Chapter 89: The Weight of Regret

People say that life is always a series of regrets.

You regret doing things, and you regret not doing them.

No, there is no need to listen to anyone else’s opinion.

Just looking at myself, how many regrets am I living with.

If only I hadn’t entered the academy in the past, if only I hadn’t joined the Center afterward and burned with useless justice, if only I hadn’t become so deeply entangled with ‘X’….

There were so many regrets.

Even knowing that there was nothing I could do in the time that had already passed, it was not easy to shake off the waves of regret that kept flooding in.

Perhaps those regrets were so immense that they brought me back to the past, allowing me to live once again like this.

Even without anything so grand, small regrets pile up every single day.

“ I shouldn’t have stayed up late watching dramas last night. ”

“ If I had taken that road instead of this one, it wouldn’t have been so jammed. ”

Things like that.

The greatest regret I feel right now is… that I couldn’t shake off Lee Rihyun’s request that felt like a threat.

The request to set up a date with Jaeyul, that is.

“ You don’t even notice someone coming, what are you thinking about so deeply? ”

Just as all my thoughts were sinking into a dark pit of regret, that voice snapped me back to my senses.

Jaeyul, who I hadn’t even noticed entering the guiding room, was staring straight down at me.

“ Ah, you’re back?

Did you already finish dealing with the gate break? ”

Jaeyul had been dispatched to handle a gate break due to a support request that came in at dawn.

They said it was serious enough to require Special Team 1, yet he had returned before lunchtime even passed.

“ I focused and wrapped it up quickly. ”

“ …Is that really something you can just do when you want to? ”

“ They were a bit tricky, but it wasn’t that hard.

No one on the team got hurt either. ”

This guy really is amazing.

In operations where others have to pour out all their strength, he even controls his power and takes it easy.

Making a date for someone like him, someone so outstanding in ability, with Lee Rihyun only makes me regret it more.

My chest feels sore.

“ And this. ”

Jaeyul rummaged through his pocket and pulled something out.

Several items with a familiar texture were placed on my outstretched palm.

They were Petra, and quite large ones at that.

“ You even brought these?

Did the support office really just let you take them? ”

“ Everything collected by other teams was confiscated by the Center, but they can’t touch ours. ”

That was the condition under which Jaeyul and I had joined the Center in the first place.

A clause stating that among the byproducts obtained from gates, we could take whatever we wanted.

In truth, that condition had been set precisely to obtain Petra from the very beginning.

There was no way we could hand something this precious entirely over to the country.

I carefully put the Petra Jaeyul handed me into the back of a drawer.

Since I’ve consumed it for such a long time, I wonder if eating it still has any meaning, but you never know.

It would be best to gather as much as possible, just in case.

“ I really never imagined our home supplements would turn out to be something this incredible. ”

“ That’s why you shouldn’t skip it and take it properly.

They say it even treats things like ‘gate sickness.’ ”

“ Aren’t we overdosing on nutrients instead…?

At this rate, it feels like it could grant immortality instead of just curing gate sickness. ”

Minor illnesses would definitely be treated automatically by Petra.

Of course, that didn’t mean it was a cure-all for every disease, so immortality was impossible.

Even if it couldn’t cure something, it was still far better than not taking it at all.

“ You know it’s already being traded at ridiculous prices, right?

Whenever you go on a subjugation, collect as much as you can. ”

Among the people close to us, there would certainly be patients with ‘gate sickness.’

Just like what I experienced in the past, the Center would try to exploit that and use special ability agents however they pleased.

Those agents would have no choice but to risk their lives and follow the Center’s orders, if only to protect themselves, their families, or someone precious to them.

At the very least, we need to stockpile a lot of Petra so that such weaknesses can’t be used against us.

With Jaeyul around, collecting Petra itself shouldn’t be too difficult.

From the Center’s perspective, the Petra going to Jaeyul would be a loss, but they also wouldn’t have the option of not using an SS-rank ability user.

“ Okay.

By the way… you know we’re getting off work as early as possible later, right, hyung? ”

“ Huh?

Ah… uh…. ”

At Jaeyul’s sudden question, the regret I had briefly forgotten began to surge back again.

Handing over Jaeyul, someone with not a single lacking point, to Lee Rihyun like this!

On top of that, doing it through lies.

I still had no idea if this was the right thing to do.

But it was too late to do anything about it now.

“ Ugh… we’re finally done! ”

A loud voice announcing the end of the workday echoed through the office.

In truth, Special Team 1 doesn’t have a fixed quitting time.

They spend most of their time in combat, and outside of that, it’s personal maintenance time, so there’s no need to come to the Center.

Even so, the reason everyone was late getting off work today was Park Bomyeong.

“ …How can someone not know how to type…? ”

Hwang Jiyu muttered in a voice that sounded genuinely incredulous.

There was no hint of mockery or teasing.

Honestly, I felt the same.

Park Bomyeong, astonishingly, couldn’t use a computer at all.

When a gate break occurs, every dispatched team member has to submit an individual report, and because Bomyeong couldn’t even type, the report submission only just finished now.

Naturally, Bomyeong just dictated from the side, and since I had nothing else to do, I typed it up for him.

“ Whew… I thought I was going to die from exhaustion. ”

“ I did the work, so why are you the one who’s tired? ”

This was hard labor.

Usually, Yu Eden, Bomyeong’s partner, handled this task, and I had no idea how he managed to understand Bomyeong’s words.

Writing down his rambling speech verbatim was difficult enough as it was.

“ Seriously.

What’s so hard about typing a bit?

Stop trying to show off and just take this and get lost. ”

Park Bomyeong spoke in an annoyingly rude tone and tossed something at me.

“ …This is…. ”

A white, round sphere.

Almost transparent in color… low-grade Petra.

It was something I never expected to pop up here, so I forgot to respond properly.

“ Ha, look at you being surprised.

I picked it up on the way. ”

Park Bomyeong puffed himself up, spouting nonsense bravado in an arrogant posture.

He’d clearly seen this somewhere and was trying to act cool, which was honestly unpleasant to look at.

Sorry to say this, but this kind of low-grade Petra was so common that even our dog Ppoppi wouldn’t eat it.

Still, from Bomyeong’s perspective, it must have been something he risked his life to secretly take from the Center.

And he had given that precious thing to me.

“ Didn’t you say you hated me…? ”

“ O, of course I do!

But if some weak guide collapses, then, huh!

How much trouble would the remaining team members have to go through!

R, right?

I mean, isn’t that true! ”

This brat… it seems even he finds his own excuse somewhat convincing.

He could’ve just said he was grateful, but he’s as bad at expressing emotions as a child.

He has a cute side that doesn’t match his size.

“ Thank you.

I’ll make sure to take it properly and not get sick. ”

It was a completely useless piece of trash—no, Petra—but how pretty his consideration was.

I’ll accept it with gratitude.

“ Ahem… whatever….

Then let’s get off work.

It’s been a while since I used my brain, my head’s about to explode. ”

Park Bomyeong, who had done no work at all, was the first to stand up, and the rest of the team members left the office one by one.

“ Hyung, you didn’t forget, right…? ”

Lee Rihyun, the only one left besides Jaeyul and me, came closer and asked in a low voice.

He usually dressed quite carefully, but today he’d clearly put in extra effort.

At a glance, he looked like someone with an important appointment.

His face was full of anticipation… he really must have been looking forward to this date.

“ Uh….

We’ll go to the place you told me about. ”

Lee Rihyun had reserved a very expensive restaurant.

It was a famous place where all reservations for months were already booked, and I had no idea how he managed to get one.

“ Thank you!

I’ll really pay you back properly later! ”

With sincere gratitude, Lee Rihyun left the office.

His steps were so light that he looked like he might float up into the air.

Yeah… if he likes Jaeyul that much, maybe it’s okay to help him just once….

“ Shall we go too? ”

“ Uh… let’s go. ”

“ The place you booked is really famous, right, hyung?

Thanks to you, I get to eat something delicious. ”

Thump, thump.

All the way down to the underground parking lot in the elevator with Jaeyul, my chest kept aching sharply.

Even more so because Jaeyul thought of it as nothing more than a simple meal.

But there was nothing I could do now.

I had no choice but to keep the promise I made to Lee Rihyun.

“ Jaeyul, I forgot I have something unfinished… could you go on ahead? ”

“ Huh?

What is it?

If it’s urgent, I can wait in the car while you do it. ”

“ No!

If we’re late for the reservation, it’ll be canceled, so you go ahead first.

I’ll finish quickly and catch up. ”

Jaeyul looked at me with a somewhat suspicious gaze, then checked the time.

It seemed that even he decided my words made sense.

“ Okay.

I’ll go ahead then, so finish quickly and come. ”

With an unwilling expression, Jaeyul got into the car alone.

I quietly watched the car as it drove away.

When it arrived at the meeting place like that… Lee Rihyun would be waiting.

“ …Haa…. ”

Standing alone in the empty parking lot, surrounded by silence, that thought suddenly crossed my mind.

Who, exactly, was the decision I made for?

What was certain was that it wasn’t for Jaeyul.

If it were, I wouldn’t have been able to lie like this.

Then was it for myself?

Am I… really okay with Jaeyul moving closer to Lee Rihyun?

As that question continued, it felt as though the back of my head had been struck violently.