Chapter 66: Don’t Run Away

“Whine….”

Poppy in my arms seemed to sense it too.

Jaeyul held the whimpering pup with a pitiful look and left the spot.

Even then, I struggled with myself thousands of times.

The urge to run over and hug Jaeyul clashed with the reason telling me to pretend not to notice.

My heart wanted to rush to him immediately and wrap my arms around his slumped shoulders.

Just watching his powerless back made my heart throb painfully.

I even wanted to scold him.

He had just barely overcome a rampage, so how urgent could it have been that he went straight back into battle without even resting.

But… this time too, I couldn’t hold Jaeyul.

I had heard things from Team Leader Oh Seonggyu, but first, I needed to understand Jaeyul’s current situation properly.

And besides… everyone has sides of themselves they don’t want others to see.

I used to be like that too.

No matter how badly injured I was, I couldn’t show weakness.

It wasn’t just pride or bravado.

If a top-ranked esper in Korea showed weakness, the team members below would be shaken even more.

Or they would look down on you.

Having experienced both, I realized that showing weakness to others was no different from exposing a vulnerability.

If I were in Jaeyul’s position right now, I don’t think I’d want to show such a miserable 모습 to Jaeyul of all people.

“…Let’s go back to the ward.

I don’t think I can eat anyway….”

My empty stomach felt completely blocked up.

Seeing Jaeyul like that kept making me project my past self onto him.

The foolish me who fought to uphold a justice no one acknowledged.

I’m afraid Jaeyul might end up walking the same path I did.

Afraid he might end up like me, who eventually died surrounded by distrust and disregard.

Because my mind was so restless, resting in the ward didn’t feel like resting at all.

It felt uncomfortable, like sitting on a bed of nails.

The space itself felt suffocating.

As I stroked Poppy’s back while he slept on the hospital pillow, I ran countless simulations in my head.

Should I persuade Jaeyul to quit the center.

Should I threaten him.

None of the options felt like the right answer, and my worries only deepened.

“Hyung.

I’m really late, aren’t I.”

I don’t know how long I’d been sitting like that.

Jaeyul opened the ward door and walked in.

Unlike before, he wasn’t wearing a battle suit stained with monster blood.

He wore a black shirt, and in his hand was a paper bag that looked like it held chicken.

He must have washed up, because when he came closer, instead of the metallic smell of blood, a faint body wash scent drifted over.

“Where… did you go?”

I asked even though I already knew.

“Ah, I had something urgent to take care of for a bit.

But I didn’t forget the chicken you said you wanted.

I wonder if you still like this one.”

Jaeyul lifted the chicken from the same brand we used to enjoy together.

“I was just getting hungry.

Perfect timing.”

I had no appetite at all, but I went and sat in front of Jaeyul as he laid the chicken out on the bedside table.

Seeing him smile as if nothing had happened made my eyes ache, so I couldn’t even meet his gaze and just stuffed chicken into my mouth.

“It’s good.

You should eat too.”

“Yeah.

I’m hungry.”

Just as Jaeyul picked up his chopsticks and reached for the chicken, I grabbed his hand.

“Why, hyung?”

His hand felt even bigger than I remembered.

Despite its size, it used to be so soft.

Now, Jaeyul’s hand was covered in scars, big and small.

And among them was a long, fresh wound that hadn’t even scabbed over yet.

It was a hand that clearly showed how harsh a life he had lived.

Far too painful a hand for a twenty-two-year-old to have.

“You’re hurt.

Your hand.”

Anger flared before I realized it.

The rage that had been filling my chest burst out.

I had tried to act calm even after seeing Jaeyul hurt by his teammates, but the moment I saw the wound on his hand, emotions I couldn’t hide poured out like a flood.

“Did you not even realize you were hurt.

Or do they not even treat injuries like this properly here.

What is this.

How badly did they neglect you for your hands to be nothing but scars.”

I couldn’t raise him as carefully as others might have.

I couldn’t treat him like a precious jewel, never letting his hands touch water.

But I did my best.

I gave him the best things I had, the prettiest things, the tastiest things.

Because he was worth that much.

To others, he might just be an awkward, lacking young esper.

But to me, he’s family.

More precious than anything in the world.

Someone I want to protect no matter the cost.

So why… does no one else see that value.

“…Hyung….”

He’s such a kind, warm kid.

So why does everyone treat him like this.

Why is the world so harsh and exhausting only to Jaeyul.

What kind of misfortune clings to him to make his life so cruel.

During the time I couldn’t stay by his side, how many wounds must have formed in his heart.

I can’t even begin to imagine.

That’s why I feel so wronged, and so angry.

Maybe because I didn’t properly answer when Jaeyul called me.

Warmth touched my eyelids.

Only then did I lift my head and look at him.

Everything was blurry.

“I’m sorry.

I won’t get hurt anymore.

So… don’t cry.”

Plop.

Before I even realized it, tears that had built up spilled out at Jaeyul’s voice and touch.

His words telling me not to cry felt like permission to cry.

I closed my eyes.

I tried to press down the emotions spilling out by squeezing my eyelids shut, but it didn’t work.

Through the narrow gaps, the feelings I’d piled up kept pouring out.

In the end, Jaeyul came closer and pulled my head into his arms.

“…I’m sorry, hyung.”

He apologizes even though he did nothing wrong.

Instead of saying anything, I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my face against him.

And I let out everything I had left inside.

“Your hand.”

“Here.”

Without saying anything, Jaeyul held out his injured hand.

I held it with both of mine and poured mana into it.

In just a few seconds, the wound on the back of his hand disappeared without a trace.

So easily it felt almost empty.

“You can heal it this quickly.

Then why do you go around getting hurt like that.

Looking at your hands, people would think you do hard labor for a living.”

“Do you feel a bit better now that you cried, hyung?”

“…I don’t know.”

“I never knew our hyung was such a crybaby.

When we were kids, you really looked like an adult.”

I was embarrassed about having cried earlier and tried to change the subject, but he wouldn’t let it go.

My eyes still felt dry and sore, so they were probably swollen.

I don’t even know why I cried that much.

How long had it been since I thought showing weakness to others brought no benefit.

It was just a cut on his hand.

“That’s why I said I really won’t get hurt anymore.

So don’t be mad, hyung.”

“Why are you smiling so brightly.

What’s so good?”

Only after my tears stopped did I notice that Jaeyul seemed to be in a good mood the whole time.

I’m not completely sure, but the smile never left his face.

“I don’t know.

It feels good that you’re worried about me.

Honestly, it almost makes me think it’d be fine to get hurt one more time, just for this.”

“Seon Jaeyul.”

“Ah, okay.

I’m joking, joking.

I just mean I’m that happy.”

I kind of understand.

There was a time when I felt the same way.

When young Jaeyul had made a fuss over a tiny scratch on my hand, I was so grateful.

Having someone notice wounds no one else cared about could sometimes be a huge source of strength.

Maybe that’s how Jaeyul feels now.

“Haah…

I must be getting old.

Why am I crying so much now.

I used to be famous for never crying.”

This really does feel like old age.

I’ve already cried twice recently.

I stuffed the now-cold chicken into my mouth while lamenting my fate.

At this point, pride doesn’t mean much.

“Really.

You look like someone who cries easily, though.

That’s strange.”

“What.

Tears.

Hey, back then, even when my teammates died, I didn’t cry—”

Ah.

“…Teammates?”

“Uh.

Did I say that.

Fa-family.

I meant family.

I didn’t cry even when my parents passed away.”

My mouth is the problem.

This must be why people say you should keep your mouth shut and just open your wallet when you get older.

“So… your parents passed away too.

That’s the first time I’ve heard that.”

“Uh.

Yeah.

It was a long time ago.

I barely remember it now.”

It wasn’t a big deal, but pity crept into Jaeyul’s gaze.

I was the one talking about it, and I felt fine.

“Then it’s just us for each other.”

That’s not wrong, but… something about the nuance feels strange.

“So it’s just you for me, and me for you.

Right?”

“…Uh.

Y-yeah.”

Is that the right answer.

It feels odd, but I can’t pinpoint why.

“Eat, hyung.”

With nothing else to say, I just accepted the chicken Jaeyul offered and ate it.

After we finished eating together, I decided to bring up what I’d been worrying about.

I couldn’t put it off any longer.

I wanted to take time to understand Jaeyul’s situation, but seeing his scarred hand earlier made me rush.

“Jaeyul.”

“Huh?”

“Could you… quit the center?”

I debated whether to scold him or persuade him.

After much thought, I chose persuasion.

Jaeyul isn’t a child anymore, so forcing him wouldn’t work.

But Jaeyul froze while cleaning up the empty chicken boxes.

“What?”

“I’m asking if you can quit the center.

It’s dangerous.

You’re exhausted every day, getting hurt like this.

If it’s about money, there are plenty of ways to make a living outside the center.

You were good at studying too, so it’s not too late to prepare for something else now….”

“Hyung.”

When I imagined this situation countless times, the reaction I thought of most was Jaeyul saying,

‘Okay, hyung.

If that’s what you want, I’ll do it.’

But the Jaeyul in front of me showed an unexpected response.

“Are you telling me to run away again.

What are you so afraid of that you keep running.”

“…I’m worried.

And I just… don’t feel good about you working at the center….”

“Why do we have to keep running.

Why do you…

Haah.

Do you not trust me that much.

Are you afraid I won’t be able to protect you.”

“That’s not what I meant—”

I’m flustered.

This situation turning into an argument again is rare.

Maybe my intentions were misunderstood.

“No.

I’m not quitting.

I’ll make sure nothing blows back on you, hyung.

So don’t worry.”

“Jaeyul.

Seon Jaeyul—”

Thud.

Jaeyul roughly grabbed the trash bag and stormed out of the ward.

I’m left stunned by what just happened, and the words he left behind keep echoing in my head.

‘Why do we have to keep running.’

Why.

Why…