Chapter 20: Quest Jewel

At first, I thought I was hallucinating.

I assumed that my inability to adapt to this unstable reality

had led my mind to fabricate an illusion of the past—

a desperate attempt to cling to familiarity.

Or maybe it was simply a cheap delusion,

a phantom conjured by my longing to escape this place,

a fabricated comfort to soothe my broken mind.

If not that…

Perhaps the beast in my mind—

the one I had mistaken for a mental illness—

had finally revealed its claws.

Thoughts swirled in my head endlessly,

each one offering a different perspective on the Quest Jewel.

But no matter how many angles I considered,

they all pointed to the same core belief.

The red gemstone, sitting neatly beside the green one,

could not possibly be the Quest Jewel.

“Why?”

It was a philosophy I couldn’t grasp.

Hadn’t I lived my entire life following the Quest Jewel’s will?

Hadn’t I desperately longed to return to the past?

If so, then even if the red gemstone before me were an illusion,

shouldn’t I have felt joy at its sight?

Why, then, was my heart filled only with rejection?

“Is it… because of the way it appeared?”

That made sense.

There was no logical connection—

not even a fragile one—

to justify its sudden reappearance.

What was the first thing I did when my 132nd life began?

Not escape.

Not hide.

I destroyed the Quest Jewel.

And it wasn’t some distant past.

It happened just two days ago.

With my own hands, I had erased it from existence.

Yet, here it was.

Not just in Happy’s territory—

but hidden inside a secret drawer,

as if it had been waiting all along.

“…I don’t know.”

To be honest, it felt like I had opened Pandora’s box.

Happy’s love and madness.

The Quest Jewel, which had once existed as a red gemstone,

now residing inside my heart.

The new truths I had uncovered in my 132nd life,

spitting in the face of everything I had struggled for in my past 131 lives.

I hated it.

A small, twisted desire began to creep into my mind—

The urge to forget everything,

to accept Happy’s love,

to live comfortably in this prison.

I told you.

You can’t give up.

“Urgh…!”

A headache—worse than anything I had suffered under Happy’s torture—crushed my skull.

It was the aftermath of the battle raging inside me—

Instinct versus Logic.

Each side was trying to force its ideology upon me.

Instinct screamed at me to seize the Quest Jewel.

Logic whispered that I must not.

“I really must have lost my mind.”

Today, my habit of talking to myself wouldn’t stop.

It wasn’t something I normally did.

But now, it felt as natural as breathing.

I hated it.

I had just been reminiscing about my glorious past,

but the moment I was left alone,

I had forgotten who I was.

And then—

“Ah.”

That was the reason.

The rationality that had been utterly shattered ever since I was kidnapped by Happy.

My pride—dried out and shriveled by desperation—

had only repeated one thing:

You must not love Happy.

But it had never provided a solution.

Pride?

That useless thing had been silent ever since I started acting like a dog.

And yet—

What now?

Telling me not to touch the Quest Jewel?

“Haa…”

The moment I chose Instinct,

the price of betraying Logic came crashing down.

But it wasn’t enough to shake me.

I ran a rough hand over my face,

then slowly reached out toward the red gemstone.

In that moment,

I acknowledged the truth—

The Quest Jewel was real.

“This… isn’t a hallucination.”

The solid sensation in my palm confirmed it.

The semi-transparent message that flickered and then disappeared—

[“It’s been a while.”]

It was all too familiar.

From that moment on,

the doubt I had about the Quest Jewel’s authenticity completely vanished.

I ignored the green gemstone.

I ignored the 500mL plastic water bottle.

Instead, I let old memories flood back,

as if I were reuniting with a dear friend after years of separation.

Even though it had only been two days.

But in those two days,

I had lost my purpose—

I had wandered aimlessly like a lost soul.

It had been nothing short of a tragedy.

“I’m sorry.”

Without hesitation, I apologized to the Quest Jewel.

I was sorry for hating it.

I was sorry for abandoning the mission it had given me.

I was sorry for running away.

If everything I had suffered in the past two days had been a punishment from the Quest Jewel,

Then I accepted it.

“I’ll never forget again.”

I only managed to say those words after a long, long time.

How long did it take?

Long enough to wipe away every tear.

Long enough for my cold body to heat up and for my hiccups to finally stop.

Long enough for me to force my lips apart,

to speak the words I had suppressed for so long.

For all that effort—

I had expected the Quest Jewel to say something back.

It would have been nice if it had simply told me, “It’s okay.”

Even if it had mocked me for being an idiot, I would have laughed it off.

But there was no response.

The semi-transparent message window that had said, [It’s been a while.]

never appeared again.

“I figured.”

I wasn’t disappointed.

The Quest Jewel had never spoken to me before.

It must have reached out this time because it was annoyed about being destroyed by my hands.

“I really am sorry.”

I apologized one last time, closing this reunion.

Now, there was only one thing left to do.

“Let’s erase every failure that’s happened so far.”

I had no mirror, so I couldn’t see myself,

but I was sure my face was more serious than ever.

To any normal person,

I must have looked like someone about to commit something extreme.

All I needed was a sharp blade.

Sharp enough to slice through my neck with ease.

As I unscrewed the cap of the 500mL plastic water bottle,

I muttered an incantation—

one that was twistedly self-destructive.

But for someone like me,

who had never experienced a failed life,

it was a familiar ritual.

So, I wasn’t afraid.

The Yeres who cowered in fear under Happy’s abuse—

was about to disappear.

I would die to be reborn.

A contradiction, yet one that sent thrill-like shivers down my spine.

A mix of euphoria from finally escaping this place,

and the hatred of an existence trapped in an endless roguelike cycle.

Of course, I called it pleasure

because the euphoria outweighed everything else.

“I’m ready.”

The blade, formed from water, rested in my grip.

There was no hesitation in my hands.

My mind was already looking toward the 133rd life.

I took a deep breath and exhaled,

then slowly pressed the blade to my throat.

And in my mind,

I cursed this miserable 132nd life.

Stop.

The Quest Jewel did not allow me to die.

At the sound of a voice,

my hand froze.

I hadn’t planned to interfere,

but watching you has been entertaining.

So, just this once—

I’ll help you.

No—

It wasn’t a voice in my ears.

It was a voice in my mind.

First, put the blade back into the water bottle.

There was no debate—

no should I or shouldn’t I?

Without a second thought,

I poured the liquified blade back into the bottle.

There’s something you must learn in this life.

As I closed the lid and placed it next to the green gemstone,

the Quest Jewel continued whispering to me.

I nodded, then turned my attention to the green gemstone.

It contained a high-level concealment spell.

A spell so powerful that even Happy wouldn’t be able to find me.

This will be a horrible thing for you to hear,

but the only way to find the answer you need…

is to let yourself be abused.

Once I finished my inspection,

I shut the drawer to erase any traces of my presence.

Then, I took three steps back.

The drawer vanished.

You have only today.

Fear Happy even more.

That’s how you’ll find your answer.

I tried to focus on the Quest Jewel’s command.

Or rather, I wanted to focus.

But I couldn’t.

The order itself didn’t make sense.

Fear her more?

I had already overcome her love and madness.

You saw it too.

You watched me control Happy with your own eyes.

Are you sure it was control, Yeres?

You acted like a dog for her.

You let her kiss you without resisting.

No.

That wasn’t what it was.

I was simply taking more from her than she had taken from me.

I never submitted.

I…!

“Urgh…!”

A splitting headache erupted without warning.

I clutched my head and fell to my knees,

as the Quest Jewel let out a sickeningly amused laugh.

Don’t act spoiled.

I’m only helping because I find you amusing.

If you’re going to put on an act,

you might as well just kill yourself now.

The headache stopped instantly.

At the Quest Jewel’s ruthless decree,

I swallowed hard.