Chapter 5: The Boy and the Blue Bear

What was my answer again — to that guy’s question about whether I wanted him to stop the massacre?

My mind was hazy back then, so I can’t even remember how I answered X.

Maybe it’s because I’ve been trying not to recall the moment of my death.

It wasn’t exactly a pleasant memory, after all.

Hmm… so that means, back then I—

“Hey, you’re supposed to fire the laser beam there.”

The daydream that had been drifting behind my eyelids was cut off by a voice behind me.

After escaping from the site where the monster had appeared, I hadn’t wanted to go home right away in this miserable mood, so I came to the neighborhood arcade — and ended up sinking into useless nostalgia.

If I went straight home like this, I knew I’d just toss and turn all night, eaten up by the self-reproach of being fooled by someone again.

Anyway, during that battle, I died — and when I opened my eyes again, I had gone back fifteen years, to when I was seventeen and hadn’t even awakened as an Esper yet.

And this lousy body came as a bonus.

“Uh, uh…! You’re supposed to attack with the laser, not special bullets!”

Noisy brat.

I’m trying to think about something important here — reincarnation… no, regression — and who the hell keeps talking?

When I turned around, a scruffy little kid was standing there, giving me tips while watching my game screen.

My focus broke, and the words Game Over flashed on the screen.

“I know, kid. I pressed it wrong because of you.”

“You were playing weird from the start though….”

How long had he been watching?

To be honest… I’ve never been good at games.

Not even the common online ones.

The only thing I ever played was some mindless stuff like Candy Pang Pang to kill time.

Back then, games were nothing more than a way to avoid sinking into my own thoughts before heading into battle.

Now, though, I’m just playing for fun.

Just a simple… space shooter.

“Shoo. Go play somewhere else. Uncle— no, hyung is busy.”

It still doesn’t feel real that I came back.

I lived until thirty-two, then died — and now I’m seventeen again.

The gap’s too big.

The kid in front of me was still a baby, but the fact that he could call me hyung… honestly didn’t feel bad.

I suddenly felt a bit lighter.

I was going to hand him two 500-won coins… but gave him just one.

It’s not a gift from “Uncle.” It’s from Hyung.

“Go play.”

“T-thank you!”

Seeing his eyes sparkle like that… tch.

Guess he’d been watching other people play because he didn’t have money himself.

I know what that feels like.

Still, I’m not about to offer him more help.

He needs to learn how to survive in this harsh world on his own.

Truth is, I still haven’t completely accepted that I’ve gone back in time.

Who would easily believe they traveled fifteen years back after death?

For the first three days, I went through all kinds of nonsense trying to deny it.

I starved myself, slapped my face till it hurt…

But I realized it was only hurting me, so I accepted it.

“Maybe I’ll try the claw machine….”

You ask why I’m living so ordinarily after coming back like this?

Well, the way I see it, there’s only one reason I was sent back.

In my previous life, I lived as an Esper — fighting fiercely for everyone else.

Maybe this time, God decided to give me a gift: a chance to live freely, however I want.

To stop living for others, and start living for myself.

Maybe that’s what this is — or maybe not.

Either way, that’s what I choose to believe.

After all, didn’t I nearly die again today because I stuck my nose into someone else’s business?

No more sacrificing myself for others.

No one ever appreciated it anyway.

That kind of pointless self-destruction only eats away at your heart.

Honestly… people aren’t even worth it.

I’ve seen the depths of their greed and ingratitude firsthand.

I don’t have the slightest desire to help them anymore.

“Right… right side! …Ah, missed it!”

…Am I hearing things?

Why does that brat’s voice sound like it’s behind me again?

“No, no— right side— haah… missed it again….”

I let go of the joystick and turned around.

Sure enough, that same scruffy kid was standing there, giving me advice again.

Had he already spent the 500 won I gave him and come back?

Don’t tell me he’s here begging for more.

I pretended not to see him and focused on the claw machine again.

Behind me, I kept hearing, “Just a bit more… no, not like that….”

But I ignored it.

Didn’t hear it.

Absolutely didn’t hear it.

“Wow! You got it!”

…Yeah, impossible not to hear that.

The kid even clapped and cheered louder than me.

“Kid, why do you keep following me?”

“I-I’m just… watching….”

Maybe I snapped too harshly.

The boy flinched and lowered his head.

Jeez… what a pitiful sight.

The world’s still relatively peaceful — the Gate Breaks haven’t fully begun yet — but this kid looks like he crawled out of a war zone.

No parents, maybe?

Well, after the Gates appeared, plenty of children lost their families….

“Alright. Have fun.”

I grabbed the plushie I’d won and turned to leave.

Whatever.

I’m in no mood for kids today.

For all I know, this brat could grow up to be one of the people who condemned me when I fought X.

If I think about that, I don’t even want to talk to him.

‘Wouldn’t it be better if Jin Sehyun just died? Then maybe X would stop attacking!’

‘So much for being a hero — couldn’t even kill one beast. What a waste of money.’

‘I’m telling you, he’s in on it! That’s why Jin Sehyun never dies and always comes back alive. Probably sold out his teammates to X.’

‘Let’s be real, X is way better looking than Jin Sehyun anyway.’

…Scratch that last one.

Why the hell did that memory pop up now?

Sure, X was good-looking — but he was still a monster!

He had over a hundred million fans worldwide, and yeah, I had way fewer…

But come on — he wiped out eighty percent of the global population.

Anyway, after enduring that kind of world, maybe it’s natural that I’d want to keep my distance from people this time.

If my heart hadn’t gone soft again today, I could’ve spent the night eating good dessert and relaxing at home.

Maybe I still can.

“Phew….”

I started heading home, clutching the plushie — when the back of my head prickled.

I haven’t awakened as an Esper yet, but even a normal person could feel it — someone’s gaze burning into me.

Didn’t even need to guess who.

I turned around, and sure enough, the boy who’d been watching me quickly ducked his head.

I sighed, turned back, walked over, and shoved the plushie into his small hands.

“Take it. I don’t like this one.”

I just threw it away, that’s all.

Definitely not because I felt sorry for him.

I wanted the pink bear — but the blue one came out, and I hated it.

“T-thank you!”

…Creepy kid.

I’m never coming back here again.

Ah, right.

Now I remember.

After I lost the fight — when I was dying — X asked me if I wanted him to stop the massacre.

And I said, “Do whatever you want. I’m dying anyway. What difference does it make if everyone else dies too?”

Pathetic words, gasped out with my dying breath.

But once death was right in front of me, I realized I didn’t care about anyone else’s safety anymore.

What hit me instead was regret — for ever trying to protect those who cursed me.

I should’ve turned on them long ago…

That realization only came when X killed me.

And after that… I remember exchanging a few more words with him….

“Alright, everyone’s out. Time to wrap up! Clear the area around the Gate!”

A distant shout dragged me back to the present.

The flood of people pouring out from the Gate, the red light at its entrance fading to green — it was finally over.

Once the Esper unit completely withdrew, I waited a bit longer before slipping quietly inside the now-empty Gate.

“Tch. It’s just a D-class Gate, so why did it take them so long? Incompetence should be a talent at this point.”

Latte is… no, never mind.

I’m not even an Esper right now, so I probably shouldn’t talk like that.

Still, waiting for them to clear out was a pain.

I might only have the body of a normal seventeen-year-old, but I entered anyway — for a simple reason.

…Money.

Because I’d gone back fifteen years, I was too young to make any on my own.

And at this age, I was broke.

With no parents, how’s a seventeen-year-old supposed to survive?

At least my thirty-two-year-old mind could come up with a plan.

The Gates were full of profit.

The stronger monsters dropped materials used for food or medicine, and inside, you could find rare herbs or minerals.

Nations around the world were aggressively raiding Gates for that reason.

Of course, most of the valuable stuff had already been cleared out by the official units.

So I just scavenge what’s left — the heavy but cheap ore, the herbs that sell for slightly more than ordinary vegetables.

If I’m lucky, I might even pick up something the special forces missed.

It’s pitiful work, but what can I do?

Poverty is scarier than monsters — and I need the money.

Yeah, it’s illegal, sure.

Ordinary civilians are strictly forbidden from entering Gates.

“Phew… ngh— damn it!”

Strange.

Are my ears playing tricks on me?

As I moved deeper past the Gate’s entrance, I heard a human voice.

That’s impossible.

I saw the unit leave with my own eyes.

No one should still be inside.

And since I’m just an ordinary person right now, if I ran into an Esper unit, I’d be arrested on the spot — or, worse, mistaken for a monster and killed instantly.

I crouched low and crept toward the sound.

Even if I had to run, I needed to know who it was first.

“Ugh… ngh…!”

But what I saw when I got closer was nothing like I expected.

A kid — dragging a sack full of rocks, struggling with the weight of it.

The thing was almost as big as his whole body.

Wait a second….

Now that I look closer, that face looks familiar.

Isn’t that… the same kid from the arcade?

What the hell is he doing here…?