Chapter 35: The Cat-in-a-Box Theory of Magic

“I don’t care!” Mia cried, frantically waving her arms. “This whole thing is just like the cat-in-a-box theory; magic truly exists!”

Xiao Xi, whose scientific understanding hadn’t progressed past middle school, couldn’t grasp a single word. His mind was still entirely fixated on whether a kitten placed alongside nuclear waste could actually survive.

“So… what exactly does any of *that* have to do with the ‘magic’ you’re describing, Miss Witch?” Xiao Xi asked, utterly bewildered.

“Hmm…” Mia hesitated, clearly struggling to explain. After a lengthy silence, she finally spoke.

“Let me put it this way,” Mia began. “Suppose I break a vase at home, but no one sees me do it. I could then tell everyone that a kitten was responsible. Since there were no witnesses, that vase *becomes* ‘broken by a kitten.’ Isn’t that, in itself, a form of magic?”

‘This…’

Xiao Xi was utterly dumbfounded. ‘Is this… magic? Isn’t this just shirking responsibility? And why does this theory sound so familiar?’

‘Uh… Miss Mia, are you supposed to be the Flame Witch or the Golden Witch? Are you sure you didn’t just plagiarize this entire theory from some AVG game?’

‘Hiss—’

‘Now that I think about it, it almost makes a bizarre kind of sense. If your powers of imagination are truly extraordinary, and you genuinely believe in magic, then perhaps you *could* perceive it. Even if you couldn’t, couldn’t you simply compel your brain to conjure up the special effects?’

‘And by using various indirect methods to achieve the desired outcome of the magic you wish to cast, wouldn’t that, effectively, be using magic?’

‘Oh~’

‘So that’s how it is~’

‘I’ve stumbled upon a *theoretical* chuunibyou! This person is far more terrifying than those who merely indulge in fantasy!’

‘Run!’

Xiao Xi immediately turned to make a break for it, only to be, once again, ‘kindly’ pulled back by the Miss Witch.

‘Wuwuwu…’

‘Miss Witch, are you also a master of physical combat? Your strength is a little *too* much…’

“Don’t run away~” Mia cooed. “My white-haired miss, I’ve traversed countless hardships to find you. Is this truly the attitude you’ll show me?”

Mia spoke with a ‘kind’ smile, yet her tone carried an unmistakable undertone of menace.

‘Is this the legendary dagger hidden in a smile? What on earth does this person want from me, wuwu…’

“So… what exactly do you want?” Xiao Xi asked, his voice trembling pitifully.

“Hehehe, white-haired miss, you still haven’t told me your name yet~” Mia purred, slowly inching closer to Xiao Xi.

Xiao Xi instinctively backed away, but it was futile. He was quickly cornered against the wall. ‘Wuwuwu… why do I always end up getting wall-slammed?’

‘Uh…’

Xiao Xi averted his gaze, refusing to meet Mia’s eyes. Trapped like this, it seemed he had no choice but to give his name.

“Shi… Shi Xi.”

“Oh~ Xiao Xi~” Mia chirped, blinking with an expression of pure delight. “May I call you that?”

Xiao Xi nodded, remembering that everyone else did.

“Hmm… ‘Xiao Xi’ is quite a lovely name. Which character is the ‘xi’?”

“It’s the ‘Xi’ with the three-dot water radical, like the ‘xi’ in ‘sunset.’ And ‘Shi’ is the ‘shi’ from ‘poetry’…

“Eh!” Mia exclaimed, suddenly startled. “Will a name with ‘water’ in it create a natural restraint against me? Eek, that’s a little terrifying~”

As she spoke, she reached out and gently stroked Xiao Xi’s face.

‘This, this, this… it’s clearly *you* who’s restraining *me* right now!’ Xiao Xi silently retorted, though he dared not make a single move. ‘What if Mia suddenly evaporates me with a burst of fire? I’m terrified!’

“Hehehe, Xiao Xi,” Mia continued, “the truth is, I noticed you quite a while ago. Just now, on the rooftop, I saw such a cute little creature like you enjoying the breeze up there~”

‘Hmm… that sounds suspiciously like you’ve been plotting against me for ages. Are you some perverted uncle who stalks young girls into dark alleys, ready to commit unspeakable acts while delivering a terrifying monologue about his twisted psyche?’

‘Help! Is there a righteous police officer around to arrest this lecherous Miss Witch who’s ogling me?’

“Mmm…”

“Hehehe~” Mia chuckled. “Back then, I was thinking, if such a cute white-haired miss could become *my* familiar, that would be absolutely wonderful~”

“What the… a familiar?” Xiao Xi stared at Mia, his face a mask of utter bewilderment.

Mia simply nodded.

“That’s right, a familiar~” Mia explained. “They’re subordinates who call the witch ‘Master,’ help them in battle, and can even… *cough cough*… do *that kind of thing* with their witch master. Essentially, they’re cute little darlings who look after their master~”

‘Uh…’

Xiao Xi fell silent for a full two seconds before slowly raising his head. He stared at the Miss Witch before him, lost in profound thought.

‘But… but I’m still a child!’

‘Why on earth would I look for a master? I’m a human, not some demonic creature! Is finding a familiar something a *normal* human would ever do? Mia, you really need to cut back on your anime consumption!’

‘It’s truly corrupting!’

“So, what do you say, Xiao Xi~?” Mia pressed, her voice dripping with eagerness. “If you become my familiar, you’ll be able to use my magic, you know~ I’ll dote on you specially~ We can even go on adventures together, and… *cough cough cough*…”

As Mia continued, her face began to flush a deep red. She stood there, shyly covering her face, quietly awaiting Xiao Xi’s response.

‘Xiao Xi felt utterly numb. Joining her in chuunibyou antics… hmm…’

‘It might actually be quite interesting?’

‘Cough cough, don’t misunderstand! I just want to watch the foolish witch’s performance, it’s not like I want to participate in any *cough cough cough* activities…’

‘Cough cough, on second thought, I’d better pass. That’s far too strange!’

“Ne ne ne, Xiao Xi, have you made up your mind?” Mia asked, her eyes sparkling with anticipation. “Hurry and say yes to me~”

“No!” Xiao Xi retorted, his voice firm and resolute.

“Hmm? Hmph,” Mia huffed. “Well, if that’s how it is, I’ll simply have to capture and subdue you, Xiao Xi! Take this! Secret Technique: Fire Fist S!”

Mia immediately lunged, tackling Xiao Xi to the ground.

Xiao Xi, once again pinned, wore a look of utter bewilderment. ‘This, this, this… is she actually trying to *capture* me? Are you playing witch cosplay or Pokémon? And don’t think I don’t know who ‘Fire Fist S’ is!’

Mia pinned Xiao Xi beneath her, then, with a wicked grin, began to tear at his clothes.

Xiao Xi, terrified, quickly tried to scramble away. ‘No, this scene is all wrong! Why is she immediately resorting to strange actions? Miss Mia, you’re breaking the law! You’re really breaking the law!’

‘Or perhaps, as a witch, you’re simply an outlaw by nature? Don’t touch me, wuwuwu…’

Part of his clothes had already been torn away, exposing Xiao Xi’s soft, tender belly. It was so fair and delicate that Mia couldn’t resist giving it a gentle rub.

“Hehehe, now for the most important step~” Mia announced.

She produced a peculiar sticker and pressed it onto Xiao Xi’s bare stomach. After a brief, intricate process, she gently peeled it away.

‘Ugh… what did she just stick on me!’

Xiao Xi gazed down in horror. There, emblazoned on his abdomen, was a pink, alluring tattoo. ‘Ah, this, this, this…’

‘This…’

‘Is this really what a witch from a fantasy world setting does? What do you take me for? I’m not some… succubus!’

“Hehehe, Xiao Xi, isn’t the mark I gave you beautiful? This is our contract~ With this tattoo, you’ll be my exclusive familiar from now on~”

“That’s not true… wuwuwu… what did you stick on me? If anyone sees this, I’ll be socially dead!”

“No problem, it won’t wash off. Don’t worry!”

“Don’t worry my ass!”

“Hmph, daring to talk back to your Master? It seems I’ll have to properly teach you a lesson, Xiao Xi~” Mia said with a wicked grin, extending her ‘demonic’ claws.