Chapter 32: We ended up looking alike

How many times have I faced moments of crisis in this life?

Only in the past 3 days, no.

Today isn’t over yet.

I took out my smartphone and touched the screen.

The numbers displayed read 14:07.

Only 62 hours have passed since the start of my 132nd life.

Yet, countless moments of crisis flooded my mind.

Still, I didn’t succumb to every crisis that came my way.

Some could be overcome with a simple flick of the tongue.

Others were eliminated by Happy’s whim before I could react.

Or sometimes, Happy’s mother would call her, and I’d escape the crisis.

I erased such trivial things from my mind.

Even if they were chilling moments upon recollection, I wasn’t abused or loved during them.

“God d*mn it.”

‘Just using the word ‘loved’ made my heart race.’

The curse I spat out had no effect.

My body, dominated by emotion, betrayed my will.

Then I must punish it.

I must self-train through abuse.

Using water as a source, I cast a spell to create a blade and slashed my palm.

The first, second, and third traces were identical.

The pain was still unfamiliar, yet…

Seeing the process flow as naturally as water right up until the slash…

“I’ve developed a bad habit.”

But what could I do?

If I didn’t, my body would become one that couldn’t shake off the feeling of loving Happy.

I deliberately gripped the dripping blood, staining my palm red.

I consoled myself, saying it was a habit only allowed in this life.

Then, in a desperate attempt to regain composure, I took a deep breath in and out.

…
…

Composure found me.

I opened my mouth, intending to continue the self-loathing that had been briefly paused.

“You’re a stupid b*tch, Yeres.”

If someone else had said it, I would have clenched my fist immediately.

But to reflect on the dark actions of the past three days, I needed to utter such insults.

Because every crisis that remained after discarding all the trivial things was a mistake I had caused.

For example, recalling the time when I was the Queen of the evil organization Darkmoon and acting like a dog…

“Let’s stop thinking about it.”

I shook my head violently from side to side.

Knowing what I did wrong, I decided to end the self-loathing here and looked at the red jewel in my hand.

I recalled how different I was with and without it.

In the end, the cause of this situation was ‘purpose.’

When I was the Queen of the evil organization Darkmoon, I was a racehorse running madly towards the finish line.

I constantly strived to achieve the goals presented by the ‘Quest Jewel’ and didn’t care about anything else.

But I lost my purpose.

To be exact, I ignored the experiences of the lives I had lived and set my own goals.

I wanted an ordinary life, so I destroyed the ‘Quest Jewel’ and readily resigned from the position of Queen.

As a result, my incompetence was revealed.

If I hadn’t found the ‘Quest Jewel.’

If it hadn’t set goals for me.

Happy might have completely crushed my life.

“Don’t do that again.”

I forgot how many times this was my declaration.

But it was such an important resolution that I didn’t get bored.

At the same time, I repeated the differences between Happy and me.

Even if this life was ruined.

Unlike her, who would end when she died, I was guaranteed a chance to reverse past mistakes by the ‘Quest Jewel.’

Happy might not even know how many times I’ve repeated this d*mn reality.

Or that I had given up at some point.

Or that I might be rekindling my soul.

This was an opportunity given only to me.

A privilege only I could enjoy.

I overcame the immediate bitterness with the sweetness of a life with a guaranteed future.

“So.”

It doesn’t matter if this life gets a little more ruined.

Pride?

Dignity?

The sadness of being led around by Happy?

The evil organization Darkmoon?

They’ll all be restored in the 133rd life.

Meeting Happy like livestock being led to the slaughterhouse tomorrow is the same.

I’m going to lay the foundation for leading the next life to victory.

So Yeres.

Never give up.

You can do it.

You have the ‘Quest Jewel,’ right?

You’re different from others.

Just hold on a little longer.

Just a little more.

Just a little…

“Hey! Can’t you hear me?!”

Joy’s sharp shout, unbefitting of a magical girl, pulled me out of my deep reverie.

Taking a deep breath, the unique foulness of stagnant, rotten water filled with dregs stung my nose.

As I exhaled, I spat out all the negative emotions that filled my heart.

“I’m calling you!”

I slowly turned my head towards the direction of the voice that desired my attention.

The dirty scenery of the sewer, where the most water flowed in the city, came into view.

Even in such a place, Joy’s magical girl outfit and blue hair didn’t fade.

On the contrary, it might stand out even more because it was such a place.

Like me, entering a space only allowed for magical girls.

“What the hell are you doing? Why don’t you untie this right now?”

I didn’t do it on purpose, but seeing her forcibly sitting on a chair, bound by duct tape, she looked similar to me three days ago.

The duct tape was covered in grime, probably because it was an item I found when I entered the sewer.

I pondered what was covering me.

“Do you think I’ll be afraid of you because of this? Never!”

Even though she said that, her voice was wavering.

Her feet and fingertips were also visibly trembling.

She was the same as me, gathering courage to hide it.

Besides that, Joy and I had many similarities.

From the attitude of being uncooperative because the other person was an enemy, to trying not to lose her pride and dignity.

We were perfect doppelgangers of me, kidnapped by Happy, only with different colors.

Oops.

I thought of Happy again.

I immediately created a blade and slashed my palm.

…
…

I didn’t.

I suddenly realized why the ‘Quest Jewel’ hadn’t come to me immediately.

The reason it allowed my deviation, even at the cost of enduring the pain of its main body being destroyed, was because there was information within it that I could use.

“So that’s what it was.”

That was it.

I smirked as I looked at Joy.

Probably, there was information I needed in her head.

I had to extract it.

If she refused…

I could confront her with appropriate abuse.

“I overheard by chance. Why do you hate Happy, who is also a magical girl?”

“Who taught you the rudeness of answering a question with a question? Did your ugly mother teach you that way?”

Is this what they called a family insult?

Happy got angry when I touched her parents.

But for me, who hadn’t had parents since I was 13, it wasn’t a very hurtful insult.

But I didn’t care about my emotions.

To dominate Joy.

To get information as quickly as possible.

I got angry like Happy.

“Why are you so foul-mouthed when you’re a magical girl?”

“Are you out of your mind? Did you expect me to be nice to you? Is that head on your shoulders just for decoration?”

“Well, if you’re a magical girl with only this much skill, you have to be foul-mouthed.”

“What?”

“Magical Girl Joy. You cast wind magic, but your skills are the lowest. Am I wrong?”

Joy fidgeted when I touched her pride.

Even in this situation, her attitude of not losing her dignity was the same as me three days ago.

So that’s why Happy kept telling me who I was.

There was a reason why she couldn’t help but laugh at me, twitching every time I heard ‘Queen of the evil organization Darkmoon.’

“Cute.”

I couldn’t help but laugh, just like Happy.

“Don’t spout nonsense as you please. I want to k*ll you.”

Joy frowned, immediately grasping the meaning of the laughter.

There was nothing different about her and me.

“Me? Die? By you?”

“You. If I get out of here, be prepared to die.”

“I wish you’d understand the situation a little? I have a lot of things I want to ask you.”

“Untie me right now, you crazy b*tch!”

Then I should treat her the same way Happy abused me.

Just like I succumbed to her.

I had to make Joy succumb to me.

“You know what?”

First, I took away her hope.

“It’s already been over an hour since you came here. But… no one’s coming?”

“…What?”

“Not your mascot. Not the Magical Girl Management Department. Your parents aren’t looking for you.”

“Don’t talk sh*t!”

After that, I crushed the pride she was forcibly trying to build up.

“You’re still foul-mouthed. That’s so you.”

“What do you know!”

“I know. Don’t you know you died in front of me 131 times, acting like this?”

“Are you crazy? 131 times? Are you out of your mind?”

“Once, you even licked my shoes to beg me to save you.”

“It seems like your brain is seriously messed up. You should get some nails and fix it in place, you crazy b*tch.”

“Well. But don’t worry. I won’t k*ll you.”

“Then why the f*ck do you think I’m going to die by your hand!”

“Really? Should we try it?”

As I slowly approached, Joy revealed her true colors.

“D… Don’t come closer! Get away from me!”

I fully ridiculed her weakness as she struggled to move the chair backward.

“Look at this.”

“No! That’s not it!”

Tears were already welling up in Joy’s eyes.

How efficient this method was.

“First. You have to be punished, right?”

“What the hell…!”

Slap!

From then on, I acted like Happy without hesitation.

Slap!

“You.”

“Wait a minute…!”

Slap!

“Stop..! Stop it!”

“If a person does wrong.”

Slap!

“Don’t you know you have to apologize first?”

It was the first time I, who couldn’t escape her love, poured madness onto someone else.