Chapter 133: Two Shadows, One Name

“W-what?”

The distance between us slowly shrank.

I couldn’t tell whether I was being pulled in, or whether Jaeyul was moving closer.

I instinctively leaned my upper body back as far as I could, but there was nowhere left to retreat.

The closer he got, the more strongly I could smell pheromones like the scent of a forest.

I asked what he meant, but honestly, I understood everything he was saying.

With our bodies pressed together like this, what else could he be talking about.

That… thing.

“You can just stay still this time.”

Jaeyul approached at a languid pace and lightly pressed his lips to my cheek.

The touch was soft, like a flower petal brushing past before lifting away, and it tickled pleasantly.

His lips touched and parted again and again, slowly moving closer to my own.

Still.

Still.

Still….

Just like Jaeyul said, I stayed completely still, like a statue.

It wasn’t my first time, so why was I this nervous.

When we spent the rut together inside the gate, I’d even been the one to start things.

This time, all I had to do was wait, yet the tension was far worse than before.

Well… back then too, Jaeyul ended up taking the lead.

“How do your pheromones smell this good too, hyung?

I’ve never felt a scent like this anywhere else.”

Peck.

Jaeyul smiled and gave my lips a quick kiss.

Then his hand caught the hem of my T-shirt, as if he were about to take it off.

So this was it.

This was where that would finally start.

At times like this, it felt like I, the older one, should be confidently leading things, but my body wouldn’t listen.

Still, this was something the two of us were doing together.

I couldn’t just stay frozen like a wooden doll.

“…You’re the same.”

I somehow managed to lift my arms and cradle Jaeyul’s cheeks in my hands.

“I liked your pheromones from the very beginning.

They shouldn’t have any warmth, but when you’re nearby, it feels warm.

My mind relaxes, and I sleep better too.”

That was the mistake.

The moment I looked straight into Jaeyul’s face, his thirteen-year-old self overlapped with the present.

Little Seon Jaeyul, burrowing into my arms and grinning.

A child who could only fall asleep peacefully when I held him, stuffing his cheeks with food I’d given him.

Such an adorable kid.

That Jaeyul was now gripping the hem of my shirt and pulling it up toward my chest.

If I let this continue, my top would be off in moments.

A dizzying image flashed before my eyes.

“Wait!”

Before I realized it, I shoved Jaeyul’s chest with all my strength.

I must have pushed far harder than I meant to—Jaeyul was sent flying backward, rolling across the floor.

“…What?

What’s wrong, hyung?”

Caught completely off guard, Jaeyul stared at me with a shocked, bewildered expression.

I hadn’t meant to go this far, but I’d panicked and lost all control over my strength.

“I-I’m sorry!

But today won’t work.

Sorry.

I’m going to sleep first!

Sorry.”

I apologized over and over, then bolted out of the room, leaving Jaeyul behind.

I truly was sorry, but right now, I didn’t have the presence of mind to deal with anyone else.

“Haah….”

Once I stepped into the dorm hallway, breathing became easier.

The air outside felt chilly, making it obvious how overheated the room had been.

My racing, overheated heart began to calm down too.

Thinking about Jaeyul as a child just now made me feel like I’d committed some terrible sin.

Just as I couldn’t erase his childhood from my memories, it seemed just as difficult to change our relationship overnight.

That was separate from being certain that what I felt for Jaeyul had gone beyond family or sibling affection and become love.

For a long time, we’d stayed close as beloved siblings, as family who’d endured everything together.

Even without shared blood, we’d suffered side by side and built a bond too deep to forget.

Denying all of that and suddenly leaping straight into being lovers wasn’t easy.

That didn’t mean I didn’t want to do that with Jaeyul.

Holding hands.

Kissing.

Pulling each other close until our skin touched.

Being swallowed by that hazy heat like during the last rut.

I wanted all of it.

But right now, I didn’t know how to deal with these tangled feelings myself.

It felt like I was stuck somewhere between family and lover, unable to find the right path forward.

“Wait a second…!”

As I leaned against the door, catching my breath, something suddenly occurred to me.

Looking at the room number on the dorm door—of course.

I’d panicked and run out, but this was my room.

Where had I even planned to go sleep?

Feeling awkward, I opened the door and went back inside.

I’d stormed out like I’d never return, only to come back a few minutes later—embarrassing didn’t even begin to cover it.

Judging by how hot my face felt, it was probably bright red.

“I’m sorry, hyung.”

“H-huh?

Sorry for what?”

I’d replied absentmindedly, then froze and asked again in surprise.

Why was he suddenly apologizing…?

Jaeyul hadn’t done anything wrong.

“You didn’t want to do it with me yet, right?

I’m sorry for pushing you without thinking about how you felt.”

What was he talking about?

“I’ll be more careful from now on.

If you don’t want it, I won’t even hold your hand without permission.

I think I was only thinking about my own feelings.

You might be cautious about physical contact.”

What nonsense is that?!

Wait—don’t tell me he means no skinship at all from now on?!

Is he insane?

I hurriedly cut him off, needing to clear up the misunderstanding.

“No.

It’s not that I don’t like you, it’s just that—”

“You don’t have to force yourself to say it’s okay for my sake.

I really was being inconsiderate.

Until we properly define our relationship, I’ll hold back.”

What?

So that wasn’t the main issue.

Weren’t we… not dating?

What did he mean by “define our relationship.”

Was he talking about marriage or something…?

“I’m going to go sleep now.

Good night, hyung.”

As if determined to keep his word, Jaeyul walked past me without even giving his usual light hug.

The way he gently closed the door behind him didn’t look like he was angry….

I had no idea what was going on anymore.

An inexplicable emptiness washed over me.

It felt like having a delicious, expensive dessert snatched away right in front of my eyes.

Had I jumped to conclusions again…?

“Why do you look so drained today?

You look like you lost your country.”

If I’d lost a country, why would I look like this.

As if something that trivial would sap my energy.

This was a far more important problem than that.

“Sit down for a second.”

My chest felt so tight that I pulled Song Jihan over to sit beside me.

There was no way I could figure this out on my own—I needed help from someone.

“What’s got you so serious?”

“So, you see….”

If I told the truth, he’d definitely start prying about who it was, so I couldn’t frame it as my own problem.

“This is about a close friend’s friend’s cousin’s younger sibling….”

“That’s basically a stranger.”

“Anyway.

They never explicitly said they were dating, but the other person acted exactly like they were.

So my friend’s friend’s cousin’s sibling naturally thought they were dating.

You know how sometimes people just start dating naturally, without saying it outright?”

“Mm… and?”

“Then suddenly, the other person said something like, ‘Our relationship isn’t properly defined yet.’

And said they wouldn’t do any physical contact until it was official.

Why would someone suddenly do that?

I seriously can’t understand it!”

“Why are you getting so angry?

Anyone listening would think this is about you.”

Flinch.

I must have gotten too worked up while explaining.

Since I’d framed it as someone else’s story, I should’ve toned it down.

“It’s not my story.

I’m just empathizing.”

“You’re worrying over the most pointless thing.

What’s so special about such a common love story that you’d empathize this hard?

You don’t need to worry about it for them—just forget it.

Here I was thinking it was something serious.”

Thud.

Thud.

Thud.

Every time Song Jihan opened his mouth, it felt like a dagger stabbing into my chest.

This bastard—just because it’s ‘someone else’s story,’ he talks like that?!

What?

A common love story not worth worrying about?

For me, this was a bigger problem than losing a country, and he dismissed it so easily.

Annoying jerk.

“Well, I guess someone who’s never even dated wouldn’t know.

I picked the wrong person to ask.”

How dare a lifelong single dismiss my serious 고민.

As far as I knew, Song Jihan had never had a proper relationship.

With that chronic condition of his, who would date him anyway.

He was always saying weird things to random people, never even confessing properly, and getting rejected instead.

“Single?

What a hurtful thing to say, my friend.

Didn’t you hear?

I was the Busan Center’s romance consultant.”

“A rumor you probably spread yourself.”

“What do you take me for!

What did you say earlier—thought they were dating, but suddenly said they weren’t?

That’s obviously stringing someone along.

They’re buying time so they can sample all the fish that bit their bait.

And that ‘friend’s sibling’ must be new to dating.

How do you even confuse whether you’re dating or not?

The way someone treats you is completely different.

If they can’t even tell, they should just give up on dating altogether.”

“That’s not true!”

I shouted before I realized it.

I absolutely refused to accept the idea that I was new to dating.

Facts aside.

“Oh yes it is.

From the sound of it, that friend’s sibling is a dating newbie, and the other side’s a seasoned player.

It’s sad, but they really picked the wrong person.”

This was shocking.

Even though I’d denied it, Song Jihan’s words sounded disturbingly reasonable.

It was true that my dating experience was… very slightly lacking.

And Jaeyul had seemed far more skilled with physical contact, both during the rut and last night.

He definitely had more relationship experience than me.

Could I really trust Song Jihan’s words?

Coming from a guy who couldn’t even manage his own love life, it didn’t feel reliable….

“Oh, and you think I’ve never dated?

That’s a shame.

Unlike someone else, I actually have a partner.”

Song Jihan deliberately spread his left hand.

I could see it clearly.

A sparkling ring on his fourth finger….

“T-that’s impossible!”

Song Jihan, dating…?!

Who?

Why?

Since when?

This was the most shocking news I’d heard in ages.

I’d noticed he’d stopped acting crazy lately—so that was because he’d started dating?

It was even harder to believe since I’d never once seen him in a relationship before.

“I’ve got a deployment soon, so this hyung is heading out.

Tell that friend’s sibling to buy a dating guidebook and study up.”

I was curious about who Song Jihan was dating, but my mind was completely consumed by the words he’d left behind.

Me, trapped in Seon Jaeyul’s fishing pond….

It was so shocking my head felt numb.

This won’t do.

The more I think about it, the more my imagination runs wild.

With anger boiling inside me, I decided I needed to go eat a bowl of shaved ice at my usual café.

It wasn’t well known among outsiders yet, so I could eat in peace.

Leaving the team members in the middle of a deployment meeting, I walked out of the office.

My eyes briefly met Jaeyul’s, but I looked away first.

After hearing Song Jihan’s words, my thoughts were a mess.

I’d already finished all the guiding, so there was no real need for me to stay.

Ah—Jaeyul had told me to always go out together with him….

Whatever.

I could protect myself well enough.

It was broad daylight—what could possibly happen.

Outside the center, the crowd was even thicker than usual.

It almost felt like there were more people than yesterday.

Praying there’d be an empty seat at the café, I pushed through the crowd.

Then—

“Huh…?”

I caught a very familiar scent.

A scent I’d smelled just last night, so vivid it was burned into my memory.

Jaeyul’s pheromones drifted faintly through the air.

The scent coming from behind me brushed past in an instant.

Looking at the retreating figure, it really did seem to be Jaeyul.

His unusually tall height and broad build made him stand out immediately.

Where was he going in such a hurry?

Changing my destination, I followed behind him.

A suspicion crept in.

What if… just what if…?

Like Song Jihan said, maybe he was going to meet someone else?

With deployment so close, it didn’t make sense—but I needed confirmation to feel at ease.

“Excuse me.

Sorry.”

He showed no sign of realizing I was following him.

I kept close enough not to lose him in the crowd.

All the while, unpleasant thoughts kept surfacing in my mind.

“Hyung!”

After following him for quite a while, a hand grabbed my shoulder, forcing me to stop.

The one who grabbed me was none other than Jaeyul.

“Jaeyul…?

Why are you here?”

I’d been following him this whole time—how had he appeared behind me?

…And yet, Jaeyul was still visible up ahead…?

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