Chapter 2: The Unveiling and the Unyielding Resolve

After Lin Cheng departed, Lin Duo remained seated on the living room floor, tears streaming incessantly down his face. It was a long while before his sobs finally subsided. He silently tidied the dinner bowls and the kitchen, then made his way to his parents’ bedroom. There, he powered on the computer, logged into QQ, found the familiar contact, and sent over his requested purchase quantity. Almost instantly, a reply arrived: a code, a string of interwoven numbers and letters. Lin Duo meticulously committed the characters to memory before seizing the opportunity of an empty house to grab his money and hasten to the nearby post office.

Lin Duo’s method for acquiring medication involved a drug dealer. He would first contact the dealer, specifying the desired amount, and in return, receive an identification code. Lin Duo would then proceed to the post office to wire the cash to the dealer’s account, using the provided identification code in the payment information field. Once payment was confirmed, the drugs would be dispatched to a designated address, typically a courier point close to Lin Duo’s home.

Two days later, after school, Lin Duo did not head straight home. Instead, he made his way to the specified courier point to collect his package. On the journey, he tore open the packaging, transferring the pills into a pre-prepared chewing gum box, and promptly discarded all other contents into a nearby trash can. This time, he had meticulously planned: he would wrap the midday dose in tissue and carry it to school, thereby avoiding any repeat of the previous incident.

****

It was another physical education class. The boys, as always, were engrossed in their ball games. Lin Duo, however, remained isolated, sitting alone on the steps, his gaze fixed distantly on the group of female classmates playing shuttlecock and string games. He watched their bouncing ponytails and their gracefully emerging girlish figures, a profound sense of envy swelling within his chest.

‘When did I begin to wish I were a girl?’

Lin Duo couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment. He only recalled that even as a child, he preferred playing with girls, often choosing to portray the mother or nurse during make-believe games. While most boys yearned for toys like Transformers or model trains, Lin Duo found greater joy in conversing with various adorable plush dolls. Upon entering primary school, he gradually came to understand the distinctions between boys and girls, and from that moment, his desire to be a girl intensified.

However, in the second grade, during a class meeting, when he uttered the words, “I want to be a girl!” he was met with a torrent of cruel ridicule from his entire class. From that day forward, the boys taunted him with names like ‘tranny’ and ‘fake woman,’ and even the girls he used to play with refused to acknowledge him. He found himself plunged into an unprecedented state of isolation. Though his young mind at the time couldn’t grasp what was wrong with wanting to be a girl, he nevertheless learned to conceal his true aspirations. Never again did he voice such thoughts to anyone.

The age of eleven marked a significant turning point. His parents, following a trend, purchased a computer for their home. Yet, owing to their frequent absences and his brother’s regular outings, Lin Duo, who preferred staying home, became the computer’s primary user. When he ventured to search “how to become a girl,” a new world opened before him. He accessed knowledge online that neither school nor home would ever teach, discovering that there were, in fact, ways for boys to transition into girls.

Though the journey would be arduous and protracted, he was resolute in his willingness to endure it. Lin Duo harbored an overwhelming envy for the pretty dresses girls wore, for their soft, flowing hair, for every single aspect of their femininity. He found the prospect of living out his remaining years as a male unbearable.

Thus, he joined a QQ group frequented by drug dealers and began purchasing medication regularly.

Over the span of three years, the medication’s effects were remarkably pronounced. For instance, Lin Duo showed no signs of his voice deepening, his hands, feet, and skeletal frame remained notably small, and slight, tender swellings had developed on his chest. His skin, moreover, appeared even fairer and softer than that of his female classmates. Occasionally, while walking down the street, strangers would mistake him for a girl. Though he would verbally deny it each time, a sweet, secret pleasure would blossom in his heart.

Lin Duo’s developmental trajectory caused his parents a degree of perplexity, yet it didn’t spark deep suspicion. After all, fourteen marked merely the onset of puberty, an age where the differences between boys and girls weren’t drastically pronounced, and boys who were more delicate in appearance than girls were not entirely uncommon. Consequently, Lin Duo’s parents attributed his physique to nutrition, believing that with proper nourishment, their child would naturally grow robust. They even purchased various adolescent supplements for him.

However, Lin Duo harbored a growing apprehension: his bodily changes would eventually become impossible to conceal. What then? He had consulted many online, and the prevailing advice was to ‘confess to your parents.’ Indeed, any future surgical procedures would necessitate his parents’ signed consent. Yet, Lin Duo was acutely aware of his parents’ temperament, particularly his father’s, and feared a severe beating. Thus, he remained deeply hesitant.

Lin Duo’s father, Lin Fu, had once been a member of the national badminton team, though he never secured a world championship title. After retiring, Lin Fu naturally transitioned into a coach at his hometown’s sports school, frequently taking his disciples to competitions across the country. It was evident that Lin Cheng, in every aspect, resembled his father, thereby earning Lin Fu’s profound affection. Conversely, whenever Lin Fu saw his younger son, Lin Duo, delicate and slender like a girl, his expression would invariably sour.

****

That evening, Lin Fu sat leisurely on the sofa, engrossed in his newspaper. Lin Duo cautiously approached him. “Dad, here’s my midterm report card.”

Lin Fu took it, casting a cursory glance. “Twenty-third in your grade, not bad. Keep up the good work.”

A moment later, seeing that Lin Duo had not yet departed, Lin Fu impatiently lifted his head. “What else do you want?”

“Dad, I… I… I want to be a girl!” Lin Duo declared, mustering every ounce of his courage.

‘Bang!’ Lin Fu’s fist slammed forcefully onto the coffee table before the sofa. His eyes, wide as brass bells, blazed with fury, and his voice was slow, deliberate, each word punctuated: “What did you say?!”

“My brother wants to be a tranny,” Lin Cheng interjected. He had been surfing the internet in his parents’ bedroom but had been keenly listening to the commotion outside.

“What?!” Lin Fu’s rage intensified.

Lin Cheng presented an opened package box. “I picked this up a couple of days ago, following my brother. My friend told me this guy always goes to the courier station, so I followed him once and saw him throw something away. I found this when I searched later.”

As a sports school coach, Lin Fu was naturally well-versed in various medications. He instantly understood the drug’s purpose and its underlying implications. Lin Fu’s chest began to heave violently, the packaging box in his hand crumpling into a tight ball. Still, he struggled to maintain his composure. “Lin Duo, what is the meaning of this?!”

Lin Fu had always possessed a volatile temper, frequently striking Lin Duo’s mother. In truth, he had always harbored a dislike for Lin Duo, yet the boy’s unusual obedience had deprived him of a valid reason to lash out. However, given the current turn of events, a severe beating seemed utterly inevitable.

Yet, the usually timid Lin Duo, now brimming with unexpected courage, met his father’s furious gaze head-on. “I’ve always wanted to be a girl. I’ve been taking medication for three years. I hope, Dad, you can—”

‘Smack!’ A heavy slap sent Lin Duo sprawling to the floor, his vision swimming with countless ‘little bees.’ He attempted to rise, but Lin Fu’s foot pressed him back down.

“Absurd… This is utterly absurd… A perfectly good man wanting to be a woman, it’s an affront to heaven, an affront!” Never before had Lin Fu been seized by such profound rage. “Lin Cheng, hold this unfilial son still, with his back to me. Tonight, he’ll face family punishment!”

Lin Cheng’s face betrayed not a trace of sympathy; instead, he gleefully helped Lin Duo to his feet. Lin Duo’s head throbbed with a persistent ringing, and it was a long while before his senses cleared. Turning his head, he saw Lin Fu had already unbuckled the belt from his waist and was lashing out fiercely.

Owing to long-term medication, Lin Duo’s body had remained somewhat delicate, occasionally leading to clumsy falls even on flat ground—a reason he avoided all sports during PE class. His frail physique now confronted a brutal, merciless leather belt, making the consequences tragically predictable. Each lash brought excruciating, bone-deep pain, making him wish for death. Yet, Lin Cheng held him firmly from the front, ensuring the whip made full, unsparing contact with his back.

After an unknown number of lashes, Lin Fu finally grew weary. He put away the belt, panting heavily, and slumped back onto the sofa, not forgetting to deliver a final, cutting remark. “From now on, you get no allowance. I didn’t give you money to become a tranny! And Lin Cheng, tomorrow after school, take him to the barber. Cut off all that long hair, shave his head bald. Let him reflect properly.”

Lin Duo lay lifelessly on the living room floor, like a discarded pile of mud. Eventually, Lin Cheng, unable to watch further, dragged him to the bedroom bed.

That night, Lin Duo lay face down on the bed, the whip marks on his back feeling like an army of ants relentlessly gnawing at his flesh. Yet, more painful than the physical welts was his father’s attitude that day. Without his allowance, he wouldn’t be able to buy his medication; after all, drug dealers were hardly philanthropists. Moreover, his cherished, neck-length hair, which he had painstakingly grown over two months by inventing various excuses to avoid haircuts, would soon be gone. In that moment, he felt utterly consumed by despair, even contemplating opening the window and leaping from the ninth story to end it all.

Yet, Lin Duo also felt an immense reluctance. If he were to die like this, what would he truly be? What would the fourteen years he had lived signify? Lin Duo was an atheist, believing in neither reincarnation nor souls. If he were to simply die now, everything would cease, but his deepest wish remained unfulfilled. If he must die, he vowed to die as a girl!

Lin Duo didn’t sleep that night. By two in the morning, a bold plan slowly formed in his mind.

****

The next morning, Lin Duo donned his school uniform, gritting his teeth against the searing pain. Each brush of fabric against his lacerated back was an agony that made him clench his jaw. But he suppressed it, proceeding to the kitchen as he did every day, and prepared a simple breakfast for his father and brother.

His mother was away on a business trip and wouldn’t return until the following week.

After breakfast, Lin Fu rushed off to work. Lin Cheng, however, regarded Lin Duo with a complacent air. “You got such a beating last night, yet you seem fine this morning. Father went easy on you,” he remarked.

Lin Duo lowered his head, remaining silent.

After finishing his meal, Lin Cheng tossed his bowl aside. “Remember to wash the dishes. I’m off to school. And wait for me at the school gate after class; I’m taking you to the barber shop.”

Lin Duo softly hummed in acknowledgment. He picked up the leftover dishes and retreated into the kitchen.

Once Lin Cheng was definitively gone, Lin Duo set down the bowl he was holding. He made his way to his parents’ bedroom, where a small bookshelf on the side wall held mostly sports theory books. He precisely located one particular book, carefully flipping through it until he found a stack of red banknotes tucked within the cover flap.

It was a year prior when he had accidentally witnessed his father hiding this stash of private money. He had remembered the exact spot ever since.

With money secured, what else should he take? Lin Duo opened the wardrobe, finding many clothes inside, yet all were plain men’s attire, none he wished to wear. His schoolbag contained only various books and stationery.

After a moment’s thought, Lin Duo emptied his schoolbag of textbooks, casting them aside, keeping only a few novels he particularly enjoyed. Then, he went to the bathroom, packed his toiletries into his schoolbag, ensuring his phone and charger were also included, and, of course, the crucial gum box. Satisfied, he slung his backpack on and left the house.

This time, he did not take his keys.