Chapter 15: Ashes and Goodbye

“Cough, cough… Did everyone get out? Did everyone make it?”

The people gathered in front of the burning factory murmured among themselves, looking each other over. They checked whether everyone they knew had made it outside.

Go Yi-jae searched for the women from her production line as well, counting them one by one on her fingers until she found them all. Her roommates were there too.

Once everyone had confirmed that most of the people they knew were safe, a cold silence settled over the front of the factory.

The rapidly spreading flames had engulfed not only the factory but the dormitory as well. Black ash drifted through the air as though the fire intended to burn down the entire neighborhood.

Everyone coughed and watched the scene in silence.

This was no longer a fire that anyone could handle. Even if fire trucks arrived, it seemed hopeless.

Yi-jae couldn’t breathe.

It felt as though it wasn’t the factory being swallowed by the flames, but herself.

Her entire twenty years of life existed within that inferno. The factory dormitory she’d obtained after leaving the orphanage had been her only home, which meant that everything she owned remained inside.

Everything, from a single pair of underwear to the bankbook where she’d carefully saved every paycheck. Even her identification card and cellphone, the things that proved who she was, were burning away in the fire.

When the fire trucks finally arrived, the people read defeat in the firefighters’ troubled expressions. Nothing would be salvaged from that place.

Yi-jae searched all the pockets of her coat and pants, but she didn’t have much money on her. The little money left after buying a hard loaf of bread wasn’t enough to get her a place to sleep. She had nowhere to stay that night, and yet her stomach still growled.

She couldn’t even laugh.

She looked around at the women from the factory. The woman who had cried first was now sobbing into her phone after being comforted by the others. Everyone except Yi-jae had taken out their phones and called someone.

Family.

Lovers.

Friends.

Before long, the women from the factory left with family members who arrived by car, or disappeared with their lovers and friends.

Yi-jae was left alone.

She sat with her legs drawn together and watched the firefighters battle the blaze. Much later, someone screamed that there were still people trapped inside, but there was nothing the firefighters could do.

The flames consuming the factory were too fierce, and even by midnight they remained uncontrollable.

****

After spending the entire night beside the raging fire, she no longer felt cold. Even in the morning, the flames still crackled.

As the sun rose, people gathered at the factory as if they were coming to work. A company representative came out and introduced factories in other regions that needed workers. Yi-jae applied to one of them.

It was far away.

Wondering whether she had enough money for transportation, Yi-jae checked her pockets and headed to the park.

She sat on a bench beneath a leafless tree in the snow-speckled park and basked in the sunlight.

The sun was warm.

Yet her body trembled like a quaking aspen.

Strangely, she was freezing.

Perhaps it was because she’d spent the entire night beside the massive fire. The distant sunlight wasn’t enough to thaw her frozen body. Winter wind slipped beneath her coat and seeped into her bones.

She shivered violently.

Still, she remained in the park.

Partly because she had nowhere else to go.

And partly because she wanted to say goodbye.

They weren’t connected by anything at all, but perhaps the man would wonder where the girl who always sat here had gone. Or maybe Yi-jae simply wanted to experience what it felt like to say goodbye.

Her mother had died suddenly.

The orphanage had told her there was no room and sent her away early.

The factory had burned down without warning.

Every time, Yi-jae lost everything in an instant.

So even if she would never see him again, she wanted to be the one to say goodbye first.

But the man never came.

It was long past the time when he usually appeared to bother her whenever she sat there, and still he didn’t show up.

The sun sank.

The dazzling lights of the club turned on.

Loud music echoed through the streets.

Still, he didn’t come.

Night deepened.

She spent the night listening to the sounds of people vomiting after stumbling out of the club.

She wasn’t lonely.

The people entering and leaving the club spent the night retching in misery. It seemed as though everyone in the world was suffering.

The sky was pitch-black.

Artificial lights couldn’t illuminate the heavens, and even cheerful pop songs eventually turned into cries of despair.

Beneath the black night sky, everyone melted away like screams.

It was a very long night.

And yet, eventually, morning came again.

It was the day she had promised to report to the factory in another region.

If she took the intercity bus, she could arrive in time for work.

She brushed herself off and stood.

Her body, unmoving all night, had frozen stiff. She forced her creaking limbs to move and headed toward the bus stop.

“Hey.”

Her frozen body awakened at that single word.

She recognized the low, distinct voice calling to her.

It was the voice she’d waited for all night.

At last, she could say goodbye.

Yi-jae turned and waved.

“I’m leaving now.”

“…”

But the huge man standing before her didn’t move.

His black suit looked darker than usual, and because his head was lowered, all she could see was his black hair.

Yet the tension in his forearms and the veins standing out in his neck made it obvious that he was in a terrible mood.

“What’s wrong? Ah-”

Before she could finish speaking, the man strode forward and pulled her into a crushing embrace.

The first thing she noticed while trapped in his arms was the acrid smell of smoke.

The lingering scent from her night spent watching the fire burned her throat.

When Yi-jae coughed, the man released her.

Only then did she finally see his face.

There was ash on his cheeks.

He looked like someone who had come straight from the fire scene.

And in his hand was her cellphone, which should have burned to ashes.

“Why… did you… leave your phone behind?”

His voice broke apart with fury.

The sheer depth of it left Yi-jae speechless.

He was angry at her.

“The ringtone was ringing in the fire. F*ck… I thought you were dead.”

She remembered the people crying because someone had failed to escape.

Families mourning their dead.

And this man had been there among them.

“I dug through the ashes and found your phone, but you weren’t there… F*ck, I… And then you weren’t at the funeral hall either. You weren’t anywhere.”

The unfamiliar expression on his face stabbed at her heart.

The man who always smiled and handed her food looked devastated because of her.

In front of that enormous fire, no one had searched for Yi-jae.

No one had come for her.

But this man had looked for her.

He had searched through ashes.

He had searched funeral halls.

“Then I realized… you don’t have any family to hold your funeral.”

She was the one without family.

Yet somehow, his voice sounded sad.

As if he pitied her.

And strangely, Yi-jae wanted to comfort him.

“Me neither.”

At last, she had a reason to comfort him.

People without families.

That was the only thing they had in common, the girl who sat outside in the sun every lunchtime, and the man who laughed meaninglessly every lunchtime.

“I’ll hold your funeral.”

“…What?”

It was a bizarre proposal.

She couldn’t understand why he was declaring that he would hold her funeral as though it were some achievable promise.

Promises to be good to someone while they’re alive were meaningless enough.

Promises to be good to them after they died were truly absurd.

Why did it feel so strange?

“I’ll be the one to hold your funeral.”

“What are you even talking about all of a sudden?”

“Come live at my house.”

“…A house?”

Yi-jae had no memory of ever having a home.

When she lived with her mother, they constantly moved between rented rooms.

When she lived at the orphanage, she lost her place to younger children.

When she lived in the factory dormitory, she spent every night half-awake among drunk roommates.

She had never had a home.

She had never even dared to imagine having one.

A home was something far beyond her reach.

“I have somewhere to go.”

He must have assumed she had nowhere to go because the factory and dormitory had burned down.

But she didn’t need his pathetic pity.

She had already applied to work at another factory.

They would take her in.

“I have somewhere to go. Far away from here.”

“What if you get lost on the way without a phone?”

“I told you, I have somewhere to go.”

“Yeah. You do.”

“I’m serious.”

“Yeah. You have somewhere to go. Somewhere to sleep too.”

“…”

Her stomach churned.

She was going to another region.

She knew nothing except the address. She didn’t know what kind of factory it was or what kind of town.

But she would go.

She would live there.

She would sink down roots and survive no matter what.

“But I’m the only one who can hold your funeral.”

More nonsense.

The absurdity of him saying he’d hold her funeral.

“What gives you the right?”

“The right to care if you die.”

Nonsense.

Complete nonsense.

Her stomach churned.

Had the torrents of water sprayed onto the fire that night been aimed at her too?

Had someone poured water into her chest?

Why did she feel as though there was water pooling inside her?

She felt sick and dizzy.

“I won’t die before you do.”

“…It’s really awful to make promises like that so easily.”

“You know, today was the first time I’d ever dug through ashes.”

“…”

“But I kept thinking you might be in there. F*ck… my hands were shaking.”

She had been fine.

Hadn’t she?

Then why did it feel as though there had been water inside her all along?

The water filling her body swayed and shook her.

“I should’ve taken you.”

His voice fell heavily into the air.

The trembling atmosphere became damp.

“I should’ve just taken you.”

The man’s voice dropped lower as he clenched his fist.

It darkened further, as though burning away.

His voice smelled of smoke.

Black ash fell from the body of the man who had searched through the ruins.

“Because I’m never going to regret something like this again.”

Slowly, he raised his head.

He was already looking down at her.

In his wavering eyes, there was only one thing left, certainty.

“So I’m going to be the one who holds your funeral.”

He grabbed her hand tightly.

“You just need to remember that.”

His large hand was stained black with ash and dirt.

And yet, it was the warmest hand she had ever touched.

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