Chapter 19: Unspoken Feelings

“Why? Am I not allowed to sit here?”

“No… I just thought you were going to sit with your friend…”

“Ah, Gihwan? I’m sure he’ll find a seat on his own. There are plenty of spots anyway.”

Flustered by the question that felt almost innocent, Yooha stammered out a response.

Shin Joowon looked at Yooha and smiled as he answered, neatly arranging his bag and coat in the seat next to him.

Perhaps it was because it was his first time sitting side-by-side with someone to listen to a lecture.

Yooha didn’t know what to do with his uncontrollably thumping heart, so he simply wiggled his toes hidden inside his shoes.

Shin Joowon leaned his elbow on the desk, resting his chin on his hand as he stared intently at Yooha.

Feeling as though fever blossoms were blooming on the cheek where Joowon’s gaze had passed, Yooha pressed his cold hands against his face.

“You always seem to arrive early.”

“…Me?”

“Yeah. Your house is far, too. Isn’t it tiring?”

“I’m used to it, so it’s okay… Ah, thank you for driving me home the other day…”

“I was the one who offered to take you, so it’s fine.”

“Still… I thought you might have been tired from driving. Thank you…”

Today, as always, Shin Joowon continued to talk to him without showing any sign of frustration at Yooha’s inability to lead a conversation skillfully.

Yooha was so grateful for that; he expressed his thanks once more, pouring today’s gratitude into the words he had previously only sent via message.

Having heard Woo Tae say that he would have just thrown the shoes away out of annoyance, Yooha realized once again what a sweet and kind person Joowon was.

As if fully accepting that sentiment, Shin Joowon gave a thin smile without saying a word.

“Sunbae… is there anything you like? Is there anything you want to eat?”

Yooha asked, remembering what he had been thinking about just moments ago.

Shin Joowon, still looking at Yooha with a smiling face, answered calmly.

“I’m not particularly picky. What about you, Yooha? What do you like?”

“I eat everything well without any preferences, too…”

“Really? Hmm… If we didn’t have class, we could have gone somewhere further out, but I guess that won’t work…”

Muttering to himself, Shin Joowon adjusted his posture and took out his phone to start searching for something.

Yooha moistened his dry lips in an inexplicable state of tension, simply waiting for him to speak.

“Shall we go here?”

Shin Joowon asked, readily handing his phone over to Yooha.

Taking the phone politely with both hands, Yooha looked down at the screen.

As he carefully swiped up the screen with his finger to examine it, the interior and the menu looked familiar.

It was the pasta restaurant he had gone to on the day Park Seong-gyeong suggested they have lunch together.

The moment he recalled the formidable prices, Yooha’s throat went bone-dry.

Back then, the burden was less because the four of them had split the bill, but today, he had to pay for everything himself.

However, there was no way Yooha could reject a place that Shin Joowon had personally suggested.

“I like it…”

“Okay. Let’s go there, then.”

The destination was decided in an instant, making the time Yooha spent worrying feel pointless.

Taking his phone back, Shin Joowon kept his eyes fixed on the screen while his thumbs moved busily.

Yooha stole occasional glances at Joowon’s profile.

He had no way to stop his gaze from drifting toward him involuntarily.

Was it because every single one of his features was so prominent?

Even the side profile of Shin Joowon’s face was as sharp as if it had been perfectly sculpted.

Yet, perhaps because the harmony was so good, it wasn’t burdensome at all; it created a soft impression that would make anyone lower their guard easily.

There was a sense of languor in his slightly lowered gaze, giving off an almost mysterious vibe.

Not just his outward appearance like his looks and family background, but even his inner self—his personality and character—was so upright; who could possibly not like him?

Whether it was favor, affection, or admiration, the names for the feelings might differ slightly, but everyone would have no choice but to like Shin Joowon.

‘That 100% means he’s interested in you, Hyung.’

Watching Shin Joowon quietly, Yooha realized poignantly just how big of a misunderstanding Woo Tae was under.

Shin Joowon wasn’t interested in him; he was simply kind to everyone.

Yooha suppressed and suppressed the useless expectations that kept trying to surge up despite his station.

“Why?”

“…Pardon?”

“Because you keep staring at me. If you have something to say, feel free to speak. It’s okay.”

“Ah, no… I’m sorry…”

Even though he had a history of offending Shin Joowon by staring silently before, he must have been so enchanted that he forgot everything and let his gaze be stolen again.

Startled, Yooha quickly averted his eyes the moment the smiling Shin Joowon filled his vision.

What is wrong with me…?

It was as if someone had tied his entire body tight to face only Shin Joowon; he couldn’t help his eyes turning toward him.

As he grew embarrassed and his face began to flush, he felt like he wanted to hide somewhere.

Swallowing a sigh in secret, Yooha took out his writing utensils from his bag with hurried movements that clearly revealed his inner agitation.

Turning the pages of his book as if he were going to preview the lesson, Yooha buried his head low, looking like a person bound by an obsession that he must never turn his head.

Shin Joowon pretended to focus on his phone while inconspicuously observing Yooha.

The slender nape of the neck, exposed because his head was bowed so low, was flushed red, much like it had been last Friday.

****

Guided to a window seat, the two sat facing each other and looked at the menu placed between them.

Even though it was a place he had been to once before, the menu names were still difficult, and while Yooha’s eyes were darting around, Shin Joowon quickly read through the text and made a suggestion in a light tone.

“Shall we have the steak set?”

What is linguini, and what is rigatoni?

Yooha, who had been staring holes into the pasta menu, snapped his head up at the sound of Joowon’s voice.

Shin Joowon turned the menu around and slid it over so Yooha could see it clearly.

Naturally spotting the price of the steak set, Yooha swallowed hard.

80,000 won for one steak, one salad, one pasta, and two lemonades…

For a moment, his vision blurred and he felt faint.

The staggering amount, which couldn’t even be compared to a chocolate frappuccino, made Yooha’s heart drop.

When asked to express his gratitude to Shin Joowon with money, the 80,000 won for a steak set was truly a woefully inadequate amount.

In his heart, he wanted to get him those 60-million-won shoes, but Yooha’s reality was different from a fairy tale where everything you wish for comes true.

It can’t be helped… I really need to save money for a while. Or should I take on another tutoring job?

After thinking for a moment, Yooha replied by nodding his head.

“You have to choose one pasta from this list, what do you like?”

“Anything is fine with me. Whatever you want to eat, Sunbae…”

“Then shall we have the oil pasta?”

“Yes…”

Only after obtaining Yooha’s consent did Shin Joowon press the bell to order the food.

Even though they had only just decided on the menu, his throat was dry from the extreme tension.

Yooha was only able to take a breath after hurriedly quenching his thirst with cold water.

Shin Joowon, after seeing Yooha’s Adam’s apple bob several times, casually tossed out a question.

“Is the person who came to pick you up that day your brother? Was his name… Woo Tae?”

“Ah… yes. He’s not my biological brother… he’s my cousin.”

“Do you live with your cousin?”

“Because of my circumstances… I’m living at my aunt’s house.”

Much time had passed and he had now lived longer without his parents than with them, but he never quite got used to the emptiness and loneliness that washed over him every so often.

Yooha was only able to set the cup down after drinking a few more gulps of water as if to fill his empty inside.

Before he knew it, the restaurant was packed to capacity and bustling with noise.

“You seemed close with your brother. He seemed to worry about you a lot, too.”

“…Woo Tae is kind, so he takes care of me a lot.”

“I’m jealous. I’m not very close with my brothers.”

Though I don’t particularly have any intention of getting close, either.

Shin Joowon murmured his true feelings only to himself, while outwardly smiling brightly as if it were a joke.

In that moment, Joowon noticed a flash of curiosity pass through Yooha’s eyes and roughly guessed what kind of question Yooha would ask.

Usually, in situations like this, most people ask why he isn’t close with his brothers.

Or they ask if they had a fight.

There were also many people who, without any tact, would pry into his family as if they were conducting a background check.

Thinking that Yooha would surely cross the line and ask a question just like all the other people who had approached him, Joowon waited.

However, Yooha only drank a few more sips of water and did not open his mouth.

What? Why isn’t he asking?

Shin Joowon stared intently at Yooha with a sense of bewilderment.

He clearly looked like he was curious about something, but right now, Yooha was just looking down at the table with a shy gaze.

Even though he talked just fine through messages, even using weird ‘concepts,’ the Jin Yooha he met in person had a small voice and didn’t talk much.

Thinking about it carefully, it wasn’t just now; it seemed like every moment they shared a conversation, he had hesitated like this and only barely answered what was asked.

Is this also some kind of concept…? I don’t know what the strategy is, but it’s certainly a concept designed to drive a person crazy.

Unable to understand Yooha’s inner thoughts, Shin Joowon swallowed the words he couldn’t bring himself to spit out.

“I’ll give you the appetizer bread and two lemonades first.”

Fortunately, a staff member who came to serve broke the brief silence.

Shin Joowon slid the small rattan basket containing the appetizer bread toward Yooha and spoke.

“Eat, Yooha.”

“Yes… thank you for the meal…”

It was a conversation that made it seem as if the roles of the person buying the meal and the person being treated were reversed, but Yooha didn’t feel anything strange at all and carefully picked up a piece of bread.

Even though it was the same bread he had eaten before, the thought that this was included in an 80,000-won set made him feel like he’d get indigestion before even eating it.

However, thinking that Shin Joowon wouldn’t be able to eat comfortably if it showed on his face, he first tore off a corner of the bread.