Chapter 5: Finally Becoming the Person I Hate

Su Xuan began to feel agitated.

On one hand, he felt his control over his body slipping. His much-vaunted self-control was constantly being provoked by the cross-dressing consciousness.

On the other hand, he had no choice but to rely on his Phantom Soul’s help for cultivation. And once he let her help, it would inevitably have a different kind of effect on his body.

As for why that blade exhibited a yang fluctuation, Su Xuan couldn’t be bothered to think too deeply about it. Even if he found the truth, what good would it do!

“Does cross-dressing make you stronger?”

Su Xuan smiled bitterly.

“My fate is my own, not heaven’s to decide! Even without cross-dressing, I can become a supreme expert!”

Su Xuan shot up to his feet, looked at the several pieces of women’s clothing in his wardrobe, and decided to execute them all.

He pulled open the wardrobe.

Inside were the women’s clothes he had carefully selected back then.

Even now, Su Xuan could still wear them.

Because since that summer vacation, Su Xuan’s figure hadn’t changed much.

He stood at a height of 1.72 meters, and his body frame was slightly smaller than that of an average male.

Those pieces of tempting women’s clothing appeared before Su Xuan’s eyes, completely undisguised.

Su Xuan, who had originally firmed his resolve to throw away the clothes, suddenly spaced out.

‘Will this really work? It’s just formalism. In reality, I’m scared, scared of cross-dressing?’

‘If my heart is truly strong, then even if I cross-dress every day, my mind won’t be affected, right?’

‘Don’t make excuses for your own cowardice. The women’s clothes are not the main culprit!’

Su Xuan deflated, his arms dropping helplessly.

Suddenly, a ridiculously absurd thought appeared in his mind.

‘Wear it, conquer it. Don’t become its s*ave, become its master!’

Su Xuan’s expression became subtle.

The women’s clothing seemed to shine with a different kind of light in his eyes.

Su Xuan couldn’t help but imagine himself walking back and forth on the streets in women’s clothing, countless passersby casting their gazes wantonly upon him—that unparalleled stimulation.

But the fantasy was suddenly invaded by his dream, by that filthy and dark street again.

‘Heh heh, if you all really dare to come at me! I definitely won’t show any mercy!’

‘Those shameless hooligans, I wouldn’t be afraid of them in real life. Besides, dreams are the opposite of reality.’

‘If I generously admit to my cross-dressing and let go of my hang-ups, I might even be able to get a girlfriend.’

The more Su Xuan thought about it, the more he felt that cross-dressing was all benefit and no harm.

He just didn’t realize that this was merely him craving to cross-dress and giving himself psychological comfort or excuses.

When a person looks at things through colored glasses, everything is either completely right or completely wrong.

Su Xuan’s trembling hand reached into the wardrobe as he muttered.

“I… will… conquer you! Heh heh…”

The person in the mirror possessed a peerless elegance.

Long black hair and light makeup made her appear youthful and vibrant.

Her sparkling, watery eyes blinked as if she were a talking fairy.

Her slightly closed red lips bloomed with an alluring luster.

A black, ascetic choker, a gradient black-to-white off-the-shoulder medium-length T-shirt, paired with ultra-short denim jeans, completely exposed a pair of straight and slender legs to the public eye.

Two parts purity, three parts melancholy, five parts desire.

It made one find it hard to maintain self-control, fearful of doing something illegal.

Su Xuan stared blankly at himself in the mirror, his expression looking slightly dazed.

“What… happened to me?”

Su Xuan gazed foolishly at his own face.
Stunning beauties who could captivate the world were all androgynous.

How could a normal girl possibly possess such an enigmatic temperament?

Stepping into women’s shoes that revealed his cute toes, Su Xuan felt as if his entire body was wrapped in something marvelous.

Su Xuan’s heart pounded rapidly, because this was the first time in many years he was going out on the street looking like this.

‘Cross-dress but not go out? Just to admire myself in solitude?’

Tiptoeing in his exquisite sandals, he hesitated in the living room, looking at the people coming and going outside.

A strange feeling welled up inside him.

He opened the door, his heart in his throat, and poked his head out.

There was no one on this floor.

His racing heart calmed down.

He pressed the elevator button and went down.

The door opened.

A little boy who looked like an elementary school student stared blankly at Su Xuan.

Children at this age already had a preliminary ability to distinguish between beauty and ugliness, and Su Xuan’s charm, which killed both young and old, had clearly captivated the little brother.

Seeing him staring blankly at himself, Su Xuan, for some reason, felt a fantastical sensation slowly rising.

He wiggled his little toes.

His heart was not as calm as it appeared.

He exited the elevator and sauntered out of the residential complex.

And that little brat would probably never forget the fairy sister he saw in the elevator when he was a child for the rest of his life.

Su Xuan carefully walked onto the street.
Although he didn’t plan on buying anything, desire drove him towards the crowded pedestrian street.

“Whoa! Top quality!”

A few boys on the side saw a stunning beauty coming towards them, their saliva nearly drooling out.

“Which school is she from, Brother Chao? How come I’ve never seen her before!”
“There are plenty of top-quality girls you haven’t seen. But this one, aside from being a bit small there, is perfect everywhere else, especially that face!”

The few of them pretended to casually glance at Su Xuan, then discussed amongst themselves.

“A woman with a face like this, before, she’s like a saintly fairy; during, she’s like a demon of lust… extremely top-quality. I once, sigh, let’s not talk about it, not suitable for children!”

“Brother Chao, what does a woman like this taste like!!”

The younger brothers, stimulated by Brother Chao’s words, all drooled, hoping for more information.

“A dual conquest of both mind and body, it’s f*cking awesome! That day was like this…”

In reality, Brother Chao was grumbling in his heart: ‘I’d like to know what it feels like myself!’

Su Xuan vaguely heard the conversation of this group, and his face slowly turned red.
The wine-red blush on his cheeks was mesmerizing to look at.

However, this was just a small part of it.
Walking on the street, countless men turned to look, their eyes carrying a hint of possessive desire.

“What are you looking at? Am I not as good-looking?”

A woman saw her boyfriend secretly looking elsewhere.

She followed his gaze and saw a stunningly beautiful woman, instantly becoming jealous and fiercely pinching the flesh on her man’s waist.

“No, no, how could she be as beautiful as you, darling…”

The man said, wiping the drool from the corner of his mouth.

The man knew he was in the wrong and hurriedly coaxed his girlfriend, even saying he could consider things like handbags.

Unconsciously, Su Xuan walked towards a trendy women’s clothing store.

The dazzling lights inside made Su Xuan unable to resist the urge to try something on.

“Welcome~”

The saleswoman smiled and greeted Su Xuan, making his heart skip a beat with a different kind of excitement.

“Mmm…!”

Su Xuan looked at the various styles of women’s clothing, feeling like Grandma Liu entering the Grand View Garden—full of amazement.

Although he owned women’s clothing, it was all bought online.

Su Xuan had never actually entered a store like this, so his heart trembled, afraid that some accident might happen.

After entering, there was nothing particularly strange.

It was just people choosing their own clothes.

No strange gazes were directed at him.

“So the strange one was me!”

Su Xuan relaxed his brow and turned his gaze to the clothes.

Looking at the colorful and varied styles of clothing, Su Xuan felt a bit overwhelmed, not knowing where to start.

Seeing Su Xuan’s hesitant look, a female shopping guide came over and said with a smile, “Is there anything I can help you with?”

“N-…No!”

Su Xuan, realizing someone was asking him, quickly refused.

His original voice almost gave him away at first, but thankfully he reacted immediately and answered with a falsetto.

“Alright, if you have any questions, you can come and ask me.”

Watching the shopping guide walk away, Su Xuan let out a long sigh of relief and patted his non-existent chest.

Relying on his powerful ability to imagine, Su Xuan “tried on” every piece of clothing.

In the end, he chose a pink belly-baring hoodie, a blue and white academy-style set, and a few T-shirts that caught his eye.

He carried the bags as if he were carrying a load of sin, but the little flutter of joy in his heart and the eagerness to go home and change clothes completely suppressed this guilt.

The men on the street swallowed their saliva, eyeing Su Xuan, especially that pair of perfect, slender legs.

“I could play with those legs for a lifetime!”

“Ah, step on me, let her step on me until I die!”

Countless dirty thoughts emerged in the minds of different men, and countless men’s eyes dimmed with longing.

“A woman like this must be some powerful person’s canary!”

“A girl like this, no one in this world is worthy of her!”

Amidst gains and losses, the beautiful figure disappeared into the bustling crowd.

“Growl~”

Su Xuan, who had forgotten to eat in the morning, now felt the power of his protesting stomach.

It was almost noon.

“Braised chicken and rice… this could work…”

Su Xuan chose a good shop, pushed the door open, and saw several student-like people inside eating heartily.

A male student was eating happily.
Feeling someone come in, he habitually glanced at the door.

My goodness, a super hot girl.

His saliva accidentally dribbled out.
The boy looked at Su Xuan’s tempting figure, those long, slender, fair legs, and simply couldn’t tear himself away.

Looking at the bowl of orange-yellow braised chicken soup in front of him, he suddenly felt it wasn’t as fragrant anymore.

“Boss, a large order of braised chicken, extra soup, medium spicy.”

“Okay, twenty-three. To go or for here?”

The aunty looked at Su Xuan, thinking to herself that this girl was really pretty.

It was a pity her own good-for-nothing son stayed at home all day doing nothing.
How could he possibly be worthy of such a girl?

If she had such a daughter-in-law, she would have no complaints making braised chicken for her every day.

Su Xuan didn’t know the aunty had so many thoughts in her mind.

If he did, he would probably cover his mouth with a charming smile.
After all, he was a boy~

Several tables were either taken or full, so Su Xuan had to find someone to share a table with.

The man sharing the table with Su Xuan was overjoyed in his heart, but being inexperienced, he deliberately pretended to be calm, even fantasizing about the girl coming to talk to him.

‘Girls these days should all fall for this. Look at my cool and aloof persona, making the beauty fall madly in love with me…’

However, he never would have imagined that with his mediocre looks, his bloated and unexercised body, and his very plain style of dress, it was completely impossible to attract a girl.

Of course, if you had a string of expensive car keys dangling from your hand, and a valuable yet simple watch subtly worn on your wrist, maybe a girl with a discerning eye would approach you to discuss the evolution and reproduction of humankind.

What he could never have imagined, however, was that this beauty was not a woman at all.
Perhaps what he took out was bigger than his.

“Why hasn’t she started a conversation with me yet!”

The boy saw that his chicken and rice was almost finished.
There really wasn’t much time left for him.

Meanwhile, the other men were looking at the man next to Su Xuan with eyes full of jealousy, wishing they could rush over and take his place immediately.

But in reality, that table could still seat two more people, yet not a single man dared to put it into practice.

“Hmph, men!”

Su Xuan huffed delicately, her voice very soft, so soft that even the idiot man whose entire attention was on Su-Xuan couldn’t hear it.

“Braised chicken and rice, ready! Get your own rice…”

The aunty carried the braised chicken and brought it to Su Xuan’s table.

Su Xuan gracefully stood up and walked towards the rice station.

The men’s eyes were once again fixed on those long, slender legs, their longing gazes spreading with numerous bloodshot veins.