Chapter 5: The Monster’s Shame

Just when things finally seemed to quiet down, it wasn’t long before someone came looking for Tae-woo again.

This time, it was the attending physician—the same one who had knocked earlier—once more seeking him out.

His eyes sparkled as he looked at Tae-woo.

Tae-woo’s head throbbed, irritation rising sharply.

“Kang Tae-woo, Esper.

They say Guide Lee So-won has arrived.”

The doctor’s eyes trembled with fear as he spoke, yet they were brimming with barely concealed anticipation.

Pressing a hand hard against his pounding head, Tae-woo pushed himself upright.

Thinking about it any further would only make his head hurt more.

As he always did, Tae-woo followed the voice he’d long learned to obey—his own.

He tore the machines attached to his body off in rough handfuls.

Unable to control his strength, a few snapped and broke, but Tae-woo didn’t bother paying them any mind.

He followed behind the attending physician, whose steps seemed strangely light.

Even during the short walk, the faces of staff members who happened to cross paths with Tae-woo were drenched in fear.

Tae-woo, however, didn’t spare them a glance.

Though he had lived practically his entire life—over ten years—within the Esper Association, this was his first time entering the guiding examination room.

There had never been a reason to come before, and there wouldn’t be one in the future either.

Once it was proven that this examination was a mistake, he would simply return to his usual life.

Click.

The door opened.

Through the narrow crack of the partially opened door, Tae-woo felt as though a warm breeze brushed past him.

Soon, the door separating So-won and Tae-woo opened fully.

An odd sensation washed over Tae-woo.

It felt as if five—no, ten—guiding machines had been attached to him at once.

Something soft and gentle seemed to wrap around his body.

Startled, Tae-woo looked at the small boy standing before the doorway.

A face that looked as though it had only just reached adulthood.

Round, wide eyes.

Pale skin, cheeks flushed red.

Hands trembling pitifully.

A guide.

Though they weren’t touching anywhere, Tae-woo immediately knew the boy standing before him was his guide.

His heart began to race.

Meanwhile, the instant the door opened, So-won snapped back to awareness at the sharp, prickling wavelength he felt.

His body was still trembling, but it didn’t feel as terrifying as before.

At least—not until he saw Tae-woo’s face.

The ferocious eyes that met his gaze the moment the door opened looked already steeped in a foul mood.

The instant So-won’s eyes met Tae-woo’s, he froze solid.

His condition must have been quite bad—So-won could already feel Tae-woo’s violent wavelength stabbing into him.

This was the moment So-won always feared.

He felt as though the sharp waves might swallow him whole.

It was a sensation he always felt when close to Tae-woo, but perhaps it was just his imagination—today, it felt even stronger than usual.

At least, compared to eight years later—when dark, blood-red veins would cover his entire face—Tae-woo now only had them bulging angrily around his eyes.

Thick and thin vessels sprawled outward, casting shadows over his eye sockets, making them look dark… and grotesque.

His short-cropped hair was the same as ever.

Compared to eight years later, it was a slightly less horrific state, yet So-won’s fear did not ease.

Only then did Tae-woo belatedly realize that So-won was afraid of him.

For the first time, his monstrous appearance—something he’d never once cared about—began to bother him.

For the first time in his life, Tae-woo thought that he wanted to hide his face.

Turning his head, he tried to conceal it even a little from his guide.

“Hello.”

So-won forced his stiff, uncooperative mouth open.

He’d wanted to greet him without trembling, but his voice shook on its own.

Damn.

Even so, he decided to take solace in the fact that he’d managed to greet him at all.

In their original first meeting, they hadn’t even exchanged greetings.

Back then, So-won had trembled uncontrollably at the sight of Tae-woo, then stared at him like a monster after hearing Tae-woo’s low, quiet greeting.

Eight years ago, that had been both their first—and last—conversation.

Tae-woo was slightly taken aback that So-won had greeted him first.

The small, round guide even had a voice as clear as marbles rolling together.

“Hello,” Tae-woo replied calmly.

Even as he trembled, So-won nearly burst into tears at the sound of Tae-woo’s voice.

It wasn’t the hoarse, ragged voice of the day Tae-woo had coughed up blood and died—it was a pleasant, low tone.

Guilt crushed his chest, yet he was happy to hear this voice once more.

To hide his reddening eyes, So-won bowed his head deeply.

The attending physician, who had been watching the scene with satisfaction, announced that the examination would begin and ushered Tae-woo and So-won into the testing room.

As they sat down in the chairs inside, two researchers approached.

“Before we begin the guiding examination, we’ll attach the devices first.”

Each man was assigned one researcher, who began attaching machines to their bodies.

One by one, devices were fixed to So-won’s face, arms, legs, and torso.

Each time the cold metal touched him, So-won flinched slightly, tense.

His setup was finished quickly.

Tae-woo’s, however, was only halfway done.

The researcher attaching devices to Tae-woo’s body was trembling pathetically.

He rolled up Tae-woo’s sleeve just enough to work—and nearly wanted to die on the spot when grotesque, dark-red veins greeted him.

They looked as though they might start writhing at any moment.

He squeezed his eyes shut, then forced them open to do his job.

Shaking violently, he attached the machines with utmost care—careful not to offend Tae-woo, and careful not to let his own hand touch that horrifying body.

Never before had a hand resting calmly on an armrest felt so terrifying.

Under the pitying gazes of others, the researcher finally attached the last device.

The attending physician, seated beyond the glass, gave an okay sign.

The researchers bolted from the room.

Watching them rush out while nervously bouncing his leg, So-won felt both sympathy and a strange sense of kinship.

<We will begin.>

But So-won didn’t have the luxury of worrying about others.

Once the researchers left the room, only Tae-woo and So-won remained.

The suffocating atmosphere pressed down on him.

Seated stiffly, So-won tensed as the machines powered on and the examination began immediately.

What kind of test is this?

It’s a guiding exam… so do I guide him?

Even though So-won didn’t know much about guiding, he knew there were various methods.

The simplest involved light contact, like holding hands.

The wider the contact area, the greater the amount of guiding.

He also knew—at least vaguely—that between opposite sexes, there were forms of guiding that involved sexual contact…

<Guide, please take the Esper’s hand.>

So it really was guiding.

Having expected this much, So-won didn’t panic.

He looked at Tae-woo’s hand, resting neatly on the armrest.

With his sleeve rolled up, the grotesque dark-red veins were fully exposed.

Gulp.

So-won swallowed.

Unlike his resolve, his body didn’t move easily at the sight of that frighteningly prominent hand.

Unease spread across the researchers’ faces as they watched.

Meanwhile, Tae-woo felt more comfortable than he had ever been since awakening at age ten.

Even without touching So-won anywhere, his head didn’t throb, and his body felt at ease—as if he were already being guided.

The veins that had been raging moments ago now lay languid and calm, as though nothing had happened.

Suddenly, Tae-woo recalled the number on the matching result sheet his doctor had brought earlier.

100%.

He’d assumed the machine was broken—but perhaps the matching rate truly was 100%.

If merely being near So-won felt like this, what would real guiding feel like?

That small, white hand… touching his grotesque body.

Filled with anticipation, Tae-woo looked at So-won.

But the moment he saw the guide’s face, drained white with fear, the budding hope in his chest vanished.

“Your guide is going to be miserable.”

The mocking voice of another S-rank Esper he’d once met at a gate resurfaced.

At the time, he hadn’t cared—but now, looking at So-won trembling pitifully, he understood why the words came back.

Because it was true.

Even Tae-woo knew it.

This small, fragile guide would be unhappy if he became Tae-woo’s guide.

Tae-woo looked down at his exposed arm.

Dark-red veins bulged as if ready to burst, running all the way down to his hand.

Veins that inspired visceral disgust in anyone who saw them.

He knew better than anyone how horrific they must look to So-won, who was seeing them for the first time.

From the moment he saw fear on So-won’s face, Tae-woo gave up on guiding.

Only one selfish desire remained—that if guiding wasn’t necessary, he wished this guide could simply stay by his side.

But even that would be a nightmare for the guide, and Tae-woo knew well that such thoughts were nothing but his own dark, selfish greed.

“You don’t need to force yourself.”

The words slipped out, tinged with unconscious regret.

No one else in the room noticed, but Tae-woo felt uneasy, as though someone might have overheard his ugly thoughts.

Having a guide far beyond his worth—and then wanting that guide, who was too scared to even move, to guide him.

It was too much greed.

Truly, being called a monster was more than fitting.