Chapter 56: Awakening (3)

How many people in the world actually like having their lives swayed by others?

There are gamblers who live their lives regarding it as a kind of pleasure… but I definitely don’t mean that in a complimentary way.

They’re fools who suffocate in an excitement of unknown origin, observing themselves slowly breaking down.

If they aren’t fools, then no one likes other people’s meddling.

The same goes for me.

The reason I became a harbinger of doom, proclaiming the world’s destruction, isn’t because I engraved the last words of dead friends or family in my heart like the protagonist of a shonen anime.

It’s because it’s a grudge that only I am allowed to hold in my heart.

I’ve lived a life where there’s never been room for other people’s meddling from the start.

But recently, I feel like I’ve become a fool.

No, it hasn’t even been a full day since I can say I’ve become that way.

When exactly did it start? Right.

Ever since I started my 133rd life, I’ve started being swayed by others, and I’ve come to like it.

Or maybe I was a fool from the beginning.

Maybe I’ve been living pretending to be normal, all the while being swayed by the ‘Quest Jewel’ ever since I obtained it.

So, I didn’t resist the suddenly changed reality, and instead, I conformed to it.

This is already the third time.

First, it was Happy, second, it was Hyunseo, and now it’s Alpha’s turn.

I wanted to believe that I was paying the price for inversely enforcing love because I was so frustrated with being forced to love, but Alpha was clearly different from Happy in terms of race and reason.

And my mindset was also different.

Unlike Happy, who I hated at first, I love Alpha.

Although the process of reconciling our differing views is difficult because the love she wants and the love I have for her are different.

I, who was kidnapped, confined, and abused by Happy, am not so weak as to be overwhelmed by just this.

I bit my lip tightly to somehow endure it.

“Let me go.”

Perhaps it’s because the weight of the lives I’ve lived until now exudes such a strong presence.

I wasn’t swept away by the atmosphere where I almost lost my balance and collapsed.

“I told you not to cross the line. What are you doing?”

It’s not like I’m really asking because I don’t know.

There’s no way I wouldn’t notice what intentions she acted with, and that the malice contained within was considerable.

As I tried to take out my smartphone from my pocket and look at the screen, Alpha moved, and she also restrained my left hand holding the smartphone with her left hand.

Her attitude of forcing me to not look at the screen showed that there was no mindset of respecting me.

Even though she’s my first subordinate.

“Get your hand off me right now.”

So, I acted out my anger.

It’s also possible to be genuinely angry because she interfered with my and Hyunseo’s love, but if I did that, Alpha might explode, so I swallowed the emotions that had risen to my throat with effort.

But still, Alpha will stop with just this much, right?

“I refuse.”

It was a foolish judgment.

“Why?”

Alpha didn’t follow my orders.

On the contrary, she started struggling to take the smartphone from me.

“Are you ignoring me right now?”

“Please. Please hand it over to me.”

“Get your hand off me. I’ll forgive you if you stop now.”

“But…!”

In the end, I mixed sincerity into my acting.

I gathered water in my right hand to cast magic, and then held it up to Alpha’s face to clearly show her how powerful it was.

“…Queen Yeres.”

At that moment, rain fell from the ceiling.

If this was the audience chamber where the throne was located, I wouldn’t have questioned it because there was a magic circle that poured out water, but this wasn’t that space.

And the amount of rain falling from the magic circle was too little.

“Alpha. Are you crying?”

The cause of the falling rain was my first subordinate, Alpha.

I witnessed her reddened eyes as she, whose height easily exceeded 180cm, was straddling my body.

“…I’m sorry.”

Has she finally realized that she can’t get the love she so desperately wanted from me?

Tears falling from her eyes wet my face.

At the same time, the restraint on my left hand holding the smartphone loosened.

Now, all I have to do is defeat her and reply to the text message Hyunseo sent.

I moved my body to operate the smartphone with both hands.

“Queen Yeres.”
“Did you call me?”
“I was wondering… if you might dislike me because of what happened today… would you mind if I asked?”

I couldn’t do that.

Unlike what I had decided, I couldn’t shake off Alpha’s left hand.

It wasn’t because of the amount of tears pouring onto my face.

That’s certainly one of the reasons, but more than that, it was because I discovered the fear that still remained, even after washing away the anger with sadness.

Her expression was captured by the worry that our relationship might regress instead of progress as a result of acting irrationally after succumbing to her instincts.

The moment I saw that, I decided that I had to focus on her, putting aside my love for Hyunseo for a while.

I didn’t want to turn a blind eye to the vulnerability shown by my first subordinate.

“No, I don’t.”

I immediately canceled the magic and wrapped my right arm around Alpha’s waist.

We were only pressing our faces together, not our bodies, so I eliminated the space that had existed between us.

Then, the coldness unique to vampires that I felt was like the ashes left after the fire had burned out.

“Why are you crying?”

The warmth, in which no heat could be felt, created a completely different atmosphere than when I hugged Happy or Hyunseo.

It’s okay to forget the weight of the lives I’ve lived until now and the common sense that I shouldn’t be swayed by others here, right?

I didn’t want to become a fool, but I placed a higher value on the tears that Alpha was shedding.

“I understand. You couldn’t help it.”

Perhaps my hug pleased her, she also moved her hands and hugged me.

There was no longer the pain of her squeezing me so tightly that my ribs were crushed like before.

It was like a lover’s hug to Alpha, and it was a hug commonly exchanged in a mother-daughter relationship to me.

We were still trying to find different meanings in the same actions.

“Queen Yeres.”

Alpha, who had finally shed all her tears, opened her mouth.

Her voice, as dry and cracked as the middle of a sandy desert, was so small that I wouldn’t have been able to hear it if I hadn’t hugged her tightly.

“Did you call me?”

My voice was the same.

It’s not a paltry scheme to match the subdued atmosphere.

It was largely because I had barely survived after being swept away by an overly passionate love, and I was weighed down by the guilt of not being able to reply to Hyunseo because of it.

But I didn’t show it outwardly.

I still hadn’t released the restraint on my left hand, which now had no strength in it at all.

It was because Alpha had become so weak that she would lose her balance if I forcibly released it.

I reached out with my other hand and smoothed her disheveled hair.

“Perhaps… No, it’s nothing.”
“Just tell me.”

I kissed her on the cheek to alleviate Alpha’s guilt, which she still hadn’t given up on.

Then, the embers remaining in the ashes slowly began to flicker.

But it soon went out because there was no firewood.

She was dissatisfied that our relationship would return to what it was before if we finished hugging, so she concentrated on hugging me with her mouth tightly shut.

Without grasping my desire to reply to Hyunseo’s text message at all.

“Alpha, would you listen to me for a moment?”

“You know, I was going to take sticker pictures with Hyunseo today?”

“Sticker pictures…”

The story I brought up to change the atmosphere was effective.

Alpha, who wants a lover’s relationship with me, had different eyes when I told her about something that often happens between lovers.

Envy, jealousy. Fortunately, there was no resentment or anger.

“But I couldn’t.”

Or maybe she was about to resent and be angry, but she heard my words and let out a sigh of relief, then blurted out those words.

Her hand wrapped around my waist began to heat up more and more.

“Hyunseo’s mother was interfering with us.”

“Don’t tell me the magical girl’s mother found out about your relationship?”

“No. She was yelling at Hyunseo on the phone to come quickly. So, I couldn’t do anything and just came back.”

“That’s a relief… No, it’s not.”

You were about to say “That’s a relief,” weren’t you?

Because I was in a bad mood with Alpha’s reaction, I continued the conversation with a slightly sharp tone.

“But even you are frustrating me, Alpha. Don’t do that.”
“…”
“Ah, I’m definitely not putting you on the same level as Hyunseo’s mother. I’m just frustrated.”
“If that’s the case…”

The reaction that followed was hot.

The embers smoldering in the ashes received new firewood.

The blood that wet the floor didn’t boil, or the eyeballs with a color similar to pink diamonds didn’t turn red like garnet, but the coldness unique to vampires was certainly gone.

“Would it be okay if I stayed by the Queen’s side until dawn tomorrow?”

But I didn’t know it would burn this much.

“Alpha.”
“I know very well that magical girl wants the Queen right now.”

I almost sighed on Alpha’s face.

I swallowed it with effort and asked a question.

“You said that knowing that?”

“Yes, it’s my last selfish wish. Please, I beg you to listen to it.”

“That’s…”

“If you listen to it… I will never interfere with the Queen and that magical girl’s relationship again.”

I looked at my smartphone to escape from her firmness.

It’s not like I was going to reply.

I ignored the contents on the screen and turned my gaze to the smartphone clock.

“11:50…”

I checked the time when tomorrow would arrive in just 10 minutes, and then let out the sigh I had forcibly swallowed a while ago.

“Really?”
“I promise on my name.”

I don’t want to be swayed, but if I refuse, she will constantly interfere with our relationship.

Maybe Hyunseo has already fallen asleep by now.

It’s okay to talk about it tomorrow.

First, I decided to fulfill Alpha’s desires.

“Okay.”
“Thank you.”

As I nodded and opened my mouth, I felt joy in Alpha’s subdued voice.

“First, go change your clothes. It’s too uncomfortable to lie on the bed in a dress. I’ll clean this place up in the meantime.”

“I will call a servant as I leave.”

“No. I’ll clean it up because I can’t let it be rumored what you did in my room.”

“I understand. Thank you for your consideration.”

After ending the simple conversation and leaving Alpha, who had temporarily left, behind, I let out all the sighs that were still left in my throat.

I was exhausted by the hardship that came as soon as I started my 133rd life.

If it was something I had brought upon myself, I would have nothing to say, but right now, I had so much to say that I looked at the ‘Quest Jewel’ placed on the shelf next to my bed.

I have to talk to that thing properly.

“Huh?”

At that moment, the ‘Quest Jewel’ sparkled.

Because I knew that an incident would occur every time the red jewel sparkled, I quickly got out of bed.

No, I tried to get up, but I couldn’t because of the vibration I felt from my smartphone.

[It’s been a while, Unni.]
“…Wait a minute.”

Happiness came to me in fear as soon as I saw the newly displayed text on the screen.

I somehow moved my trembling hand to unlock my smartphone, and a new text message was displayed.

[Did you miss me?]

“Happy?”

The her that I so desperately wanted to see had appeared.

I, who had let go of the thread of reason, ended up committing something I would be sorry for towards Alpha.