Chapter 18: Apologies That Wouldn’t Stop

Tae-woo’s throat was completely hoarse.

The moment So-won heard that voice calling his name, tears spilled out with a soft plop.

His legs gave out, and he barely managed to steady himself by gripping the bed.

Once that happened, it was as if a dam had burst—tears streamed down relentlessly.

So-won sobbed.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry….”

Over the past eight years, So-won realized all over again just how terribly, unforgivably cruel he had been to Tae-woo.

He slowly looked around.

Beside Tae-woo—where the traces of his agony remained vividly etched—three guiding machines lay scattered, along with who knew how many shattered liquor bottles rolling across the floor.

With nothing but those, Tae-woo had endured the pain alone.

From long ago until now.

And likely in the future as well.

For eight years, like this.

“Tae-woo… I’m sorry….”

He sobbed, then broke down crying, then sobbed again.

The more he looked at the wrecked room, the more he saw Tae-woo’s wretched state, the tighter guilt squeezed around his heart.

His chest hurt.

His breathing was ruined from crying.

The endless remorse made it impossible to breathe.

So-won wanted to ask if Tae-woo was hurt anywhere.

Whether the grotesquely swollen veins hurt.

Whether there was a hole torn through his abdomen.

But the useless mouth that could do nothing but cry turned every word into incoherent murmurs.

Even so, So-won kept asking.

And kept apologizing.

“I— I was wrong… Tae-woo, because of me….”

He wanted to tell him.

‘That I killed you.

That because I didn’t guide you, you died horribly.’

He wanted to confess every last sin to the Tae-woo before him, who didn’t know his own miserable end, and beg forgiveness.

But he couldn’t say it.

Cowardly So-won didn’t even have the courage for that.

Like the rain that refused to stop falling, his tears dripped endlessly onto the floor with soft drip, drip sounds.

So-won’s eyes fell on Tae-woo’s hand, hanging limply at his side.

When he touched that large, solid hand, the image of Tae-woo’s dying hand resurfaced in his mind.

Unlike then, it wasn’t stiff or cold.

Yet the warmth at his fingertips only made So-won feel even sadder.

From their joined hands, Tae-woo’s wavelength flowed into him.

The ferocious energy tore through So-won as if it knew his guilt.

Today, Tae-woo’s wavelength was more violent than any So-won had ever guided before.

Violent enough that, had an ignorant, younger So-won experienced it, he would have fled without question.

That must have been why.

Why So-won had never known Tae-woo in this state.

Tae-woo had deliberately hidden it, afraid that seeing this would only terrify and unsettle So-won even more.

That was why Tae-woo always endured it when his condition worsened, only calling So-won after it improved—and yet So-won, ignorant of all that, had called him a monster and rejected him.

“I’m sorry, Tae-woo… I’m sorry….”

He apologized to Tae-woo—to the Tae-woo who had already died once.

As the wavelength gathered around his heart, his chest hurt the most.

It hurt so badly that So-won began to cry even louder.

“How did you get here…?”

Only after seeing So-won sobbing uncontrollably did Tae-woo realize that the So-won before him was real.

Tae-woo hurriedly tried to sit up.

With that movement, one guiding machine barely clinging to his body slipped off.

As it fell, it dragged another with it.

The tangled guiding machines began to fall away one after another with a series of clatter, clatter sounds.

There were no guiding machines left covering Tae-woo’s body.

His wretched condition was laid completely bare.

A body grotesquely enlarged by swollen veins, writhing blood vessels, skin soaked in sweat from prolonged suffering.

Tae-woo looked down at his exposed body in the darkness, unable to hide his discomfort.

As if to shield him, So-won wrapped both arms around Tae-woo and pulled him into an embrace.

Tae-woo’s body filled his arms completely.

The roughness of his skin, the thickened, hardened veins—everything was painfully clear.

He was so hot it felt like he might burn.

The hotter it was, the tighter So-won held him.

Beneath So-won’s arms, he felt Tae-woo go rigid.

“Lee So-won, this is dangerous.”

Tae-woo warned him.

The warmth flowing into his body shook the fragile reason Tae-woo was barely holding onto.

It felt as though he might pull So-won into his arms at any moment.

Even knowing he shouldn’t, he wanted to cage this tenderness in his embrace forever, without leaving even the smallest gap.

“It’s dangerous… Lee So-won….”

Murmured Tae-woo, held against So-won’s chest.

His low voice was savage, like someone scratching at his throat while holding something back.

A shiver ran through So-won.

Yet instead of letting go, he hugged Tae-woo even tighter.

Tae-woo reached out.

A powerful force snatched So-won up.

Clinging weakly to Tae-woo, So-won was pulled in instantly.

As his body lifted sharply, So-won squeezed his eyes shut.

He expected a violent impact—but what followed instead was scorching heat enveloping his entire body.

So-won cautiously opened his eyes.

When he came to his senses, he found himself sitting atop Tae-woo’s legs.

Before he could even process the situation, Tae-woo’s arm blocked his view.

With crushing strength, Tae-woo pulled him into a fierce embrace.

Yet it didn’t hurt.

Tae-woo murmured So-won’s name.

The low voice at his ear was as hot as his body temperature.

Tae-woo wrapped himself around So-won as if he meant to swallow him whole.

The arms holding him tightened firmly.

So-won couldn’t see anything inside Tae-woo’s embrace.

Even so, his heart gradually calmed.

So-won hugged Tae-woo back.

Then he buried his face against Tae-woo’s chest.

It was a long night.

***

‘Hot.’

It was hot.

It felt like being trapped under a thick blanket in the middle of summer.

Trying to escape the scorching heat wrapped around him, So-won shifted his body.

But his heat-bound body refused to move.

He tried exerting more strength several times, but it felt suffocating, as if he were bound by something.

Left with no choice, So-won opened his eyes.

The first thing he saw through his drowsy gaze was Tae-woo’s broad chest.

Startled, So-won sucked in a sharp breath and followed the line of Tae-woo’s body downward.

Tae-woo had an arm wrapped around So-won’s waist, and So-won was lying atop him.

Ah… last night….

So-won remembered what had happened.

He had cried for a long time in Tae-woo’s arms.

Afraid that Tae-woo might disappear if he loosened his grip, he had clung tightly to him and refused to let go.

Even after his sobbing subsided, he had remained leaning against Tae-woo for a while.

At some point, his body grew heavier.

When he looked up, Tae-woo had his eyes closed.

Still holding So-won, Tae-woo had fallen asleep, and no matter how much So-won tried to wake him, he wouldn’t stir.

So-won had barely managed to get Tae-woo to lie down.

But Tae-woo, in turn, never let go of So-won.

After tossing and turning for a long time while listening to Tae-woo’s breathing, So-won had finally fallen asleep uncomfortably.

Judging by the fact that their positions hadn’t changed, Tae-woo must have held him all night.

In any case—it was hot.

Now fully awake, the inability to move felt extremely uncomfortable.

So-won wriggled determinedly, trying to escape Tae-woo’s embrace.

But Tae-woo’s thick arm clung to his waist like it had been glued there, utterly unwilling to let go.

After struggling and grunting for a while, So-won finally decided to wake him.

“Tae-woo… Tae-woo….”

His throat was dry, and his voice barely came out.

So-won gently shook him awake.

Tae-woo’s eyes twitched, then slowly opened.

Outside the window, rain was still falling, leaving the world gloomy.

It wasn’t bright, but not so dark that he couldn’t see Tae-woo’s face.

The veins that had bulged grotesquely the night before had returned to normal.

Perhaps staying pressed together overnight had helped—his complexion looked noticeably better.

“So-won…?”

Something warm and soft was pressed against him.

Still half-asleep, Tae-woo instinctively pulled it closer.

“Ugh….”

A pained groan escaped So-won’s lips at the same time.

That was when Tae-woo snapped fully awake and hurriedly released the arm around So-won’s waist.

“Are you all right?”

Tae-woo quickly checked So-won over.

Thankfully, he wasn’t crushed.

Relief washed over Tae-woo.

Immediately after, guilt surged at the realization that he had hurt So-won.

“I’m sorry.

Just in case, you should get examined—”

“No.

I’m fine.”

Rubbing his throbbing waist, So-won shook his head.

It had felt like his waist might snap, but fortunately, it was still intact.

Since he could move, it didn’t seem like anything serious.

With a darker expression, Tae-woo sat up.

As he did, his solid chest filled So-won’s view, and Tae-woo’s condition—one he hadn’t been able to examine closely the night before—came into focus.

His upper body was especially dense with veins.

The vessels thickened as they drew closer to his heart, so dark they could only be described as black.

Eight years later, Tae-woo’s face had looked exactly like this—a face so covered in veins it appeared black rather than flesh-colored.

Tae-woo’s body couldn’t be called healthy even now, but it was better than the night before.

The veins that had swollen to the thickness of fingers had returned to normal.

The disturbing writhing was gone.

It was merely his usual state—yet after witnessing how severe it had been yesterday, even seeing his body filled with veins no longer felt grotesque.

Instead, So-won felt relief.