Chapter 31: Jiang the Commentator Takes the Stage

Jiang Xiaoyu curled up on the other end of the sofa, his eyelids so heavy he could barely keep them open.

“Big Sis, shows like this are either garbage or masterpieces; they’re usually pretty brain-draining.”

Dongfang turned, her gaze resolute. “Right, a masterpiece! You wait here. I’ll rewind to the first episode, then you watch it with me.”

Jiang Xiaoyu struggled to sit upright. “Bring me a bubble tea, I’m a bit sleepy.”

“What kind of man drinks bubble tea?” With a flick of her wrist, a bottle of beer appeared in Jiang Xiaoyu’s hand, while a cup of bubble tea materialized in her own.

She took a sip, frowned, tossed the cup behind her, and it vanished into thin air before it could hit the floor.

She conjured a new cup, took a sip, and nodded in satisfaction.

“That one had pearls; it disturbed my peace of mind.”

Jiang Xiaoyu looked at the beer in his hand and sighed. “If it’s just fake light and shadow, let me have the bubble tea. This beer is bitter as hell.”

“Fake or not, no.” Dongfang didn’t look back, her hand glued to the rewind button on the remote. “Men drinking bubble tea—aren’t you afraid of being laughed at?”

Jiang Xiaoyu blurted out: “Wang Xiulan, switch to the loud-voice mode!”

Dongfang raised her hand, fingers splayed, and glared at him viciously.

Jiang Xiaoyu went silent instantly.

“Wang Xiulan’s ‘shut up’ startup gesture.”

Just then, the TV screen went black. Dongfang set the remote aside and slumped into the sofa, silent.

After a long while, Jiang Xiaoyu scratched his head. “Is the… TV broken?”

Dongfang’s teeth ground together audibly. “Are you blind? There’s a speck of light in the darkness, flying in from the distance.”

Jiang Xiaoyu offered a bitter smile: “I can’t see it clearly. How am I supposed to provide commentary?”

Dongfang had a sudden realization and waved her hand. A pair of glasses appeared in her palm. “What was your prescription again?”

“Fifteen hundred.”

She tapped the lenses lightly with her fingertip and handed them to Jiang Xiaoyu.

Just as he reached for them, she pulled her hand back, looking at him with deadly seriousness. “Commentate properly.”

“Big Sis, I already promised you. Would I ever do a half-assed job?”

“Good.”

The moment Jiang Xiaoyu put on the glasses, the entire living room suddenly lit up. It wasn’t the lamps; the glasses allowed him to see the room’s true form—it was entirely gold. The walls weren’t white; they were warm walls radiating a pale golden glow. The chandelier above wasn’t a common copper light but a genuine gilded one, every leaf carved with intricate patterns. The sofa wasn’t fabric; it was dark golden silk, with embroidery on the armrests he couldn’t recognize. The fruit plate on the coffee table wasn’t common porcelain but a glass dish rimmed with red gold, the grapes and bananas within shimmering with jewel-like luster under the crystal light. This place was a hundred times more luxurious than he had imagined.

He was looking around when, out of the corner of his eye, he caught a furious face glaring up at him from below.

Jiang Xiaoyu quickly withdrew his gaze and sat up straight, behaving himself.

The darkness on the TV screen suddenly shattered. The speck of light expanded rapidly, growing larger and larger, until the entire screen flashed white. A piercing ringing sound erupted from the TV, the screen dimmed abruptly, and five blood-red characters popped up—Damn Scumbag?

Dongfang gave a slight cough.

Jiang Xiaoyu understood immediately and cleared his throat: “The show is titled Damn Scumbag. Locked in at a glance; it’s a female-led revenge genre. The audience gets it instantly, and the immersion factor is perfect. The most brilliant touch is the question mark—it instantly breaks the monotony of a purely abusive rant, turning a simple insult into a soul-searching question. This question mark implies plot twists and surprises ahead.”

Dongfang nodded in satisfaction.

Jiang Xiaoyu secretly wiped the sweat from his forehead.

On screen, the scene shifted. Clouds surged, golden light permeated everything, and a magnificent palace floated atop the clouds. A woman was practicing swordsmanship in the heavenly realm, every strike she unleashed bringing forth scorching flames that licked the clouds, burning the entire sky a golden-red.

Her posture was as graceful as a soaring swan, her long hair dancing amidst the fire—she was so beautiful it was hard to look directly at her. A line of text drifted across the bottom of the screen—Haotian Palace Mistress, Dongfang.

Jiang Xiaoyu took a deep breath: “Judging by the visuals, this place is certainly not of the mortal realm; it is a celestial wonderland. This Mistress is stunning beyond compare, and her name is Dongfang. Judging solely by the cinematography of the opening, this series is undoubtedly an epic masterpiece.”

Dongfang nodded in agreement.

Just then, a palace maid flew in from the clouds and knelt on one knee: “Mistress! The border guards report—the Mistress of the Xiyue Palace is meeting with a man at the Moon Pool! Please, Mistress, decide how to handle it!”

Mistress Dongfang’s face changed, and the flaming longsword in her hand exploded: “I have given strict orders—wait until the world’s prototype is complete, wait until she finds the successor to the Moon Palace, and she can marry whoever she wants. Yet, before the great undertaking is finished, is she already this impatient? I shall go see for myself what charm this outsider possesses!”

Dongfang pressed the pause button and turned slowly to look at Jiang Xiaoyu with a serious expression.

Jiang Xiaoyu opened his mouth, his brain spinning at high speed.

“In the opinion of Jiang the Commentator, the border guards and the palace maid are likely suspicious. A Mistress of the Xiyue Palace would not let her subordinates see her if she were truly intent on a secret meeting. This is clearly a setup! Mistress Dongfang, you must be careful not to fall into their trap.”

Dongfang turned her gaze sharply toward him, her eyes brightening. A surge of indistinct emotion welled up from the depths of her gaze.

She said nothing, turning back to the screen and pressing the remote to resume playback.

On the screen, the Haotian Palace Mistress transformed into a streak of fiery light, soaring toward the horizon as the sea of clouds churned violently in her wake.