Chapter 14: When Hope Starts to Fracture

“Gyesa, are you awake?

Do you recognize me?”

Gyesa blinked slowly.

He looked dazed and said nothing.

A sudden fear surged up—what if he had been beaten so badly that he’d lost his mind?

But thankfully, he met my gaze.

“Aedong….”

“Yeah.

I’m right here.”

“The ring…?”

He still hadn’t given up.

In my head, I already knew it was over, but I didn’t want to crush his hope.

I was afraid that if I did, Gyesa might stay like this forever.

“Don’t worry.

I’ll go check today.”

“We have to… find it.”

“Yeah.”

Having barely finished speaking, Gyesa closed his eyes again.

The bruises mottling his deathly pale skin looked like flowers of death in bloom, making my heart race.

If only we had the gold ring.

If only we had that small, precious thing, I felt like Gyesa would wake up with hope—hope that he could escape this hellish circus.

Just yesterday, I had witnessed how far a person without hope could fall.

‘I can’t lose Gyesa.’

Dragging my heavy, creaking body, I forced myself to stand up.

“Goodness, have you lost your mind?

Why aren’t you lying still, where are you going?”

Madam Spider blocked my path in front of the tent, scolding me sharply.

But when she saw my face—more distorted than my already wrecked body—she fell silent.

“Unni, please help me just once.

Please… I have to go.”

When I, who had never once shown weakness in over a decade, begged her, Madam Spider let out a deep sigh.

“…I don’t know.

I’ll try to make some excuse to the ringmaster, but don’t expect much.”

“Thank you.”

My steps felt as heavy as if weights were tied to them as I moved forward.

What was I thinking back then?

Even knowing the tragic outcome that awaited me, I had no choice but to walk on.

At that time, there was no other way for me.

“The gold ring has been returned to its owner.”

“Owner…?”

“The boss.

When I asked, he said it was indeed his aunt’s property.”

I had vaguely expected this, but…

I couldn’t hide my disappointment.

“By the way, about the jade button you gave Officer Kim yesterday—hey!

Where are you going?”

All the strength drained out of me.

I heard someone calling after me, but my body carried me numbly out of the station and toward the circus tent.

What should I say to Gyesa?

I was afraid Gyesa might die.

That was what living in this circus meant.

Hope was an illusion.

Everyone who survived here was the same.

Those who held onto hope all died, and those who abandoned it lived on.

“Even so….”

When the Snake Fairy died of illness and I cried every day, Gyesa was my hope.

That child, whom no one could console, strangely stopped crying the moment he first saw Gyesa and followed him everywhere.

Maybe I fell for those vivid black eyes, brimming with poison unlike any child’s.

I loved that life force, blazing as if it could burn everything down.

He always made me feel that I was alive.

But now, that life force might go out.

I couldn’t just stand by and watch my only hope fade away.

Even knowing how foolish it was to hope, I could only cling to it stubbornly.

“Gyesa.

You’re awake?”

He lay there blankly staring at the ceiling, but when he heard my footsteps, his eyes lit up as he looked at me.

Forcing a smile, I walked over to him.

“The ring?”

The moment he asked about it and I couldn’t answer, his expression hardened.

“Don’t worry.

I’ll handle your debts somehow, so focus on recovering first.

Okay?

You have to get better so we can leave.”

I tugged my lips into a smile as I tried to soothe him.

Without a word, Gyesa bit down hard on his split lower lip.

Blood that had barely stopped began to seep out again, tracing a line down his pale face.

“It’s all over.

What good would that do now?”

As I reached out to stop him, Gyesa spoke.

“No.

I still have some money saved up….”

“Saved up?

Do you think that pocket change would even cover the interest?”

“I can work at the Jeonsang Market from now on….”

“What kind of work can you do?

In that condition?”

When Gyesa turned to look at me, his eyes were steeped in despair.

That gaze—like someone who had lost the will to live—froze me in place.

“Gyesa….”

“…Being naïve is a sin too, Aedong.”

“What do you mean…?”

He stared at me blankly, but inside his black eyes swirled despair, regret, and self-reproach.

“…I don’t know anymore.”

He pressed his lips tightly shut.

I couldn’t even begin to imagine how badly he was burning inside.

“I’m sorry.

I want to rest.”

At his quiet dismissal as he turned away, there was nothing more I could say.

He was right.

In a world where naïveté is a crime, who was there to blame?

Me, who talked to Obaltan despite knowing something was off.

Me, who, weak and lame, insisted on running errands.

Me, who couldn’t even think of protecting what I had and let the ringmaster take everything.

Me, who tried to ride on Gyesa’s dream.

Naïve.

Childish.

It was all my fault.

“Can you leave?”

“…Ah….”

Having finally seen the truth, I backed away from Gyesa step by step.

Still, I lingered with eyes full of regret on his pitiful back before fleeing the tent like someone running from a crime.

“Ah….”

An animal-like cry slipped through my teeth.

But no tears fell.

Like a boiled egg stuck in my throat, only those ragged, beastly sounds escaped.

The despair I tasted for the first time was vicious beyond words.

But reality did not wait for us to wallow in despair.

“f*ck, that snake-like bastard.

If he’s got money, he should be paying off his debts instead of—!”

After the gold ring incident, the ringmaster took advantage of Gyesa being bedridden and turned our tent upside down.

“What do you think you’re doing?!”

The scene that greeted me when I rushed in was horrific.

The deputy ringmaster with his fist raised, gripping Gyesa by the collar.

And the ringmaster sweeping away all the money Gyesa and I had saved.

I ran forward and wrapped myself around Gyesa.

The deputy’s heavy fist smashed into my head.

My vision went white, like sudden anemia.

“…Bastard!”

Gyesa swung his fist at the deputy.

But there was no way his injured body could stand against the hulking man.

“You crazy pair of lunatics—!”

Dodging Gyesa’s punch, the deputy raised his fist again.

I held Gyesa tight, and Gyesa held me just as tightly.

“That’s enough.

If you go too far, we won’t even be able to sell them.”

At the ringmaster’s indifferent warning, the deputy spat and muttered curses.

Then he glared at us with bulging eyes.

“Lie low like dead rats.

Unless you want those pretty faces ruined.”

Pocketing the money pouch, the ringmaster looked us up and down with cold eyes as we clung to each other.

“Tch.

We’ll sell you for more than that gold ring, so keep that in mind.

Let’s go.”

The ringmaster and deputy left just like that.

Their shoes crushed Gyesa’s fallen wooden comb as they walked away.

The broken teeth of the comb looked exactly like us.

“Gyesa.”

“Why did you jump in?

You didn’t even think about how dangerous it was…!”

Unable to touch my swollen cheek, Gyesa bit down hard on his lower lip again.

“It hurts.

Don’t bite it.”

Gently pulling his lip free with trembling fingers, he let out a sobbing breath.

“You…

Is that really what matters right now?”

I looked at him, his heart clearly hurting more than his body.

Gyesa closed his eyes, as if he couldn’t bear to look at me.

I knew words alone wouldn’t heal his wounds, but…

Hoping they might help even a little, I whispered slowly.

“Always, no matter what, you’re the most important to me, Gyesa.

Don’t get hurt.”

All I could offer were these pitiful words.

That fact felt unbearably miserable.

Still, I swallowed it down.

I couldn’t afford to be weak now.

At times like this, I had to stand firm.

So I could shield Gyesa, even a little, from the raging storm around him.

Just as he once stood like a great tree protecting me when I cried every day, I had to do the same.

“Gyesa.

It’s okay.

It’ll be okay.”

So, even knowing it was poison, I recited empty hope and groundless promises.

“We’ll definitely leave this place.

We will.”

Without a word, Gyesa tightened his arms around me in response to my false promise.

“Esteemed guests, welcome to our circus.

I guarantee this will be a spectacle you’ve never seen in your life.

At the greatest show on earth, Chunrak Circus, we have Madam Spider walking the tightrope, the world’s smallest clown—.”

Standing on stage, the ringmaster greeted the audience with his usual boastful flair.

But the seats for the first performance at Jeonsang Market that evening were not even half full.

Even those who had come looked bored by the ringmaster’s long-winded speech.

“He doesn’t even do the hard work himself, yet he sure makes a fuss.”

Waiting for his turn to perform, the clown Ggeoksoe grumbled.

His face was caked in white makeup, making his original complexion hard to tell, but exhaustion seeped unmistakably from his gaunt features.

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