so this was unexpected.

Either way, it was a relief.

He didn’t want to waste time going to the hospital over something like this.

And wanting to go home and rest was, at least partly, sincere.

Perhaps because he’d been so startled and then relaxed all at once, So-won slept like the dead the entire ride home.

***

Letting out a huge yawn, So-won checked the time.

By the time he’d returned home and rested, night had already fallen.

He pushed himself up from the bed and, out of habit, headed toward Tae-woo’s room.

“Ah… right.

They told us not to guide today…”

Only after opening the door did the attending physician’s words come back to him.

No guiding after returning from the gate.

So-won met Tae-woo’s eyes, but it felt as though an invisible wall stood between them, keeping him from stepping inside.

Suddenly, he hated the attending physician.

No—he hated himself even more for agreeing to the request.

Because of his own foolishness, he couldn’t do the guiding that usually marked the end of his day before sleep.

The doctor had said that radiation guiding couldn’t be helped, but that didn’t mean guiding was allowed—and both So-won and Tae-woo knew it.

Which meant that tonight, So-won had to sleep alone.

“Tae-woo, do you… not need guiding tonight?”

“Yes.

I’m fine.”

“I see… Sorry for disturbing you while you’re resting.

Good night, Tae-woo.”

“Please rest well too, Lee So-won.”

If Tae-woo had said he needed it, So-won would’ve rushed over and fallen asleep while guiding him.

Clinging to even the faintest hope, he’d asked—but Tae-woo answered honestly, shaking his head.

Creeeak.

So-won closed the door slowly, reluctance clinging to him.

His steps back to his room were heavy.

The quiet house felt eerily unsettling tonight.

‘Can I really sleep alone?’

So-won stood with his hand on his bedroom doorknob for a long time, unable to move.

No matter how much he thought about it, the only conclusion he reached was bleak—there was no way he could sleep like this.

On top of that, after seeing Tae-woo drenched in blood, even being alone scared him.

His body, deprived of guiding at its usual time, trembled restlessly, screaming at him to go back to Tae-woo.

But no matter how much he pleaded, sleeping with him tonight was impossible.

Agonizing over how to calm a body that refused to accept that fact, So-won turned back and opened Tae-woo’s door once more.

“Do you have something more to say?”

Tae-woo asked, looking at So-won who had returned yet again.

The moment So-won saw his face, the trembling in his body stopped as if it had been a lie.

He secretly took a deep breath, filling his lungs with the air that filled Tae-woo’s room.

Even then, he didn’t step even a toe past the threshold.

Hesitating, So-won asked quietly,

“Tae-woo… would you hold me for just a moment?”

And before he could even hear the answer, he hurriedly added a clumsy excuse.

“I know the doctor said no guiding, but earlier… maybe because I was so startled, I can’t fall asleep.”

In an instant, Tae-woo’s eyes flashed with memories of what had happened at the gate.

Not the image of So-won kissing him first—but the pitiful sight of So-won gasping for breath, unable to breathe after seeing him emerge.

Tae-woo rose from the bed.

He didn’t say anything, but So-won knew that reaction was as good as consent.

His face brightened immediately, and he padded cheerfully into the room.

Standing in front of Tae-woo by the bed, So-won found his entire view filled by Tae-woo’s body, once again reminded of just how big he was.

“Are you truly certain you don’t need to go to the hospital?”

Tae-woo asked as So-won’s eyes traced the difference between their bodies.

So-won replied that he just couldn’t sleep, but the gaze studying him closely, as if checking his condition, lingered for a long time.

The way he looked him over made So-won feel as though he’d been stripped bare.

Fidgeting, trying to dodge that gaze, So-won suddenly grabbed him and pulled him into a hug.

Only then did the atmosphere lighten.

Warm body heat and the gentle pulse tapping against him eased his tension.

“Mmm… Tae-woo, hug me too.”

The words slipped out in a voice so soft it felt like smoke drifting away.

At the almost whiny tone, Tae-woo weakly wrapped his arms around So-won’s back.

So-won pressed himself fully against him, squeezing tight to savor every bit of Tae-woo’s embrace.

He didn’t forget to bury his nose against him and breathe deeply.

From where his ear rested against Tae-woo’s chest, he could hear the heavy beat of his heart.

Thump, thump.

The slow, powerful rhythm echoing by his ear soothed him.

It was warm and cozy.

If someone ordered him to stay like this all day, he felt like he’d immediately answer, Yes, please!

Seeing that Tae-woo’s condition hadn’t worsened even after returning from the gate finally put his mind at ease.

Though it was brief, just holding him made drowsiness pour over So-won.

A long yawn escaped him, tears gathering faintly at the corners of his eyes.

He wanted to stay pressed against Tae-woo a little longer, but the obstacle called a one-hundred-percent matching rate loomed large.

If he guided even a little too long, it would show immediately in tomorrow’s tests.

“Thank you, Tae-woo.

This is enough.”

Saying that, So-won pulled away from his arms.

Their gazes tangled in the air for a moment.

“Please rest well.”

“Yes.

You too, Tae-woo.”

After exchanging those simple goodbyes, So-won left Tae-woo’s room.

His eyelids were already drooping—it felt like he could finally sleep.

“…..”

He’d been sure sleep would come.

But the moment he lay down, his eyes snapped wide open.

Lying alone in the dark room for the first time in a while, fear suddenly surged up, and So-won climbed out of bed to turn the light back on.

Curled up hugging a pillow instead of Tae-woo in the brightly lit room, he felt pathetic.

Even so, it seemed impossible to sleep alone, lights on or not, and a sigh escaped him.

With no other choice, he resolved to stay up all night.

“Ah, right.”

Reaching toward the bedside to kill time on his phone, he suddenly remembered the anti-anxiety medication the doctor had given him.

He’d said to take it before bed if nightmares were bad.

So-won jumped up and pulled the pills he’d hidden away in the drawer.

“…I thought I wouldn’t need it, but I’m glad I took it.”

He swallowed a pill right away and lay back down.

He didn’t feel anything yet, but hoping it would work, he closed his eyes.

***

“My head hurts…”

When he woke up, his condition was the worst it could be.

His body felt heavy, and his head throbbed.

He hadn’t had nightmares, but it seemed the medication didn’t agree with him.

Still, he’d rather feel sick than have nightmares.

After getting ready to head out for the tests, So-won stepped outside with Tae-woo and was about to get into the car when Tae-woo hesitated and asked,

“Lee So-won, are you all right?”

Judging by how worried Tae-woo looked, his complexion must have been pretty bad.

But since he was hiding the fact that he’d taken the anti-anxiety medication, he couldn’t say it didn’t suit him.

After a moment of thought, So-won answered,

“I’m fine.

I just didn’t sleep well.”

Thankfully, Tae-woo didn’t press further and told him to rest a bit more until they arrived.

On the way to the Association, So-won briefly considered asking to switch medications, but it felt like too much trouble—and he doubted he’d need it again anyway—so he gave up.

“Ah, you’re here.”

The attending physician greeted them the moment they entered the lab.

A stranger stood beside him.

Before So-won could wonder who it was, the introduction continued.

“This is a collaborating researcher from the American Association.

Starting today, we’ll be conducting the research together.”